Anatoly and Katarina - the Story

Anatoly and Katarina are two young lovers in 19th century Russia who 
join the Skoptsi.

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Anatoly and Katarina

Anatoly held perfectly still in his hiding place in the loft of the 
old barn. Through the straw he could see the ceremony that was being 
held to welcome a new member into the sect. He shivered in delicious 
horror as the postulant was brought to stand in the middle of the 
assembled Skoptsi. Everyone was singing and a flute and a small drum 
were played as the initiation proceeded.

The postulant was a young man of about twenty-five years, with blonde 
hair and a muscular body. Several of the members held him as he stood 
there as the others danced madly around them, their heads hooded so 
their faces could not be seen. The old Catholic priest was the only 
one without a hood, and Anatoly saw him withdraw a small knife, with 
a curved blade like a sickle, from his tunic.

Anatoly couldn't see very well what happened then, both because the 
only light was from the candles held by each of the worshippers, and 
because they all gathered around the central participants. But the 
young man's wife came and stood in front of him, and his tunic was 
opened. The dancing stopped and it became very quiet as all strained 
to see the sacrifice. Suddenly the young man groaned and then cried 
out in pain. His whole body shook violently. He fainted then, and 
slumped, unconscious, in the arms that held him. Water was splashed 
on his face then, reviving him, and he began to groan and whimper. 
The two holding him helped him to walk around the room in circles. He 
would be forced to do this, Anatoly knew, for a couple of hours, 
until the bleeding had stopped. Anatoly saw the young man's wife 
follow along behind, seemingly dazed, and in her cupped hands were 
the young man's severed genitals.

Anatoly quietly slipped back to his secret way out of the barn as the 
singing and praying and music resumed.

Anatoly had hidden in the barn twice before to watch as this ceremony 
was performed. He knew that his parents allowed the Skoptsi to use 
their barn for the initiations, even though they were not members 
themselves. But Anatoly had heard his mother and father talking late 
at night when they thought he was asleep, and he knew that his 
parents wanted to become members. He knew that his father was eager 
to make this sacrifice. His parents had taken the vow of perpetual 
chastity in preparation for membership. It had been extremely 
difficult for his father to just suddenly end the sexual relationship 
with his wife that was such a big part of their marriage. She was 
still a very attractive woman. His father longed to experience the 
initiation to remove the insistent temptation to be unchaste. The 
sweet urges of his body made it difficult to go about his daily 
tasks, much less to be in the presence of Anatoly's mother. His 
father had been continent the required three months, but if a man 
joined, then all his unmarried sons must also be made Skoptsi. 
Although Anatoly's father believed that castration was what God 
wanted him to do to free himself, he was reluctant to force his four 
sons into what he felt should be their own choice.

To Anatoly, especially after having witnessed the initiation three 
times, the thought of standing there, his belly and thighs exposed, 
held so that he was helpless and unable to resist, his hips thrust 
willingly forward and his genitals exposed and swollen and throbbing 
and completely vulnerable, was so frightening, and at the same time 
so exciting, that Anatoly trembled with horror and pleasure. He 
touched his erection with his hand, and he marveled that the whole 
idea of becoming a Skoptsi was to sacrifice these wonderful feelings, 
that they were a weakness, and yet the thought of making that 
sacrifice was the most erotic thing he could imagine. It just didn't 
make any sense. It seemed to him that in order to be a true 
postulant, the act would have to be totally non-sensual, so Anatoly 
was convinced that he was unworthy to join.

He had almost told his father that he wanted to become a Skoptsi, and 
to beg him not to put it off any longer. After all, his three 
brothers were all younger and had not yet reached puberty, so they 
would not miss what they had not fully known existed. But there was 
his sweetheart - Katarina - whom he loved more than anything else in 
his life. He wanted to be with her as her husband. When he and 
Katarina had become betrothed, the old priest had talked to them 
about chastity and had challenged them to remain perfectly chaste 
until their wedding night. So Anatoly had been as chaste as a virile 
youth can be since that talk, never masturbating; remaining continent 
in his body even though his thoughts churned. Just like his father. 
Especially now. 

But, oh, how lovely was his sweetheart. She had thick curly blonde 
hair and the face of an angel, and the softest, palest skin he had 
ever seen. Her breasts were small and lovely, with large swollen 
areolas and pale blue veins dimly visible through the translucent 
skin. Katarina's hips were full and rounded and her belly slightly 
curved and inviting. And how he loved her throat and her upper arms 
when she lifted her golden tresses above her tilted-back head and 
gave him that look. So much of life was sexual, and yet he was 
convinced that God wanted him to sacrifice sexuality so that his 
heart could be pure, and Anatoly wanted very much to please God. So 
there was a tremendous conflict within his heart and mind, and within 
his body.

He thought of Katarina's lovely blue eyes and her full red lips and 
white teeth. He thought of her laugh and the way she walked when she 
knew he was watching. He thought of her nipples, erect against the 
front of her thin blouse, and of her slender ankles and calves and 
her full thighs and rounded buttocks. He trembled with the awful 
mixture of emotions. Anatoly longed on the one hand to experience 
Katarina's lovely softness in the most erotic ways, over and over, 
night after night for the rest of their lives. But on the other hand 
he wanted to not think about the delights of her body, but to love 
her purely -  for her friendship, her devotion, her kindness, her 
spirituality, her intelligence, and all the other non-sexual things 
about her that were so delightful. "Why couldn't I have both?" he 
wondered, and then in his mind he felt the Lord's words in the 19th 
chapter of Matthew, "there be eunuchs, which have made themselves 
eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive 
it, let him receive it." 

By that whispered message, Anatoly knew the path he wanted most to 
take.

Anatoly and Katarina had been betrothed for just over three months. 
Anatoly's heart almost burst from his chest realizing that he had 
been continent long enough to become a Skoptsi. He and Katarina were 
to be married in just another month, and he felt certain she did not 
know anything about what went on in his parents' barn. He had never 
mentioned it to her. He wanted to tell her and beg her to love him 
enough to marry him and to join with him. He wanted to have the 
wedding ceremony there in the barn and then, as soon as he and 
Katarina were husband and wife, experience the initiation and see his 
blood spurt over her slender white fingers and see her holding his 
severed genitals. Anatoly thought it would be so beautiful to obey 
the commandment and then live Katarina chastely for the rest of their 
lives. He planned to tell her tomorrow, and he worried that she would 
be horrified and run away from him and he would lose her to someone 
who was less faithful but also still virile. 

Anatoly was in his own room now, and his father called to him to come 
out. And there, in the main room of their farmhouse were Katarina's 
mother and father - still dressed in the robes from the ceremony in 
the barn, but now with the hoods down so their faces could be seen!

"Katarina's parents are here to talk about your marriage." Anatoly's 
mother told him. But Anatoly was in shock. If Katarina's parents had 
been at the ceremony he had just witnessed, then her whole family 
were Skoptsi, and Katarina had been there when her father and her two 
younger brothers sealed their faith. The conversation entered many 
areas such as where he and Katarina would live after they were 
married, what he would do to support her, and preparations for the 
wedding, but the talk never came to the Skoptsi. Anatoly prudently 
kept quiet about what he had seen. He wanted to talk to his 
sweetheart about it before he discussed it with any adult.

-----

So the next day Anatoly visited Katarina at her house. He took her 
for a walk in the forest. Katarina's mother packed them a lunch with 
sandwiches, cheese, a salad, and a bottle of wine. Katarina's mother 
seemed to be especially pleased to see him, and she asked him about 
his family. Anatoly kept looking at her face, his heart and mind 
confused and filled with the conflicting thoughts and emotions. He 
wanted desperately to blurt out his secret and tell Katarina and her 
mother that he also wished to be more spiritual and to become 
perfectly faithful to God as their husband and father, sons and 
brothers, had done.

In the forest Katarina talked about many things as they walked, 
holding the basket between them. She said nothing at all about the 
thing that filled Anatoly's mind and heart. So Anatoly was very 
quiet. Once or twice he caught Catarina looking sideways at him in a 
peculiar, searching way. But he was too mesmerized by his thoughts 
and his pounding heart to say very much. When he did speak, there was 
a lump in his throat. Twice he almost started to cry because of his 
emotions. He never realized that Katarina was also feeling a certain 
turmoil and was hoping he would initiate the discussion both of them 
most wanted to have. But while Anatoly's way was to be quiet, 
Katarina's way was to talk even more than usual. He never knew that 
Katarina saw Anatoly's sidelong glances and wondered what he was 
thinking.

It was a cool overcast day, and the firs and spruces were dark around 
them as they went up the trail into the deep forest. They came at 
last to a lovely meadow with a small stream and several rocks to sit 
on and there they had their lunch. Just over the rise was a pool 
where they often went to swim in the summer when it was hot. It was 
on one of these occasions, shortly before they had been betrothed, in 
fact, that Katarina had removed all her clothing before coming into 
the water. Anatoly had watched breathless both from the icy water 
into which he had just jumped, and from Katarina's stunning beauty. 
How he had wanted to touch and caress that pale loveliness, and kiss 
those pink nipples and full red lips, and touch and kiss that 
crenulated nether loveliness between her woman's thighs!

And now he lay beside her on the blanket they had brought, holding
her hand, trying to imagine a way to express to her what he was 
feeling and beg her to give him the strength to follow through with 
the choice he had made. He looked up at the clouds, and at the 
patches of blue starkly visible here and there.  

They were both very quiet for a long time, saying not a word. Then 
Katarina rose up on one elbow and looked down at Anatoly. "Do you 
love me, Anatoly?" she asked.

"Very much," he blurted, confused at all the things his answer meant, 
knowing that his answer might mean something different to her.


"And do you love God?" The look on her face was totally serious.

"Oh, yes!" Anatoly's heart leaped as he realized the sought after 
discussion had begun, and he was slightly ashamed that he hadn't had 
the strength to initiate it himself. Anatoly was also ashamed that he 
suddenly felt sexually aroused.

"I am a Skoptsi, Anatoly."

"Yes, I know."

"Our parents knew you were there in the loft. They have always known 
you were watching. They have allowed you to watch because your father 
wants to join with us but refuses to force his sons to join. If he 
joins then you and your brothers must also join. So it was hoped that 
witnessing the ceremony would make you want to join."

"This is a very difficult thing for me to understand, Katarina. Part 
of me wants very much to please God by becoming a Skoptsi. But 
another part of me wants very much to have you as my wife, and make 
sweet tender love to you every night for the rest of your life."

"Anatoly. You will be my husband, and I will be your wife, and we 
will lie in each others arms every night as you desire, but without 
animal lust. We will have sacrificed that as the Lord asks us to do 
so we can return to him when we die. Anatoly, God created our bodies 
with all of their strengths and weaknesses. He gave us our sexuality 
as a supreme test of our faith. We have something delightful and 
beautiful to sacrifice to show him how much we love him. In fact I 
believe that a man's penis and testicles are outside his body to make 
it very easy to cut them off." She paused, and Anatoly said nothing. 
But his heart was pounding and he was very aroused. "I love you, 
Anatoly, and I want to be your wife and live with you all my life. 
But I have taken a vow to remain a virgin until the day I die, and I 
want to know if you love me enough to join me and receive the Lord's 
commandment in Matthew 19 in your own body."

"Katarina," Anatoly said in a voice trembling with emotion, "my sweet 
Katarina! Oh, how long I have wanted to talk to you about this very 
thing. Yes, I have witnessed the Skoptsi perform the ritual of 
initiation three times. Last night I almost came down from the loft 
to beg them to let me stand in the circle and become one of them 
right then and there, so I wouldn't have to feel so much confusion 
any longer. But then I thought of you and how long I have waited to 
be with you as a lover and how perfect you are for me, and .. I am so 
confused. I've heard my parents discussing this. My father wants to 
join but doesn't want to force me or my brothers. My brothers are 
younger and their chastity shouldn't be risked by allowing them to 
reach puberty." I want to do this thing very much, but it excites me 
sexually, and I'm ashamed that my thoughts about the sacrifice are 
not pure. 

Katarina broke in. "Anatoly. The very reason men must become eunuchs 
to please God is because they cannot control their desires. Yes, I'm 
certain that the thought of the ceremony might be intensely erotic. 
But you are still willing to do it. And after it has been done, then 
your thoughts and feelings will gradually become totally chaste, and 
our love and our lives together will be blessed with pure devotion 
and affection for one another. I'm so happy that you have thought 
about this and that you are not angry with me for talking to you 
about it."

"Katarina, how could I be angry with you for finally helping us 
revealing to one another what we are feeling and thinking. I want to 
kiss you." Anatoly took Katarina in his arms, and soon the two young 
people were locked in a tender embrace, and Katarina's bare thigh was 
pressed against Anatoly's aching manhood, bent down in his pants and 
straining against the rough fabric. Their kiss was the sweetest, most 
erotic thing! Katarina felt Anatoly's swollen penis against her 
thigh, and he groaned deep in his voice at the sweet ache.The 
knowledge of what they were soon to experience together made the 
ardor of their embrace almost animal-like in its ferocity. Hearts 
pounding wildly, they drew apart. "I would like very much to let you 
castrate me right now." Anatoly whispered huskily. "I don't want to 
wait."

"I can't think of anything that would please me more, but you would 
bleed to death, sweet Anatoly. I don't think I am strong enough to 
force you to walk around for hours afterwards until the bleeding 
stops. There is such great pain that you would faint, or want to lie 
down and not move. And then you would bleed to death. I want to marry 
you. So we'll just have to wait. And if you talk to your father, then 
maybe he and your little brothers can also become members that same 
evening."

Anatoly was so filled with emotion that he could hardly speak. He 
wanted to laugh and cry. He felt an intense joy and terrible sadness 
at the same time. "I am afraid when you take hold of me so that the 
priest can castrate me, that I may have an orgasm and ejaculate in 
your hands. In fact I am certain that will probably happen."

"You are trying very hard to be chaste now, aren't you, Anatoly?" 
Katarina asked.

"Oh, yes! I do not masturbate. I have been continent ever since 
before we were betrothed. I want to be perfectly faithful to you. But 
my testicles are swollen so, and I find that I am constantly thinking 
of sexual things. And when I see one of the other girls in our 
village I am filled with thoughts of her hair, her face, her skin, 
her mouth. Katarina, I feel so unworthy - both of you and of the 
Skoptsi."

"This is all perfectly natural and proper. These feelings that you 
are unable to completely eradicate from your mind prove the necessity 
of the removal of your penis and testicles. That is the only way you 
can become completely pure and chaste. That is what God wants you to 
do."

Katarina paused. Then she contiued in a trembling voice. "Girls also 
have sexual desires. There is something you did not see in your 
father's barn those three times. Afterwards, the women and girls in 
those families experienced their own sacrifice. Only the women and 
girls can be present. Each postulant is held on her back with her 
thighs spread as wide as possible. Her genitals are shaved. Then her 
clitoris is very carefully stimulated until it pushes up out of the 
hood, grasped with a pair of forceps, pulled out as far as possible, 
and then carefully sliced off with a razor. I have already had that 
done to me and I cannot feel the passion I know you are feeling. My 
sexuality has already been sacrificed. That's why I am so happy that 
you want to also become one of us and experience that seal of your 
faith on our wedding night." Katarina began to unbutton her blouse. 
"And there is something else, Anatoly." In horror he saw that her 
breasts had been mutilated. Her nipples and areolas has been cut away 
and there were terrible scars on her once beautiful breasts. "I 
wanted you to see what I have done because of my faith in God."

Very gently, Anatoly reached out and touched Katarina's scars, and 
then he bent over her and gently kissed them, one at a time. "After 
my initiation I will still want to kiss you, Katarina. I will still 
want to hold you in my arms and I will never do anything to hurt you. 
What saddens me is that we will never have children of our own."


-----
That very night, after Anatoly's brothers were all in bed, he sat 
down with his mother and father at the fireplace. He had told them he 
had something important to talk to them about. "Katarina and I talked 
for a long time today about our wedding. We want to also make that 
ceremony the time for my initiation into the Skoptsi. And I want you 
two to join us by becoming Skoptsi then too." That's all he said. 
There was a long silence, and then his father spoke.

"Son, we are so happy that you have felt the call of Christ as we 
have. But what about your brothers?"

"I think my brothers are so young that for them to become Skoptsi is 
natural. They have not reached puberty yet, so you will protect and 
preserve their chastity. Before I was betrothed to Katarina I 
masturbated, and so I have a perfect understanding of my sacrifice. 
But my little brothers have no such knowledge, and so they will not 
have the same regrets I would have had if I had not chosen to follow 
the Lord's commandment willingly."

"He is very mature for his age," Anatoly's mother said to his father.

-----

The time passed so quickly. By mutual agreement Anatoly and Katarina 
did not speak much of what was to happen. They agreed not to embrace 
again or to kiss until after he had joined her in the initiation. He 
found it much easier to ignore the continuous pleasant sensations in 
his genitals. He was able to go to bed at night and not allow sensual 
thoughts and fantasies to fill his mind. When he awoke with an 
erection he refused to touch or fondle himself. And so when his 
wedding day arrived, Anatoly felt that he had become worthy to join 
the Skoptsi.


And now he stood beside his beloved Katarina, holding her hands, 
repeating the sacred marriage vows as the priest blessed their union. 
And then Anatoly's robe was opened by his mother and father and 
Katarina gently gathered his penis and testicles and drew them out 
away from his body so the old priest could emasculate him. Anatoly's 
mother and father held his arms as tightly as possible as the old 
priest placed the small, curved blade beneath Anatoly's genitals, 
very close to his body.

Oh, the pleasure of Katarina's touch! Anatoly groaned with delight 
and thrust his hips forward as he experienced his first orgasm since 
before their betrothal, and also his last ever. Katarina's eyes were 
wide as the thick milky globs of his warm fluid spurted from 
Anatoly's throbbing erection onto the front of her gown. She looked 
quickly upward into his eyes and a look of love and lust and loss 
passed between them.


The old priest witnessed Anatoly's first spurt, and quickly drew the 
blade upward through the yielding flesh, emasculating him with a 
single stroke. That was the supreme moment for Anatoly - the 
transition between exquisite pleasure and horrible suffering as blood 
spurted for an instant, spattering the front of Katarina's white 
dress. There were large droplets on her face. Anatoly groaned in 
exquisite pleasure and pain and then screamed, as his hot red blood 
gushed over Katarina's trembling fingers. Gazing into Anatoly's eyes, 
Katarina stumbled back a step from her husband, holding his severed 
genitals in her outstretched hands, and dropping her eyes, saw his 
semen continue to spurt once, twice, three more times from the awful 
wound as blood flowed freely down his thighs. Unconsciously, 
Katarina's tongue flicked across her lips as she licked off one 
coppery drop of blood. Then, deliberately, she raised his warm flesh 
to her lips and, closing her eyes, deliberately drew one large glob 
of Anatoly's semen into her mouth and tasted it's bitterness.


Anatoly's father and three brothers followed him in quick succession. 
His two youngest brothers were both crying uncontrollably, and had to 
be held by members of the sect. The oldest brother, who had almost 
reached puberty, and who was old enough to understand how proper this 
sacrifice was, but who did not feel the loss as Anatoly and his 
father did, came forward first, without being forced, to be sealed. 
He stood proudly, and refused to be held. The old priest lifted his 
boy's penis and testicles with his left hand, encircling them, 
drawing them out from his body, and swept them off with another 
single stroke of that blade. The boy's buttocks tightened as he 
forced his hips willingly forward at the moment the old priest drew 
the knife upwards through his flesh. The spurt of blood from the 
place where that smaller, limp penis had been was much less than 
Anatoly's. The lad trembled violently for a moment, his eyes wide and 
his mouth open, before he screamed in pain and then fell to his 
knees, the blood flowing down over his white thighs. And then first 
one and then the other younger brother was brought forward and 
similarly emasculated, their shrieks rending the cool night air. 



Anatoly's father was the last one to become a Skoptsi that night. His 
wife gathered his genitals in her two hands as Katarina had done, and 
they looked into one another's eyes as the knife was placed beneath 
his flesh. He was partially erect, his penis swollen and filled with 
blood but not rigid. He was still continent when his blood gushed 
over his wife's hands.


And this, dear reader, is where my part of the story nearly ends.


The first three days were the worst for Anatoly. The pain was 
horrible. It changed from a dull throbbing ache to a searing pain and 
then back over and over. He would hold very still and it would hurt 
one way. Then he would move and it would ache in another. It was so 
terrible at times that he would hold his breath to keep from moving, 
and then begin to tremble and cry out in his suffering. He hardly 
slept at night, and Katarina was with him the entire time, cleaning 
his wound and changing the bandages and helping him to drink as much 
liquid as possible. But after the third day the pain began to 
decrease, and in a month's time he was able to work around Katarina's 
house helping with the laundry and the cooking. 



Anatoly's family was expertly cared for by the entire sect. Each one 
was taken into a separate house where their wounds were cleaned and 
bandaged and where they were tenderly watched over until they were 
healed. Each night Anatoly and Katarina lay in bed together and just 
held hands in the darkness until Anatoly's wounds had healed to the 
point where he and Katarina could lie in one another's arms. 

The love he felt for Katarina when she was in her arms! How he adored 
her, and yet there was no lust. He delighted in the sensation of his 
skin against hers, and yet there was absolutely no arousal. It was 
pure and sweet and beautiful. Anatoly believed that he would never 
regret what they had done.