A MATTER OF CHOICE

A fictional (for now anyway) story of how I was nullified.

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                      A MATTER OF CHOICE
I had thought about it far too long telling me it was more than 
"just a phase". I knew it was going to happen, it was  more a 
matter of when and where.  I realized emasculation wasn’t something 
I could do on my own yet at the same time I couldn’t use the 
"proper" channels. Before going online 2 years ago this was 
something that was mostly fantasy but after connecting to the web 
and finding sites on this subject I did some soul searching and 
knew it could really happen.

I’m not a masochist, or even mildly into CBT or anything like that, 
I simply realize I wasn’t meant to be a "man". You couldn’t call me 
feminine either as I am masculine in an outward appearance however 
being gay certainly confuses things. I know I will never be 
comfortable with "coming out" yet pursuing heterosexual relations 
doesn’t appeal to me either. Bottom line here is why have what I’m 
not going to use? All this hormone production going on isn’t 
helping either as my sex drive has me doing 100mph yet the wheels 
are off the ground so it isn’t getting me anywhere. I never 
considered going halfway, even in fantasies, it was all or nothing. 
When done I simply didn’t want anything "left behind" to serve as a 
reminder of what I used to be. My hormones had been raging lately 
further driving my frustrations which meant I had to take care of 
this soon knowing that castration would take care of the hormone 
production my nads were pulling overtime to make. 

I began my search on the WWW to find someone to help me out with my 
situation. After dealing with dozens of  cybernuts I finally 
received an Email from a cutter who seemed to be for real. We 
continued to correspond with each other for a few weeks expanding 
on details until we were both sure each of us was for real. I had 
to know exactly what his qualifications were as I wanted this done 
correctly and not a hack job. I found out he was a veterinarian  by 
profession and has performed castrations and other body mods on the 
side. Realizing this was as close as I’ve come to freeing myself 
and not wanting to jeopardize things I still needed to be sure and 
asked him to send pictures if possible of his "work" to dismiss any 
doubts remaining which he did in exchange of pictures of myself 
including some of that which I was seeking to lose. After sending 
my selfpics I received an Email from him almost seemingly trying to 
change my mind. He said I was an attractive guy with a nice package 
and could make someone very happy but I had already given up on 
that thought. The fact that once done  there is no going back is 
the only thing I was still struggling with but still pretty much 
had that beat as well and Emailed him back to find out specifics of 
the when and where. When I received his response I was reassured 
finding out his general location was in New York seeing how I live 
in Connecticut I wouldn’t have any major traveling to do as from 
previous Emails I only knew he was somewhere in the U.S. Before 
getting an exact time and place nailed down he had a release for me 
to sign as an attachment to the Email as well as requesting a 
videotaped confessional  of sorts legally identifying myself and my 
reasons for wanting to be emasculated. Kind of like a will format, 
you know, "I being of sound mind and body etc..". I made the video 
and signed the release and mailed them off to the PO box and about 
a week later received one of the last Emails I would receive from 
him saying he was almost set but needed one more piece of info…. 
the "how" part.

I had thought so much about the "when and where" that I hadn’t 
given much thought to the how. The cutter wasn’t referring to the 
surgical procedure itself, he was talking about the "scene" so to 
speak. Knowing that I was going to do something that would change 
my life dramatically forever I didn’t want it to be so "clinical". 
His Email indicated he was "open" to different options so I had to 
sleep on this one. 

I’m not one for the "forced" scene yet I was forfeiting my manhood 
and wanted the procedure to reflect that in a symbolic kind of way. 
I was going to be a whole new man(less) and the setting needed to 
be appropriate to a new beginning. At the same time I wanted it to 
be semi humiliating to reassure I wasn’t deserving of my cock and 
balls. Considering these things I prepared my reply. I told him I 
would remove my clothes and strap myself onto a table, and placing 
my free hand next to a final strap he would secure thus 
surrendering myself. Being a fairly hairy guy I wanted to be 
completely shaved removing such a masculine characteristic and then 
proceed with the castration and penectomy. 

2 days later after returning home from work I went online to check 
my Email and what would be the last Email from him was in the 
inbox, I immediately got an erection. I opened the message and it 
read Saturday, Feb. 12 at noon  and an address. There were no 
directions, it simply said "if you really want this you’ll find the 
place. He then wrote "remember, you can have a lot more fun with 
your dick than writing your name in the snow… you’ve had it for 32 
years, are you  sure you want to lose it now?" He said " you can 
still discover the pleasures of sex but if you show up here, I will 
remove that opportunity from you". I pulled my jeans down exposing 
my throbbing cock and jacked off  in front of the screen. I shot my 
load almost immediately considering the finality of this. The date 
set gave me about 2 ½ weeks to think about going through with it. I 
knew I wouldn’t back out, I went into work and rescheduled my 
vacation for that week telling my boss there was something I had to 
take care of. 

The next 2 weeks seemed to crawl by, I masturbated often the first 
week knowing that they were soon to be something of the past. 
Finally Friday arrived and I was just finishing off a few things at 
the office before starting my vaca. On my way out the door one of 
my coworkers asked if I had any special plans which I simply 
replied "definitely". He told me to enjoy which I smiled and said 
"I’m sure I will". I went home and began to pack a few things to 
get ready for the trip. I opened up a US mapping software package I 
bought earlier in the week to get the directions I needed. It’s 
pretty cool software, you just put in the address of where you are 
and where you want to go and it’ll give you road by road 
directions. You can even zoom in on an address right down to the 
street number and it’ll show you cross streets and noticeable 
landmarks to guide your trip. I started to have flashes of what 
tomorrow would bring. I turned on the PC and opened some of the 
pictures sent to me of the guys that had also surrendered their 
cock and or balls realizing I was next on the list. My dick was so 
hard it hurt, it had been about a week since I jacked off and it 
was almost as though it was begging me for one last shot so to 
speak but I resolved myself to the fact that not having an orgasm 
was a reality I had to get used to. 

 I turned off the computer and threw in a gay porn movie thinking 
about the experiences I would never know as I fell asleep. The next 
morning everything seemed so surreal and symbolic at the same time. 
I woke up and pulled away the sheets and looked down on my rock 
hard erection knowing it was the last time I would wake up with a 
dick let alone an erection. I showered, gently soaping and rubbing 
my crotch, my penis still erect seemingly knowing it’s fate and 
begging for one more release. I still declined, submitting myself 
to my fate of being a eunuch. I finished with my shower, dressed, 
and hit the road.  

It was about a 3 hour drive of completely mixed emotions. Somewhere 
inside my brain a voice of reason kicked in and spelled out for me 
what I was doing and where I was going. I pulled off the side of 
the highway and got out of my car for some air. All the inner 
conflicts were raging what was to be the last and final battle. The 
last thing I heard that voice inside say was "you are about to be 
surgically altered forever… are you nuts??" to which I answered 
myself "not for long" as I got back into my car and proceeded on.

I finally arrived and I couldn’t have timed it any better as it was 
11:58 when I pulled in to the driveway, this was obviously meant to 
be. The place was a decent sized ranch in a very isolated area in 
NY just south of Albany. It was a weird feeling looking at the 
house knowing  that when I leave this place I will be changed 
forever. I rang the doorbell and about 20 seconds later the door 
opened and there I was face to face with the guy who was soon to 
take my manhood away from me. I was instantly attracted to him, in 
the pictures he had sent I could get a general idea of his 
appearance but not to this great of detail. He was wearing well 
fitting blue jeans and a T shirt that showed off the shape of his 
chest. He had brown hair cut in a military style buzz and piercing 
hazel eyes. He invited me in, commenting on my punctuality. He 
offered me a drink to help me relax a bit (I’m sure I was obviously 
nervous) and we went into the living room. He had a video camera 
set up that he started and threw in the tape I sent him requesting 
this procedure be done. After it finished playing he  proceeded to 
explain the procedure, the results I could expect as well as side 
effects. Afterward  he asked me a final time if I was sure and 
without hesitation I told him I was. He then picked up a digital 
camera and said "you don’t mind do you?, it’s for my portfolio". I 
told him I didn’t and he then proceeded to take some pictures of 
me. After taking about 20 or so pictures he paused and  said  
"let’s have a look at what your giving to me."  I proceeded to 
remove my clothes as he continued snapping more pictures. He paused 
to change the disc in his camera and then took about 30 to 40 more 
pictures of me in various erotic poses as well as some close ups. 
He finished up as he was kneeling in front of me  taking a final 
close up with my 8" dick standing  at attention. He looked up at me 
and with a smile to die for said "and this puppy has never seen any 
action, what a waste." He stood up and with his hand gently holding 
my nutsac and slowly running it around my cock and up my chest and 
finally bringing his hand to rest on my shoulder said "this adds a 
whole new dimension to the saying "use it or lose it". He looked me 
in the eye and asked if I was ready, I told him I was ready 2 years 
ago in which he said "let’s take care of business then" as he led 
me to the downstairs of his house. We headed for a padlocked room 
in the corner of what was a finished basement. He stopped me in 
front of a full size mirror telling me to take a long last look as 
I would never look like this again. I stared at my reflection 
certain I was doing the right thing.
We went into a room that  only had  a Y shaped operating table 
fitted with straps as well as what looked like a modern day 
stockade. In a corner there was a  cart that was  partially covered 
with a cloth and had an empty jar on it. He walked over to a corner 
where there was another camcorder which he turned on.  There were 
about 25 jars on a shelf along one wall. Each one had  before and 
after pictures next to them and various sex organs from  guys 
preserved in formaldehyde. They were labeled with the guys names, a 
date,  and  indicated what procedure was performed identifying  the 
genitalia in each. 

He approached me with a label in his hand showing me asking if he 
spelled my name correctly. Underneath it read "2/12/00 
nullification, penis, scrotum", I looked down at my crotch and said 
it was correct. He walked over to the cart removing the label from 
it’s backing and placed it on the what was now an empty jar but 
that would soon change. He motioned towards another corner of the 
room where there were 2 straps about 4 feet apart fastened to the 
floor and 2 more hanging from the ceiling overhead. He gently 
smiled and said "It’s time, you know what to do". Everything seemed 
to be moving in slow motion as I walked to the corner and placed 
the straps around my ankles. As I stood upright my legs were spread 
pretty far apart and I proceeded to fasten my right hand in place. 
He approached me wheeling the cart with him and I moved my free 
hand over my crotch to get one last feel. I was beginning to regret 
not jacking off that one last time when I woke up, I could feel my 
nuts were so full of cum that they were sore. I was ready to 
surrender myself to my cutter as I raised my hand to the last strap 
and he fastened it, there was no turning back….I’m done now. He 
removed the cloth on the cart showing various surgical instruments, 
what I recognized as an elastrator,   a hypodermic needle, hair 
clippers as well as a razor and shaving cream and a few other 
things. He reached down and gently rubbed my balls and asked me 
when was the last time I came which I told him I hadn’t jacked 
myself in over a week, he nodded his head in discouragement looking 
at my crotch then looked back up at me and asked if it felt good . 
I told him it did to which he replied "I hope so, because that was 
the LAST time you will ever cum again. He reached towards the cart 
and picked up what seemed to be some kind of oval shaped rubber 
chew toy telling me to open my mouth  and he shoved it in telling 
me to bite down on it if I feel any pain. He told me to take one 
last look as he picked up a blindfold from the cart. Looking down 
at my crotch again for what now really was the last time as I 
looked at my throbbing dick which had drops of pre-cum on it as he 
pulled the blindfold over my eyes. 

I heard him shuffling some things around and then a sudden click of 
the hair clippers turning. He then began running them up my legs 
and then gently around my balls  and along my shaft. I then felt 
his tongue softly lick the pre-cum off my penis. I then heard some 
more shuffling and felt him from behind spreading my cheeks apart 
as the clippers moved in and out of my crack shaving the hair off 
my ass and around my buthole. I then felt his tongue again as he 
ran it slowly around my ass. He then grabbed my dick  bending it 
downward where I then felt the clippers ripping my pubic hair off 
of me as he moved them up and around my chest. Still holding my 
dick the feeling of ecstasy was rushing  through  me as I had never 
been held by another man like this. The clippers  were then run up 
and down my arms and in my armpits and then turned off. He then 
placed a bed sheet wrapping it around my neck so it draped my body 
over the shoulders.
I heard something being dragged across the floor until it was right 
in front of me. My right hand was then released from its bind and 
guided down and placed in another one reaching out in front of me, 
and then the same for my left hand. My blindfold was then removed  
and I had seen my hands were bound to the stockade. I tried to look 
down to see my shaved body but the sheet covered it keeping me from 
catching any glimpse. My head was then guided down into the center 
part of the stockade and then secured in place. I could only see 
things in this position from waist level. My cutter moved towards 
the cart and picked up a jar of some form of gel and moved along 
side me and reaching under the sheet began applying it around my 
crotch. The feeling was strange, it felt warm and tingled yet sort 
of stung at the same time. He explained it was a type of liquid 
electrolysis solution that would keep pubic hair from growing back. 
I suppose I did tell him I wanted to be permanently smooth. He told 
me there would be no need to apply the solution to my chest seeing 
how I wouldn’t  be producing the level of hormones (naturally 
anyway) to re-grow the body hair I used to. He then left the room 
and didn’t return for what seemed to be a good 20 minutes and came 
back in with an old fashioned hourglass which he placed on the cart 
which was in front of me and a little off to the left.

I could then feel him positioning himself underneath me from 
behind, the stockade and sheet draping in front of me from around 
my neck kept me from seeing exactly what he was doing. I felt a 
warm cloth rubbing around my groin as he must of been wiping off 
the electrolysis solution. He then began rubbing and stretching my 
balls. I felt his tongue lick the tip of my penis again. He then 
took all 8" in his mouth and began moving up and down my shaft. 
Although gagged my groans of ecstasy echoed through the room as I 
was receiving my first (and last) blowjob. He was sucking so hard 
the slurping sound was like the sound of a shopvac in a swimming 
pool. I was ready to explode yet fighting it for as long as 
possible so I could enjoy this last orgasm. The feeling was so 
incredible I was practically convulsing and despite all efforts to 
hold back I knew I was ready to shoot my last load. My body 
tightened as I was about to shower my cutter with every last drop 
of cum from both nuts and then I heard a clicking sound as I 
suddenly felt an incredibly sharp pressure around my nutsac. In 
utter confusion of all the physical sensations I was feeling I 
looked towards the cart and noticed the elastrator was no longer on 
it. I then herd another click and the same pressure only not as 
extreme as I realized what just happened. I was banded denying me 
my last load, my body was still trying to cum but nothing would 
come out. I could feel him maneuvering himself out from underneath 
me and watched as I saw his legs walk out from behind moving 
towards the cart as he turned the hourglass upside down knowing 
what it meant. I then just stared at the sheet towards my crotch 
envisioning what it looked like knowing my balls were having the 
life suffocated from them. He then commented reminding me that my 
last cumshot last week WAS my last one.

I then saw his feet right in front of me as one hand reached around 
my face grabbing hold of my head and the other appeared with the 
hair clippers. He turned them on and then proceeded to remove the 
remaining hair I had. He continuously maneuvered my head around as 
the clippers mowed around my scalp as I watched the large patches 
of hair fall to the floor in front of me. When finished he turned 
them off and again left the room. 
I was left to consider my fate, at one point had second thoughts 
but immediately dismissed them realizing there was nothing I could 
do to stop it. Even if I wanted to tell him to stop I knew it would 
be impossible knowing that the rubber gag probably wouldn’t be 
removed until it was over. I once again mentally accepted the fact 
that I had chosen to surrender myself having been given multiple 
opportunities to change my mind but I didn’t. The pressure in my 
nuts began to subside over time as I watched the sand fall through 
the hourglass. I tried to imagine what I looked like in that room 
bound, banded, gagged, and hairless. 

The hourglass was nearly empty as the door opened, he came back in 
and walked towards me. He began rubbing my buzzed head not saying 
anything. He then walked around behind me as I felt the sheet being 
lifted up over my back leaving my ass sticking out in the air. He 
began rubbing my now limp cock and tugging at my ballsac which now 
had little feeling left in them. I then felt his warm tongue around 
my asshole and then a finger penetrate into my buthole which 
brought some life to my dick. I then heard his zipper and a couple 
seconds later he rammed his cock up my ass. I hadn’t seen his 
equipment but it felt big, of course I never had a guys prick up 
there so I suppose anyone would feel big. He told me how great his 
cock felt in my tight ass but added there was no need for him to 
try to explain it seeing how I would never have the opportunity to 
know what it feels like. He continued to pound my ass and at one 
point I wasn’t sure who was grunting louder. He then pulled out as 
he was still breathing heavily and let out a final groan as I felt 
a large warm load of man juice shooting onto and running down my 
back. He then began rubbing his load around my back with his tongue 
as he licked up his load. My entire body was trembling from the 
experience as I was dripping in sweat. He continued rubbing and 
groping me with his hands. After a moment I heard his zipper again, 
and he then said "Thank you, I’m done now…. And it would appear, so 
are you". My eyes then moved over to the hourglass, it was empty 
now…. I was halfway there, my jewels were dead, I was a eunuch. I 
then saw him pick up a syringe and a small bottle off the cart and 
walk back behind me where shortly after I felt a quick pinch at the 
base of my cock. He then went back to the cart and picked up 
another syringe and a different small bottle and some rubbing 
alcohol and moved to my side. He then gave me another injection in 
my arm and returned to the cart putting the syringe down. Moving 
back to my side he wrapped his arm around my waist as if to support 
my body and said  "I’ve cut just about everything else off your 
body, only two things left to clip". My whole body then started to 
become completely limp as my legs started to give and I was falling 
into his arm holding me up. He pulled me over and slid me onto the 
table and strapped me down. Fortunately I wasn’t feeling much 
knowing how far the angle was on the part of the table that bound 
my legs in a semi raised position. I was spread pretty far and sure 
it would stretch my groin to near unbearable levels but I was numb 
everywhere so it didn’t matter. The sheet was raised exposing my 
midsection and propped up forming a sort of curtain so I still 
couldn’t see anything that was going on. I noticed him picking up a 
plastic tube and kind of felt something, I realized he was 
inserting a catheter into my prick. It was getting to a point where 
I was having trouble staying conscious despite what was happening 
and my cutter knew it. He looked at me and told me to go ahead and 
sleep, and that I would wake up as a whole new person and winked. 
After that I vaguely recall some shuffling of instruments and  a 
few snipping sounds as I drifted to sleep. 

End of part 1