How my friend lost his testicles at thirteen.
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In reading some of the stories here I notice that boys are sometimes the victims in the writen fantasies. Certainly, actually hurting children is not an acceptable sexual outlet. Fantasy is a more complex issue. I realize that many of us as children had sexual fantasies and sometimes experiences that are powerful and evocative and have shaped us in various ways. At the age of 13 my friend and I were damaged by boys not much older than we were. Although it was a direct result of erotic activity, what happened to Danny and I was not erotic and was physically and psychologically damaging for both of us. Telling what happened to us isnt for the purpose of eroticism and it isnt to condem fantasy. Its just important to remember that people are always more than the objects of fantasy. I hope it does add perspective and help people develop a humane view of the long term pain childhood trama can have. It started with a healthy sexual curiosity and sex drive on our part. Unfortunately we offended some people with an extreme view of family honor and justice. All these years later I am outraged by the injustice of what happened, and yet I relive it often in some of my most complex sexual activities. I can never get away from it. Maybe telling this will help. Becky and I shared a table in our last hour 7th grade art class. She had made several invitations for me to come over to her house after school. At first I refused because I frankly at that time I would rather play baseball with my friends than spend time with a girl. She continued to persuade and added my best friend Danny to the discussion. She told me how cute I was, and how cute Danny was. She made several hints as to what a good time we would have with her and her sister, who was in the 8th grade, if we would drop by after school some afternoon. Becky's sister was reasonably cute although not as cute as Becky and I realized that when I would pass in the halls she would look at me a lot more than most 8th grade girls would ever have looked - especially when Danny was with me which I guess was most of the time. Danny was good looking. He was a few months younger than me but more mature and developed. While I was only about 5' 2" and not quite 100lbs., Danny was about 120 lbs and at least 3" taller. What's more he already had started to develop sexually. His cock and balls were probably twice the size of mine, and he had pubic hair while I still only had a little blond fuzz down there. I'm sure there was a typical early adolescent homoeroticism to our relationship and we had jerked off together several times. That is getting a bit on a tangent, however. Aanyway, because I was curious about the sexual possibilities that had been more than hinted, and because I was afraid to go over there alone and I knew thay were at least as interested in Danny as in me, and frankly I thought things might be more interesting with him there anyway, I talked Danny into going with me to see Becky and her sister after school. When I started writing this I was trying to remember her name and now I'm pretty sure it was Sally, but who cares? It was obvious she was much more interested in Danny than in me and Becky might have been too as I recall but she settled for me. We got caught by the girls' 16 year old brother and two of his BIG friends at the worst possible time. We were completely naked and although we weren't fucking yet. We were getting close. I was on a bed with Becky and Danny was just getting ready to fuck her sister, and then all hell broke loose. They started punching us in the face, guts and finally they seemed to direct all of their violence to our nuts. I don't know how many times that stupid asshole kicked us each between the legs while his friends held us but it was at least a half a dozen times each. My lip was split. There was a cut above my eye and my nose was bleeding, but none of that seemed important as the focus of my entire being was between my legs. The pain was blasting up from my balls up into a belly like a giant fist and I was sure I would throw up any second. Then the real torture began when they grabbed each of us by the balls and started lifting us up at the same time they were crushing our nuts. I don't think my feet actually left the floor, but I remember Becky's brother, who then had Danny's balls in his fist yelling "Holy shit look he's off the ground!" I couldn't see what was happening, however, because my eyes were clamped shut from the enormous pain which in a few more seconds was relieved by unconsciousness. Danny was still out when I came too. I guessed that maybe I had been unconscious for an hour or so, which turned out to be about twice the actual time. We were still naked but we were clear across a large field from Becky's house down by a wooded creek that ran behind my house. I crawled to the creek and threw up twice without the pain in my groin and belly decreasing much. Danny finally came around and went through the throwing up thing too, but then he passed out again and I couldn't get him to wake up. His balls looked awful. They were purple and blue and swollen up to more than twice their usual size. Mine weren't quite so bad. They were definitely red and maybe a little purple and swollen and they hurt more than any hurt I had ever felt before in my life but naked or not, I knew I couldn't just stay there and hurt. I crawled up the creek bed and was relieved to find our Levis lying there but that was all of our school clothing there was there. Our shirts, underwear shoes and socks were nowhere to be found so I carefully pulled my levis on and threw Danny's down to where he was so he could dress when he came to. Then I slowly walked the seventy or so yards back to my house. I was still in a huge amount of sickening pain and the walk seemed to take hours instead of minutes. I couldn't help it. I started crying as soon as I saw my mom. I told her we had been playing by the creek and were attacked and beat up by some big high school kids and that Danny was still down there and needed help. Even in my pain diminished state I realized that telling about our sexual activities was a really bad idea. It was going to be bad enough if Danny was still unconscious and naked when he was found. She called the police and ran down the creek to check on Danny while I prayed that he had come to and was dressed. Mom was hysterical when she came running back and again used the phone to call for an ambulance. Then before I realized what she was doing she had my Levis open and had taken hold of my bruised scrotum and balls. She didnt mean to add to my agony. She didnt realize. My knees buckled from the pain and I though I would pass out again. I realized she must have seen the damage to Danny and that he must be in really bad shape. The doctor's questions and the questions by the police were relentless. I remember the doctor asking over and over "Why would anybody do something like this?" All of the initial questions were directed at me because, as I later found out, Danny was in surgery. I stuck to the three big guys story and they didn't shake me from it. I just couldn't tell them about Becky and what had really happened. As much as I dreamed about getting revenge on her brother, I still liked Becky. The police tried, but Danny didn't tell them anything either. He was always very quiet about what had happened. It was over a week before he was back in school and longer than that before I found what had actually happened to him at the hospital. The surgeon had removed Danny's destroyed testicles, but he had also inserted prosthetic gonads so he would look normal. The first time we showered together after baseball practice I noticed the stubble from where he had been shaved before surgery, but I didn't realize that the balls in his scrotum weren't real. I felt a lot of guilt about what had happened, but when I learned what had actually happened to Danny's balls I was devastated and I carry the psychological scars from that to this day. I think the reason I now torture my own balls to the point of nearly passing out is to somehow make up for what happened to Danny. It isnt a true quid pro quo because I have been able to have children and now have grandchildren, and I know that Danny forgave me long before we lost track of each other all those years ago. Danny was much more philosophical about his loss. "I can fuck all the girls I want and never worry about any of them getting pregnant. Course I don't know how I'll explain that to them so they'll believe me yet." We remained friends for the two additional years Danny's family lived there, and we still messed around a bit sometimes. As far as I know, he never lost his ability to cum. Once on a sleepover as I was feeling his scrotum and rolling his fake balls around, Danny told me about the testosterone shots he had to take now and about the new larger permanent fakes he would get the next year. He was so nice and upbeat about it all that my guilt feelings increased. But I also realize his example of strength of character and friendship were always Danny's best attributes. Im sure, wherever he is, he