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I can't tell you how relieved becoming a Eunuch been for me. I wanted to get away from my fantasies of being dominated and having people hurt me for sexual gratification. My desire to have people hurt me for sexual gratification really depressed me. I can't tell you how many nights I layed in bed thinking I should just blow my brains out. If you are someone out there who takes gratification from people performing degrading acts of pain and humiliation on you then you have severe mental problems. I know it cost me much of my emotional sanity for many years.
Also, I'm not counting light play domination between people who love each other as sadistic domination, that's just play. I needed domination because the other fetish that aroused me was little youn adolescent and prepubescent girls. I never acted on these impulses. But for some sick reason little girls made my dick real hard. I masturbated alot to the mental images of these young schoolgirls sucking my dick and stroking my cock. I never acted on these impulses. But because I fantasized about it to such a high degree when I did seek out sexual interaction with a real partner I wanted them to punish me for the awful thoughts that go through my head. That's why I went scheduled an appointment with the good doctor in Philadelphia and had my nuts cut off surgically. I still masturbate, but my dick never really becomes hard. I couldn't penetrae anyone if I wanted to. Unfortunately I still fantasize about little girls while I jack off, but my depression is greatly reduced since I know I can never act on the impulse. Since being castrated I have even started cross dressing and taking it up the ass like a queer. I find that receiving anal sex greatly increases my occasional desire to jack off. It's almost like sucking dick and taking it up the ass is a safe alternative to my desires. I even dress as a schoolgirl maybe fulfilling another sick bastards perverted desires. I greatly suggest this as a lifestyle for other perverts like me who get turned on by looking at little girls or boys that should never be desired by an adult.
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