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Now Since My Baby Left Me by Kortpeel Whats the name of the residential accommodation down at the end of Lonely Street? Thats right. Heartbreak Hotel. Thats where Ive been this past twelve months. It hasnt changed all that much since it became famous. The desk clerk is still dressed in black but the bell hop, now quite an elderly fellow, manages to choke back the tears until hes delivered your luggage. Then he sobs his heart out as he walks away. I thought it might have been his way of letting you know what he thought of the tip but apparently he still hasnt got over his lost love of fifty years ago. It was the anniversary of the divorce and I was perched on a bar stool unsuccessfully trying to drown my sorrow. I could still see Maggie in my minds eye as clearly as if she were in front of me. I could see her lovely blue eyes and her long auburn hair swaying as she laughed. I remembered the curve of her hips and the way her skirt flounced as she moved, the feel of her breasts in my cupped hands. I remembered all the good times wed had; the fun and the laughter. I loved her. I still did I guess. I remember the day the bombshell exploded in my chest when she looked me in the eye and said, quite gently, Im leaving you, Bob. Thered been no warning, no build up to that moment. It came out of the blue. Ive been over the cause a million times in my mind and I still cant see that there had been any writing on the wall. One moment we were happily married and the next my whole life had crashed. The guy she left me for was her lawyer. The bastard cleaned me out; house car and savings. Every last damned cent. All I had left was the clothes on my back and in the suitcase, a broken heart and memories of better times. They say time heals but a whole year had passed and it hadnt got any easier. Heck! It hadnt got any easier for the bell hop either after fifty years. I didnt think I could go on like this for much longer. The heartache, the lump in the throat, the misery and the whole pointlessness of life were too much to bear. My whole existence was despair made real. I felt so lonely I could die. Was that the answer? Why carry on with this suffering when it wasnt going to get any better? Sweet, painless oblivion would be such a wonderful improvement on this state of affairs. Maybe a smile flickered across my lips at the thought. I was considering how best to bring it about when the girl in the red dress came and sat on a bar stool next to me. Dont do it, Bob. I can help you to get over it. She spoke softly so that only I could hear. There were plenty of other people in the gloom of that bar Id seen her around a few times but had never taken much notice of her. Id just assumed she was the hotel PR girl or something. The lapel pin she was wearing told me her name was Susan. She was pretty and had long auburn hair and blue eyes same as Maggie but there was a kindness in Susans eyes that Maggie didnt have. I figured I knew what she had in mind and knew it wouldnt work. Id had no interest in that kind of thing since Maggie. Not that. There was amusement in her gentle voice. I work for the hotel. The management employ me to stop people from doing what you were contemplating. Plays hell with the bed linen budget. And it gives the place a bad name. But how did you know what- Its my job to know. I recognise that wry sad smile that guys make when they think theyve got the answer. It isnt the answer, Bob. It never is. But I can give you a much better way out. You can? How? By removing your testicles. Ive heard some propositions in my time but-. But what the hell! Thats what Maggie had done figuratively. Right now Bob you have an imbalance between body and mind. There is only one way to restore the balance. I looked at her, trying to digest this concept. Its the only way you are ever going to get over Maggie. At this stage even if she came back to you it would never be the same. That was a thought that hadnt occurred to me. There was no ideal solution for me. Youll have your life back again and itll be a life worth living once more. Much better than what you were thinking of doing. She gave me that lovely smile of hers. We cant talk here. Come into my office and Ill explain it to you. I picked up my drink and followed her. The office was more like a sitting room. It had no desk, two easy chairs and a coffee table. The deep pile carpet was a sin to walk on. Only the two-drawer filing cabinet made it an office. As she explained I took a sip of my drink. It tasted more like a dry Martini that the gall it had been before. As Susan put it, my depression and despair were real, from a source external to myself. The trauma of losing Maggie had been so great that I could never be a stable relationship with a woman ever again. Yet the testosterone in my blood stream was still having its effect on my mind. Get rid of the testosterone and I would no longer want Maggie, or any other woman. All that castration takes away from a man is libido and his fertility. In your case, any libido left is focussed solely on Maggie who you cant have. And didnt you have a bad case of mumps in your teens? I did. My balls had swollen to tennis ball size and had been as tender as hell. Maggie and I had been childless. Shed always said it didnt matter to her. So you really have nothing to lose. And your life to gain. I nodded. For the first time in a year my drink really tasted like a dry Martini. I actually enjoyed it. What about the procedure itself? Does it take much organising? No. Sign the consent form and we can do it here and now. Come and have a look at the room. I followed through a door into another room the same size as her office. It looked clinical with vinyl tiles on the floor, an operating table and a tap and sink. There was an equipment cabinet mounted on the wall. Just to reassure you, I have done the procedure quite a few times and never had a problem. Its take fifteen minutes from start to finish. With the local anaesthetic its painless, although you might be a bit sore down there for a day or two while the cuts heal. She handed me a clip board. Read this and sign it. Then get undressed and on the table. Ill give you a few minutes alone. She started to leave then stopped. Theres no fee. This is a free service that the hotel provides for the guests who need it. It was the ordinary consent form with the usual legal cop outs. I signed it. Then feeling ridiculously self conscious I got undressed down to my underpants and sat on the table. Susan came in. Shed changed and was now looking professional in a white coat. I think first empty your bladder and then well begin. I disappeared into the bathroom. Your underpants will have to come off too, she said as I returned. Now I was embarrassed but I took them off, grateful that I only had a half hard on that could pass as respectable. I got on the table on my back, legs splayed and knees bent so that she could work on me down there. First we shave the scrotum. This is an anti infection measure. She shaved my scrotum with a disposable razor. She was very gentle and it didnt hurt at all. Rather nice in fact. Oh God! I was getting a full hard on. Dont be embarrassed. An erection is very normal at this stage. In fact thered be something wrong if it didnt happen. She finished the shaving and threw the razor into a bin. Next the anaesthetic. These modern anaesthetics work really well and you wont feel a thing. She dabbed some disinfectant onto my scrotum and then picked up the syringe that she had ready. I felt a tiny prick as it touched the skin and then nothing. I think there were two injections all told. Oh there is something else that I forgot to mention. Susan actually looked embarrassed. Its better if the testicles are emptied before theyre removed. If you want I can give you a prostate massage but, if you dont mind, Id much prefer to do it the ordinary way. Id much prefer it too, I told her. So at least the full erection I was now sporting was right and proper. Just to help things along, Susan said, unbuttoning her white coat, I find it goes better if I work a little undressed. She took off the coat and was wearing only a white satin brief. She allowed me a moment for a lecherous stare and then got to work to empty my testicles. My penis, after a years neglect was thoroughly enjoying the action. My eyes were enjoying the sight of Susans lovely slender body, her sweet curvy breasts bobbing as she worked. Of course I held back as long as I could but it was all over far too soon. It ended in a glorious ejaculation and there was gollops of semen all over my chest and stomach. Thank you, Susan. My pleasure. Again that sweet lovely smile. I wondered if it was normal for guys to fall in love with their castratrixes. I lay back in a hazy comfortable post ejaculation after-glow and let Susan get on with it. Oddly I felt perfectly relaxed and better than I had felt since my marriage had failed. There was just the faintest twinge as the first testicle, the left one went. Then another twinge as the right one was cut off. I know it had to be all in the mind but I felt more relaxed and at ease with myself than Id been since Maggie left me. There was a little more work, sewing up, I supposed. Youre done, she said. You were right, Susan. I didnt feel a thing. Now just wrap a blanket around yourself and come and sit down in the office for half an hour. If your body is going to react it will do so in that time. She led me through to the office again and I sat down in one of the armchairs. She brought me a cup of tea too. It tasted wonderful even though I dont normally like tea. We talked for a while. Susan, still only in her panties, was telling me about the aftercare and how she would see me again next day to check me out and thereafter once a week for two months to make sure all was according to plan. This seems to be working already, I remarked when the half hour was up and I felt great. It is the answer. Why dont you do it for the bell hop and the other guys? She shook her head. Those guys are a lost cause. Theyve been so long on Lonely Street they never will go back. Next morning I overslept. That was a change after a year of sleepless nights. I got up in time for my appointment with Susan where she checked out her work and it was fine. I got a peek at my empty scrotum before she put a clean dressing on. There were tiny neat stitches on each side. I got a hard on too. I thought castration was supposed to stop that sort of thing, I joked. It will. Give it time. She grasped my penis gently in one hand. Would you like me to cure it for you? Oh yes please. She brought me off again. With or without balls didnt seem to make any difference. Susan did give a lovely wank. I had an appetite after that and went into the Heartbreak Hotel breakfast room. I was tucking into a bacon and eggs, the first food Id enjoyed since Maggie when a fellow came up and spoke to me. Er- Bob isnt it? There was something unusual about him until I realised that he and I were the only ones in the hotel not suffering from depression. He too must have had Susans cure. Jim and I became friends. We discussed our plans for the future including sharing an apartment until we both got back on to our financial feet. That same day I checked out of Heartbreak Hotel a happy man. ******************************* Acknowledgements: Heartbreak Hotel released Jan 27, 1956 Words and Music: Axton, Dorde, Presley Sung by: If you dont know you shouldnt have read this. |