My Ying to His Yang, Part 1 of 2

Two gay boys of the same age discover each other, when they reach 
the age of 13 one gets his penis removed because he was fixated on 
it but also as a bond of submission to his friend.  The other 
surprises his friend by having himself castrated afterwards.  The 
key that fits the lock, a Ying to a Yang.  

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My Ying to His Yang

Part 1 of 2

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Copyright 1999, [email protected]
(Redistribution is permitted as long as everything is kept as it is, 
including the copyright notice, there is no charge to view this, 
and you are not making any money or material gain from it.)

(Note:  This is a fictional story.  Any similarity to any real life 
events are purely coincidental.  I also do not condone castration of 
minors, and most of my interest stems from MY childhood interests in 
it "for myself" when I was a boy.  In many ways, what you read 
below, is how I fantasize my own childhood to have been like, as a 
fantasy only, and I am seeing myself as the main character in the 
story.  Names and dates are not given, so that you can insert your 
use your own if you like.  I wrote this story in three hours, from 
conception to finish, on August 18, 1999, not bad for a quick work 
on the fly.)

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	It all started with a thought, a thought that started before 
puberty even, somehow, someway, I cannot be sure how, I got fixated 
on the thought of being castrated.  It started so young that I have 
never known a time in my childhood that I did not have at least some 
thought of it.  You see, I grew up on a farm, and saw animals 
castrated all the time.  I can remember as young as 4, being in the 
barn, watching my father castrate young calves, I was fascinated by 
it, and soon started thinking of how it would be for me to be 
castrated.   

By age 8 I was already sneaking out to my father's barn, to where he 
kept the castration tools, when he was not around.  I would get 
undressed, put myself in the stall he castrated animals in, and 
place the tools to my own scrotum, getting all excited at the 
thought of actually doing it.  I even crimped down a bit on the 
Burdizzo many times, but never hard enough to do any real damage, 
nothing more than a red spot on my scrotum when I was done and at 
the most a bit of numb soreness till the next day, always the pain 
was too much to go any farther, but even just going that far excited 
me so much that I would do that again and again.  I had many a 
thought of how painful it must be for the animals being castrated 
that way, and would cringe in pain when my father did that to them, 
KNOWING how painful it was, personally, yet I was also very excited 
every time, thinking it was me in that stall being castrated and my 
balls being in the clamps instead.  I even started growing a bond 
with the castrated animals, as if I had a close tie to them, more so 
than the other animals. 

At age 10 my father let ME castrate my first animal, it was a young 
hog, and helpless when held in the stocks for castration, his balls 
so exposed for me to doom.  I had seen my father do this often, but 
never had I done one myself, I was so excited, and it was so much a 
surprise.  My father was about to do it himself, then suddenly 
turned to me and asked me if I wanted to give it a try, that I was 
old enough now, I said yes without hesitation, and I think he even 
noticed that in how excited my reaction was.  I had seen so many of 
them, by my father's side, so he knew I did not need instructions, 
yet he still gave me some simple tips while holding the clamps 
myself.  Before that he had shown me in the past how to feel for the 
cords, so that was already second nature to me by now.  I cringed as 
the animal squealed when I clamped down hard, but I also got so 
excited I had a hard on, and that night I had some VERY wild dreams, 
of me being the animal in the stocks being castrated.  Now my mind 
was on fire about castration, more so than ever.

It was also that year that my father got a new device for 
castration, an elastrator.  Our neighbors were already using that 
for small animals like the pigs, so I knew what it was and how it 
was used, but never had one at home, and I had seen many an animal 
with the band on in the field, which also excited me a lot.  Some 
farmers left it on till their balls fell off on their own, seeing 
the band on them like that was a huge turn on for me.  But some 
farmers cut off their balls after banding, and seeing the stump only 
there, with the band holding the stump together started some new 
fantasies that made the old ones seem like nothing.  Now I wanted to 
have my sac and balls removed as one, together, in the same package. 
 Thinking of a smooth crotch turned me on so much that many times 
when no one was around in the fields, and I saw the animals like 
that, just the stump, with the band on them, I would put my hand in 
my pants and rub my crotch up and down, sometimes using my other 
hand to hold my balls and sac back enough to simulate the same 
smooth crotch.  I was determined to be the same way, and using the 
band seemed to me that it had to be less painful then the Burdizzo, 
in fact maybe even not painful at all.  

I then started sneaking out to my father's barn alone to use his 
elastrator on myself.  The first time I was SO excited, as I put the 
bands on I got a huge erection and my heart was pounding.  When I 
slipped the band off the tool and onto my balls it felt SO good, and 
I held my balls out from my body to see them like that, as if they 
almost were already separated from my body, and rubbed around my 
crotch as I enjoyed the sight.  But in a few minutes the band dug in 
deeper than I realized it would have, I guess seeing it on animals 
and having it on me were two very different things.  I still liked 
it, but the pinching was causing me some discomfort that was taking 
away from the joy.  Then a few minutes later my balls started aching 
something fierce, I had thought they were painless or at least very 
little pain, I had not realized how it really was.  

By 5 minutes into it I was in such pain that the excitement and fun 
was over and the panic started kicking in.  I had to get it off, but 
my father had no tools to remove it, since we never intended on 
removing it on animals.  A few times we had to remove one if it was 
not on just right, but he would just use a pocket knife, and if he 
nicked the sac of the animal it was no big deal, but for me that 
would mean more pain that I did not want, and the band was dug in so 
deep that I feared I would cut in too deep with a normal knife if I 
tried that, and cut my sac badly.  With a little hunting I found a 
curved castration knife, old and rusty, never used anymore, but the 
hooked blade seemed it would be just right to slip under the band 
and cut it off without cutting my sac, out of desperation I tried 
it.  It worked, but I also did nick my sac a little too.  However 
that was the least of my concerns at the moment, another pain took 
control of me, a blinding pain like I had never had before in my 
life, I had NO idea this would happen.  When the band was cut it was 
dug in so deep that when it snapped off I was hit with blinding 
pain, I fell to my feet and lay on the floor for a few minutes, 
holding my balls, but trying not to rub them because the area the 
band was on was now very sensitive and in pain.

The first experience was not quite as I had fantasized it to be, and 
it had a lot more pain than I thought it would, but after it was all 
over I had realized I enjoyed it SO much that I wanted to do it 
again.  By the next day all discomfort from what I had done was 
gone, and my excitement over trying it again was back, more than 
ever before.  But this time I was going to try it with more 
planning.  I hunted and hunted for the perfect tool to cut off the 
band with.  With my father's vet tools I found a cat's claw 
scissors, and it seemed the perfect tool.  With the blunt tip, hook 
shaped blades, and scissor action, I figured it would cut the band 
without cutting my sac as well, and I could use the blunt tip to 
slip it under the band more easily too.  Now my main problem was in 
the pain of when the band was snapped off, that also was solved in 
my father's vet supplies at the barn.  I found some topical 
anesthetic, and when I tried that on a part of my sac I noticed I 
could even prick it with a needle and not even feel it at all.  I 
even got the castrating knife and cleaned it up, removed all the 
rust, and sharpened it to razor sharpness, just in case.  So I had 
all my problems solved, and planned on using trying again later that 
day, when my father was out.

After my father left, I gathered all the supplies and headed to the 
stall where we castrated animals.  That stall had a lot of fantasies 
and memories about castration associated with it, so using it there 
was bringing all my fantasies together at once.  I put some of the 
topical anesthetic on my sac, got the band on the tool, put my balls 
in through the tool opening with the band now surrounding my balls, 
used my fingers to move my balls and cords properly for placement of 
the band, and all was ready to slip the band off the tool and onto 
my balls.  Again, my heart was racing with excitement and I had a 
huge hard on, my hands were shaking from all the excitement.  I 
slipped the band off the tool and onto my balls in one quick move, 
then removed the tool and examined my handiwork.  It was so great.  
I rubbed my crotch, and pulled my balls away from my body, imagining 
cutting them off and leaving just the band.  I even went to get the 
castrating knife and put them to my balls, and even pulled the blade 
a bit, but I chickened out before cutting my skin anything more than 
just a minor scratch.  

Through all this there was no pain, in fact the anesthetic was 
working so well that it felt like I had NO balls at all anymore, and 
no sac.  I was enjoying this immensely, but in about 5 minutes the 
pain in my balls started coming again, almost as strong as before.  
I guess the balls themselves were not as anesthetized as the sac 
skin, after all it was only just a topical anesthetic.  I walked 
around a bit, with my balls hanging like that all tied up, which 
helped the pain a bit, but also which I enjoyed a lot, and I even 
weighted down my balls for a minute to get them as stretched from my 
body as I could and imagine them being cut off with the weight 
dropping them to the floor, again playing with the castration knife 
as if I were about to cut them off, putting the knife to my balls 
just below the band.  But soon the pain in my balls got to be too 
much to bear, and I had to remove the band.  I got the cat's claw 
scissors, and just as I had figured, they worked perfectly, and the 
anesthetic kept me from feeling any pain when the band snapped off 
too, though I did feel the band snap off, it just did not have any 
pain this time was all.  An hour later, when the anesthetic wore 
off, I had some soreness and sensitivity where the band was, but it 
was not a problem at all and soon wore off on it's own.

That night my father came home and noticed I had cleaned up and 
sharpened his castrating knife.  At first I was scared he would put 
it all together and know what I did. But it turned out he thought I 
was just being a good son and doing him a favor.  He thanked me and 
said he was going to buy a knew one, since he wanted to band and cut 
now, instead of just banding, but thought the old knife no good any 
longer.  He said I had made that knife better than new, and if I 
wanted to that "I" could be the one to Christine it with the first 
band and cut the next day on the pigs.  With one thought I was 
relieved he did not know what I had done, and also filled with 
excitement and joy that "I" was now going to CUT off the balls of 
the animals and not just band them or just clamp them with the 
Burdizzo.  

That night I had LOTS of intense dreams, both of the day to come, 
and what I had done that day, only in the dream a few times I became 
the pig in the stocks having his balls cut off after being banded, 
all helpless and exposed, and in the dream of what I had done that 
day, in the dream I did cut my balls off, and paraded around with 
them, putting them in my mouth and all, and then chucking them 
across the stream like they were a flat rock to skip.  In the dream 
though, the balls were as they were when banded, tight in the sac, 
together as a package, when cut off, and not as they really would be 
if I had cut them off, where the sac and balls would have separated 
once cut.

The next day I had a lot of fun banding AND cutting the balls off of 
about a dozen pigs, and dreamed each one was my own.  The following 
years me and my father shared castrating the animals, and I 
regularly snuck out to the barn when my father was not around, to 
play with the elastrator as I had done before, each time having the 
band on more and more as my pain threshold increased.  Soon I came 
to like the pain, and look forward to it, but there was a point, 
about a half hour into it, that I would cut it off, as the pain got 
to be more intense and going even into my back, making it hard to 
move or walk, so I never got past half an hour.  I guess I did not 
do any major damage to my balls, since I entered puberty when I was 
supposed to and matured properly and all during puberty.  It became 
a regular ritual with me doing that, for years.  When I began to 
have orgasms and ejaculations I started to NEED the banding almost 
(to climax), as if anything else was not good enough and paled in 
comparison.  

One problem started happening as I got older though, my balls got 
larger and so they were harder and harder to get into the small 
opening the tool made to put on the band with.  At first when I 
started it was easy, they were small and slipped right through, but 
by age 12 I was putting in only one ball at a time and could not put 
them in together, by age 13 I was squeezing them hard to get even 
one ball in at a time, which caused some pain in doing it, but was 
worth the pain for the end result, and soon I even came to like that 
pain too and look forward to that as well.  I also got more and more 
into weighting my balls when banded, stretching them out from my 
body and even walking around or jumping with them like that, I liked 
the feeling of that, and sometimes it would feel like they were 
about to fall off on their own.

At age 12 I was well into puberty, had my first ejaculation even, 
and a very small tuft of hair above my penis.  I had also started to 
get horny for other boys, but not girls.  It took me a little while 
to come to terms with it, but I turned out to be gay, and was often 
very horny being around boys my own age or older, and things like 
gym class was the highlight of my day, all those boys around me 
skimpily dressed and even undressing in the lockerooms or showering 
nude in front of me.  I started having a game in my mind, of who had 
the largest balls or penis, and of that who "would" have the largest 
when they were men, and how large they would get, as well as 
guessing how each boy looked undressed when I saw them around me in 
class and in town.  Somehow, I don't know how, I knew, in my gut, 
that some boys were also gay, or at least had urges for other boys. 
 One of them turned out to be one of my closest friends and 
classmate, same age as me.  

I had the hots for that boy, fantasized about having sex with him 
often, dreamed about him at night waking up to wet sticky sheets, I 
slept in the nude, and masturbated to thoughts of him.  I had to 
find out if my gut feeling was right, or just wishing on my part.  
So one day I decided to use a game as an experiment to find out.  So 
far my general questions, where I would just jokingly bring up 
subjects like about gays, to test him, seemed to agree with my gut 
feeling about him.  I asked him if he wanted to participate in a 
boner contest, to see whose was larger.  We had often talked of how 
large each of ours was when hard, but only talk, and a lot of 
bragging.  I said let us decide this once and for all, where you 
cannot lie or cheat, in a boner contest.  I got some of my dad's 
porn mags from under his bed.  Most of his was of women, which I was 
not interested in, but some had men having sex with the women, those 
I liked, of course I would concentrate on the men in them.  I used 
them for the contest, for both of us to get hard with.  I also 
looked to see which ones he concentrated on most, the ones with the 
man in it or the ones with only the woman, it was only the ones with 
the man in it that he looked at a lot, and I could see his boner in 
his pants when he stared at them, so again I thought my gut feeling 
about him was right, but I wanted to be sure.

The rules of the contest were simple, we both had to be nude, 
totally, and jack off to the pictures, in front of each other.  We 
had looked at those pictures before, and rubbed our crotches in 
front of each other while doing that before, so this was not that 
big a step from what we had done in the past.  When hard we would 
use a ruler to measure whose was largest, simple, in front of each 
other, so there could be no cheating or lying.  As soon as we had 
our clothes off, before the pictures were even brought out, we both 
had raging hard ons, again I thought this to be more proof I was 
right about him.  We masturbated in front of each other, then 
measured, and I again noticed that he was seemed to be paying a lot 
more attention to MY penis than just plain curiosity.  His turned 
out to be larger, mine was 4 inches, his was 5, but as a ploy, to go 
further, I contested his measuring technique and insisted "I" 
measure HIS.  He agreed very quickly and even seemed excited about 
it.  

As I held his penis with the ruler I rubbed it back and forth a bit, 
using the excuse that I wanted to flatten it out more for accurate 
measurement, he had a penis that bent upwards sharply when hard.  I 
was also amazed at how another boy's penis felt, I had only felt my 
own before, but feeling his was amazing, I had not realized how it 
would feel, so hot and so rubbery, pulsating in my hand so strongly 
too.  Both mine and his were very pink, but mine was straight as an 
arrow, mine was thinner than his, but both of ours were a bit in the 
thin side, compared to what I had seen in porn magazines, and he was 
like me in having only a very small patch of hair above his penis, 
we were both circumcised too.  As I measured I noticed his pulse 
rate went up, since you can feel the pulse in his penis, and he got 
even more hard then before, making that bend of his penis even 
harder to flatten out for measuring, though I did not mind that, I 
liked having the excuse to handle his penis even more.  I then 
noticed some precum on his glans, and realized he was close to 
orgasm, with me just holding his penis.  

At this point I lost all control myself, I was SO horny, and had 
never come this close or done this much with another boy.  I dropped 
the ruler and started masturbating him, he did not complain, in fact 
he did not say a word.  He just looked at me and smiled.  I took 
this as a sign to go further, that I was right about him being gay, 
and he wanted it as bad as I did.  Well one thing led to another, 
and things happened so fast, that soon we were masturbating each 
other, lying down with each other's face facing the crotch of the 
other.  I took the initiative here, and started sucking his penis, I 
had it real close to my face while masturbating, examining every 
minute detail of it, and then lost all control again and just shoved 
it in my mouth.  Again he did not say a word, and just looked at me 
and smiled, then laid back to enjoy it.  I had fantasize about this 
often, but never done it, so there were some things I had not 
realized, like the problem of my gag reflexes when his glans hit the 
back of my throat, but I soon got over that and was deep throating 
him even.  He then started doing the same to me, and later we both 
orgasmed into each other's mouths.  

Well without a word being spoken, I got my definitive answer, he was 
definitely gay, and liked me as much as I liked him.  We talked to 
each other about it afterwards, while fondling each other and 
examining each other's body.  It turns out the same things I was 
thinking about him, and suspecting about him, and the same 
fantasies, he had about me, and he was as desperate as I was.  He 
was very glad I came up with that idea about the boner contest too, 
so we could finally find this out about each other.  We had sex with 
each other often, and on nights we slept over each other's home we 
had some all night sexcapades with each other.  Of course things 
escalated too, like how we got into anal sex, sexual massages, and 
even some light S&M. It turned out his older 16yo brother was a 
closet gay, and he had some very hard core gay magazines, we learned 
a lot from those magazines.  

Shortly after we discovered each other like that, I got a computer 
for Christmas, and we got Internet access.  Boy, if only my father 
knew what I was doing with it, he thought it would be good for 
school, I had better uses for it  (hehehehehe).  Since I had a 
fixation on castration I did some searches on castration, and 
happened upon the Eunuch Archive.  If I had thought I had peaked in 
my fixation and fantasies before, it was nothing compared to when I 
discovered all those stories of castration.  I then also discovered 
something new, something I had never thought of before, penectomy, 
this got me going big time, and soon my interest in penectomy was 
FAR more than any interest in castration.  I dreamed of being 
totally nullo, as well as just my penis, but since I enjoyed sex SO 
much, I dreamed most of having just my penis removed, keeping my 
balls, with just a stub to pee from.  I figured I could do that 
using the elastrator and catheters my father used for the animals on 
occasion, one of his many veterinary tools he kept on hand.  I 
imagined putting on the band, after inserting the tube, then cutting 
my penis off in one hard slice.  I had also read some stories about 
that on the Archive, which only fueled my desire and fantasy for it 
even more.  It seemed all too simple.

With my new Internet access me and my friend had also found some 
very bizarre and intense S&M sites, and I soon realized I was a 
bottom, and my friend was a top, from how we practiced sex and 
played S&M already.  My favorite scene with my friend that we did 
was where he would tie me to the bedposts, legs and arms, spread 
eagle, and have his way with me, even sometimes using a razor to 
make small nicks on my, sometimes in my genital area.  I would 
imagine my friend cutting off or threatening to cut off my balls 
when he did that, but I did not tell him about my castration 
fantasies till later.  After I told my friend about my castration 
fantasies, after we had been doing S&M for a while, we also played 
out fantasy castrations, sometimes in bed like that, tied to the 
posts spread out, sometimes in the barn in the stocks we put the 
animals in for castration, the stocks being my favorite but the bed 
being my friend's favorite.  

Well I showed my friend the Eunuchs Archive, and soon we were 
playing out those stories at home, him always being the master or 
cutter, and me being the cuttee or the slave.  Since I did not have 
the courage to do it to myself, these fantasies were strongest of 
all, having someone force it on me, also it added to my S&M 
fantasies and sex, and me being the bottom. When I got into 
penectomy as well, my friend then played that out too.  Having balls 
but not penis seemed SO perfect for me, and made me SO hot thinking 
of it, because it meant I could still enjoy sex as much as I did 
already, maybe even more since I would be MORE horny with no penis 
to relieve myself with, but also because I enjoyed serving my friend 
as a sex slave most, and was not as much interested in having him 
service me.  It also seemed like it would make out bond, friendship, 
and sex, stronger than ever before, I would forever be reliant on 
him for sex since I would not be able to masturbate if I did that, 
and only service him.  I also liked receiving anal sex more than 
getting oral sex done on me, I liked having an orgasm by my 
prostrate being massaged by his penis or by instruments he would put 
in my butt, we discovered that through some web pages and I turned 
out to like that more than any other types of sex.  So it all seemed 
SO perfect.

Well we went on like this for a year, and played out the scenes more 
and more, and it grew in both intensity and reality.  What started 
as nicks on my scrotum would become actual cuts, on a few rare 
occasions it went so far he was able to stick his pinky IN my 
scrotum from a cut he made, boy was that hot, but it also meant we 
could not do much more till it healed, and I had to watch it 
carefully while it healed.  But my father having all those vet 
supplies, the local anesthetics, the suturing stuff, antibiotics, 
and more,  made it all so much easier for us.  Plus, since we were 
farm kids, we already knew a lot of medical stuff and even had 
practiced some in real situations on the farm with the animals, or 
at least seen a lot done by the adults. But my desire for a 
penectomy grew and grew, and soon we were only playing the penis 
being removed, not the balls, and me being a sex slave, where I 
could not touch my penis at all during the sex, so that we could 
simulate me not having one, sometimes even using the local 
anesthesia to numb my penis so that is was really like as if it was 
not there, no feeling from there at all, and only relieved through 
anal sex or anal stimulation, or ball play only.  

We had also gotten heavily into ball play, I had gone way beyond 
weights, and using the anesthesia we would even NAIL my balls to a 
board sometimes, but that would main pain in my balls for days 
afterwards so we did not go that far too often.  We did a lot of 
ball torture though, and even devised a clamp using one of my 
father's wood clamps he uses for gluing wood together with, to crush 
my balls till they were almost flat.  Of course this was a long 
progression, it would start out just barely squeezing them, and in a 
year of doing that regularly it got further and further.  Both of us 
had also gotten into ball stretching and ball pumping, so our sacs 
were nice lower hangers, great for ball play.  We had also started a 
scrapbook of our friendship, with a special section for our sex 
together, with lots of pictures using a Polaroid camera of lots of 
things we did together, and recording out puberty growth together.  
We didn't know it then, but later it would make a great before 
series, to show the difference for what we would be like after.  We 
also put cum stains next to some pictures of us having sex, to 
further memorialize it all.

All through this my part as a slave became more and more, to where 
most times I did not even know what he was going to do next, he 
would even blindfold me a lot, for a real surprise through it all, 
not knowing even what he is doing at the moment till I felt it.  For 
the penectomy fantasies we played out this really worked out well, 
and sometimes I honestly did not know if he was going to really cut 
it off or not, and a few times while he had me blindfolded and my 
penis anesthetized he had me "completely" convinced he DID cut it 
off, till I took the blindfold off after having my orgasm and 
realized it was still there. My friend through all this, especially 
with my reactions on the times he had me convinced I had it cut off, 
came to the conclusion that this was what I needed, as well as 
wanted, and he would do me a favor by doing that for me.  Plus he 
had gotten fixated himself by this time on doing it to me, and 
wanted to cut my penis off bad by now, for real.  

All this had escalated to this point by the age of 13, and that is 
when it happened.  He preferred the bedroom scenes, with my tied to 
the posts, but I guess since he was going to do this for real he 
decided to let it be as "I" wanted my perfect scene to be.  So we 
started that afternoon in the barn, as we had done many times, with 
me tied down in the stocks that we castrated animals in.  Since I 
was 13, my parents by this time had trusted me with the place fully, 
I was even driving the pickup truck to town and back for supplies, 
where I lived that was allowed for farm boys, and I was even driving 
the large combine and tractors too.  So my parents went on vacation, 
sortof a second honeymoon, and left me at home, the place to myself, 
for a full week.  I guess they figured I was adult enough for that, 
and my friend figured it was the perfect time too, enough time to 
heal before they get back.

(continued in part2)