Before and after the incident

IT is a really true story. IT is the story that I would not talk to 
anyone face to face. IT is too terrible to me.

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This is the first time I tell my story publicly.
I am a boy of an Asian Country.(I don't know wheather i am a boy or 
not not now). I'm 21 years old. The following is my story. First of 
all I must say that please forgive my bad english.

The day when I born, I was a really healthy boy. And I was the only 
son in my family.I have 2 sisters. So my parents were very happy at 
that time. In our country boy is very important. Because of this I 
really prouded.


Although my family is poor, my parents gave a room to me individually 
and my 2 sisters shared with one room. So During those years my 
sisters always argued with my parents and I, they said it was unfair. 
But after years and years they didn't argue with my parents. They 
accepted. So i became more proud. In our village, involved
about 14 familys, but only 4 to 5 had sons. So boys were valuaable there.

When the children played and talked together, we boys  always teased 
the girls that they did everything slower even went to the toliet. 
THese things was always talked about when we were about 6-10. 


Everythings were well and good to me in those years. My  parents 
bought everything I liked , gave money to me if i want to learn 
somethings. Everything I had the preference, until I was twelve. In 
that year, an incident happened. A great turn in my life.


The day is 19th october,1990. As usual I backed home from school and 
play with the children in the village. Suddenly three dogs from the 
bush ran towards us. All of us cried loud and ran.  Only i and a boy 
took a stick and tried to hit the dog. At that time we both thought 
we can be the heros. We hit and hit the dogs, but the dogs seemed no  
hurt, they ran a bit far and ran around us, after a few seconds two 
dogs ran towards the boy and one dog ran towards me. I tried to use 
the stick to drove it away but I couldn't. It scratched my hands and 
i dropped the stick Then I fighted against the do with hands, at that 
moment we both cried aloud with help. But no one had come to help us. 
The other children just stood far away and cried.



After fighting a few mintues, I fell on the ground. And the body was 
full of wounds. I was helpness at that time. The dog still scratch an 
bit on me. Fight and fight, hit and hit. I used my whole strength
using my both legs clamped the and threw it away. After, I felt the 
dog was far from me and I began to stand up. Just when I stood up I 
saw the dog went towards me again. It barked loudly and I didn't 
know what to do. It bit towards my crotch. I quickly jumped 
backwards, but it was late. It already bit in the crotch. I screamed. 
Fell down again, and hit the dog's head. When i hit the dog's nose, 
the dog gave me a hard bit and ran away. At that moment, I felt 
something was tored and was terrbily pain.



After that, everything was silence and dark.



When I woke up, I was in the hospital. My parents was sat besides the 
bed which I lied on. My mother was crying and my father face was 
dark. I asked them what happened? They said no words until the doctor 
came. When the doctor came, he said to me "Sang, now something I want 
you to know, but you should try to keep clam." I answered,"yes" So He 
began, " Your crotch was bit by the dog seriously, luckily, the dog 
didn't bit the upper part, if so,your bladder would be broken and you 
may have died already. But your genitals couldn't be saved. When the 
time you were sent here, your penis was lefted about 2cm and your 
both testicals and almost your whole scrotum had already gone. The 
things we could do were cutting off the 2cm useless penis,
sutured the wound, and changed the way of the urthra to a hole which 
opened before the anus about 1 inch , so you can pee more easily, but 
now there is a plastic tube setting, in order to fix the hole and the 
urthra, later it will be taken off............" The things which said 
after, I could hardly hear and remembered. After a few moments, my 
father asked "what about his future?" The doctor paused a few 
seconds, took a big breath and said, " Your son cannot have normal 
sex life and pee in a normal way anymore. But if he want his body 
pretend like a normal man, he can take hormone treatment. Of course, 
he cannot puberlty in a normal way and have his own baby. 

I feel so sorry about that." After hearing those things, I nearly 
went mad. I didn't know what to do.



The following weeks were the most embarrassing and hard time. When 
the plastic tube was taken off from the hole, I started to learn how 
to pee with the hole, a nurse guided me to do. At first, I cried and 
cried. So the nurse said, " It is hard for you to accept such a great 
change, but you should try your best to deal with it, be
brave, you are a boy..." When I heard that i cried more loudly, the 
nurse knew she had said something wrong and so she patted my 
shoulder, said " Sorry, let start now."  Then she began to guide me, 
first she told me that I should sit down to pee, so I took off my 
tousers and sit down on the toliet, then she said I can start peeing, 
but i should hold it slow at that time for preventing the wound 
tearing apart. The stream fell straight to the toliet, after the
dropping sound was stopped, the nurse asked me that whether i 
finished. I nodded. Then shhe told me to take a tissue
and wiped the area softly. After that, i tried it several times. 

During those weeks, when I woke up, I still stood to 
pee sometimes and made a mess, so some nurses felt annoying to me, 
sometimes they even said, "Face the truth, you are
not a boy now, don't pee like a boy but in a girl way!" That made me 
very embarassing and angry.

Because of the expensiveness of the hormone treatment, my parents 
only let me take the medicine which was only enough 
to prevent diseaseful fatness instead of the hormone treatment.

After about four months, I went back home. I felt embarassing when I 
saw the neighbours. When I arrived home, firstly
I went to my room, but I found my room was full of straw. I asked my 
parents, they said that my room would be the 
storeroom of straw and I should share my sisters' room. I asked them 
why, but they didn't answer. The first night I
sleep with my sisters the feeling was strange. I didn't know what my 
sex was. My eldest sister felt sorry to me, but
my elder sister always teased at me and said," hey! Sang! SLeep with 
us now!We are sisters." " Can you pee fastly and freely now as 
before, sister?"

when in holidays we went to the market place and saw her friends, 
she  had to say " Before he is my brother, but now is my sister!", 
and told them everythings;
moreover, because of the rules of my new school(details will be 
explained in the next two paragraph), she bought ladies underwears 
with me and told the whole things to the hawkers and said " This is 
her first time buying ladies underwear, may to guide her to choose 
and use?" "sister! these underwares are really fit for you! Your V-
shaped crotch!";

besides,One time when we went to the restaurant, when I went to the 
man's toliet, She even shout that I was not a boy, and took me to the 
woman's, at that time one woman shout that I was a boy 
and odered to take me out, my sister took off my trousers quickly, 
and let the woman see and the woman stop a moment and said ,"Let it 
be!" After, she said, "Sister!I do not
want to tease you,but do you know how i Hate you before, now we are 
fair. don't cry! You look down your body, where are your things? 
NOthing there!! YOu are not a boy but 
an eunuch or semi-girl instead " I felt very embarassing with those 
things. 

Later, I asked the children where was the other boy, they said that 
he had died already, by the dogs had bitten his neck. 

In the villiage all of them know what was happened to me, so some of 
the children teased at me and called " jie jie" which means
sister in our words.Some times the boys even didn't let me to join 
them, they said that I was not a boy now. Really I am not really
a boy, because base on the law of our country - no matter you are 
born in girl or boy, once you genitals were removed or anyway have
disappeared or born in a seriously abnormal way, your sex would be 
stated at UNSPECIFIC. I don't want to state which country I am in, 
because i don't  want anyone to know who I am.SORRY! 

I went to school on the next day, my school was the best college in 
the city we lived in. But I was not going for lessons, I went back to 
school was to get back my things and left. My mother explained to me 
that because this college was so expensive and the main reason was my
father felt hopeless to me for I can't continue the family line, they 
both were old and cannot born anothoer baby, so they would rather
want to save more money for daily expense.  They sent me to a 
boarding school in another city, which was a girl's college, they 
said because it was cheap, since the government and schools want to 
attract more girls to study, the school fees of girl's college is 
cheap.

At first, my parents wanted to send me to my eldest sister school, 
because it was cheaper than my former school and my sister can take
care me, also it was near to my home, but as it was a coeducation 
school, it would state and charge me as a boy, So at last they chosed 
the girl's school.  As my sex wasn't specified and the school didn't 
full, the headmaster let me to study in. In that school, it only
taught about basic language, our language and english, basic home 
ecomomics and physical education, no science and mathmatics subjects 
were taught. Also,it only provided four years eduacation. Although 
you gratuated from it, you don't have chance to go to the university.

At first, I felt very disappointing.But those above weren't the main 
fact that I hated this school. The main fact was I must wore girl's
school uniform, a white shirt plus a green pleats,and follow some 
rules which sat for girls, e.g. no man's dress and things are found 
in any students package, this rule was sat for preventing the girls 
knew and met the boys outside during school days, and so I couldn't 
bring any man's dress and things included the underwears, and so I 
took the old underwears from my sisters or buy some

At first, I refused to dress. But when the disipline mistress shout 
at me, "Now, you come to our school to study, you must follow our 
rules, or you may out!" So at last I agreeded to dress.At the 
begining, no one in the school except the the headmaster and the 
discipline mistress knew I was not a really
girl, but one day when my neighbour saw my identity card which was 
stated my sex was UNSPECIFIC. They all knew what i was, and they knew
why my breast hadn't developed liked them. From that day on, they 
always teased at me, sometimes when i went to the toliet they said " 
do you need a sanitary napkin?", at the sport lessons, when I swim 
they said, " DO you want a BIKINI? It would explore your beautiful 
shape!", Sometimes when we slept, they even said, " Come on, boy" 
Which made me very embarassing and angry.


After the terrible incident, my body still grew up, but not as tall 
as a boy is, also my voice didn't change like a normal boy, no bears
no Adam's apple, no hair on foot and arms.

Now I even forget the feeling of the man's genitals, but i haven't 
foget the pain of the dogs bit. SOmetimes I admire the boy
who can get marry, also feel want to do somethings with the girls. 
But not so strong. 

After finishing the terrible college life, I went to a nurse school 
study for about four years. Now i am a nurse. I know that now i am an 
eunuch, and i can't get marrry to any one and so I would place all my 
afford in surving patients. But untill now, the silly thing
is because I am gratuated in a girl's college and went to the nurse 
school from it, so the nurse school registered me as a female nurse, 
now everyone in the hospital which situated in another city doesn't 
know I am not a girl, they all treat me as a girl.And I also wear 
women dress and uniform, when I dress them I usually wear fake 
breasts, so more look like a woman. Although my identity card is 
stated my sex in UNSPECIFIC, my nurse certificate and handbook are 
stated in female. So now I haven't been teased by any one.

My two sisters have already married. My parents lived with my eldest 
sister who have been married by a rich man. 

Now I think I am most likely a woman than a man. Don't misunderstand 
that i want to be a woman, I use this identity because only
this can prevent teasing from the others.

When I look down my body now, I am hardly to think what it is if i 
haven't been castrated. Sometime when the boys come to the 
hospital which I worked in for circumcision, I usually think if that 
was mine it would be good.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

After you see my story, what do you think?
Now i really want to know what attitudes are the men and women make 
towards the eunuch in the western world?
Are the people also only teased with us? 
We are same as the one who has no legs or arms, why people would 
tease at us at the highest level?
I am glad and feel please if you can give any comments and answers to 
me. (email to me or listed onthe forum)
At last I want to Say SOrry to all the reader! Since my english isn't 
good enough, some things may not well
explain and be written down.