Sam finds out the secrets of the strange house and his family and finally experiences their smalltown ideal of peace and quiet.
A - H I - P Q - Z Newest Files
Peace and Quiet 2
I remember I woke up in the morning thinking it had been a bad
dream. I reached down out of new habit to unclip my catheter from
the night bottle and found I was wearing a full leg bag. It then
hit me. It had been real. It all came rushing back at me and I
flopped back down onto my pillow. I didn’t want to move. I was
too scared to move. I could hear the words of that sermon they all
seemed to preach - “first son”, “evils and perils of
masturbation”, “sin”, “lust”, all the others. My dad was a
eunuch. I never really knew my mom. My whole life had been
uprooted from the city to move here for some ‘peace and
quiet’. ‘MY GOD, I thought, THIS is their idea of peace ? How
could I have any peace of mind with no genitals ? How did a boy or
man adapt ? They said I would, they all did. I thought of Chad.
He had to still be in the house somewhere. From what I had seen,
surely they didn't move him too far. I got up, changed bags,
dressed in a blue T that I found and loose khakis. Someone was
laying my wardrobe out for me. I put my socks on and went looking
for Robby.
I found him in his room on the third floor, in bed. He was
still asleep. I knew which room was his, I had seen them all. I
shook him awake. He rubbed his eyes and looked up at me. When he
fully woke up, he just sighed. “Chad’s gonna be in the same room,
asleep for all day and the night too. We’ll wake him up tomorrow
morning. I have to help take care of him, “ he said wistfully,
placing a hand to his own empty crotch. He suddenly jerked upright
and out of bed. “I gotta go ... “ and off to the third floor
bathroom he went.
I waited.
He came back quickly. I knew he had left the seat down.
Hell, no one needed it up around here but me and I now had a tube
to pee for me. I was also the next in line. I told this to
Robby. He nodded. "I got done last year when I was 11. They did
Travis early too, they usually wait til you’re 11, but they did us
both at once since we're so close in age I guess. I know you wanna
know about Denny too.”
I nodded. We sat down on the edge of the bed.
“Denny is the first son. When he was 11, he got put in a
belt. It’s a special belt that fits skin-tight and locks. He
can’t touch himself. Dad lets him out of it once a week to keep it
all clean. He’ll be home this Saturday you know, he comes home
from college every weekend with laundry and well ... he can't take
the belt off. It’s a really specially made belt, air holes and all
that. I guess you can keep clean enough all week, I mean it has
vents and stuff in it but he has to come home on Friday night to
take it off and make sure he's really clean and all. It looks like
a thick jock really. He’s been wearing one since, “ Robby
explained.
"I take it they resize it every so often as one grows ?" I
asked sarcastically. My mood was rapidly deteriorating.
One last question answered, the last piece fell into place :
When Denny found a nice girl, got married, THEN he could be let
out of his belt or whatever it was that my cousin was trying
describe to have sex. Productive good sex, as this community saw
it. When they were done with having kids, Denny would get
castrated just like most of the men and boys in this town. What
got me was how they could do it to such young boys. How many sons
would Denny have that would suffer the same fate ?
It was all finally fitting together when I thought about the
girls in this place. Surely THEY knew ! What did THEY think ? I
mean, once I thought it over, it would lead to a real shortage of
available men for just having kids, nonetheless just sex for fun.
And what about marriage ? What girl would want to marry a
eunuch ? I noticed Robby was still chattering ...
“They told me, “ Robby went on, “that if you haven’t hit
puberty it’s easier on you. No side affects. You noticed Jimmy.
High voice, long limbs, tall, wiry, but he’s getting some muscles.
Dad said we'll never be as big and strong as 'intact men' but if we
stay in shape it won't be so bad. And you don’t get the sex
drive. I bet your dad and my dad were the same way - my dad said
he just about lost his mind until he ran out of 'testrostre-
something' that your balls make. He said we're lucky there, we
won't get that kind of drive or urges. Poor Chad, though, man -
did you hear him ? He admitted he's been whackin' off. That’s
gonna make it hard for him I think. He was farther along than we’d
thought, and Doc said we should have done him earlier. I wonder
how much he did it ? What'd it feel like ? ”
“You mean you don’t ? “ I asked in amazement.
Robby looked shocked. “NO ! I can’t ! I mean, I was just
11. I never tried. Hell I didn’t know what it was until after
they cut me. You don’t miss what you never had.”
"You mean you never played with yourself or anything ?"
Robby shook his head.
"And what about sex, marriage, kids ?" I asked.
Robby shook his head again. "This ain't the city, Sam. I
didn't even know what sex was all about until afterwards. In case
you didn't notice, this is a pretty quiet town. You just don't SEE
that kinda stuff around here like you do on cable TV or the
computer."
Well, I had to admit, he had had a pretty sheltered life way
out here in the middle of the Twilight Zone or wherever the hell we
were. I realized I didn't even know the name of the town yet.
“How about peeing ?” I asked him.
"We all thought that's all your penis was for, and your balls
were just something to get hit in. I sure don’t miss that ! "
He paused. “I liked it better before, though, when I could
stand up. Sometimes you’re out somewhere and you have to go and
the mens’ rooms are a mess. That’s the bad part, but you get used
to it. You made us all crazy leaving seats up, you know. Travis
fell in the second day you were here.”
I had to laugh. I had fallen in before ... I think everyone
has.
"Well I've got this damn cath now, " I replied.
Robby nodded.
“I had one in a week before and all the month I was healing.
They take it out when doc says you’ve healed up. I don’t know why
they put you with a NG tube in so soon. You must have tested
really low for something like vitamins or something, “ Robby said.
I nodded. “I’ve always been a shrimp.”
“You know you’re next now.”
The chill again.
“Yea.”
We said nothing else as Robby dressed in his 'uniform' and we
went down to breakfast. I realized how out of place I was with my
blue shirt now. Everything looked normal, except there was no
plate for me. Dad had the NG syringe filled and waiting for me.
He took me aside and injected it. I asked why. “No food today,
son. Your operation is tonight. I’m sorry for that, but trust me,
Sam, you WILL feel better when you’re healed, you really will. I
do, your cousins do, really ...”
I didn’t know what else to do. I let him hold me a bit.
It still didn't feel right though.
“That dose had a laxative in it to prep you, son. You’re
gonna be in the john a lot today.”
"Why ?!" I demanded, pulling back from him.
"Because you have to have an empty stomach before the
operation so you don’t puke on the table, or have an unexpected
movement during surgery."
I was shocked then, but I just nodded. “No enemas ?” I asked.
My dad nodded. "One 2 quart soap and then salt water until
you're clean, like at the Doc’s office.”
I guess I teared up. Bad as I hated the catheter, I had hated
the enemas worse. I guessed that Chad had had his done before I
got there to spy on him. I wondered where Robby’s friend was.
Probably behind that door by the stairs, sleeping it off. They’d
all go out to work, then I’d find out.
But as they finished and filed out, leaving me on dish duty
again, Jimmy stayed behind. “I have to watch you, “ he said, “make
sure you don’t eat.”
“I know what they’re gonna do to me, “ I said boldly.
Jimmy looked shocked.
“Well you’re a eunuch, aren’t you, cousin ? Robby is, and he
says Travis is too.”
Jimmy ran a slim, long-fingered hand over his smooth chin.
It was obvious he had never shaved his face. He was almost 17. He
nodded. “Since I was eleven or so. You gotta keep in shape, man,
watch what you eat and stuff, work out. Uncle cooks a lot, but
it’s good healthy food. You work it off here and you’ll be fine.
Just don’t expect to go back to the city and eat burgers and fries
and live the good life. You can’t do that now. Just stay here
with us and enjoy the peace and quiet. You don’t, uh, play
with ‘it’ do you ? " he asked cautiously.
I mutely nodded. Surely he knew the mechanics of it by his
age, eunuch or not.
Jimmy shook his head. “You come yet ?”
I shook my head. He smiled. “Good thing, they say it’s
addictive.”
“Cousin, “ I asked, as we finished the dishes, “how many are
there ?”
“Well, you know the whole clothes thing, right, the white/blue
and khakis ?”
I nodded.
“I can drive. Let’s go to town and you can see for yourself.
This family isn't the only one. I know where the gas stations all
are so you can go if you have to, I know they shot your NG full of
laxatives in prep for tonight.”
We left in Jimmy’s car, a pristine 1977 Pontiac Grand Prix he
had restored over the years. It was black and sounded fast.
School hadn’t started yet, so we went by the park. It was about a
half hour drive into town, but we didn’t talk. Almost
rebelliously, he turned on the stereo and hard rock music came
blaring out the speakers. We jammed. It felt good to hear loud
music again. "Just remember, " he pointed out, "we DID NOT do
this."
When we got there, I was a bit impressed. The town park had a
large playground and golf course. There was even a public pool.
Jimmy pointed out boys of varying ages and their blue shirts. The
boys not dressed “in white” were first sons, he said. He also
pointed out a large number of white-shirted boys. I was stunned.
A good 7 of 10 we saw were in white. There didn't seem to be a
swimsuit rule about color, but with the fashion tending towards
big, you couldn't tell. We drove around, stopped once at a gas
station since the ‘Prix’ as Jimmy called it was a gashog, and
continued on home. All the boys I had seen were dressed alike, in
white or blue ... it was like something out of a bad late-night
movie, Village of the Damned or something. Once home, the NG juice
proceeded to tear me up. I was out of commission for a while.
Finally, I got brave and asked to see Chad.
“You know ?!”
I nodded. “I watched, I hid.” I replied.
Jimmy blew air through his teeth in a whistle. “Man don’t
tell anyone THAT. C’mon.”
"I still can't believe this, " I told him.
"Believe it, cousin. It's been this way for a LONG time."
"WHY ?" I demanded.
Jimmy looked me helplessly and shook his head. "I dunno. It
just is."
"Hell of a birthday present for turning 11, " I
retorted, “Happy Birthday to me, etc., now blow out all your
candles so we can cut your genitals off, son.”
My cousin didn’t reply.
He led me to the locked first floor door and we went in. He
had a key. Down the hall we turned. The lights were dimmed, and
Chad had been moved to another large part of the room I had not
seen. He was in a bed, covered with a blanket. The room was still
warm and he was sleeping peacefully. “I have to change his
bandages anyway, “ Jimmy said, “and he won’t wake up for a long
time.”
I watched in fascination as my cousin tended to Chad, knowing
that I would be laying there tonight unless I found a way out.
Chad looked the same, only bruised and swollen in his now-empty
crotch. The catheter exited his body much lower than mine, but
then I still had my penis. And I wanted to keep it. I might be
gaining weight and growing here, and having a better upbringing,
but I KNEW I did NOT want to be a eunuch even if the whole damn
family and most of the townsfolk were. I wondered if they taught
eunuch history in school. I had read about Chinese eunuchs and
Italian castrati on the Internet and in the library, also Arab
slavers. I remember first reading about it and how it freaked me
out, but I had no idea anyone was still doing it.
Jimmy worked fast. It was evident he had done this before.
“They always do it here ? “ I asked.
"Where ?" he answered.
"HERE in this monster of a house you guys live in."
“Yes, “ he replied, finishing up his wrapping job, this
is ‘the’ house.”
Chad moaned, but didn't wake up. Jimmy checked his IV drip,
shot some juice of some kind up his NG tube, and adjusted his
blanket. He laid a hand across the unconscious eunuch's forehead
to check for fever. I watched closer as he did. His hand lingered
there just a moment, in a sort of protective gesture. I made a
mental study of Chad's face ... I hadn't really looked at him
closely before, but then for some reason I did. He was a light
shade of brown, and his face was unblemished. It was so ...
perfect. I didn't know the word then but I do recall thinking he
looked like a magazine model. He had the looks for it. We left
then.
When we got back to the foyer, I came right out and said
it. “Jimmy, I don’t wanna be a eunuch.”
He shrugged.
“Nothing you can do about it, cousin. You’re next in line.”
“But ... but, I’m my dad’s only son.” That thought came to me
and I thought I had found a way out.
Jimmy sighed. “I overheard my dad talking once. You were an
accident. You know how they view that around here ? It doesn't -
hell it CAN'T happen that often, but somehow it did. Your dad was
a first son, he had to be. Chad was too, and a biracial one at
that. Hell they wanted to ship him off to Siberia when he was
born. There's always talk about local girls going on down to the
truckstop at I-53. I'm sure they do, since there isn't that much
action for any of them around this town. Anyway, I’m sorry, Sam,
but you don’t count as a first son. You’re dad got married, did
the right thing, but the news got out. Your dad left with her
for the city soon as she told him she was pregnant. Hell, it would
have led to a crucifixion if he hadn't ! I don’t know why your mom
died when she did, but she did and here you both are. Uncle Fred,
your dad, was here some years ago. He didn’t want to expose you to
it then. He knew what he did was wrong. I guess it all just
caught up with him, and now he’s back here where he belongs, with
us. He was forgiven.”
My cousin's voice had taken on an ominous tone. Obviously he
believed every word that had no doubt been preached at him since he
was little about sin, fornication , etc.
I still had one question. "Jimmy, if my dad married your
dad's sister, where are my paternal side uncles ?"
"You had one, " he replied, "He committed suicide when he was
15."
I said nothing. I was spending a lot of time stunned. About
then I had another round of running to the bathroom. It was a long
day. I got no lunch, only water. The laxatives finally gave up
around 4 p.m. I spent the day cleaning up, working around the
house, and talking to Jimmy. He told me he didn’t know how it
started, or why they still did it. It just WAS. There were
plenty of kids who needed to be adopted, and a great deal of them
were sent to this town. I wondered how many families were genetic
ones and how many weren’t. This idea of 'spies' from this town
being out there abroad and shipping boys here came to mind. I also
had to try and get it OFF my mind. The whole thought of it was
making me a nervous wreck. I had come to the conclusion that that
night I was running away, on foot if need be. We were upstairs
playing Death Race 3000 on my PC, which still had no INTERNET when
they all came in for supper; which I would get none of. I got my
usual glass of water, but realized too late that something was in
it. I was back in my room about to face the Demon Racer of Level 9
when I started getting blurry vision. The last thing I remember
was a grim voice saying "GAME OVER."
I woke up to a foul smell in the surgical room, all my plans
destroyed. I was strapped to the exam table as Chad had been, but
Chad had been moved again. I looked around, but didn't see him. I
was coming around fast, and I began to struggle. Dad was there,
behind me, waving something under my nose. “Don’t fight it, Sam,
please.”
I was a smelling salt. I felt my eyes tearing up; at least
they could have left me knocked out to mutilate me.
I couldn’t hold it any longer. I lashed out verbally at him,
screaming for help as he settled the ball gag into my mouth and
pulled it tight. I couldn’t move. My cries for help were
muffled. Uncles Harlan and Ray were there then, coming in through
the side door. They had the stuff for the cleaning out I was going
to get, and they got to it. It went just like the doctors’ office
had, only I couldn’t get up. They just lowered the table to the
floor drain and rinsed me off. When I was ready, they put the IV
in and I felt my body relaxing. I was still awake though. That
was when I realized that Chad, Jimmy, Robby, and maybe Travis had
been as well. Dad seemed to know what I was thinking. “You were
conceived in sin, son. This has to be done. You can’t be allowed
to commit the same acts. You’ll be safe from all that filth now,
disinterested, incapable. Being a eunuch is the best thing for
you, really. And you won't get the bad side-effects like hot
flashes. You won't even go through puberty. No voice change,
acne, anxiety, carnal urges ... Please trust me, ” he begged.
I remember crying, shaking my head. Robby and Jimmy were
there, but it didn’t help. I guess they figured Travis was too
young to watch. The doctor came a bit later and checked me over.
He said I was ready.
The worst part, aside from knowing that my strange family was
going to take my impending manhood away from me, was the fact that
although I’d never really whacked off to an orgasm, I knew all
about it and really was looking forward to trying. I'd seen plenty
of late night movies when dad also forgot to rescramble the pay
channels, so sex was something I at least knew the mechanics of. I
had had it all planned. I figured I might be able to take Jimmy’s
Grand Prix and run for it. It had a tilt wheel and a power seat so
I could reach the pedals. I figured I could drive slow at night
until I found an out of town cop. Now that idea was shot. I just
laid there and gave up. I was caught. I remember I started fully
sobbing and dad held my hand.
It went just the same as Chad’s had, the nullification I had
spied on. Chad, I thought, took it much better than I did. He was
prepared. I had seen it, but I didn’t want it. I figured most of
the boys and men around here expected it. It was their way, the
way they were raised - my own Dad included. Still, I didn’t want
it. This was my dad’s idea of relaxation, peace and quiet, and I
was going to get it whether I wanted it or not.
I felt the sting of the needles, and the spreading numbness.
I watched as the doctor opened my scrotum just the same as Chad’s.
He used the same cauterizing scalpel, the same smell was evident.
By the time he had me castrated, something inside of me had given
up. They had a pillow under my head so I could see them work on me
and I was fascinated. I knew he was going for my penis next, so
I’d be just like the rest of them - "all my problems smoothed out"
as the doctor said it. He ran the scalpel around the base of my
small prick just as he had Chad's. I watched it slide off of me
and down the cath, but I couldn’t watch him finish me up. That odor
from the heated scalpel was beginning to get to me, and I
understood why I had to have an empty stomach; I felt like throwing
up anyway. I heard as my dad softly asked him to work slowly and
do a good job. The doctor nodded, and he did work slower on me.
Or maybe it just seemed to take forever. Looking back, hell I
don’t know, I'd never been nullified before. When he was done,
he held a mirror up so I could see after he had rinsed the area.
One row of small black stitches running vertically. I looked up at
the ceiling at sighed deeply. It was over. I wasn't a boy
anymore. “Finest piece of work I may have yet done, “ he
complimented himself. At that point, and seeing my manhood laying
on a tray in a dish beside me, I passed out.
I woke up to find that I’d been asleep for about a week. So
had Chad, and they'd moved him into my large room. Seemed the
mansion was running low on space. He was more healed than I was,
just a bit, since he had been more robust to begin with and was
healthier overall. I was glad of the company though. Our bandages
were changed every day and we were sponge-bathed, which was
painful, but I guess somehow we endured it. There were pain meds,
NG injections, Doc hovering over us, etc. After two weeks had gone
by, we were both getting bored of just laying around sleeping and
healing. Robby was frequently excused from work to be our company
for the day and watch us. There were no complications, other than
slight fever and a bit of swelling, as the Doc had predicted that
there wouldn’t be. I came to learn from my Great Uncle Harlan that
it always hadn’t been so easy when he was young. The belief, he
said, had been there since the town was founded. His own
grandfather, he said, remembered it being commonplace even when he
was a boy. What scared me was how he had said, "We didn't have all
them fancy drugs and pain pills back then either."
I wondered how many didn’t' make it back then.
I also wondered HOW they did it back then, and decided I
didn’t want to know.
In the days that followed, they got my INTERNET hooked up and
in three weeks we were allowed to sit up in chairs for limited
times. All I could get was a 28.8 kbps connection, which wasn’t
exactly DSL speed, but it WAS better than nothing at all. We
looked up everything we could find on eunuchs. Seems that a lot of
cultures used them, but the most we found on nullo’s like us was in
the Chinese culture. We also found a huge website dedicated to
modifying the body, both men and women, but decided no one was
going to believe our story so we just read it and Dad let us order
some T-shirts - white of course. It was all fascinating reading.
I was still a bit angry at my dad for setting me up, bringing me
here, but then I thought of the things that I’d miss out on. Cable
TV, travel, room service, all the city shops, the winos, muggers,
junkies, sirens ... I WAS getting used to it here, after all, and I
felt better. And I wasn’t alone.
By the end of the fourth week, the doctor examined and
pronounced us healed up enough to resume our normal lives - if you
could call it that - with limited straining work. I was introduced
to the basics of working a farm, and found I like driving heavy
equipment. There were a few casualties, namely the tree next to
the barn and part of its wall, but we fixed that . When we were
off duty, we rode our bikes into town to find entertainment during
off times. It was, after all, a large enough town to have some
entertainments. There was an arcade with old games I had not seen
in years, a big pizza place, and a skating rink with a bike track.
My cousins all warned me not to get too fond of the local pizza or
I’d ‘blimp out’ fast. I guess I didn’t realize how much I was
changing until Jimmy pointed it out to me. For one thing, I wasn’t
nearly as strung-out as I had been when we arrived. That and I was
looking a lot better.
Denny had come home from school like every other weekend, but
we had yet to meet. Our schedules just hadn't crossed. Hell, we’d
been asleep almost every time, and he was told, I guess, not to
bother us. Robby said he’d been informed and was anxious to meet
me. We were all sitting on the porch one Friday evening, watching
the sun set when he pulled up. He drove a Red Jeep that looked
really cool and had loud pipes. It seemed mechanical work ran in
the family. He got out and came up the steps, hand extended. I
could see the body hair on his arm and his face that needed a
shave. He had broad shoulders and a rich baritone voice. I
couldn’t help but wonder what that belt looked like, but I wasn’t
rude enough to ask. I was just happy to have it all over with and
have the damn tubes all out of me finally.
That night, after supper, he said he wanted to clean up and
such. Uncle Ray pulled a key off of his keyring and handed it to
Jimmy. “You all may was well use the big shower room off next to
the cuttin' room, save on the water. Make sure he don’t go playin’
with anything, boys.” Somehow it sounded funny, him calling
us ‘boys’ now. I look back and realize that it didn’t take long
for my thought processes to change. It had been almost five weeks
and I still found myself putting my hand down there, wondering what
it used to feel like. I still, out of habit, was going to the
bathroom and lifting the seat - and then lowering it again ...
Anyway, we went in. I had never seen the 'big' shower room, but it
looked like any other shower house I had ever seen. I couldn't
really see a reason for it, but then it dawned on me that some days
we were bound to be dirtier than others and it saved tracking
through the huge house and up and down the staircases. It also
connected to the laundry room. Denny stripped off and he looked
like he was wearing a black jockstrap, only the thing was much
heavier looking and tight fitting. It totally encased his genitals
so that there was no way he could even touch them. I wondered what
he did when he had an itch.
He was covered in a moderate coat of black hair, coarse
looking, which contrasted his whiter looking skin. I figured he
spent a great deal of his time indoors, studying and not partying -
for obvious reasons. His dark hair was cut in what he called
an "Ivy League" cut, and my Uncles called a "fancy college boy
doo." Despite the wisecracks, I could tell they were proud of
him. He was near the top of his class, he said. He had a fine
body, not overly heavy in muscles but he certainly had enough of
them. It was a sort of painful reminder as to what we weren't
going to grow into.
Jimmy took the key and inserted it right into the lock in the
front. I heard a click and the leg straps and front clasp popped
open to allow my oldest cousin to get out of his captivity. All
those years, I thought, growing up into a man and not even SEEING
yourself change. He slid the belt off, dropped it, and soaped up
quick, rinsed and just leaned against the wall for a moment,
soaking up steam. His package looked like it was normal to me, at
least from what I'd seen on late night cable. He started getting
an erection, which I guessed was natural considering he was
showering with five eunuchs who held the key to his belt. He
looked at it, didn’t touch it, and picked up a towel. He dried
himself off, muttering about 7 inches of useless stuff. What got
me was how big his balls were and how they just hung lower and
lower the hotter it got in the room. The belt also looked like it
offered protection, which he said it did. He hadn’t taken a hit to
those balls since he was eleven and had been 'locked up' as he
called it. Once he was dry, he rather regretfully put it back on.
He made some adjustments, and then the CLICK told us that it was
locked on again and he was safe from himself and the evils which he
might commit.
Chad went back home the next day, riding his bike and wearing
a white T. It contrasted his darker skin and with his head buzzed
like it was, he really looked good. I’d talked him into getting at
least his left ear pierced, and the gold stud he chose really set
him off. The lady at the local jewelry store had been a bit
surprised, but once she saw me and said, “Ah, the city boy, “ she
up and just pierced Chad with no problem. He had a perfect face, I
thought, and just looking at him stirred something in me that I
didn’t really understand. He hadn't been spending as much time as
he wanted at our place as his mother was taken ill. It wasn't long
afterwards that she was hospitalized, and it didn't look good.
Chad, by default, sort of wound up back with us. It was a terrible
thing to say, but none of his mom's family wanted him and no one
knew who his dad was. Of course, after finally getting up the
nerve to ask my dad, he just laughed. "There's always a place for
one more, here, Sam." he said softly. Then I told him how I felt,
really FELT, about Chad. I tried to explain it the best I could.
I guess I didn’t do a very good job of it. I had never seen him
laugh so hard. His face was getting red and I thought he was
having one of those "flashes" they all talked about.
“Sam, “ he said between gasps for air, “What you’re
describing is affection. I think you LIKE Chad ! “ I was taken by
that remark. True, he looked good and I liked being around him.
He wasn't like my friends I had left behind in the city. He was
different. I often caught myself staring at him, wondering what
that darker toned skin of his felt like. I asked him about it
once, right before school began. He just grinned and flushed a
bit. He spent the night at our huge place more and more and not
just the weekends; finally, one night as we were getting ready for
bed, I put my hand on the back of his stubbled head and pulled him
close. I still hadn't caught him in growth. I looked up into
those deep black eyes of his and at that glittering gold earring
and on impulse, kissed him on the mouth. He didn’t fight it. I
had this strange feeling inside, like I remembered having when I
was watching those late movies, but this time it was almost
painful. I realized that if I still had a penis, it would have
been hard. I realized a great deal of things in that moment. When
I pulled away, Chad was smiling, but there was also a sadness in
those deep, dark eyes
“There’s nothing we can DO together you know, “ he said
wistfully.
“I know, “ I replied, but I ... I just had .. well ... to do
that, " thankful that he hadn't pushed me away.
“I thought we weren’t supposed to have this happen, “ Chad
said softly.
“I don’t know, maybe it takes a little longer to fade
off, “ I replied, wondering if it would, hoping it wouldn’t, yet
fearful that it might stay and leave us both with nothing we could
do about it and a ton of frustration.
Chad looked wistful for a moment, then said, “You know,
sometimes I kinda miss whacking off, but not much.” We both
laughed at that.
But what if it wasn’t just a passing thing or a random
impulse ? They said we wouldn’t develop those sorts of urges, but
it had just happened. I mean, looking back now, I laugh, but I
had just kissed him, and liked it. I wanted to do it again. Hell,
I wanted to touch him. I was so confused.
I reluctantly told dad about it one night while I was being
put to bed. It was weighing heavily on my mind and I had to get it
out into the open. It was almost time for school, and Chad wasn't
there that night. His mother had taken a bad turn. Dad laughed
and said it was sort of funny that his own son, a eunuch, would
have turned out gay if he hadn’t been cut.
“But doesn’t what I did make me gay all the same ?” I asked.
He thought for a moment, and then said, “I don’t know. You
kissed a eunuch - once. Can you really be a gay when you're a
eunuch, Sam ? I mean to say, you aren’t exactly ‘male’ anymore.”
I shrugged my shoulders and just waited.
“There’s nothing wrong with a bit of affection, you know.
People develop feelings, man, woman or eunuch. It’s natural. And
love isn’t the same as carnal lust, is it ?”
I didn’t really know how to answer. He left me thinking
about being a full eunuch who was having affectionate feelings for
another full eunuch.
As more time passed by me, I started filling out quite well
over that endless summer. I grew three inches and gained fifteen
pounds, most of it muscle. I didn’t think eunuchs could get
muscular, but there was something about Uncle Harlan’s diet plan
and the work that kept us all fit. I was even off my allergy meds
and hadn't been sick once. School was going to start up as usual,
and school clothes were no different, only newer and clean. The
apprehension was the same. The day before the first day, I
remember standing in front of my mirror, severe buzz and earrings,
bright white T and khaki shorts. We were allowed the brown thick-
soled sandals or white tennis shoes for school. I opted for the
sandals. I thought I looked pretty good. I had even tanned from
working outdoors, although I still wasn't and wouldn't ever be as
dark as Chad. I wondered what would happen when winter came, and
what had become of that pale, sickly looking shrimp of a boy who
had found himself here in the middle of the night so long ago.
I was brought out of my reverie by the sound of Jimmy's Grand
Prix coming up the lane. The car had a one-of-a-kind sound to it.
I ran to my window and looked down. He stopped by the porch, and
both doors opened. The passenger door opened slower, and my heart
skipped when I saw Chad get out. But his head was down, and he had
a large bag as well as his backpack. Jimmy was carrying two other
bags. The trunk deck was popped.
I knew what had happened.
I met them in the vestibule. Chad lifted that perfect face of
his to meet my gaze, his black eyes brimming with unshed tears.
Jimmy stepped by us and went on up the stairs with Chad's luggage.
I knew where it was going, and I didn't mind. We just stood there
for a few moments, taking each other in. He took a tentative step
forward and I extended my hand, new callouses and all. He took it,
hard, and pulled me close. He buried his face in my shoulder and
let go to a series of deep, painful sobs. I could feel his tears
soaking my white T, but I didn’t' mind. I wished I was taller.
After what seemed like hours, he pulled back, placing his hands on
my shoulders. "I don't know where I'll be going." he almost
choked. “No one wants me.”
Then my dad and Uncles were there. "You've gone as far as
you're going, youngin', " Uncle Harlan announced in that one-of-a-
kind voice of his. Chad just stared at them, embarrassed at being
caught crying. He didn't get it.
"You're staying here with me, " I told him.
"With US, " Uncle Ray corrected.
I remember it got sort of overly emotional and gushy right
about then.
We all skipped the first day of school to bury Chad's mom, and
at a great and scandalous argument at the cemetery, laid her to
rest INSIDE the fence, facing East, awaiting the Second Coming.
Then we took Chad home.
Home ... where there was peace and quiet.
We all had school in the morning.
They put us all to bed a bit earlier that night, backpacks
filled and ready to go, new white T’s and shorts set out in
advance. As usual, my Dad came in to see us to bed, which we
weren’t in yet. Chad was brushing his teeth, and I was just coming
out of the bathroom from showering. We all just sort of stopped
for a moment, then I realized I was naked. I hadn’t thought a
thing about it. Both of them looked at me, then looked me in the
face. It was Chad who spoke first. “You healed up a bit smoother
than I did, Sam, “ with a grin playing at the corners of his
mouth. I know I blushed. I could feel the heat rising. “It’s a
fine piece of work, Sam. Nothing to be embarrassed about at all, “
my Dad supplied. I remember I looked down too, remembered what I
had had, and suddenly didn’t mind it at all. Chad tossed me my
white nightshirt, I pulled it on, and on the way to my own bed, he
pulled me close and hugged me. I returned the favor. There
probably hadn’t been much affection in Chad’s life, but he sure had
it now. I heard my Dad say, “You and your brother get to bed,
school in the morning.” And it made me feel warm inside. I had
always wanted a bigger family. I hated being alone so much.
We got on the school bus around 7:30 A.M. and had an hour or
so ride. We picked up a lot of other students. The girls here, I
found, were unusually friendly, unlike the ones I had known in the
city. I kept hearing the phrase , “Check out the new kid.” Maybe
it was because they knew that a boy in white wasn’t a threat to
them and didn’t want anything. Maybe it was because I looked a bit
different than the rest; I still wasn’t that big for my age yet,
although I was slowly getting there. There were other boys though,
that we knew, who weren’t wearing white and were probably very
frustrated. I often wondered which was worse at first - castration
or a belt. I didn’t really like the belt idea, the more I thought
about it. Having my head rubbed was quickly getting on my nerves,
though. No one would have done that in the city, I thought - then
remembered, I wasn’t there anymore.
I had sort of a rough first term, but you usually do in a new
school. It settled down a bit when people found out where I
lived. It was always amusing to see one of my tormentors brought
to the huge old house over the summer. It seemed my family
enjoyed a bit of celebrity in this town; I was also stunned to find
out one day that Doc was actually some sort of 2nd cousin removed
so many times or something. Still, I had my direct cousins and
Chad, and Travis, being a few grades down, had a few other friends
who were intact boys, not yet old enough for belts. In fact, I
think he was the only one in white in his class. On weekends and
breaks, that huge old house of ours was usually crowded with stray
kids, and Uncle Harlan was in his element every night as he served
meal after meal of unbelievable proportions. Seems that in rural
areas, there’s always someone who has the house where all the
friends hang out. In my case, it was our place.
We joined all the clubs that jr. hi. had to offer, and were
especially fond of the new school’s swim team. This little town
was moving right on up in the world, it seemed. I could go on for
a long time about that, needless to say, the blue speedo-type’s
they made us wear for the team swims were tight and there was no
doubt as to who was a eunuch and who wasn’t ! I still got a laugh
out of the shower-time anxiety though. You could always tell who
was used to it and who wasn’t.
In time, my grades went up and I continued to improve
physically. Seemed that everything they had told me about life
here had been right.
My dad still came to see me off to sleep every night, and Chad
as well since we shared a room, and I wondered how our lives had
ever gone on before without the bond that we now had. How many of
those forehead kisses had I missed out on all those years ?
We finally had peace and quiet at last, and I understood it.