My Friend John's Testis (true story)

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My Friend John's Testis
2000 Personal Account
(March 2000) I am submitting this story in remembrance of my friend 
John's testis. It was a prank gone awry. It was two years ago, and 
I was working in the office. As usual, my boss was being a dick, 
but this day was different. I could quit this job today, because I 
had an offer from a rival company. It was my turn to get him back 
for being a dick. 
I waited until he left his office on a bathroom break, and sneaked 
in with a small tube of superglue. I delicately applied a bead of 
adhesive to the rim of his coffee cup. I knew that I only had 20 
seconds or so before the glue set. I guess it was one of 
those "Maybe I'll get him and maybe I won't" kind of opportunities. 

Just as I stepped out of the office, my friend John, who hates the 
boss just as much as I do, stepped in and, to my horror, began to 
urinate into the coffee. This was extremely unfortunate for John. 
Not only did the boss catch him, but he could not remove his balls 
from the superglued cup. 

I stood in the crowd of onlookers as paramedics arrived and loaded 
up poor John. I rushed to the hospital to see how he was doing. 
When I got there, I had to wait for about two hours before I could 
sneak in with his wife to see him. I was ready to confess, or at 
least I thought I was. 

I asked John how he was doing, and what the doctors had done to 
help him. He explained that when the boss walked in on him, he 
quickly tried to pull the coffee cup away, but instead ripped his 
scrotum right open. Struck with fear, he fainted. When he awoke, 
the doctor told him that one testis and a quarter of his scrotum 
had to be removed. Then the doctor read him a fax from the boss 
stating that he was fired. 

I then said what any man would have felt compelled to say in this 
situation. "Tough break," I said, and then I went on my way. 

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Submitted by: Mike Borquez at [email protected]