Looking at Reality

Once I started down this path, there was no turning back.

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Looking at reality

Looking back maybe it was something I could have stopped, but this 
powerful force kept pushing me, relentlessly pushing me. I became 
helpless, like another had possessed my body.  Who knows, but for 
whatever reason, my genitals are gone. GONE!!

You're probably saying to yourself "Yea Right".  Well your entitled 
to your opinion, but I'm the one without my cock and balls.  It all 
started about four years ago.  Before then I enjoyed having my 
genitals tortured, modified and permanently pierced.  I belonged to 
a couple of S/M clubs and allowed any top who was interested to use 
me for an evening's pleasure.  I'd been shaved, tied up, whipped, 
and fisted on numerous occasions.  I enjoyed these sessions very 
must and I hoped the tops did as well.  I'm a true bottom and even 
though my cock stayed hard when I was in a session, if someone 
wanted me to fuck him it went limp as a dishrag. Something in my 
brain just clicked and said not even Charlie. Thankfully, that kind 
of request didn't come up too much with the crowd I liked to hang 
out with. Everyone knew I was bottom material and accepted the 
fact.  I met a number of hot looking guys at the gym and on the 
beach that propositioned me, especially if they saw me with a 
hardon. I always explained to them before I went home, I was 
strictly bottom material and if they wanted my cock up their ass, 
it wasn't going to happen. A number of them thought I'd change my 
mind after they sucked and chewed on my boner, but as soon as they 
put a rubber on it and went to set down it turned into a noodle.  
As more and more permanent piercings were inserted and the AID's 
epidemic spread, I found fewer sessions and everywhere I turned it 
was safe sex, safe sex.  Having my nuts squeezed and pounded on 
occasion while being fucked with a condom was good, but not the 
adrenaline rush I craved.  And in all fairness, getting older was 
another factor.  Even though I stay fit, I'm not twenty anymore 
either.  

While on vacation about five years ago, I met a really hot looking 
man in an S/M bar in San Francisco who asked me what my interests 
were.  Since I was on vacation, even though I hadn't gone into the 
bar with the intention of meeting someone, I was interested in 
connecting. I had gotten up early that morning and been sightseeing 
and enjoyed looking at all the hot men running around in skimpy 
shorts and no shirts, or open vests.  I knew I drifted into the gay 
session of town, because I saw more and more sex shops and the 
occasional bar.  It was about 2 in the afternoon when I went in for 
a cold beer.  He was setting at the end of the bar and I scoped him 
out, as any gay guy would do if they're still breathing.  I drank a 
couple of beers, went to the head, and while I was draining my 
bladder, he walked up beside me.  He checked my cock out while I 
checked his.  I was impressed.  Even semi-soft his cock looked to 
be about an 8"x6" and uncut. He didn't say anything, just smiled.  
I zipped up, washed my hands and went back to the bar to finish my 
drink.  

He came out a few minutes later and nodded to me to sit with him at 
one of the back booths.  I was a little surprised but what the 
hell, I was on vacation and had time to kill, and he was one hot 
looking man.  So, I picked up my beer and walked back to the back.  
He introduced himself as Snake and asked me what I was into.  So I 
told him as honestly as I knew how, what really turned me on. I 
told him my cock and balls were heavily pierced and I loved being 
fisted and having my genitals tortured. He smiled a somewhat evil 
little smile and said it must be his lucky day, because he loved 
nothing better than making a bottom scream with pain while he 
worked their cock and balls over.  He told me if I was really 
serious, he had the time and the place to give me what I wanted.  I 
should have said no, but his manner told me he was a no bullshit 
guy and knew what he was doing. So I got up and said I'm ready when 
you are.  Again, with that evil smile he got up and we walked out 
of the bar.



We must have walked about 20 minutes before we arrived at his 
place.  He showed me the sights as we walked and I had no idea 
where we were once we got to his place.  We went inside and he led 
the way down the hall to a flight of stairs that led to the 
basement.  He turned on a light at the top of the stair and as my 
eyes adjusted I realized before me was a fully equipped dungeon.    

He turned to me and told me to strip and make myself comfortable.  
He had already begun to remove his clothes, so I stripped as well.  
Naked he walked up to me, kissed me and ran his hand down over my 
body and fondled my cock and balls. He stepped back and smiled 
saying I hadn't been lying about being heavily pierced.  He said he 
was impressed, which pleased me, because I had always been proud of 
my cock and balls, 8"u/c with lemon size nuts in a loose hanging 
sac.  I had 15 rings running down my sac from the base of my cock 
to my ass. Two rings on each side up close to the base of my cock, 
a P/A sticking out of my pee hole and a bar running through the 
head and foreskin and a bar at the base of my cock at the pelvis 
bone. My tits and navel were ringed as well.  As he fondled my 
balls and played with the rings his uncut horse cock rose to an 
impressive 12".  His balls were bigger than mine and looked heavy.  
I asked him if I had permission to service and admire his cock and 
balls.  He nodded and I dropped to my knees and tried to give him 
the best blowjob he'd ever had.  Stuffing something that big down 
my throat wasn't something I was use too and it took all my will 
power to concentrate on breathing and not gagging.  The gagging 
part was probably the easiest, because once his cock was lodged in 
my throat, my thoughts turned to breathing.  I managed to bury my 
nose in his bush and he grabbed my head and started fucking my 
face.  It didn't take long before his cock began to swell and he 
yanked it out and shot six or eight thick gobs of cum all over my 
face.

He pulled me up, kissed me and licked the cum off me before 
directing me over to a table where he told me to lie on my back and 
put my feet in the stirrup's.  He reached up and pulled down an 
enema bag, walked over to the sink and filled it up with water.  He 
returned and inserted the nosal up my ass and began to release the 
water slowly.  While the water was flowing he massaged my stomach 
and played with my cock.  Once the bag was empty he told me to go 
over to the toilet and unload, and he'd fell me up again. He filled 
the bags 3 times before he was satisfied that I was flushed out.  
When I crawled back up on the table he strapped me down and spread 
my legs.  He greased my hole and started working his sheaved cock 
up inside me.  He fucked me, worked my balls over and pulled on my 
tit rings, all the while he was pounding my ass. Believe me, he was 
a good fucker, once he had shot his load, he stripped off the 
condom and dumped the contents on my chest.  He bent over and 
sucked up his cum and kissed me.  At that point I was sure he was 
finished and would release me, a part of me was disappointed 
thinking it was over, but to my surprise he reached over and pulled 
a cart over to the table.  He pulled the towel off and revealed an 
assortment of medical instruments.  He asked me if I had limits and 
shook my head no.  He picked up a sound and slowly greased it and 
started to insert it down my throbbing cock.  He shoved it all the 
way down until it disappeared. He slipped on a rubber glove and 
opened up a can of Crisco. He started working the Crisco up into my 
ass and pushed and pushed until his hand had slipped in and he 
formed a fist inside my ass and began working it in and out. He 
worked his hand up inside my ass until over half his arm was 
buried.  He slowly pulled out and picked up a big dildo about 15" 
long and 3" wide and pushed that back into my hungry whole. He left 
it buried and picked up a strip of rawhide and tied my nuts off 
close to the base, and wrapped the strip in and around my rings, 
until my nuts were pushed down to the bottom of the sac.  They 
started turning dark but he assured me he hadn't cut the 
circulation off.  Next he pulled the sound out and picked up a 
larger one and began working that one back down stretching my 
urethra until it disappeared from sight. He poured alcohol over my 
cock and balls and picked up a large size hat pin and started to 
push it into the side of my left nut and continued until it 
appeared out the right side.  He picked up a second hat pin and 
asked me if I wanted a second one.  I swallowed and nodded as he 
pushed the second through both nuts. My cock was throbbing and on 
the verge of erupting when he pulled my foreskin up over the head 
and began sewing it shut.  That all it took, I shot my load, but it 
was trapped because of the sound wedged deep down my urethra. 

He slowly pulled the hatpins out of my nuts and untied the rawhide 
strip, then cut the threads and pulled the loose ends out of my 
foreskin, before skinning my foreskin back and pulling the sound 
out.  As the sound popped out my cum slowly ran out onto my 
stomach.  He had taken me on an adrenaline high like I never had 
before. He pulled the dildo out, cleaned me up and rubbed ointment 
all over my cock and balls.  He untied the straps and pulled me off 
the table.  He helped me over to a far end of the dungeon and step 
me down on a wooden straight back chair that have a curve cut away 
in the front, which allowed my genitals to hang down over the edge. 
He left me and returned shortly with orange juice and cookies.  He 
asked is I was ok and when I nodded my head he picked up a remote 
control turning on a TV which began playing a video.  At first I 
didn't realize what looked so familiar about the scene unfolding 
before my eyes until I saw my face.  He had taped our session.  
Despite the fact my nuts were sore and drained of their cum, my 
cock came back to life. After the video was over, he asked me if 
I'd like to see something a little more intense, and I said sure.  
Anything of interest he asked? Out of the blue I said "do you have 
anything on genital removal?"  He slipped a video in and I watched 
for the next couple of hours a guy having his nuts and cock 
removed.  I jumped as he reached down between my legs, grabbed mine 
giving them a hard squeeze and said he'd love to make a video of 
mine being removed. I shot all over his arm. He just laughed.

I stayed the night and he walked me back to the bar where we'd met 
and said goodbye.  All the time I spent with him I never felt safer 
in my life and knew he wouldn't do anything to harm me.  He knew I 
wasn't ready to have my genitals removed, but he planted a powerful 
seed.  I returned home and for the next 4 years, I searched the 
Internet, libraries, joined various gay hardcode organizations 
learning all there was to know about castration, nullification, 
penectomies, etc.

I chatted with tons of guys who had the same interest, and shared a 
few experiences, but never felt the same way as when I had been 
with Snake. 

I posted ad's in magazines, personal internet ads, describing my 
interest in being null'd and had given up hope, when one day out of 
the blue I got an e-mail from a guy who said he was experienced and 
if I was still interested and was sure this wasn't some fantasy 
trip, then he was the man for me.

My adrenaline shot up, my cock hardened, my balls drew up close to 
my body and my heart raced.  It took me a whole week to get up the 
courage to answer his e-mail. We corresponded back and forth for a 
couple of months and he said he was scheduled to be in my area of 
the country in a couple of weeks and if I'd like to meet, he would 
be staying at such and such hotel.  He said he would be in the 
hotel bar setting at a back table wearing jeans and a rawhide 
shirt.  He gave me his hotel phone number and told me the dates 
he'd be in town.  I called several times and there wasn't an 
answer.  So around 8pm I called from across the street and he 
picked up the phone.  At first my mouth went dry, but he called me 
by name and that jolted me out of my silence.  I asked him if he 
still wanted to met and he said he'd be in the bar waiting for me.

It took me another half-hour before I got the courage to force 
myself to walk across the street and into the bar.  It was easy to 
recognize him.   He had long blond hair, a cowboy hat, the rawhide 
shirt and jeans.  I felt like I floated across the room and stood 
before him being stripped naked by his deep blue eyes.  He stood up 
and introduced himself, asked me to set, and waved to the bartender 
for a drink order. I ordered a beer and we make polite talk until 
the drinks arrived.  He 
finally leaned over and asked if I was still looking to have my 
genitals removed.  I swallowed and said yes.  He handed me a form 
and asked me to read over it and come back in the morning around 
7am with the form if I wanted his services.  I took the form, 
thanked him and left.  My hands were shaking really bad by the time 
I got home, but I arrived safely and read the form over and over 
again.  It was a standard disclaimer and that I was doing this of 
my own free will and was of sound mind, the last part of the form 
was a blank page asking me to identify my sexual orientation and 
any kind of request I had in regards to how I'd like the scene to 
be played out. I arrived early and when he opened the door he was 
naked except for a towel.  He invited me in and I handed him the 
signed forms without taking my eyes off his body.  He was truly a 
blond Adonis.  He told me to have a seat and he picked up a video 
and put it in the recorder.  He told me this was of his last 
operation.  He asked me to strip so he could see what I had to 
offer him and he removed the towel. He read my form with some 
interest and said everything I asked for was within reason.  He 
himself wasn't gay, but he was bi enough to be able to comply with 
my wishes. He told me his fee and the dates he would be available.  
He told me for a total nullification I'd have to be stay with him 
for at least 2 weeks in order for him to make sure I was healing 
and didn't leave with any infections.  He examined me and fondled 
my heavily pierced balls and stroked my cock until I got hard. He 
smiled and said it would be a pleasure to take my genitals, but 
there probably wouldn't be much left once he finished.  He leaned 
in toward my face and told me to suck him off as a sign of good 
will.  Yea right!!  As I started sucking him off his cock grew to 
about 8 to 9 inches and within a matter of minutes I had a mouth 
full of cum.  He turned the VCR on and I witnessed another cock and 
ball removal.  He was very professional about the removal and I 
felt more at ease.  He had packed his bags and was ready to leave 
as the video finished.  He asked me if I had any questions and the 
only thing that came to mind was why he did this type of work and 
what was in it for him.  He said he had been a med student for a 
number of years, but flunked out, so this was a way for him to keep 
his hand in medicine so to speak, kept him in pocket money, and 
gave him an opportunity to serve a limited but growing group of 
men.  It actually made him feel superior to us, once he'd taken our 
worthless genitals.

He told me to send him e-mail whenever I was ready and what date 
range I wanted. He took the video tape out, packed it in his 
suitcase, shook my hand and left.  

Three weeks later I'm spread eagle on a table with him cutting away 
my manhood.  I arrived around 9pm in the evening, he drove me to 
his home, told me to strip and get ready to surrender my balls 
immediately.  He strapped me down to the table,  took out all my 
piercings, scrubbed my cock and balls, and put a hot towel around 
my nuts to loosen the sac. He waited about 10 minutes, asked if I 
was ready and picked up the scalpel and split open my sac running 
the scalpel around  close to the base of my cock .  He pulled my 
nuts out, pulled on the cords, tied them off, nailed them to a 
cutting board and sliced the cords. He bandaged what was left of my 
sac and told me he'd return in a few hours to remove my cock.  He 
put a sheet over me and left.  He came back a number of times to 
check on how I was doing.  Finally he came in with another tray and 
said it was time for the grand finale. He inserted a tube down my 
cock before he sliced the skin all around my cock, cut the 
ligaments, skinned my cock back exposing the shaft and pulled the 
cock core away from my body. He tied the root, sliced away the 
urethra and cut the shaft slipping it up the tube.  In a matter of 
hours I'd allowed myself to be null'd.  The rest of the time was 
relocating the urethra and closing the wound with the remaining 
skin.  He gave me a sedative and I was out in a matter of minutes.

Those next two weeks were somewhat unreal.  Every time I looked at 
my crotch I just wanted to cry.  The incision looked truly ugly and 
the skin was black and blue.  He assured me it would improve with 
time and not to worry.   In the meantime, I serviced him whenever 
he requested.  Going on the third week I started to feel better, 
the bruises had begun to fade and he removed the stitches.  The 
incision was a lot smaller and I was sure it wouldn't show much.  
The last evening he popped a video into the recorder and I saw my 
whole genital removal up close. I noticed he got an instance hard 
on as soon as he began cutting.  He got up once the video had 
finished and opened a cabinet selecting a jar from the top shelf.  
There my genitals were floating around.  He had reinserted the 
rings back in the sac, put some fake nuts inside the sac and sewed 
it closed. Each nut was still impaled on the nail, lying on the 
bottom of the jar. He had stuffed my cock skin and it looked like a 
stuffed sausage.  My exposed cock shaft was lying down between the 
nuts with the big P/A sticking out the head.  I was speechless.  He 
told me mine was one of the better operations and he was pleased 
with the results. The next day I was on a plane and home to a new 
live.
He did give me a copy of the video, and for some morbid reason I 
play it every once and a while.  To be honest, it really turns me 
on; my prostate is still active and working a big dildo up my butt, 
still gives me great pleasure.  

Maybe one day, I'll meet someone who's as turned on to my 
nullification as I am.