Dear Dr. Deely;

When our son was an infant we were desperately poor and sold his breeding rights to another couple. We intended to have him castrated before puberty but neglected to do so. He is now fifteen, unaware that he is non-breedable, and is starting to assert him self as a breeder. Is it too late to have him castrated, or must he be exiled?

Signed: Concerned Parents.

Dear Concerned Parents;

The operation can be done at any age but is more stressful and causes greater pain to post-pubescent males. The biggest risk here is that your son could accidentally father a child and make criminals of you and your husband as well as himself. An unfortunate side affect of castrations performed after puberty is sexual frustration, which often leads to mental instability and sometimes even fosters suicidical urges. Also, in rare occasions males castrated after puberty are still capable of erection, which would make removal of the penis necessary as well. This is a much riskier procedure than a simple castration and also results in increased levels of sexual frustration and poor self-esteem. Your son must be castrated immediately and then monitored for at least a month, during which time he should be forced to ejaculate weekly, and the semen monitored for residual sperm. After a month, when the residual testosterone has dissipated from his system, he must be suitably stimulated to assure that he is no longer capable of erection.

Your letter underscores the importance of having all pets and non-breedable children neutered, preferably at a young age.

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Dear Dr. Deely;

My oldest son, a designated breeder, is now seventeen and his younger non-breedable brother is eleven. I am concerned about my oldest son’s lack of interest in breeding. I have stimulated him repeatedly and have coached him in the correct positions and techniques. His practice breeding performances with me are certainly adequate, but he doesn’t really seem to be enjoying the experience, and he actually seems to prefer being with other breeding males his age. I fear that he may not be a capable breeder and am considering having him castrated or sent into exile and re-assigning his breeding rights to his younger brother. Am I being too hasty, or is this a condition that he will eventually outgrow? I need to make a decision rather quickly, as my younger son is rapidly approaching puberty and will soon need to be castrated.

Signed: A Worried Mother.

Dear Worried Mother:

Your concerns are certainly justified, as most young breeders will readily mate with any available female regardless of age or familial status. However, it may just be that your son is uncomfortable relating to you in this manner, so I suggest you pair him with an attractive young female and watch his reaction. If he still shows little or no interest you should have him tested for Homosexuality. Once a common disease, it is now extremely rare, mostly due to the discovery of the drug Fagaway. The test involves monitoring his response when offered the choice between mating with a female or another breeding male his age. If the test is positive for Homosexuality he should be immediately castrated. Exile is not a viable option for your son, as Homosexual men typically have a very limited lifespan when forced into the exile community. Decisions such as this are always difficult, but the welfare of the population as a whole demands that a choice be made, and you must choose which of your sons will be allowed to breed.

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Dear Dr. Deely;

My non-breedable son just turned thirteen and is about to enter puberty. Friends have told me that his penis will be much larger and he will have better muscular structure if I wait another year before having him castrated. I am inclined to go along with this advice, as I feel that his being more muscular and having a larger penis will give him status among his non-breedable peers. Provided he is still a virgin when castrated, will he suffer any greater mental anguish if we wait as opposed to castrating him immediately?

Signed: A Doting Daddy.

Dear Doting Daddy;

Don’t wait! Castrate him now. His penis is now only useful for urination and will remain that way after castration, and its size will be of no importance to him. If he discovers another use for it before he is castrated he may become extremely resentful afterwards. More importantly, castrating him now will prolong his growth spurt and allow him to be taller than if you waited a year to castrate him. Another side effect of delayed castration is that of unwanted and unsightly body hair, which is completely eliminated by early castration. I always recommend that castration be done at a young age, and always before puberty. Please don’t wait.

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Dear Dr. Deely;

How good are the various home castration kits that are now on the market? Are they safe, and are they a viable alternative to professional castration? Which method do you prefer?

Signed: A Cheapskate Momma.

Dear Cheapskate Momma;

I am a medical professional, and as such I have little or no confidence in any of the do-it-yourself castration kits on the market. While it is true that they work, in that the testicles are removed or destroyed, I believe they cause unnecessary pain and trauma to the child. In the old days a youngster was often just tied to a tree while the local witchdoctor crushed his testicles between two flat rocks. Effective? Certainly, but not humane. A non-breeder child is still your child and deserves the best, most compassionate, castration available; Please take him to a professional and get the job done right. As per methods, I still prefer the old time-honored method of opening the scrotum and excising the testicles. Elastrator bands are suitable for younger children, but they still pose an unacceptable risk of infection, particularly when prematurely removed by probing fingers, and should never be used on post-pubescent males. I find the so-called bloodless castrators, such as Burdizzos, to be extremely painful to the child and also prone to failure, requiring the job be done a second time. Crushing the testicles, even with anesthesia, is too barbaric to even be considered by any responsible doctor. The newer injections and oral medicines designed to destroy the testicles systemically are also unreliable, and seem to take a long time to work, thereby increasing trauma to the youngster. Most large cities hold periodic clinics that perform free or low cost castrations, and financial help is available to provide safe, humane castrations to all non-breeder male children. Please don’t endanger your child’s safety by attempting to castrate him yourself.