That seemed less and less likely with me and Kelly. We were just going through that 7. year of marriage and it became increasingly difficult to find something common. Not that we wouldn't try; we are both understanding people. But the mundane ways of normal life can get on anyone's nerves. Thus, we could often argue about the most petty things. And with things less petty, we wouldn't even argue. We have both simply found our own ways to do things, so the other one wouldn't even have a word in the decision.

One morning I was in the kitchen, getting ready for work. Kelly came over, grabbed her coffee cup and gave me a very casual kiss on my cheek. She sat down on the chair and began conversation in such a way, like she isn't bothered about what I'd say.

"Hey, you know how I always complain about my back pain, right?"

"Yeah, sure," I replied, just to force a pause in her monologue.

"Well, I've talked about it with my physician and we found a solution: I will have my breasts reduced to about half size. That will reduce the strain on my back and I shall have no more pains..."

I almost chocked on my coffee. "WHAT?!"

"I already have a schedule for my surgery. In three days."

"You what?" Sure, Kelly has complained about back pains now and then, but only when it suited her for some reason. After all, her boobs are not big; they are just the right size. Even smallish actually, they can't be a source for any significant back pain. No, that is not the problem at all. Kelly is obviously in that sort of mood, where she's dissatisfied with just about everything, but mostly about her body. On such days, she constantly complains about her weight, figure, legs, everything. Usually her boobs seemed to be too small, this time - too big. What does she want to subtract from that? She'd have a totally flat chest. This time she's gone too far, I had to stop her.

"No no no. You're not going to do that. That's ridiculous"

"Of course I am. I have already decided. I didn't even have to tell you this in advance, it's just for your convenience."

"I'm telling you, you're not going to have your breasts reduced."

"Oh come on. It's not like you even care about me."

"Huh? I actually do. How would you react if I'd have my penis shortened?"

She chuckled on the idea as she sipped coffee. "Be my guest."

"Really? Who's the one not caring? I care about your boobs as much as you care about my dick."

"It's your penis, do whatever you want with it, short of cutting it clean off."

"Well you know what? What if I do just that. If you're gonna have your breasts made smaller, I'm going to have my dick cut off! What would I need it for? I don't want to fuck a woman with no boobs!"

"Not that it would make much difference. But go on, I dare you. The problem is, you could never do that. That thing is your best friend. Your - only - friend." She made the most derogatory face expression she could come up with.

"That's what you think! The same day you'll have your boobs shrank, I'll have my cock lopped off! Right at the base!"

She laughed and stood up. "I double dare you!" Then she walked out the door without any more words.

I was mad at so many levels. First, I actually liked Kelly's breasts and I wouldn't let her change anything about them. You could say her boobs are one of the reasons I still had some comfort in the marriage. My claim about not needing a dick when she'd have tiny boobs was not so far-fetched. Second, Kelly's attitude was just too much this time. She made up her mind without even consulting anything with me and her final decision was just stupid. Plus our last argument pretty had much shown what regard she has for me. My dick is my only friend? The nerves!

We didn't even speak to each other for the next two days. I've actually arranged for a day off at work for the next day. Not that I really wanted to fulfill my threat, but I had to be serious. I needed to find a way to prove I'm to be taken seriously. Yes, that's what such a relationship can do to people.

Next day we met in the kitchen again. I started the conversation:

"Well? Have you finally changed your mind about that idiotic idea you came up with?"

"Oh please, why would I change my mind? Of course not. My surgery is due in 3 hours. I'm getting off right when I finish this coffee."

"I'm warning you for the last time..."

"Oh come on, are you going to throw that penis-cutting threat at me again? I know you've taken a day off at work today. And I know you'll be playing golf. You aren't going to do anything else."

"No? There's a tattoo shop just a few miles away where they will do me. That's where I am going today. You think you can change your body however you like, I can, too."

Kelly was amused again. "Yeah yeah sure, whatever you say, 'darling'. I'm going now." She put the cup down and left for the surgery. I was soooo furious.

There's a guy in our work who is a tattoo and piercing maniac. He often talks about what he's got or going to have done next. Not that anyone listens to him, but I did remember how he spoke about one particular tattoo shop, where someone called Rita can do just about any mod, including the extreme ones.

With my mind still blurry from anger, I walked to that shop. I entered and looked around. A pale emo girl with raven black hair and piercings everywhere was sitting at the desk. I came over to her.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"I'd like to inquire about some other services you offer."

She looked at me like I was retarded. "We only offer what's on the list over there."

"Can I speak to Rita?"

The gal has pierced me with her glare, then turned around and shouted to the back: "Hey you fat asses, get Rita, there's someone looking for her!"

A minute later, a goth gal with shiploads of tattoos appeared and also pierced me with her look. "What do you want?"

"I'd like a tad different mod...."

"We only offer mods on that list."

"This guy, Jack Lupino, I'm sure you know him, he often talks about your work." Jack is the guy from my work. Rita has moved her head, instructing me to follow her. We went to the back room, where we were alone.

"So Jack recommended me, huh? What do you want?"

"I'm after a... Penectomy."

She pointed at my crotch. "Show me." I unzipped my pants and let them drop, followed by my underwear. Rita briefly checked my genitals.

"I see no other mods." Rita was being careful. She probably suspected I might be a cop, who will arrest her as soon as she admits doing illegal mods. I obviously wasn't the usual customer, which rendered me very suspicious.

"No... I'm not into mods. This is for my wife."

"Your wife wants to have your dick cut off?"

"Not exactly..."

"A surprise then? I've... um, heard... of many guys doing this as a surprise for their spouses. It's not appreciated every time. The women usually find someone else to fuck. You could end up single in no time."

I paused after hearing this, but my mind was so fogged I couldn't think properly and I just followed my original pattern. "Well either way... Can you do it?"

Rita noticed my stammering and low voice and obviously figured I'm not making it up.

"1200 dollars."

"That's good."

"All right. Think it over. Come back in a few days."

"Can't you do it now?"

"You really should think this over. You're obviously not the hardcore modding type and I can tell you're not sure about this either."

"I really need to get this done today."

"Why, is it your wife's birthday?"

"No, no but... Look, I really need to get this done today. It is important."

"Allright dude. We'll cut you, if that's what you want." I handed her the money. She then led me to another room, and another, until we were in the right one. It seemed like I've suddenly found myself at a completely different place. The room was a surgery room, white and clean, complete with an operating table, equipment and everything - like in a hospital!