© Justin Cumberland 2007

Chapter Ten

When he entered the green room Jason was relieved to see Garth, standing over against the wall. He was talking to another guy – a competitor, obviously, who was wearing a cap and a sky-blue robe.

‘Hey, Jase! Fuck, you look good in that!’ He pointed at the cap. ‘Show us properly.’ Garth stepped forward a bit and motioned to Jason to open the robe.

Jason made a face. He was embarrassed. The other guy was looking at him and, even though he was a competitor, Jason baulked at opening the robe.

‘Oh, don’t worry about me,’ the guy said. He stepped forward and put his hand out. ‘I’m Pete.’ Jason shook his hand.

‘Jason.’

‘Yeah, you’re friend’s been telling me all about you. And fuck, man, he’s not wrong. You’re a big guy. You’re making me fucking nervous just looking at you.’

‘Yeah?’ Jason smiled.

Pete was in his mid-twenties. He was a tradesman from the mid-west. He had dark-hair and dark-eyes.

‘Come on,’ Garth said. ‘Show us, Jase.’ Jason hesitated again. Garth stepped over and helped him out of the robe, slipping it off his shoulders from behind.

‘Fucking hell!’ Pete said, moving his head back a bit. His eyes opened wide. ‘Fuck!’

Jason looked down at his gear and jerked his head back. His cock had lengthened and bloated. It was flopping at his thighs.

‘Oh, shit,’ Jase said. He put his hand down, moved his thighs in together a bit and touched it against his skin. It felt unreal. He looked up at Pete and felt himself going red in the face. It was ridiculous.

The guy’s eyes were bulging out of his head.

‘Here, give me the robe, Garth,’ Jason said.

‘Hang on.’ Garth came around from behind him. ‘I haven’t had a look yet. Oh shit, Jase! What the fuck did they give you?’

Jason shrugged his shoulders. He could feel his ears burning.

‘What are you embarrassed about?’ Pete said.

Jason looked up at him and smiled shyly.

‘I’ll show you something embarrassing.’ Pete said, untying his robe.

Jason looked down and saw the guy’s boner stick out of the robe as he opened it wide, holding it at his hips.

‘Sorry about the boner,’ Pete said. ‘I’ve gotta do the upright saddle.’ He pulled his dick back against his stomach.

‘Now look at that,’ he said. ‘Now that’s fucking embarrassing.’ He looked up at Jason with a smile on his face. ‘I’ve been – neu-teured,’ he drew the word out, making a joke of it.

‘Don’t you care?’

Pete shrugged his shoulders. ‘It’s not that bad.’

Jason tried not to laugh but had to turn his head around to hide his smile.

‘Look at this,’ Pete said. He stepped closer and showed Jason the place where his balls had been, stroking it with the tips of his fingers. ‘You can’t even tell. No scar. Nothing. Here, touch it.’

Jason swallowed. He shook his head.

‘Come on,’ Pete said. ‘There’s no point being shy. You’re gonna be out there in a moment.’

Jason crouched down a bit and reached his hand forward, gingerly touching the place. It felt smooth and natural. ‘It’s just like skin,’ he said.

‘Exactly,’ Pete said.

Jason couldn’t help touching it. It felt unreal. The guy had no balls at all – no sack. It looked like he’d always been that way. Oh, the poor guy, he suddenly thought. He felt his thighs collapse in a bit and touch each other. No way, he said to himself. No fucking way. That’s not happening to me.

‘They were there last week,’ Pete said, making a joke out of the whole thing. ‘And now – they’ve gone!’ He stroked the place, touching Jason’s hand as he did so. ‘Oh you poor babies,’ he said.

Jason pulled his hand back and stood up. He was starting to get hard.

‘It looks okay, though,’ he said, looking up at Jason. ‘It’s not that bad? Don’t you think?’

Jason shook his head. It didn’t look that bad but it wasn’t going to happen to him.

‘What happened?’ he said.

‘Some little cunt smashed em with a hammer in fucking Gift-Giving for fuck’s sake. He got the fucking tool-box! Cut the sack off with a fucking chisel.’

‘Ow!’ Jason said. But it was hard to feel sorry for the guy. He just didn’t seem to care.

‘Oh, well, I’ve still got a chance,’ Pete said. He grabbed the shaft of his cock and wiggled it up and down. ‘I’ve still got this.’

Oh fuck, Jason thought. He could cut that. He probably would cut that. He felt his dick swing up in the air.

‘I know just what you’re thinking,’ Pete said, nodding down at Jason’s boner.

Jason grabbed the robe from Garth and put it on. He felt his thighs press together, felt his hands itch. If only they gave him a knife right now. He would just do it. He was gonna get to fucking do it.

‘I bet you wanna cut that mother-fucker,’ Pete said, looking up at him, still holding it.

Jason swallowed.

‘Fuck, man. Stop being so nervous. It’s a fucking game.’

Jason nodded, embarrassed. ‘Sure,’ he said.

‘I’ll cut your fucking bastard if I get the chance – No hard feelings, of course,’ he said, ‘but I’d like to see you as a nullo. Now that would be funny. A big guy like you. A big fucking football star. Here, shake,’ Pete said. ‘All’s fair in love and war.’

‘You won’t be cutting mine,’ Jason said, taking his hand.

‘What are talking about, Jase. Of course you’re gonna get cut. It’s inevitable. I was telling Pete how you’re gonna be wearing panties home this afternoon. He said he’d do what he could to help you out.’

Jason felt a sudden sickness grip him. ‘What the fuck, Garth? What the fuck are you talking about?’

‘Don’t be embarrassed,’ Pete said. ‘Plenty of guys feel that way.’

‘Oh, he doesn’t want it,’ Garth said. ‘But it’s bound to happen. He suffers from vertigo.’

[Frame: Rephase reversion. Modification. Temporal conjunction.]

He had to speak to Garth. He stepped into the green room and drew his head back. There was a young guy there, a dark-haired guy in his mid-twenties, sitting on an armchair and reading a magazine. He was a competitor, obviously, wearing the cap and a sky-blue robe.

‘What’s up?’

‘What?’

‘You look worried.’

‘Yeah, well, I’m gonna get done if I stay here.’ He walked over to the guy and started looking around the room. ‘Is there a phone?’

The guy pointed to the screen on the wall. Jason walked over to it and hit the screen with the flat of his palm. ‘Hey!’

[Frame: Reversion. Modification. Temporal conjunction.]

The screen resolved itself into Garth. ‘Hey,’ he said.

‘Garth, we gotta go. I gotta get the fuck out of here.’

‘What?’

‘We gotta go. I can’t do this.’

‘Calm down, Jase.’

‘No, I won’t fucking well calm down. Don’t you remember the fucking rock-climbing bullshit? I’m not going through that again.’

‘What are talking about, Jase. Who said you’re going rock-climbing?’ Garth was smiling as though Jason was making a big deal out of nothing.

‘It doesn’t matter. I can’t do heights. You know that. The ferry – fuck man! The fucking ferry! Don’t you remember that shit?’

Garth smiled and laughed a bit. He threw his head back. ‘Jase, just stop being so fucking stupid. You’re not a little kid anymore.’

‘I don’t care, Garth. I’m not doing this. We gotta go.’

‘Oh, fuck Jase. I’m in fucking make-up. The show starts in twenty-minutes. You can’t do this. You really can’t, Jase. We made a fucking deal. I’ve gone to all this fucking trouble. You’ve got a million dollars there just waiting for you—’

Jason hit the screen with his hand.

He walked to the door. It was locked.

[Frame: Rephase reversion. Primary field.]

Jason knew, of course, that he was not eighteen. There were things you could kid a person about, and Garth had kidded him about a lot of things in the past; but Jason had never, not even for a moment, really believed that he was eighteen. Garth wanted him on the show, and the guy wanted him to be eighteen. But he wasn’t. He knew that. He had signed the forms. He didn’t really understand them, but he had known, when he was signing them, that it couldn’t have been legal for him to do that.

And he thought, as he stepped into the green room, and heard the door close behind him, that it would be a simple matter of contacting the producer and telling the guy he was not eighteen. They would let him go.

As it turned out, it wasn’t that easy. That wasn’t the way things worked.

‘Hey!’

Jason looked up. There was another guy, one of the other contestants, sitting on an armchair, reading a magazine. He was wearing the lifeguard cap and a sky-blue robe.

‘Hey,’ Jason said, dragged out of his thoughts.

‘What’s up?’

‘What? Oh, nothing.’

‘You don’t look very happy.’

‘I’ve made a mistake,’ he said. ‘I shouldn’t be here.’

‘Well, it’s a bit late in the day to work that out, isn’t it? You’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it.’

Jason made a wry smile. He started to pace around the room, trying to think what he should do.

‘What’s the worst that can happen?’

Jason swallowed. ‘The worst? The worst? What’s the fucking worse that can happen? Are you insane? I could lose my fucking gear – everything – my fucking pride!’

‘Pride? Well, I think that’s going a bit far! What do you need pride for?’

Jason shook his head. ‘Aren’t you worried about it?’

Pete shrugged his shoulders. ‘I’ve already done three shows.’

‘Well, you’re gonna get done then, aren’t you? You can’t last much longer.’

Pete shrugged. ‘I’ve already lost my balls.’ He pulled his robe apart and lifted his dick up, showing Jason the smooth place where his sack had been.

It didn’t look that bad. In fact, it looked kind of sexy. But it wasn’t going to…

‘How do I get out of here?’

‘Out?’

‘Yeah. How do I get out? I’m not doing this. I’m going.’

‘You can’t go. You signed the forms.’

‘I’m only seventeen.’

‘So?’

‘Well, they wouldn’t be legal, would they? They’ll have to let me go.’

‘Well, maybe – if you were sixteen. But you’re in Colorado. Seventeen is the legal age in Colorado. You’re an adult. You’ve taken a fucking neuter incentive.’

‘Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!’ Jason walked to the door and grabbed the handle. It was locked from the outside. ‘Oh shit!’ He kicked the door and made for the window.

He would get out of here. He would jump the Firebird and just fucking well go.

He could see the Firebird in the lot – the only car in the whole fucking thing. The studio was in the middle of nowhere, right on the outskirts of some Colorado town he had never heard of. The landscape was wide and empty, and the sky (no longer blue) was a murky white. It was summer. It was hot.

He would smash the fucking window and just jump out. Who cared if he was on the second floor? Who cared if he got hurt? Fuck his vertigo. It couldn’t be any worse than what would happen if he stayed here.

He looked around quickly and grabbed an armchair. It had a metal frame; and, though it might take a bit of strength, he could probably smash the pane with it. He walked over to the window and swung the chair at it. It bounced off and he lost his grip as it bounded back into the room.

Pete stepped over and grabbed him by the shoulders. ‘Calm the fuck down, man! You can’t get out. You’re caught in a trap.’

Jason didn’t believe this. ‘I can’t walk out?’

‘Because – he loves you too much, baby.’

[Frame: Re-initiate primary field: identical. Core distortion product. Temporal conjunction. Spatial conjunction, distort. Rephase. Ripple inversion.]

They took him to the infirmary where there was a woman in a lab coat. She gave him seven injections. Some of them hurt and some of them didn’t. They were everything, she said, that he needed. They would make it possible to cope; and he should be able to go on, and win through, in the end.

Jason took this to mean that she was in on the plan. As Garth had said, the people at the studio were very obliging. They were looking forward to Jason’s day with them; and they would do everything they could to make sure it worked out properly.

Jason smiled.

‘It’ll be fine,’ she said.

‘Oh, I’m not worried.’

‘Why would you be?’ she said. ‘You’re a big, beautiful guy with everything going for you. What have you got to be worried about?’

‘Exactly!’ Jason said. He even started to laugh at the joke of it all as they looked kindly into each other’s eyes. She was a very nice woman and, afterwards, when he thought about the day, Jason remembered her fondly. She was the first member of the staff that he had real contact with, and, though he later had a falling out with her, everything was resolved in time.

A guy called Jock came along (he was a backstage hand) and he was there to take Jason to wardrobe.

‘Is he ready, Matron?’ he said, poking his head in the door.

‘Well, I don’t know! I don’t think I can bear to part with him, to tell you the truth. Oh, he’s so beautiful. A big beautiful man.’

‘I’m not really a man,’ Jason said. ‘I’m pretty young.’

‘Well, you’re eighteen. It says right here on this here form, you’re eighteen. I’d call that a man, wouldn’t you, Ed?’

‘Jock,’ Jock said.

‘Eh?’

‘My name’s Jock.’ He turned to Jason. ‘Are you ready?’

‘Sure.’ Jason hopped of the bench. He was dressed again in his jeans and T-shirt, happy to put them on again as soon as Matron had finished with him.

‘Well, we gotta get you a costume,’ Jock said.

The costume, as it turned out, was exactly the same as Brad had worn; but obviously, it had Jason’s name on it. It was a lifeguard outfit; and when they gave it to him, Jason was silly enough to ask them where the trunks were, forgetting, of course, all about where he was, and what was going to happen.

Jock took him backstage he stood there alone, waiting and started to feel the nerves. He would be going out there soon – as good as naked. He might look good, but still, he had been embarrassed plenty of times in the past and he didn’t think he wanted to go through any of that again. He put a hand on his stomach. He felt a bit sick – a bit funny between the legs as well. Still, he would be fine.

His mouth started opening in a smile as the excitement started to build. He could hear the audience clapping and then heard Larry starting to introduce the buddies. Fuck, this was gonna be good.

Suddenly, he looked up and someone was standing there, right in front of him. It was some kid and Jason had to jerk his head back because he’d got a surprise. He’d only looked down at his feet for a moment or so, had looked up, and the kid was there like he’d appeared miraculously.

‘Oh, hey!’ Jase said.

The kid smiled. ‘Hey!’ he said. ‘Are you on the show?’

‘Sure,’ Jason said.

‘Are you nervous?’

Jason shook his head. ‘Not really. I’m gonna win.’

The kid raised his eyebrows. ‘You sound pretty sure of yourself.’

Jason started to shrug but stopped because he realized the kid was wearing a robe. He didn’t have a cap on, but still, why did he get to wear a robe?

‘How come you’re wearing a robe?’

The kid shrugged. ‘I’m supposed to.’

‘That doesn’t seem right.’

‘The producer gave it to me.’

‘What? Just to fuck around in?’

The kid shrugged. ‘Pretty much.’

‘They’re supposed to be for the contestants. You have to be on the show to get a robe. How come you’re here?’

‘I’m going on the show,’ the kid said, as though this was obvious and he’d been on the show lots of times, as though it was something he did, something he’d done, in the past.

Jason said nothing. There was no way the kid was going on the show. He was thirteen at the most. But, as Jason watched him, he pulled a cap out of his pocket and put it on. The way he went about it you would think he didn’t want to wear it at all.

‘Don’t you want to go on?’

‘Want to? Of course I do.’ He tied up the cord, lifting his chin up. ‘Are you a football star or something? You’re pretty big.’

Jason smiled. ‘I’m quarterback.’

The kid smiled and put his hands on his head, positioning the cap. ‘Is it straight?’

Jason nodded. The cap made the kid look even younger. It made his hair splay out like he really was a surfer kid. He might not even be a teenager, Jason realized.

He had seen young guys on the show before – guys who looked sixteen, maybe even fifteen, but this was ridiculous. He wouldn’t be able to waste this kid. No way.

Jason stared at nothing and forgot where he was.

‘Hey!’ The kid said, tapping him on the shoulder. ‘They’re calling your name.’

Jason started suddenly. It was time to go. He undid the cord of the robe and started to work his shoulders out of it when the kid grabbed it and pulled it down, all in one motion, sliding it off Jason’s back and over his arse. He bunched it up in his hands and threw it off to one side.

Almost immediately, Jason wished he had it back. He was standing back-on to the kid, nervous about stepping forward in a moment when they said to go, and, as he looked around he saw the kid staring at his arse. He was looking him up and down, looking at his back and shoulders; and, as Jason looked at him he smiled, making eye contact with Jase like it was some joke that he found him sexy.

‘I’m Todd,’ he said, putting out his hand and, because he had done so, making Jason turn so that his dick was there, right in front of the kid, who looked down and stared at it, swallowed, and then looked back up at Jason, smiling.

Jason had managed to get rid of his hard-on; but for some reason, as the kid stared at him, he started to get hard again.

‘Jase,’ he said, taking the kid’s hand.

‘You really gotta go,’ Todd said, nodding his head at Jock who was waving him over.