I was born in the back streets of Liverpool, in a small terraced house. My Dad was an Indian. He was a merchant seaman and seldom at home. Although he regularly sent money home, Mum, who is English, found it difficult to cope with two young kids.

Before Sophie was born , Mum was certain she would have a boy but she was disappointed. However, when I was expected she wanted another girl as two girls would cost less to bring up. So she decided that she would bring me up as a girl anyway. Right from birth, I was called Pauline and dressed in girl's clothes - usually Sophie's cast-offs. None of our friends or neighbours ever suspected otherwise.

When I was about three or four, Dad left the merchant navy and went back to work in India. He arranged for Mum and us girls to go there to live. He found us a house in a poor rural district just outside what was then called Bombay - now Mombai - where Dad came from originally and had relations. There were no other Brits in the district so Mum had no opportunity for socialising. Fortunately she got on well with the villagers. We didn't see much of Dad who was working for a shipping company in Bombay. Compared with some locals, we were fairly well off. Sophie and I went to a local Indian school and received quite a good education.

Mum usually wore western clothes, but I remember her being given a beautiful sari in which she looked wonderful.

One particular lady who befriended Mum was Serena. Serena always seemed apart from the other locals and it was only years later that I discovered she was a eunuch, or hijra as they are called in India. Mum must have confided in her that I was not really a girl and that she was concerned what would happen when I reached the age of puberty. We called Serena "Auntie" and she was always very friendly - particularly to me.

When I was nine, it was arranged that I would go to stay with Auntie Serena for a few days while Mum and Sophie spent some time with some of Dad's relations who lived some way away. The morning after I arrived, Serena said she would take me to see a friend of hers in the next village.

I shall never forget the smell of the opium. I must have passed out very quickly and when I came to, I had terrible pain between my legs. Serena was holding my hand and tried to reassure me that I was all right. She took me back to her house but stayed with me constantly for several days until I was well enough to get up. I could not understand what had happened but when Serena was able to remove the dressings, I discovered that my little willy and the bits underneath it had been cut off. At the age of nine, I little understood the significance of what had been done.

When Mum returned, Serena assured her that I was OK. Mum seemed relieved and said I would no longer have any problem about not being a "proper" little girl. Fortunately, I recovered quickly and was soon back at school.

Sadly, my Dad died when I was fourteen and Mum decided that we should return to the UK where she arranged for me to see a consultant specialising in cross gender problems. He said that I should consider myself extremely lucky not to have suffered severe infection. The "operation" must have been carried out without proper medication and in a non-sterile environment. I learned later that opium used to be used regularly as an aesthetic and narcotic in such circumstances in India and that a lot of superstitions and fear surround the quite large eunuch population.

I was given a course of hormone treatment and have since undergone proper gender reassignment surgery. Today, I have a good female figure with nice 36B breasts but I will never have a satisfactory artificial vagina due to the way my castration was carried out.

However, having always lived as a female, I feel completely happy with my gender. My birth certificate says I'm a boy called Paul, but nevertheless I hope that one day I shall be allowed to marry and perhaps adopt children. I'm lucky still to have a super Mum and a very supportive elder sister.

I still write to Auntie Serena occasionally. I know she meant well and probably did me a favour, in spite of the risks that were taken.

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Fiction by Johnny

January 2007.