Mother's Love

by

Kortpeel

"Soon you will start to turn into a man," my mother said as she dried me after my evening bath.

I'd have been about ten at the time. She was gently and carefully drying down by my willie with the soft, fluffy white towel. Sometimes my willie could come up hard when she did that. It did on that occasion.

"This is the dangerous part." The towel was gently rubbing up and down on my willie, drawing the skin with it. "But really these are what cause the problems." Mother cupped my balls gently. She was always gentle and loving with me.

"Yes, Mother."

I had heard this many times before. I had the sense that for Mother, me turning from a boy into a man was some great, sad, inevitable tragedy.

"They will cause you to have wicked thoughts towards young girls. Remember you must always do your best to resist them."

Mother would go on in that vein at great length but she'd never spell out what the wicked thoughts were or what I was likely to do about them that was so terrible. At that stage, young girls were devoid of interest for me. Certainly they didn't inspire much thought, wicked or otherwise, apart from Sally Jennings, a few doors away, who was happy to let me play with her play station. She was so good at it too. She usually managed to beat me at the games we played on it.

But that was fair enough. I thought it was decent of her to let me play on it and I knew that she only beat me at the games because she had plenty of practice.

Sometimes when I was with Sally I thought of Mother's words and wondered whatever there was about Sally, or any other girl for that matter, that would inspire me to wicked thoughts.

"Mother, when you talk about 'wicked thoughts toward young girls,' what actually are the wicked thoughts?"

Mother paused in her act of drying my little ball bag. She looked at me as if some eventful moment had arrived.

"It's called sex, darling. Basically you have an urge to put this," here she took hold of my willie, "into girls. They have a special hole for receiving it. It's all to do with girls having babies when they grow up."

A special hole? For a willie to go in? I hadn't known that. I'd seen that little slit that girls have and I'd seen them pee out of it. They have to take their pants right down and bend awkwardly to do it. "What? Where they go wee-wee?"

"Yes dear." Mother put on an expression of distaste. She was good at expressions of distaste. They saved her having to actually say something. Mother considered lots of things, and many people, distasteful. Sex too, it would seem, came into this category.

I agreed with her. Why on earth would anyone want to do that?

"It's these things in here that cause it to happen." Mother slid a finger lightly over my scrotum. "They give off a special medicine that makes you want to do that."

"I don't think I'll ever want to do that."

"It's inevitable darling. You won't be able to help yourself. You'll spend all your time thinking about it. It's quite sad, really. Men are such pathetic creatures that way."

The way Mother said that made me feel ashamed. It was as if I had somehow let her down.

"And eventually you'll go away and leave me all on my own."

"I won't Mummy. I promise I'll never leave you."

Mother just gave me a sad look. I felt so guilty about letting her down, some time in the distant future.

"Isn't there any way to stop it?" I asked her over supper.

"No dear. Those little balls down there will see to it that it happens."

"Couldn't they be taken out?" After all, tonsils and appendixes get taken out. I knew that it doesn't hurt much either. They put you to sleep while they do it. Afterwards you wake up and it's just a bit sore for a while but nothing serious.

"They could dear and it's such a pity that the doctors won't do that. They are going to make you a big strong man." Mother suppressed a shudder as she said 'big strong man.' She made it clear that it wasn't much of an ambition for any well brought up little boy to aim at.

I didn't much want to be a big strong man. According to mother big strong men did bad things and thought wicked thoughts. And I certainly didn't want to leave mother on her own. Ever. That would be a most dreadful thing to do. I found my eyes were filling with tears at the thought of leaving mummy alone. That was so horrible.

"What is the matter darling?"

"I don't want to leave you mummy. I want to stay with you always. If it's those things down there that make me do it, then I don't want them."

"There, there darling. Mummy's sweet beautiful little boy. You know mummy loves you so much and doesn't want to see you cry."

I was in full tears by this stage. I didn't want to leave mother on her own. That would be too dreadful. "Please take them off for me, Mummy."

"I can't darling. If I did it, it would hurt you and mummy would never hurt you. Aunt Carol knows about all that sort of thing and how to do it without hurting. Why don't we ask her?"

"Yes, please mummy. Ask Auntie Carol."

"I'll do it right now for you." Mummy got on the phone and called Auntie Carol. I heard them talking. Aunt Carol wasn't really an Aunt. She was our neighbour and Sally Jennings mother. She just liked me to call her Aunt Carol rather than Mrs. Jennings.

"Aunt Carol is coming over and bringing Sally with her. So go and put on your dressing gown darling. You don't want Sally to see you with nothing on."

I guessed not. "Is Aunt Carol going to take out those things down there?"

"Yes darling. If that's what you really want."

I just had time to put on my dressing gown and they were here. "How's my little boy?" Aunt Carol asked me. I liked Aunt Carol. She was such a nice person.

"Very well thank you, Auntie Carol."

"And you'd really like to be rid of those nasty things down there?"

"Yes please Auntie Carol."

"All right. Let's go up to your room and we'll see what we can do."

We all trooped upstairs and I had to lie on my bed. Mummy opened my dressing gown and Aunt Carol examined me down there. "Yes, that's straightforward enough," she said to Mother. "It will be very easy to do." She turned to Sally who'd been standing back. "Sally take him to the bathroom to spend a penny and then wash him down there for me."

Sally led me off and waited while I went wee-wee. Then she washed around down there with soap and water, got it all nice and clean. Not that it was dirty to begin with. It felt nice, nicer even than when Mother did it. It suddenly occurred to me that I was having a wicked thought and I got scared. Gosh, this was just in the nick of time. I didn't want any more of those wicked thoughts.

I went back with Sally to my room.

I got on the bed and Auntie Carol explained it all. "I'm going to give you an injection that will make you sleep. When you wake up those nasty things that you don't want will be gone. It might be a little bit sore for a while afterwards and if it is just tell mummy. She'll know what to do."

I nodded.

"Are you ready?"

"All right. Here's the injection."

I'd had injections before. They didn't scare me at all.

"Say the alphabet for me," Aunt Carol said.

Why? "A, B, C, d..."

When I woke up next morning I was a bit sore down there and there were dressings so I couldn't feel if they gone. I was sure they were.

I called Mother and she came in.

"How are you feeling darling?"

"Oh fine. Mummy thank you so much for getting Aunt Carol to take them out. Now we can always be together and I'll never grow up to be a big strong man."

Mummy gave me a hug. "Darling, Mummy loves you so much."

I'm thirty now. Mummy and I still live in the same house. We do things together and I do so enjoy caring for her. I've never regretted what Aunt Carol did for me.

End