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After that blast of cold air at the door, I made my way past the check-out desk where the two ladies stood checking out books and stuff. Man, I was excited. Id only ever come in here once before it was on the day after we arrived on the Island. I was really hot and looking for a coke machine (Mom and Dad wouldnt let us drink coke, but I had some change and always liked it), but those ladies had told me to leave because I was running around too much. I was being very careful not to run now. They just couldnt tell me to leave this time, but lucky for me they didnt seem to notice one naked kid coming in quiet and disappearing into the bookshelves. The library back home had the computer section up front where the library ladies could watch what was going on, but here it was way in the back. Even better, no one was there. There were eight little cubby-holes each with a computer and printer, so nobody could peek over my shoulder while I was looking around on the internet. I slid into the chair at the cubicle at the very back, in the corner. The cubby had walls almost all the way to the floor, and Id hear somebody before they were close enough to read what I was doing. I turned on the machine and winced a little bit when it beeped loud as it booted up. The little guy between my legs was hard, though, so I didnt worry about it too long. Crap, I was so excited I couldnt remember what Dad had called it. Once I got to Google, I put in my search: cut off cock. Those first sites were all just porno. Then I remembered the Eunuch Archive. Bam, when I put that in, I had found what I was looking for. Lots of stories, a message board, and even personals. So there were lots of guys into this. Stephen wasnt a weirdo and neither was I. Some of them were into losing their cocks, others their balls, and some wanted to lose everything. Wow. Then as I kept looking through the message board, I saw Stephens name. It had to be the same kid he described himself, what he wanted, and where he went to school. There couldnt be two blond kids named Stephen at the University of Florida who both wanted their cocks off and went on vacation on Gastern Island. So I kept reading. He had wanted it a long, long time. At first it really made him sad, but I guess thats because he wasnt listening to what his body was telling him. Stephens parents sounded like not so nice people. They had lots of money, but didnt want him around. When they found out he was gay when he was about to go off to college, they just gave him a bank account and told him never to come back. Part of me was sad, too, sad for him, but this stuff was just too cool for me to stay that way for long. Nothing made me sad for long, so I kept on reading. I was clicking the mouse with one hand, so excited about what I was reading that I didnt even pay attention to my woody that was pressed up against the underside of the desk. How often had I ever done that when I had a free hand? Turns out Stephen decided to get cut about six months ago when a friend of his told him about a clinic here on the Island: the Gastern Reproductive Health Clinic. His post said they specialized in all sorts of unusual sexual operations. Id never heard of most of them. Then I found the link directly to the clinic. Wow, it was right here, just a mile or two away from the beach. Their website was kind of boring, though, just lots of stuff about where the doctors went to school and how to make an appointment, so I went back to the archive. It turned out that all sorts of guys liked this stuff for all sorts of different reasons. Some guys were into pain, which didnt do a thing for me. Why would I want to hurt my winky? Other guys were into being slaves. That didnt do anything for me either. I wanted to be just who I was, not someone elses bitch. Other guys wanted to look smooth. Now that was hot. Still other guys had learned about it at my age and had been wanting it ever since. They wrote it was a fantasy at first but turned into a need over time. There were even a couple of guys who had it done later, but talked about how much they regretted not having it done while they were young like me. All this stuff really got me thinking. All these guys obviously really needed it to happen. Why did it take so long for them to listen to their bodies? Waiting only ended up making them sad or horny, or both. I know it was making Rob sad. I hated seeing my brother like that, and Stephen had been really upset on the beach that night. Waiting for something you know you need just doesnt make any sense at all to me. Suddenly, I got an error message: You have been timed out of the internet. Library computers are limited to two hour sessions, so everyone can have a chance. Two hours? Had I really been reading for two hours? I looked around the corner of my cubby and saw that all the other ones were now full. I hadnt heard a thing and the library was teaming with people. I noticed a flash at the corner of my vision and glanced out the window to see a strong summer rain coming down, flashes of lightening in the distance. It was then that I finally noticed my raging hard on again. I couldnt walk home anyway in this storm, so I reached down and started stroking, trying to be real quiet so no one else could hear. It didnt take too long because I had been so excited for so long. When I came in my hand, I realized that I didnt have anywhere to put it, so I just wiped my hand off on my legs. As I did, I noticed dark hairs starting to come in. When did that start? I started looking around my body and found even more. Little dark hairs were in my armpits, on my legs, on my arms, even on the tops of my feet. I stood up with a start, feeling my butt and back, really hoping I wouldnt get hair there like my Dad. When I still felt smooth back there, I was happy. Then I remembered one message on the boards about this guy who had his nuts out, too. After they were gone, most of the dark hair on his body had slowly gone away. There was another post where some guy who was cut at my age talked about how he never developed hair. I noticed the rain had stopped and knew what I had to do. I shot for the door. Stop running, young man. Come back here. I just kept going, right out the door and into the muggy afternoon heat. Remembering the map I had seen just a few minutes before, I turned north on Broad Street and kept on running. ********** Her hands were tracing shapes in my thick man hair as I looked down at her smile. Wed been married for eighteen years, and I still loved her as much as the first day we met. In fact, I loved her and wanted her more every day. Lissa, you make me so happy. I know, Robert, she said, looking pensive. Whats wrong? Youre not still thinking about our conversation with the boys, are you? I couldnt help thinking about it while you were inside me. I know how I feel when Im with you, how you must feel when you are inside me, and I so much want that for the boys. It really scares me to think that either of them would even think about giving up forever on the kind of intimacy that we share. It scares me even more to think about what happened to Gary. She was gnawing her bottom lip. As I bushed her long hair off her shoulders and breasts, I looked into her eyes. Theres nothing to worry about, Lissa. Im sure this will just be a passing thing. Even if that boy did have himself emasculated, I cant see either of our boys wanting to do it. Have you seen how often they beat off? I couldnt help but chuckle at the idea. Rob had been a walking boner for five years, and Brendan has been following suit even before he knew what Rob was doing. Monkey see, monkey do. You know that didnt matter with Gary. Once he became obsessed with the idea, he wouldnt let anything stand in his way. Now hes dead because of it. She looked out the window, a tear forming at the corner of her eyes. I wrapped her in my arms. Look, Gary was a very troubled young man. He had been suicidal before. I pulled her face up. It wasnt his obsession with penectomy that killed him; it was a society that couldnt accept him for what and who he wanted to be. When he woke up in the hospital and found out that they had reattached his penis, it was his worst nightmare. If he had had loving and supportive parents, maybe he never would have killed himself. He would have gone to them with his problems. Maybe he still would have committed suicide anyway, even if his self-cutting had been effective, but thats really not the point. Our boys are different. I dont know. However this turns out, and Im sure you are overreacting a little, our boys wont end up like Gary. They know we are here for them, whatever comes. They know they have our support. Brendan is just still just a child. Anything new and taboo is exciting to him. Rob has just been through something that could be very traumatic. Im really not surprised at their reactions. Robert, but what if What if one of them decides its really what they want? She nodded, her lips trembling. Then well be as supportive as we can be after making completely sure it is what they want. She smiled but was still unconvinced. I think one of them came home while we were busy. I think we better check to see how they are doing. She kissed my forehead gently and stood up walking to the door. I stayed stretched out on the bed a minute as I listened to her walk down the hall. Why did life always have to be so complicated? This summer was just starting and was already turning out to be a rollercoaster ride. When I heard her knocking on a door and talking, I knew someone was indeed home, so I jumped up and went to go see. I found her standing at the door to our one bathroom, fear and worry knitting her brow. Muffled sobbing was emanating from under the door. Rob, sweetie, whats wrong. Please come out and talk to us. Go away, Mamma, I cant, Im not ever coming out. Rob, this is your Father. Please come out here. If you talk to us, maybe we can help. What happened? Is Stephen alright? Maybe theres something we can do to help the boy if he needs it. I know we can help you. Listen to your Father. You have us worried sick, Rob. We love you and know you are hurting, but we cant help unless you come out and talk to us. The door opened a crack, and Lissa pushed her way in, taking Rob in both arms and hugging him tightly. I walked in and put my arms around both of them. Rob was more upset than I had ever seen him. He was crying uncontrollably. Lissa was trying to quiet him, get him to calm down, but I knew he needed to let it all out. With all this raw emotion, there was no way he was going to be able to deal with whatever had happened. I took his hand in mine and led him to the living room. More storm clouds had blown up outside and large drops of rain were intermittently pelting the windows. The three of us sat on the couch, with Rob in the middle. What happened, Son? Without stopping for a second, he handed me Stephens letter. As I read it, a pit opened up in my stomach. This boy needed medical attention and fast. Lissa, take care of the boy. I need to go to the car and get my cell phone. Whats wrong? They both asked in unison. I had promised the family that I was locking the cell phone in the glove box, and only brought it along for emergencies and to check my messages once a day to make sure the patients I had left in the care of other doctors were doing well. Lissa, I have to make a phone call. Just take care of the boy. Dad, please, whats wrong? Rob, Stephen needs immediate medical attention. If hes losing that much blood, it could be very dangerous. I handed Lissa the letter and headed for the car with Rob close on my heels. By now the rain was really coming down in sheets, a good old fashioned Florida thunderstorm. As we both got in the car, I opened the glove box and pulled out the phone, dialing 911. Rob was eerily quiet as I talked to the dispatcher and explained who I was and what had happened. They were sending the police over to Stephens beach house to try to find the boys trail, but it had been nearly twenty-four hours. He could be nearly anywhere. Dad, do you know about the clinic he went to? Maybe they would know about where he was going. Good idea, Rob. I always knew you were the brain of the family. I quickly cranked up the car and waved to Lissa who was standing at the door of the beach house. I remembered that the clinic was on Broad Street, but I didnt know where. As we drove, I called information and got the address. Within five minutes we were pulling into the parking lot of the Gastern Reproductive Health Clinic. Now Rob, I know you are very upset so maybe you should stay out here while I go in. No, Dad. Ill keep it under control. Im so worried, but I really want to help out and know whats going on. Alright. Come on, lets go. We walked in and up to the reception desk. Sir, my name is Dr. Robert Emerson, a psychiatrist. I have referred patients here in the past, and I have reason to believe that one of your patients is in great danger. I must talk to one of your physicians or administrators immediately. As the clerk ran off the fetch someone who could talk to me, I put my arm around Rob and hugged him close. He was still trembling, but I was impressed at how he was pulling himself together. I was so proud of him. The clerk returned. Dr. Gonzalez is in surgery, Dr. Price is out for the day, Dr. Everly is doing a patient consult, and Dr. Snowdon is on the telephone. Ive let her know you need to talk with her, and shell be here as soon as she can. With that we took two seats in the waiting room. It had been about five minutes when the door to the back office opened. I was sure it was going to be Dr. Snowdon, so imagine my surprise when my son Brendan walked out talking with an older gentleman wearing a physicians coat. Brendan? I asked incredulously. Rob was looking back and forth from me to his brother like he was watching a tennis match. He looked more than a little wobbly, but not quite like he was going to pass out. Hey, Dad, Rob. How did you guys know I was here? We didnt. We came about Stephen. Why are you here? Oh, I was just talking things over with Dr. Everly. Whats wrong with Stephen? I stood up. Well talk about that shortly, Brendan. Dr. Everly, Im Dr. Robert Emerson. I referred a patient to you several years ago. I am here about an emergency matter and was waiting to talk to Dr. Snowdon. Can we speak in your office? The kindly older doctor shook my hand. Of course, what seems to be the trouble? Brendan, wait here with your brother. Neither one of you go anywhere. For once, I was pleased to see that neither of them was putting up an argument. Brendan sat down next to his brother who just looked dazed. I followed Everly into his office and began to tell him what had happened. When I finished, he immediately picked up the phone and sprung into action. After two brief calls he explained, Dr. Gonzalez performed the procedure on Saturday. It went quite well, but the boy refused to stay overnight for observation. He paid in cash and only left us the beach house and his apartment in Gainesville as points of contact. We never dreamed this would happen, but this is exactly why we require at least an overnight stay for all of our invasive procedures other than vasectomy. Dr. Gonzalez is out of surgery and will call the authorities in Gainesville at once. Now would you care to explain what you were discussing with my underage son? I folded my arms across my chest. Oh Brendan is a wonderful boy. It seems he came across our website after reading some of Stephens posts on the Eunuch Archive. He came by asking questions about half an hour ago. I saw nothing wrong with telling the boy a bit about our services. You can rest assured that I explained to him that we couldnt help him with what he wanted until hes eighteen or has his parents permission. What he wants? I dont understand. You mean the boy hasnt talked with you about it yet? Now thats surprising with all this business about Stephen. Brendan seemed to indicate that your entire family had discussed it on at least several occasions. He shrugged. In any event, your son wants a radical penectomy and bilateral orchiectomy. I was stunned. Brendan had always been impulsive, but by coming to the clinic and taking things this far, the boy had demonstrated he was at least seriously considering the procedure. Thank you Dr. Everly. I appreciate you taking the time to talk with me. You can rest assured I will talk about this with Brendan. If he comes back without my permission, please notify me immediately. I gave the man my card, noting my cell number. From now on the cell was staying in the house. I continued: In the meantime, my other son is very concerned about Stephen. They are lovers. While I am sure you cant give me Stephens contact information without breeching confidentiality, I would appreciate it if you would keep us posted on his general condition if and when you can find him. When you nail down his location, I would also appreciate it if you would forward to him my contact information and impress upon him the importance that he contact me. If he wishes not to have contact with Stephen I understand, but we would all appreciate knowing that he is alright. Of course, of course. Thank you for your concern about the boy. Honestly, its a breath of fresh air to have someone from the conventional medical establishment taking an interest in our issues without sending us threatening letters. I know how you feel. Many of my peers have a very different view of the services you provide, but I understand that in some circumstances they are perfectly appropriate. Let me reiterate, however, that those circumstances havent yet arisen with my son Brendan. Once weve had a chance to talk, I promise I will get back to you on the matter. With that, the kindly gent showed me out of his office, and I slowly made my way back to the door into the waiting room. Before opening the door, I paused thinking how in the world to best deal with this situation . ********** I couldnt believe my eyes or my ears. Stephen and now Brendan? As my brother sat down beside me, I couldnt even look at him. All I wanted was to go to bed and cry for a month. As Dad walked into the back office, I buried my face in my hands. Brendan put his arm around my shoulders. Rob, whats wrong with Stephen. I started crying, pushing my face against his chest. It was a good five minutes before I could go on. Hes gone and hurt, bad. What do you mean hes gone? I went to his house to see Stephen, and his roommate gave me a letter from him. He left the hospital early, then left town so he wouldnt have to see me. In the letter he said hed been bleeding a lot and even passing out. Dad thinks he needs a doctor as fast as possible. Im so sorry, Rob. I really do hope hes alright, but thats what happens when you dont do what your doctor tells you. Dr. Everly told me he always makes boys stay overnight when they have surgery. He told you what? Yeah, when boys come in to have their cock or balls removed, he always makes them stay overnight at least one night to make sure they are alright. When they have everything removed, he makes them stay two or three nights. Its pretty serious stuff. Why did he tell you all that? Cause I was asking him about it. I mean, I got to learn how it all works before I have it done. Everything moved in slow motion. At first, these glittering black dots started coming from everywhere at once, slipping and sliding around the room. I tried to stand up, to shoo them away with my arms, but then it felt like I was turning inside out, my feet and legs, hands and arms, cock and balls, everything, trying to pull their way inside my body so the could shoot out of my mouth. I saw shiny metal and then felt the cold linoleum of the floor smack against my face, but I really dont remember how I got down there or why there was vomit all over me. The next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital bed. Mom was sitting next to the bed, holding my hand. Brendan was in a chair by the door reading a Sports Illustrated. I didnt see Dad at all. Wheres Dad? Then I felt the piercing pain in my forehead and called out in pain as I reached up to feel a cut and stitches. Rob! Its okay, you just had a little fall, baby. You passed out and cut your head on a chair. Youre in the hospital. Where is Dad? Hes driving to Gainesville. She looked more worried than I had ever seen her, even more worried that the time I swallowed that arrowhead. Why, whats wrong? Did they find Stephen? Rob, just settle down. Everythings going to be alright. The police found Stephen and the paramedics got to him in time. He was unconscious and in shock, but theyve given him a transfusion and hes recovering well. They have him in the psych ward at the university hospital. Your father has gone to see about him. Rob, Im so sorry for making you so upset. Brendan threw his arms around me. I was still a little out of it. Bren, are you still alright? I mean they havent cut anything off, have they? Brendan just laughed, but my Mom glared at him. Your brother is just fine and perfectly intact. Weve been too worried about you to even talk about why he was at the clinic without talking to us first. Brendan looked a little ashamed and sat back down, returning to his magazine. Nonetheless, your brother really helped us out. Before going to the clinic he had read all of Stephens posts on the Eunuch Archive. With that information at his command, your Father called the hospital in Gainesville and got the doctors to let him talk to Stephen. Hes talked to Stephen? Yes, and Stephen and his doctors have decided that hes going to come home with your Father. You need to get to feeling better so you can help take care of him. Hes really going to need you when he gets home in a few days. I felt dizzy again, but this time not in a bad way. Butterfly central, thats what I was. Stephen is coming home with Dad? Yes, Rob, he is, but it wont be until next weekend. In the meantime, your Fathers going to look after him at the hospital, and you have to take all the time you need to get well yourself. You received a little concussion when you fell into that chair like you did. What happened? I glanced over at my brother who was looking right back at me. He looked like he was about to cry, too. All I remember was Brendan telling me why he was at the clinic. Then I guess I passed out. It sounds like you had a panic attack. The doctors here suspected as much, and when you come home theyre going to give you some medicine to take so you wont have them as strongly. Mom hugged me tight and turned to go let the doctors know I was awake and ready for something to eat. Bren, are you really going to have your penis and testicles removed? I finally felt safe asking him since I was already in the hospital bed. He was standing beside me again, the magazine on the floor. I really want to, but not if its going to make you sick. Do you think it will make Stephen upset, too? I think it may. In his letter he begged me not to look for him because he didnt want me to do to myself what he had done. Oh Rob, I am so sorry I made you get hurt. Please believe me that I dont want to hurt Stephen either. I didnt know it was going to make you so upset. Its just so much to handle on top of what alls happened with Stephen. Its not your fault, Bren. Tears were running down his tanned cheeks. Please Bren, its not your fault. How about just cool talking about it for a while after Stephen gets home. I pushed the button to raise me up in the bed and hugged him back. Do you mind if I ask why? He wiped his face and thought for a minute. I guess I knew I wanted it as soon as Stephen told you what he was going to have done, but yesterday before you fell, all that reading I did at the library made me sure positive. I read all about these guys who had wanted it done since they were my age, but none of them had been able to make it happen. Some had it done later, but they always regretted not doing it when they were my age. They had to go through life being something and someone they werent and didnt want to be. I dont want that to happen to me, so when I finished reading I went to the clinic to find out more about it. What have Mom and Dad said about it? Dad didnt have much time to talk before he left for Gainesville, and Mom has been pretty quiet, almost like she doesnt want to talk about it. They both said that all four of us needed to sit down and have a family meeting when Dad gets back. I think hes coming home tonight to see about you before he goes back to take care of Stephen. Now that youre awake, maybe we can have the meeting tonight. Mom walked back into my room, carrying a tray of jello, mashed potatoes, and meatloaf. It looked dreadful, but I suddenly realized that I could eat a horse and started digging into it without hesitation. It turned out the doctors thought it was fine for me to go home as long as there would be someone there to watch me for a couple of days. They had written my scripts, and we were even able to pick them up a pharmacy downstairs on the way out. After I finished my lunch, the doctors arrived for one final examination, and off we went. It was a very quiet ride home. Mom and Brendan neither said a word after we got in the car, and both were usually talking up a storm. I wondered if they had an argument while I was still asleep, but before I knew it we had rolled up at the beach house. Mom immediately put me to bed and turned off the lights in my room. She told me to take a nap until my Father got home, and thats exactly what I did. But before I drifted off to sleep, I couldnt help watching the ceiling fan spinning. This time, though, when I thought about it slowly traveling down, I felt nothing but bliss. ********** Robert, I just dont know. What was he thinking? The boys had never been separated before, especially not at a time like this. Lissa, I really do think its for the best. Im hoping this is just a passing phase for Brendan, but if hes determined Well, you saw the effect it had on Rob, and you know how it will make Stephen feel. Maybe we could handle it with just Rob, but not with both of them. Anyway, Stephen will need time with Rob to adjust to all that has happened to him. I dont want to be apart from you or Brendan any more than I have to, but you and I have both agreed that the boy has no one else to look after him. His parents abandoned him, and Rob really does have feelings for him, feelings that Stephen returns. They will both heal better together. But Robert . Why wasnt he listening to me? I think all this mess had shaken his confidence as a parent and as a doctor. If he waited to listen to me, his whole façade might have come crumbling down. And, with you and Brendan back home, well be able to see if this really is a phase. Out of sight, out of mind, you know. Boys Brendans age are easily distracted. What better distraction than to be home with his friends for the rest of the summer and away from Stephen and Rob? If its a phase, it will probably be over when we all reunite. If not, we can deal with what to do next then. What if Rob and Brendan need each other? Well, if that happens, then you and Brendan come back in a few weeks to spend the rest of the summer. Really, that should be our goal anyway. It may just be a passing obsession with Brendan. Rob and Stephen are both young, too, and they may heal quicker than we think. We have to be prepared if they dont, though. What about a compromise? Brendan and I will go on a little trip to give you time to deal with Rob and Stephen. If the situation is still too raw, then well go home. That way Brendan doesnt feel like hes being punished for expressing himself. I knew I had him with that one. Confidence or no, he had to listen to reason. Of course, youre right, as usual. He beamed at me. Alright, lets go wake up Rob and tell the boys about how all of this is going to work. As Robert went to go get Rob, I mussed Brendans hair and went to the fridge to open a bottle of wine. I usually didnt drink any alcohol that we hadnt brewed ourselves, but I needed something to settle me down and didnt feel like asking Robert to prescribe Xanax. I could have taken one of Robs, but I didnt want to start down that road either. When my husband and sons were all gathered in the living room, I walked in and sat on the arm of Roberts chair, facing the two boys. Your Father and I want to have a little talk with you two boys. A lot has happened in the last week, and a lot more will be happening in the next week. Rob, your Father is bringing Stephen home to live with us this Friday. Hes going to be staying here with the two of you to make sure Stephen is alright and that you are handling things, too. Rob was too overcome with emotion to speak. Next, I turned to Brendan. Baby, you and I are going on a trip to Orlando. I know youve wanted to go for years. Well, now were going to go, just you and me. He was grinning ear to ear. We can spend as long as you want at each of the parks, and well book a hotel with a nice swimming pool thats near the water parks, too! Oh Mom, youre the greatest. I thought you might be mad with me the way youve been acting since I went to the clinic, but thank you! Robert spoke up. No, neither one of us is mad with you, Brendan. Were just concerned that you are a very young boy to be thinking about the things that clinic does. We just want to make absolutely sure that you know what youre doing before any decisions are made. In the meantime, theres nothing wrong with a little fun! Your Fathers right. We both want you to be happy always, whatever that means to you. We cant impose our own visions on your life, but we can and we have to make sure that youre ready for the steps you take. We have to make sure you are ready to make the decisions you do while you are in our care. Like your Father says, in the meantime, were going to Orlando! He ran to me and hugged me like he hadnt since he was little. I am so excited, Mom. When are we going to leave? Brendan was giddy. I need to make a few phone calls, get us some rooms reserved, and rent a car. Other than that, the only thing holding us back is packing and taking care of your brother for a couple of days. Brendan took off running to the room he shared with Rob to start packing. I yelled after him, Remember, the theme parks dont let naked boys in pack clothes to wear for at least a week! It was Robs turn to speak up. Mom, Dad, thank you so much for letting Stephen come live with us. I didnt know he didnt have anywhere to go. He never told me that. Dad, how is he? Very depressed, Rob. He regrets doing what he did and wants to make very sure before he comes that you dont get any ideas of trying to emulate him. How do you feel about it all now? Robert was very serious. He had on his Robert Emerson, M.D., voice. I dont know. It scares the hell out of me, but it also excites me. The idea of Brendan being castrated and penectomized still makes me a little jittery. Still, I have to admit that I find the idea sexy. I even fantasized about it before my nap, but after seeing all that Stephen has gone through theres nothing father from my mind than wanting what happened to him. I just want to be with him and take care of him, to let him know that he has at least one person who cares about him. Thank you for being honest about it, Rob. I knew it took a lot out of my son to talk about this with his panic attacks. I moved to his side on the couch. Rob, Im sorry that I have to go. I wish I could stay here with you and your Father, but Brendan needs some time away from all this. I hope you understand. I do understand, Mom, and I think youre right. I think both of us need some time to sort out our feelings about what he wants, and thats going to be very hard to do with Stephen here. Thats right, Son, Robert added. Please understand that if after the trip Brendan is still fixated on being nullified sexually, your Mother is going to take him home for a while. Were not trying to make him decide one way or the other. We just want to give him the chance to think about things with a cool head and to give you the chance to come to terms with it, too. With Stephen here, that will be very hard. So thats why we are doing things this way. Thanks, both of you, for being honest with me, too. I will admit that I dont know if I will ever come to accept what Brendan wants after all of this mess, but I promise that I will try to work through it all. In the meantime, I am really worried about Stephen. Can I come with you, Dad, when you go back to Gainesville? I was never prouder of Rob than I was just then he was becoming a man, a man who was willing to face problems and work through them even though he knew it would hurt. He was honest, sensitive, caring, and strong. What more could a mother want from her son? No, Rob. I think its best if you stay here. Stephen is still at a very fragile stage. I think he will be ready to come home Friday, but before then I think seeing you might do more harm than good. Hes feeling a great deal of self-loathing right now, and he still needs some time to get used to his new self-image before he comes to live with us. Robert was right; it could have pushed the boy back into despair if we didnt handle this just right. I understand. In that case, I will do all I can to get ready for Friday. Robert, why dont you go spend some time with Brendan and make sure hes packing some clothes. Rob and I will make us all some dinner. Do you feel up to that, Rob? I smiled at my big boy. Of course, Mom. Lets get started! As Rob and I started working in the kitchen and Robert went to bedroom to look after Brendan, an odd sense of normality pervaded our beach house. I really hoped Robert and I were doing the right thing. |