© Justin Cumberland 2007

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Inexorably, the sun sank towards the horizon. There was no stopping it; and when they pulled into the gas station it was a horizontal light, tinged with the golden flame of an afternoon broken.

‘We’re not going to make it,’ Garth said.

‘Have you got any money?’

Garth said nothing. He stared at the windscreen.

Jason got out of the car. Behind the shop, at the side, there was a garage and a guy in coveralls. He was standing at a bench and polishing a piece of machinery which he had held in one hand.

‘Have you got any gas?’ Jason said. He heard his voice resound in the garage. It was high and childlike. He was only fifteen.

The guy turned around and stopped. His eyes opened wide and he stared at Jason. Stared at the panties. He swallowed.

‘Have you got any gas? Jason said.

‘How much do you want?’ The guy said. He left off polishing the piece of metal and put it on the bench beside him, staring at the panties all the while. He looked up at Jason and raised his eyebrows.

‘A tankful. We’re running on empty.’

The guy walked over to the slits in the workshop door. He looked out at the car and whistled. ‘Fuck!’ he said. ‘A fucking Firebird! Is that your Dad?’

‘He’s not my Dad.’

‘Did he send you in here to pay?’ the guy said. He turned around and swallowed, looking Jason up and down.

‘Sure he did,’ Jason said.

‘How much have you got?’

‘Hang on,’ Jason said. He had forgotten about the tampon. He stepped out of the workroom and tugged on the string, tossing it onto the floor in the corner of the shop. The tock stared at him but said nothing. He stepped back into the room and smiled shyly. ‘I don’t – I haven’t got any money,’ he said. He put his fingers into the waist of the panties and pulled them down, dragging them onto his thighs.

The guy came forward and put his hand on Jason’s bicep, stopping him. Jason stood up and looked at the guy, leaving the panties stuck around his thighs.

‘You don’t have to do that, son.’

‘It doesn’t matter,’ Jason said. ‘I don’t care.’ He bent over and pulled the panties down, letting them fall to the ground. He bent down and picked them up holding them bunched in one hand. He was nervous.

The workshop guy stared at Jason’s groin.

‘What happened to you?’

‘I went to get tutored,’ Jason said.

‘Neutered, son. You mean neutered.’

Jason knew what he meant.

‘Did he do it to you?’

Jason shrugged. ‘Not really. It was my fault.’

The guy shook his head and put his hand on Jason’s arm again. ‘Just put em back on, son. I’ll give you the gas.’ He looked like he was going to cry.

‘Really?’ Jason frowned.

‘Yeah, really.’

Jason looked down at the guy’s groin. He was hard. He had nothing on under the coveralls, obviously, and his dick had swung up. It was huge and was holding all of the fabric out and away from his body like a tent.

Jason put his hand out and touched it. ‘Don’t you want to,’ he said. He looked up at the guy and squeezed his cock. It was thick and hard – as thick as Jason’s had been.

‘I’ll hurt you,’ he said.

‘You won’t hurt me.’

‘I will.’ The guy pushed Jason’s hand away and turned around. He looked out through the slits in the roller-door. ‘What a prick,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘What a fucking prick!’

Jason arched his head up suddenly. ‘I want you to,’ he said. He moved forward and put his hands around the guy’s waist from behind. He found the slit in the coveralls and reached his hand in. He found the guy’s dick and wrapped his hand around it. He squeezed and moved his hand back and forth, pulling on it.

The guy exhaled. ‘I said I’d give it to you already.’

‘You can do it,’ Jason said. ‘I don’t care. People have been fucking with me. It doesn’t matter.’

The guy pushed him off and turned around. He brushed his fingers through his hair, backing; and hit an elbow on the roller door, making it thunder. ‘I’ll just give it to you, son.’

‘Don’t you like me?’

The guy threw his head back and rolled his eyes. ‘Yes, son. I like you.’

‘Well, why don’t you then?’ Jason stepped forward and took his hand.

The guy bit his lips and turned his head to one side. ‘I never liked it,’ he said. ‘I couldn’t make you.’ He pulled his hand away and looked down. ‘Fuck!’ he said. ‘Look what the fuck they’ve done to you!’

Jason shrugged. He looked a bit sad, maybe; but it didn’t really matter. ‘I don’t really care about it,’ he said, looking at the ground.

The mechanic started to cry. His shoulders hunched forward in a series of sudden sobs. ‘Oh good Christ!’ he said. He shook his head and crouched down, cradling his head in his hands. ‘What’s become of this world!’

Jason came forward and put his hand on the guy’s head, ruffling his hair gently. ‘We’re not good people,’ he said.

The guy started to cry all the harder. ‘But you’ve got to try,’ he sobbed. ‘You can’t just not try.’

‘You pretty well can,’ Jason said. ‘It doesn’t really matter.’

The guy’s face contorted. ‘What sort of fucked up philosophy is that?’ he said, spitting the words.

Jason shrugged his shoulders. ‘You’re not good,’ he said.

‘I’m a good man.’

‘You can’t be,’ Jason said. ‘It’s not possible.’

‘I try,’ the guy said. ‘I fucking well try.’

‘You’re just torturing yourself.’ Jason reached down and put a hand on the guy’s shoulder. ‘It’s not like you think it is,’ he said. He crouched down and kissed him on the forehead. ‘You’re not good.’ Jason put his arms around the guy and hugged him.

‘So I can just fuck you?’

Jason shrugged.

‘Don’t you think there’s something wrong about that?’

‘Well, of course there is,’ Jason said. ‘But I’ll forgive you. You won’t have to feel bad about it afterwards.’

‘Oh fuck,’ the guy said. He got up suddenly and turned Jason around. He unbuttoned the coveralls and thrust forward, bending Jason over. He thrust his dick into Jason’s arsehole and thrust forward mercilessly, pumping Jason hard and fast as though he couldn’t stop to think about it. He came within a couple of minutes and crouched down on the ground again, buttoning the coveralls up.

‘Can I have the gas?’ Jason said. He unbunched the panties from his hand and put them on.

‘I said you could have it.’ He got up and walked to the other side of the workshop. ‘I would have fucking given it to you. I said that.’

Jason followed him. ‘Are you angry at me?’

‘Oh, kid,’ the guy said, turning around suddenly and grabbing Jason, hugging him to him and holding him. ‘I’m sorry. I’m fucking sorry, okay.’

‘But I’ve already forgiven you,’ Jason said. ‘I like you.’

The guy moved back and held Jason at arm’s length – held him by the shoulders. ‘What are you?’ he said. ‘Some type of fucking saint.’

‘I’m a piece of shit,’ Jason said. ‘I’m a piece of fucking shit.’

The guy gave him the gas. He seemed happier somehow and he clapped Jason on the back as they walked to the car together, carrying a canister each. ‘I’ll have to get more,’ the guy said. He went back inside and Jason started to fill the car. He looked around him. There were a couple of cars at the bowsers, a couple of people charging their cars. There was a guy who stared at him, giving himself a shock accidentally by putting his hand down without looking. He shook it and sucked his fingers while he stared at Jason. The woman at the other car looked away. She glanced over quickly, once, saw Jason and then turned away, ignoring him, looking off to the horizon, away from the sun, to the darkness where the day had been.

‘I got you a chocolate,’ the guy said.

Jason smiled suddenly. ‘Oh wow! Thanks,’ he said. ‘I haven’t had any of this for ages.’

The guy smiled wryly and put the canister down. ‘You think you’ll be okay?’ He looked into the car where Garth was sitting motionless.

Jason shrugged. ‘Sure I will,’ he said.

The guy smiled again. ‘And kid,’ he said, trying to turn away but stopping himself. He looked off to the side, not meeting Jason’s eyes. ‘I’m a piece of shit too,’ he said. He looked up at Jason quickly, as though he might have said the wrong thing.

Jason was chewing on the chocolate. He smiled. ‘That’s it!’ he said.

The guy smiled back at him, turning to face him again and dangling his hands at his sides. ‘You’ve got to be the best,’ he said.

‘Oh I am,’ Jason said. ‘I’m the most fucked up piece of shit you could ever meet.’ He laughed suddenly and the guy laughed too.

The guy stood still for a moment, He didn’t want to walk away, obviously; but he made himself. There was nothing else to say. In the shop he looked out at Jason again, turning around and making some comment to the tock like the tock was some other guy who might somehow understand. It probably said something stupid because they always did.

Jason turned away and emptied the canister, chewing on the chocolate and bending down to pick up another of the canisters from the ground, staying bent over while he screwed the lid back on, keeping his legs and his back straight like it was the most natural position in the world.

‘Shit!’ the guy at the bowser said. He had shocked himself again.