Who Spiked the Punch?

"Damn it, Bill! You got it everywhere."

Bill, who had been brushing his teeth with angry strokes, spun around and glared down at me as I wiped the seat. "It's not my fault," he growled, clearly itching for a quarrel.

I tried to maintain my cool. "Just because you don't have a dick doesn't mean you can just squirt everywhere." I sat down and leaned forward, using my hand to keep my balls out of the way as I pissed from the little pee hole hidden beneath my pubic hair. It was humiliating to do it in front of him, and he didn't need instruction on the technique--his uncontrolled piss had clearly been an act of anger rather than of carelessness--but I hoped that watching me go through the same thing might calm him down.

He watched me pissing dickless in shock for a moment, but by the time I was wiping my pubic hair dry he had turned away, fuming, but with a more directed, if still somewhat unspecific, rage. "When I catch that fucker who spiked the punch with Penis-B-Gone..."

I stood and flushed, shaking my head. I didn't even bother to pull my towel around my waist again; I felt I didn't really have anything left to hide. Bill's towel had fallen, too. We didn't even move to cover ourselves when a cheery whistling approached the bathroom door, and Kevin burst in.

He hardly missed a beat when he saw us standing there, naked and dickless, but he checked his whistle, and with a quick, "Hi, guys," he stepped past Bill to the sink.

Bill felt he had not detected an appropriate air of gloom. "What're you so happy about?"

Kevin glanced up in the mirror. "Me?"

I suddenly remembered. "You weren't drinking last night, were you?"

"I--"

"We'll soon see," said Bill, yanking Kev's towel. Kev's resistance was half-hearted, and soon his dickless crotch was as naked as ours, his balls swinging freely below a tuft of soft public hair.

"'Least I'm not alone," Bill grumbled, grabbing up his towel and stalking out of the bathroom.

Kev turned to me and I just shrugged. After he brushed his teeth, I took his place at the sink and he sat down on the toilet. The fog in the mirror from Bill's shower--his frustration at not having been able to jack off there as usual must have prompted his territorial marking of the john--was clearing, and I snuck a peak at Kev in the corner. He was pissing, but he wasn't leaning forward, and he wasn't holding his balls back out of the way. And even though I could hear a loud stream of piss in the bowl, nothing was spraying out over his balls.

My mind was helpless to resolve this incongruity, but it latched onto another one. "Wait a second!" I spun around so fast my lonely balls slapped back and forth between my legs. Kev looked up at me, shocked, his invisible stream of piss coming to a sudden halt. "You weren't even at the party last night!"

Kev looked suddenly guilty. "I--"

Rage suddenly burst out. "You asshole!" I grabbed Kev by the arm and wrestled him up against the wall. "Why the fuck did you do that? And where the fuck is your dick?" I shoved him into the corner, enjoying my first feeling of anything like animal virility since I'd lost my dick the night before.

"I didn't do it!" Kev cried, putting up his hands defensively. "I was already dosed with Penis-B-Gone!"

I stepped back, surprised. "What? When?"

Kev looked really nervous now. He stared down at his dickless crotch for a moment, kind of wringing his hands. He finally looked up, his wide blue eyes looking terrified behind behind the half-screen formed by the tuft of his long bangs. "Remember last semester, when Nu Omega Pi spiked the drinks?"

I grimaced. That had been the first time dickless for most of the guys in the frat, and the scene afterwards had been complete chaos. "Well, yeah, but that was months ago. Most guys' dicks grew back in less than a week. This stuff doesn't take that long to wear off." I scratched the pubic hair over my piss hole, hoping that it would be true in this case as well.

Kevin bit his lip before replying. "I kept taking it," he whispered.

"What?!"

"The Penis-B-Gone. I kept taking it."

"Why?!"

"I just... I kinda like not having a cock."

My mind reeled, and I had to turn away for a moment just to process. But when I turned back, somehow everything had changed. I looked at Kevin's dickless body, and it was suddenly... attractive. He had a good build, and, like me, worked out more than most of the other brothers. Except for his dickless crotch, he had the perfect frat jock look, even if his cute face was a bit on the boyish side.

I felt a rush around my balls and realized that if I had had a dick, I would have been sporting an erection. "You look--" I cut myself off, unwilling to go that far yet. My mind cast around for something to say. "How do you pee?"

Kev, with a curious mixture of pride and shame, explained how after a couple of months of peeing over his balls he'd gotten sick of it, and had hunted down a surgeon who was willing to do a urethral reroute. I stared at him funny, and he kind of chuckled and showed me his new piss hole in his perineum, behind his balls. Without being able to understand why, my dickless body yearned for his more than ever.

"Today was the first time I actually peed with anyone else in the bathroom. I figured I could actually get away with no one noticing, today." He gave a little grin at my dickless crotch, then looked a little nervous again. "It kinda turns me on to be in a house full of dickless guys."

I bit back an unbidden, "Me, too," but Kev read it on my face.

"C'mon, I was just about to take my daily dose." Kev grabbed up his towel and made for the bathroom door. I followed him practically in a trance, taking my towel to gird my cock-free loins, a small part of me wondering if I'd be joining in Kev's daily dick-prevention ritual.

I closed Kev's room door behind us as he went to his little fridge and lifted out an empty bottle. He stared at it for a moment before saying, blankly, "It's empty."

This jostled me out of my dickless trance. Pieces started to fall into place. "Who made the punch last night?"

Our eyes locked.

I reopened the door and we shouted in unison, "Fred!"

There was a crash in another room down the hall, and suddenly Fred came stumbling--naked, dickless, and peevish--down the hallway. "What?"

He clung to the top of the doorframe with one hand, seeming stretched and more gangly than usual, blearily blinking his eyes, his other hand wearily scratching down his stomach. He paused and frowned when he reached the patch of pubic hair that sheltered no cock, then suddenly giggled.

I sighed. "Are you still stoned?"

"Or are you stoned already?" added Kev.

Fred managed to look affronted for half a second. "I just got up."

"So, still, then."

Fred didn't contradict me.

"Just what all did you put in that punch last night, Fred?"

"It wasn't me," he replied, instantly. "Just Kool-Aid and Everclear."

"Where'd you get the Kool-Aid?"

Fred looked at me with an expression that almost managed to say, "Duh." "The store." Then his expression changed, "But I, uh, ran out. So I scoured the house!" Fred seemed more proud of the phrase he used than of his Kool-Aid-finding initiative.

"Did you take Kev's, by any chance?"

"Well, yeah. It was only about a quart, but we needed all we could get."

"This wasn't Kool-Aid," said Kev, with a surprisingly even voice.

"Huh?"

I shook my head, wondering when this would sink in. "Didn't you look at the label?"

"Yeah... PBG, right? Pineapple-berry-grape."

"What the hell kind of flavor is that?"

"I dunno, ask Kev."

"This wasn't Kool-Aid," Kev said again, in exactly the same voice.

"What was it?"

"Penis-B-Gone!" I practically shouted.

Fred looked distant while he processed this. Then, "Oops," and a kind of a smirk.

"You just de-dicked the whole frat!"

Fred actually managed defensiveness. "It wasn't my fault."

"Oh, no? Well, I think I know someone"--other than Kev, I added mentally--"who's going to be taking a dose of Penis-B-Gone every day for the next couple of weeks!"

"Aw, c'mon, man, it'll take months before it grows back!"

"I'm hoping for around two and a half."

"You can't do this! Paul won't let you!"

"I wouldn't be too sure about that."

"You'll see!" Fred stumbled back out down the hallway.

I just shook my head. "What an idiot."

Kev nodded as he pulled out another packet of the powder to mix up another batch. I began to fall back into my previous trance, wordlessly following as he went to the bathroom sink to get water.

Back in the room, we shucked our towels and I watched in amazement as a guy--Kev, my friend--_voluntarily_ measured out and swallowed a dose of Penis-B-Gone. He stood still for a moment, smiling slightly, as my dickless crotch throbbed--a mere echo of the sensation of a throbbing cock--at the sight of his, and him. Then he tentatively held out the cup and the bottle to me.

Before I could reach for them there was a knock at the door. "Kev? John?"

Kev hastily shoved the bottle back in the fridge as I answered, my voice slightly strained, "Yeah?"

Paul opened the door and looked down at the empty patches of pubic hair over our balls with a sigh. "No one escaped, I see."

Kevin blushed and I just shook my head.

Paul lifted his eyes from our dickless crotches even as I had trouble keeping my eyes away from his... even clad in jeans, I couldn't help wondering at the idea of Paul, with such a reputation as a ladies' man, without a dick.

"Fred mumbled something incoherent to me about being threatened with Penis-B-Gone."

"Ah. Well, we discovered the culprit behind last night's... debacle."

"Let me guess... Fred."

"He was 'scouring' the house for Kool-Aid and found--uh..."--I looked to Kev and he nodded nervously--"Kev's stash of Penis-B-Gone."

"Kev's stash?!"

Kev cleared his throat. "We still haven't got back at the NOPs. I was trying, last night, to... y'know..."

Paul nodded. "If anyone asks, I know nothing." He suddenly leaned in closer, and whispered, "I don't suppose... it worked?"

Kev blushed and shook his head.

"Oh, well. Just keep that damn stuff some place safe! I don't know why they ever invented that junk!"

"Or made it available over the counter," I agreed. Paul sighed and looked at the floor, absently running his hand down his fly. Kev kind of smirked at me.

Paul, never one to wallow, suddenly looked up and bounced back. "Well, you have my permission to dose Fred into dick oblivion for the next couple of weeks. I hope it takes forever to wear off. And if it doesn't, I have no objection to the occasional... reminder, now and then."

I snickered at the thought of Fred guzzling a randomly tainted beer, then suddenly with an exclamation of, "Oh, shit," tearing open his jeans to find nothing but a patch of pubic hair and a pair of lonely balls.

"Aye aye, sir," I replied.

"God, what a night," said Paul, suddenly, shaking his head. "Al was so drunk he didn't even realize the crotch he was slamming into his girlfriend's was a dickless as hers. I hope she enjoyed just getting slapped by his balls over and over."

"I'm just really sorry for you and Melissa."

Paul rolled his eyes. "And her only here for a week before it's off on that damn field study again." He suddenly cheered. "Still, it's not too bad. There's a nice bit of sensitivity left down there, just like last time, and we've always been partial to the seventy minus one. Besides," he added, in a sort of confidential tone, "I hear the more you manage to orgasm while it's gone, the bigger it grows back."

"That's true, actually," I said, before I could stop myself.

Paul grinned. "I thought you'd know."

I grimaced, remembering how long it had taken to convince Craig that Penis-B-Gone was not contagious, and that if he fucked me his dick wouldn't disappear. Even then, he hadn't liked it, and even though my dick grew back quickly, and almost half an inch longer, we'd split not long after.

"Craig was a jerk anyway," said Paul, reading my mind. "I was glad you got rid of him."

"Uh, thanks," I mumbled, not eager to dwell on the subject.

"Well, see you dickless wonders later," said Paul, stepping out rather quickly and shutting the door.

I turned back to Kev and stared at him for a minute. He was absently scratching his crotch beside his dickless balls, but froze when he noticed me looking.

I took a deep breath and said what I'd been meaning to say for a while. "You look really good... without a cock."

Kev suddenly smiled. "Thanks. So do you."

I didn't know whether to smile or frown at that one. "In a weird way, I'm kind of glad Fred did spike that punch."

Kev nodded, but said, answering my expression rather than my words, "I know you look good with a cock, too."

I grinned, and walked right up to him, until our empty tufts of pubic hair were almost touching. "But until that time, what could a couple of dickless guys get up to?"

Kev chuckled and grabbed my head and started kissing me, his torso, cockless pubes, and balls grinding into mine. When he let me up for air, he said, "That's just for starters. We haven't had our showers yet, and I think we might be able to save some water while I teach you about erogenous zones besides that errant fuck stick of yours."

"'Errant?' 'Debacle?' 'Scour?' Does Penis-B-Gone increase vocabulary?"

"I certainly learned some new words from Bill this morning when he woke up dickless and realized it wasn't all a bad dream."

I laughed and grabbed Kevin by the arm, pulling him towards the bathroom. "Let's have that lesson of yours. If this takes as long as I'm hoping it will, we won't be saving much water!"