© Justin Cumberland 2007

Chapter Twenty-Four

Jason never stopped to ask, in the whole time he was in the locker room, how he could possibly be going on with the show when he had already lost everything there was to lose. It never occurred to him. Todd washed him. Dressed him in his uniform. It was time to go. It was another show. The start of a new day.

He didn’t even know what the point to it was anymore. He didn’t even think it was a competition, but just something, somehow, that he had to do.

Andy and Sam strapped him onto the saddle. He had got a cheer from the audience and was glad they had let him come out first. He was the longest now – along with Todd – the oldest contestant on the show. He had three shows to go, and he would win.

The fact that he didn’t have any gear left didn’t trouble him. He was just glad that they had let him go on – let him come out here and be seen on television with nothing between his legs – the way, really, that he had always wanted to be. He had hated his gear when it came right down to it. He had smashed it in a hundred ways, caught it in things, landed on it, been embarrassed by it – and now, the final humiliation, or so they thought – being without it.

He looked fantastic. He knew that. He caught sight of himself on the monitor and stared. He was back on a horizontal saddle with his legs prized wide apart and his ankles up at his sides. The camera was zooming in on the space between his legs, giving everyone at home a good view of what had been done to him. He had lost it. He had lost it all. And for the first time they were actually showing this.

It had always annoyed him at home when a guy had got done that they hadn’t showed it properly. You never got to see what he looked like afterwards. There was a glimpse of a moment or two when the sealant was wiped away – but it was never enough. The guys disappeared after that. You never saw them again – and the closest you ever got to seeing what it really looked like to be a nullo were the glimpses of Andy and Sam that they showed.

And now Jason was the first – sitting here with his legs prized wide apart, the camera zooming in on his crotch. He looked fantastic. He could see that on the monitor; and he could hear the audience. There was a silence and an intake of breath as they zeroed in – the image being shown on the large screen.

Jason smiled. He felt proud.

They brought Todd out. He got a cheer; and then they brought out the three new contestants. They were big guys – all of them – all somewhere in their thirties, Jason supposed. They didn’t look like the type of guys who normally came on the show. They were tough – really tough guys, and against them, Jason knew, neither he nor Todd would stand a chance. They had a sort of determination – a do or die attitude which Jason couldn’t like, as though they had been made in a different mould.

Jason swallowed; and then suddenly wondered what he had to worry about. Why the hell was he still on the show? Did they just want to show him off? He had nothing to lose.

There had been nothing to lock below the rollers and Andy had made a show of trying to grab something non-existent before looking ‘oh so stupid’ at his mistake and getting a laugh from the audience. Jason had smiled shyly while Andy fumbled at his groin. It was embarrassing; but he really didn’t care. They didn’t understand. He had always wanted to be this way, hadn’t he?

And now they couldn’t hurt him anymore. It wasn’t possible.

The round, as it turned out, was meant to be something of a joke – at least as far as Jason was concerned. Garth, of course, answered all of his questions correctly so that the mallets never closed under Jason’s saddle – not that they would have had anything to touch. This got a laugh from the audience who had, of course, seen the last two saddle rounds. The three new guys escaped without a scratch but Todd was not so lucky.

Eric, it appeared, had been swayed by Garth. The kid wouldn’t look at Todd, but kept his face doggedly forward as he answered question after question incorrectly, until. On the fourth question Todd screamed. The mallets obviously hurt him and he was crying so hard, uncaring, that when Larry turned to Eric for the fifth question, Todd, with tears streaming down his face, called out, ‘Please, Eric, don’t!’ Eric turned to him then and relented – obviously distressed, and seeing his friend in pain, pleading with him, he changed his mind. He had been about to answer but said, ‘Yes,’ the correct answer, before looking away, tears starting in his own eyes, obviously distraught at what he had done to Todd.

Todd, Jason later found out, had been given no pain blockers. He had received no injections at all – other than the muscle relaxant which Jason had given him himself.

During the break he met Todd coming out of the surgery. The kid’s balls were swollen and he was obviously in pain.

‘Are you okay?’ Jason said.

Todd shrugged his shoulders. He had been crying.

‘Did he give you something?’ Jason said.

Todd nodded. He had had one for the swelling. And had, he said, got three in his eye, talking Bertie into it somehow, because the next round was a jerk-off.

Jason didn’t ask then. It didn’t occur to him that Todd would have taken nothing for the pain – not wanting to be tricked, but wanting to feel the pain, to feel all of it, as it happened, knowing that was the best way. The only way.

‘You should have just let it happen, Todd,’ Jason said. ‘You could have pulled out, then. It would have just been your balls. Now you’ve got to do a jerk-off. You’re risking everything.’

Todd shrugged and wiped his hand across his face, wiping the tears away. ‘I wouldn’t pull out, anyway, Jase.’

‘But you can’t win.’

‘Of course I’m going to win.’

‘How, Todd?’

‘You just keep going,’ Todd said. ‘You don’t give up.’

‘But they’re against you.’

‘They’re not against me. They’re just not for me.’

‘It amounts to the same thing – and anyway, Garth is against you.’

Todd shrugged. ‘He’s my brother. He’s against everyone.’

‘Your brother!’

‘Of course,’ Todd said. ‘Who’d you think he was?’

‘He’s my guardian,’ Jason said. ‘He’s my friend – and he’s got to be ten or twenty years older than you. He’s never mentioned you. How could he possibly be your brother?’

‘It’s a complicated family.’

‘Obviously.’

‘You’ve got to go in,’ Todd said, nodding his head at the surgery door.

Jason walked in and closed the door behind, only to feel it open again. ‘Come up to the lunch-room,’ Todd said, ducking his head in, ‘when you’re finished.’

Jason nodded and closed the door.

‘Well, you’ve made a right fucking fool of yourself, haven’t you, mate?’

‘What?’ Jason stopped.

‘Just look at you, you fucking pansy – traipsing around like it doesn’t matter. You’re balless, mate. You’ve got no dick.’

Jason stretched his lips out at the corners. He felt guilty. Like he had done something wrong.

‘Yeah, well, there’s no point worrying about it now, is there?’ the surgeon continued. ‘Hop up on the bench and let me have a look.’

Jason got up onto the bench, getting into the same crouching position he had adopted earlier with his bum up in the air, his knees apart and his face on the table.

‘Well, well,’ the surgeon said, moving around behind him and stroking a hand down the crack of Jason’s arse, lightly fingering the outside of his hole. ‘Not so pristine as the last time you were here, is it?’

Jason tried to shrug.

‘I’d say some little maggot’s had his finger in there. That’d be my guess.’

Jason swallowed. There was embarrassment, and there was embarrassment, but this, really, when it came right down to it, was embarrassing. He went red in the face.

‘Nothing to say for yourself, have you?’

Jason tried to think of something he could say when suddenly the surgeon smacked his rump with the palm of his hand. It was a joke, obviously, and not intended as a punishment. Nevertheless, the pain smarted.

‘Oh well, I’ll be seeing you later,’ the surgeon said. ‘Hop up. Nothing I can do for you now.’

Jason got up; and started to walk towards the door.

‘Hang on. Hang on,’ the surgeon said, calling him back. ‘Let me have a look at that groin of yours. Sit up on the bench here.’

Jason pulled himself onto the edge of the bench and let the surgeon force his knees apart. He watched the guy as he bent down, looking at the place and stroking his hand over it. Suddenly, he stood back and started to finger his beard, looking at Jason.

‘You wouldn’t want to spoil that, would you?’ he said.

Jason shook his head.

The surgeon smiled. ‘Nothing to worry about then. I won’t touch it,’ he said. He put his fingers to his lips as though the whole thing was a secret between the two of them.

In the lunchroom Jason found Todd. The place was busy now; and it occurred to Jason as he sat down, how silly the two of them must look, dressed like lifeguards, with nothing below the waist, while everyone moved around them, seemingly oblivious to their state of undress.

Jason looked around and decided not to worry about it. No one, obviously, cared. They were at work and were too busy going about their everyday routine.

Todd was eating. In the center of his plate there was a single piece of cooked meat, charred and burnt.

Jason supposed it was an ox-tongue, because it had a base at one end of it which Todd was cutting into with a steak knife. Nevertheless, it was a big tongue; and Jason frowned for a moment, staring at it. There was something about it which was strange – something about the color of the flesh.

‘Maggie cooked it for me,’ Todd said, putting a piece into his mouth and chewing. He made a face as though it tasted foul, but then pretended, all the same, to be enjoying it, smiling. ‘Um-um,’ he said after swallowing, patting his stomach, ‘delicious. Do you want some?’

Jason shook his head. He really wasn’t hungry.

‘You should try some, Jase.’

‘Is it any good?’

‘It’s pretty chewy. Here, have a bit.’

There was a small piece sitting on its own. Todd forked it and held it up to Jason. ‘Here, try,’ he said.

Jason shook his head.

‘Can you feed it to me,’ Todd said. ‘Cut it up for me and put it in my mouth.’

Jason shrugged. He took the fork from Todd, but fumbled. The piece of meat fell off it and Jason picked it up between his fingers. He popped it between Todd’s lip, while Todd kept it there for a moment, sucking it backwards suddenly, and biting down. He opened his mouth and showed Jason all his teeth, chewing.

Jason cut another piece off the same end and fed it to him. It was like Todd was a little boy, leaning forward and eating it as though he had no hands.

‘Do you want me to make an airplane out of it,’ Jason said.

‘If you like.’ Todd swallowed. ‘Go on.’

Jason got a piece on the fork and started to zoom it round in the air, finding Todd’s mouth unexpectedly and popping it between his lips.

‘You know what it is, Jase, don’t you?’ Todd said.

Jason shook his head. He didn’t want to know. He looked around him at the other people – people who worked at the studio on a daily basis. They were going about their lives as though there was nothing out of the ordinary. It was just another day. There was mess everywhere, plates and cups over all the tables and the sound of clinking plates and cutlery from the kitchen. People were walking to and fro and no one so much as looked at him or Todd. They were virtually naked, for fuck’s sake! He didn’t have any gear! Didn’t these people care?

It seemed not.

He fed Todd the rest of his lunch, popping the last piece between Todd’s lips as he had with the first.

Todd smiled and leant back on his chair; and then he gagged suddenly, trying to keep his food down. He looked up at Jason and made a face. ‘I really didn’t want to do that,’ he said. ‘It was pretty disgusting.’

Jason frowned and leant back. He didn’t want to know what Todd was talking about. Not then. He would enjoy it more later if he pretended now not to know. So he hid from himself, the knowledge.

‘I did it for you, Jase. You understand that, don’t you?’

Jason shrugged and looked around him. There were cups all over the table, full of tea and coffee and hot chocolate and wine – all sorts of things.

‘You think someone would take these cups away from us,’ Jason said. ‘I really don’t feel like we should have to drink any of these.’

‘Well, you can ask,’ Todd said. ‘I’ve asked before. But when it comes right down to it, you just have to drink your cup. It sucks; but that’s the way things work here.’

Todd reached forward and turned a cup around. It had his name on it – TODD – written in bold letters like the tank top. It had a red liquid inside it, full to the brim. It looked like blood. Todd made a face and picked it up. ‘It’s not what I want,’ he said, throwing the cup backwards and swallowing it in a single gulp. ‘But I will.’ He put the cup down and pointed at Jason’s. It too, had his name on it; and contained a blue liquid that looked like break fluid.

Jason swallowed and made a face, staring at Todd.

‘It’s better not to make a fuss,’ Todd said. ‘It doesn’t get you anywhere.’

When they came out on the stage Jason was still burping after the blue liquid which had scoured his throat. It was silly to have drunk it, he thought, unquestioningly. It could have been anything.

They had stripped him behind the stage. Stripped Todd too. This was a jerk-off round and they weren’t supposed to wear anything; but they gave Jason a head band which had a flashing light in the center – and when he made it out onto the stage, Andy put a small cylinder into his hand while Larry explained.

Jason, it appeared, would have to try and reach orgasm using the cylinder while the other guys jerked off. The flashing light on his headdress would alert the producer if he managed it.

The contestants sat down, spread-legged and waited for the countdown to reach zero. Jason looked at the cylinder and then smiled at Todd uncertainly. It was ridiculous. There was no way he was going to sit there and put that thing in his arse while the whole world watched. It would be better to lose, he figured. He had nothing to lose. The only thing to be gained would be wasting one of the other guys if he somehow came first; and, he figured, that wasn’t likely to happen, and wasn’t, he suddenly realized, something he wanted to do anyway.

He would just lose.

He made a weak show of putting the dildo between his legs, but he realized, even as he did it, that there was no way he would have been able to get it into his arse even if he’d tried. It was two or three times the thickness of a Todd finger; and it simply wouldn’t have gone in – not unless he forced it.

Suddenly, Todd stood up. He was the first. He stepped over to Jason and pulled himself rapidly, spreading his legs, he crouched down and came onto Jason’s face, hitting him between the eyes. It was humiliating – and, Jason realized, doubly so, because it was something he no longer had the capacity to do, even if he wanted to.

It made him angry, and suddenly, he didn’t want to be last. He tried to push the cylinder into his arsehole, realizing, as he did so, that it really wouldn’t go in. He tried to force it and realized it really wouldn’t work. His arsehole was too tight. There was no way he was going to win and so, again, he left it, pushing at his hole weakly with it and waiting for the inevitable. One by one the other guys stood up. Jason really didn’t want them coming on his face but there was nothing he could do about it. They were pricks, these guys. They weren’t, somehow, even human; and as the first one of them came onto the side of his face, Jason felt as though the liquid contained something foul. He wanted to reach up and wipe it off but he couldn’t, of course. It was against the rules. He waited for the second and then the third guy. He seemed to be taking a long time and obviously would have lost if Jason had still had his dick and been able to come like he had been all day. Eventually, the guy stood up and came onto Jason’s forehead.

It was all over, or so Jason thought. Soon they would wipe his face, only Todd, whose dick had flopped, was moving over towards him again. He came and stood in front of Jason, putting one hand on his hip and holding his dick with the other.

Jason frowned. What was the kid doing? He could see Larry walking over. He could see Andy and Sam coming with the cloths, but Todd was standing there as though he was going to come again, only his dick was floppy.

Suddenly, Jason realized. Todd started to piss. The warm liquid hit Jason straight in the face and began to splash. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe, shaking his head. There seemed to be a lot of it and, as Jason figured this wasn’t in the rules, he got up and turned around, stumbling at the same time and falling forward onto his hands and knees. He felt Todd’s piss on his back; and then, as he caught a glimpse of himself on the monitor, he saw Todd aim at his arse and begin to piss directly at it. Hitting him in the arsehole. It tickled his arse and felt warm and smooth. Jason didn’t want to move. He pretended to be paralyzed and watched on the monitor as the warm liquid sprayed over his golden arse, flowing down his thighs. He could see between his legs – and see nothing there. The audience were laughing.

Eventually it stopped, and Larry came over, standing at a distance and waving Todd over to him. Even Andy and Sam stood back. They didn’t want to touch Jason, didn’t want to step in the pool of piss. And Jason had to sit there with the come on his face and the piss all over him while no one helped to clean him up.

‘Well, Todd,’ Larry said. ‘You’re going to be the first. The show has an option – or, of course, you can take your own.’

‘I’ll take the show’s,’ Todd said. ‘I can’t really think of anything.’

‘Well, folks, there you have it. Prepare for phase three. We’ll be right back – after a message from our sponsors.’