Preface:  This is mealy a fantasy of mine.  While it could easily be a reality, it will probably never really happen, but we all are free to dream.

I had a rather interesting vacation.  One I could never forget in a million years.  It seems like these things are supposed to happen once in a lifetime.  I guess it was just my turn.  I have never wanted to be male, but I had resigned myself to this as my punishment for being borne and lived my life as best I could.  I just figured that ever being happy was not an option, so I just made the best of it. 

As I got older, though, I started wondering what it would be like to finally file for divorce; the kids were all grown so just took the rest of my life and lived for me for a change.  I had to take a vacation as my hours were approaching 400 and the place I worked has a use it or loose it policy.  I never understood how they could do that, but then again, 2 weeks off in January was not going to hurt the place and maybe life would be better once I started tasting freedom.

I had contacted this website I found on the net.  http://www.sexchangeasia.com and was in contact with a gentleman there that seemed more than willing to answer any and all my questions.  I had requested information about having my penis and testicles both removed and having a new opening for the urethra so I could pee without making a big mess.  He stated that, not only was this possible, but they could also construct a clitoris and labia with a blind vagina (no canal) in case I decided to have the rest of the sex change at a later date.  I did not want this, but the thought sure was tempting.  A guy with a pussy would be quite an interesting look at a nude beach.

I needed to send a thousand dollars to get things started and I needed a letter from a psychologist to allow them to proceed.  I could not get the money back but I could reschedule the surgery to any time to (up to) 6 months after the original date.  That seemed fair.  The rest was just going to be 1200 plus air fare and a week in a hotel after the week in the hospital for post operative recovery.  I had around 3500 and figured I was just about 500 short.  I had 3 months.  This was going to be no problem at all.

Getting the letter for the psychiatric evaluation was supposed to be the big problem.  I got that handled in the strangest way.  I was searching Yahoo Messenger for members interested in castration and had selected Female as my gender preference.  I accidentally found a psychologist that had no interest in men whatsoever and thought they should all be castrated at 16.  Well, being 47, I e-mailed her with a frank, well though out letter and asked her if there was any way I could fly to Philly to have a session to get my letter. 

She answered me with a phone number, which of course I called.  She set up an appointment and actually did the evaluation over the phone.  She even billed my insurance company.  I thought I would need to make several appointments before she would write my letter but I only called her once.

She did not seem at all surprised that I felt so uncomfortable being male.  She seemed to like the fact that I was requesting her permission to go to Thailand to be completely rid of my manhood.  By the end of the interview, it seemed like if I were nearer to Philly, she would have loved to see me once it was done.  After we talked for over the hour I was scheduled to talk with her, she said that she was pleased with my honesty and that she had all she needed and asked for the address of the clinic.  I had 2 months to go and all the prerequisite work was done.  I got the passport ready and sent the remainder of the money to the Clinic then got a thousand dollars worth of traveler’s checks and waited for the day I was to fly to Thailand.

The trip to the airport was uneventful but the trip through the airport was far from what I would say normal should be.  I felt that they really wanted me to strip to my underwear to go through the metal detectors and the whole thing was humiliating.  One guy at customs was asking me what I planned to do in Thailand.  I was hoping the response “seeing the sites” was good enough.  I sure did not want to tell him I was going there to get my dick cut off.  But maybe I should have to see how he would have reacted.

The flight was long and the cabin seemed awfully small.  There was nothing below the plane but miles of ocean.  I was met at the air port by a driver in a van who took me to the hospital.  I signed in and was shown to a private room.  I was fed and told to take a shower and shave my pubic region.  I was given 5 towels and the room had a lovely  view of a park.  I was also told not to eat or drink anything after my lunch was finished.  I had a gown that really did not cover anything.

After I ate and showered and shaved I was reading quietly in my room.  The nurse came in.  She asked me to call her Ann.  She said that that was not her name, but it was the one she used for American patients.  Her English was excellent.  Later, I learned, she had her nurses training in America.  She fluffed my pillows and without any judgment in her eyes briefly explained that my surgery was going to take place in the morning around 10am and that after that, I would be here for an additional 5 days to recover and I was going to have a catheter in my bladder to collect urine. She said that the stitches would take about 10 days before they could be removed and asked me if I had made arrangements with any local hotels yet as it was best if I stayed to have that taken care of here.  I told her I had come here directly from the airport and had not had time to do that.

She explained that there were some English phone books, but that it may be easier to have the hospital get the room for me when I was getting ready to need it.  I thought that was a nice touch.  Finally she pulled the curtains and inspected my shaving job.  She returned with a warm cloth and some shaving cream and gently did a much more thorough job than I had done.  I was embarrassed but she said she never was happy with the jobs that were done by people who really cannot see what they are doing and smiled.  Honestly it seemed like she really was enjoying doing it.  After I left, she placed 3 clean wash clothes on the bedside table and said that these were for me if I needed them later and kind of winked and left.

About an hour later the Dr. came in and in his best English, introduced himself and explained to me exactly what he was planning to do at 10 tomorrow.  He stated that actually this was not a really uncommon request.  He said that most of the men asking for this were prostate cancer patients wanting to be rid of  the shriveled up remains of their micro penises after castration and feminizing drugs made them useless, but he had done a few otherwise healthy men like me.  He usually did Sexual Reassignment Surgeries for Transsexuals.  Again he tried to convince me that a clitoris would allow me to continue having orgasms and labia may be nice, since the tissue used in creating them would be gone if I just had it all removed.  I told him thank you very much, but I did not have a use for a vagina and he gave me some pills to help me sleep and just a sip of water to wash them down.

I did notice the stack of wash clothes sitting there on my table and wondered what Ann would think when she came in tomorrow to find them still sitting there unused. I smiled to myself and drifted off to sleep.

I don’t know exactly what they gave me for sleep but I slept until about 9am.  I did not have to wait long for then to start getting me ready.  One of the nurses that did not speak much English, pointed to the wash clothes and said I could have a minute if I wanted to because it was the last chance I was going to get.  I had already decided that that was not going to happen though.  I really hated being male and that would only make it seem longer so I just waved them off and got myself mentally ready.  They came for me with a gurney and put a cap on my head.  I scooted over and went for a ride to the surgery suit.  They took me into the room and I scooted onto a funny looking pedestal bed mounted to the floor.  I sat up on the bed and hugged a pillow while the anesthesiologist pushed in on my spine.  He was looking for a spot.  He must have found it because he stabbed my in the back with this 6” long needle and injected something directly into my spinal cord.  I sat there a few more minutes then they had me lay down.  He took an alcohol pad and kept asking me if this felt cold.  He did this all the way up to my nipples before I felt it.  That must have been a good answer because they pulled out this big blue paper blanket and covered me up.  It was clipped onto these rods and hung down to my neck.  I could not see anything but the anesthesiologist.  He had my IV there and we just talked for a while.  He did not do good with English so mostly we did not say much.

I could not hear what the crew was saying and really did not feel much.  It was mostly chatter but about 20 minutes later I did seem to feel a little tugging.  I noticed that a voice that sounded like my doctor said “see, no more male genitals.  All gone”.

I felt this strange glow fall all over me at once.  I was free.  I just relaxed and dozed off I guess, because it was not long before they were taking down the drape and scooting me back onto the gurney to take me to recovery.  I counted backwards from 10 and had my blood pressure checked and they changed my IV to one that just was an outlet.  About an hour later, they took me to my room.  I noticed, once I was in bed that there were still 3 wash clothes there and I had to touch my crotch.  Nothing but tape and bandages.  I smiled and fell asleep.

I woke about 4pm.  I probably would not have then, but Ann was back.  She had some soup for me.  She said that I could drink all the soup and have all the Jello I could hold.  She then noticed the wash clothes.  I told her I would not be needing them anymore and she smiled and placed her hand on my head.  I placed my hand behind her thigh and she did not pull away.  Just looked down at me and smiled.  That moment seemed to last hours.

The next morning, the Doctor came in.  He held a mirror between my legs so I could see that there was nothing there but tape and bandages.  He was happy and said that once the pubic hair returned, no one would see the scar.  If I chose to shave the area, it would be hard to see if they even could.  He did SRS surgery so he took pride in his handiwork.

I was glad to see Ann that afternoon.  She brought me some home cooked food because she felt the hospital food was not good.  I thought that was nice really.  I don’t know why but it really seemed like her uniform was much sexier today.  She had a very short white skirt and the top may have been a size or too smaller than she needed.  For an oriental woman, she filled the top out quite nicely.  She said she had to check me out and re-dress the site.  She closed the drapes and started to painfully peal the tape back.  I asked her if it was absolutely necessary to re-tape it when she was done since the tape did itch.  She said she would have to ask the Doctor and maybe I could have some cream for the itch.  She dabbed at the stitches some and slid out of the drapes and was gone for about 10 minutes.  I really had to work hard to resist not touching me, now that I was uncovered, but (don’t tell anybody) I did have to peek.  *smile*

She came back in and placed some white cream on my stitches.  She seemed to be enjoying herself she was really close when she was working on me.  I told her how unfair it was with her getting to see me and me not getting to see her.  To my surprise she looked up at me and smiled.  I swore she even winked at me.  She told me that she was leaving the bandages off and would be back to check on it in a while and again made me promise not to touch it.

This went on for 2 more days until they let me get up and walk around.  I was walking only to the sink on the 3^rd day after surgery but by the 4^th day, I got to wear pajamas and I was allowed to walk around the ward.  I met 3 post op transsexuals that were, like me, almost ready to leave the hospital.  I was in heaven.  That afternoon, Ann was in less of a uniform than I had ever seen her in.  she took off the bandage and told me it was now off for good and I could just put on the pajamas (but not until she was done of course) she almost expected my hand to be on her thigh and seemed relieved when it was.  I asked her when I was going to have to get a room and if so, could I see her before I went home.

She smiled and placed her hand on my head and said she would prefer if I stayed with her at her house.  She had a spare room and that way she would know I was eating right.  I asked her if that was really ok and she said many of the nurses did this as a service to patients and their rates were generally much less than the hotels.  I was happy with this as an arrangement.  She left for a while and returned with the discharge planner for the hospital who did not speak English.  She told the planner I would be staying with her and I had to sign some papers to that effect. 

Within an hour I was free to put my things together.  I asked Ann if I was going to have to wait until the end of the shift for her and she said I was her last patient.  When I was ready, she was free to go.  So I got dressed and we signed out and went out on the town.

Preface:  This is mealy a fantasy of mine.  While it could easily be a reality, it will probably never really happen, but we all are free to dream.

We actually went straight to her house and she took my things and put them in a spare room.  She then told me she had to check the stitches and put on some salve and had me lay on the bed.  She stepped out for a minute then came back in.  This time she was naked.  She placed her hand on my head again and said “you are right, you know, I get to see you all I want and you don’t.  It really is not fair”.

Her body was totally perfect in every way.  I placed my hand on the back of her thigh again as she stroked my hair.  “Is that really where you want that hand to be?” she asked and gently directed me towards her very moist pussy.  Once my hand was there her smile was now beaming and she slowly rocked back and forth on my fingers.  After a few minutes, she took my hand and guided my fingers to my mouth so I could smell and taste her.  I got the feeling she was not going to do anything with my stitches just yet.  I got up on one elbow and gently kissed the front of her thigh, her hand on my hair guided me to her and she got into bed with me.  I pulled back for a minute and asked her if she was worried.  She just said “what are you gonna do?  Rape me?”  and smiled.

I have never ever felt like having sex with a man.  I had never even given it a thought.  But I cannot ever remember having sex with a woman that did not leave me feeling embarrassed and inadequate.  Sex with Ann was hours long and she came several times.  These were not the fake kind that a woman gives a man to make him feel like he did something.  These were fingernails under my skin and handfuls of back missing orgasms.  Each time, I felt strangely good though.  Like the pain was somehow part of it and the reward of having my wounds tended to, was well worth the little bits of skin.

It was too bad that the 5 days I spent with her had to come to an end.  She never did take any money for the room or the food and I miss her terribly.