Ryan learns what has happened AND that he is not alone in his horror.
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I slid my hand beneath the covers and reached for the morning wood. My eyes opened instantly upon feeling my bandaged stump and the catheter. The chilling cold reality of what had happened was on me in an icy flash. I remembered hearing those awful words “your penis has been amputated” from some disembodied voice. As I took a quick mental inventory, I realized I was in a hospital room. I remembered that I had surgery and a visit from my Mom and also a chat with a very kindly doctor. I thought I recalled him saying that there had been another victim similar to me. I had a lot of questions. I wasn’t sure what was real and what I had imagined. One thing certain was real, as I lifted up the covers, there was a bandaged penis, (or what was left of one) with a tube sticking out. It just didn’t seem possible that this could have happened to me. How was I going to face life with no dick? No more jacking off, no more cumming, I thought to myself. My life had barely started, now it seemed over. There was a tap at the door and a voice I remembered from last nite “Ryan? You awake? It was the voice of the nice doctor from last nite, I thought as he entered my room. “It’s Dr. Gold”, he said as he moved toward my bed. I managed a small smile and replied “Yes, I remember you talking to me before my Mom came in and I fell asleep. It’s funny, I recall thinking you seemed very nice and you kinda made things better.” Dr. Gold said softly “Thank you, Ryan. I feel so badly about what has happened to you, I wish there were more at our disposal to help. It’s one of those times, though, I feel terribly inadequate. “ Even though part of me didn’t want to hear the gruesome details, I thought I’d better face up to the reality of the situation. “So, Dr Gold”, I began, “is my dick… er…penis really gone forever?” The doctor paused for a moment, looked directly at me and said “Well Ryan, yes and no. The glans or head and about 80% of the penile shaft was cut off in the incident. So, that, I’m afraid is lost.” I nodded as he continued “the remaining tissue of the penile shaft was saved, along with exposing additional penile tissue normally inside the body, with a lengthening procedure. This should give enough exposed penis to allow for urinating in a standing position. As soon as you’re healed a bit, the catheter will be removed.” As I took the information in I asked, “ What about sex? Will I be able to have sex?” Dr. Gold paused to consider the implications of my question and told me “In a purely technical sense, yes. The inner workings are all there and in perfect order. Your testes, prostate and all the nerves leading into the penis were not harmed. As a result, you will produce sperm and semen like anyone else. What isn’t there are the sensitive nerves on the head of the penis that normally produce an orgasm.” I started to get a sick feeling as he concluded, “it’s differs with people, though, Ryan. Some men who’ve had traumatic penile amputations have been able to reach orgasm from stimulation of just the shaft tissue. It’s too soon to tell on something like that.” I must have looked a little pale as Dr. Gold said, “You OK, Ryan” I nodded weakly and asked “ Is there anything that can be done from here Dr. Gold?” He looked a bit grim faced as he informed me “Not really, Ryan. There is a procedure known as phalloplasty, where a penis is constructed using tissue from the thighs and buttocks. That is what is normally done in female to male sex reassignment surgery. I can show you some pictures another time, if you like. But I have to tell you in all honesty, the results leave a lot be desired cosmetically and it’s does nothing for the sensation.” “Uh huh” I acknowledged. This was a lot to taken in for my addled little brain. Dr. Gold shifted to the item by saying, “If you’re able to manage, Ryan, there’s a detective who would like a word. I don’t know if you recall me mentioning this last night, but you were one of three teens penectomized yesterday, one of whom, died from his injuries.” “Yes, I do remember you’re telling me that.” I said. Dr. Gold started toward the door and called “Detective Nelson, Ryan’s able to speak with you briefly, but try not to be too long, as he’s a bit weak from surgery.” Detective Nelson entered and surprised me a bit by his appearance. He was very young looking, not at all like those grizzled looking guys who you usually see on TV. “Hi Ryan, Rich Nelson, I’m with the LAPD Gay & Lesbian Sex Crimes Task Force.” Stunned, I said “Gay and Lesbian…?” He interrupted, “I’m gay myself and after a brief chat with your mother it seemed you might be more comfortable discussing things someone else who’s “family”, in other words, like you.” I thought, yeah that does make sense. “OK, that’s cool.” I told him as I launched into what I figured he wanted to know. “I remember exactly what he looked like, his name is Blake Laurence and I can take you to precisely where he lives.” I expected a little more enthusiasm from the detective upon hearing these details. Instead, he reached into a folder he was holding and said, “Does this look like the guy who assaulted you?” I was blown away. The composite sketch looked exactly like Blake. “Detective Nelson”, I sputtered, “that’s the guy! That’s Blake Laurence…I know where he lives.” Keeping the same low key manner, he said steadily “Please, call me Rich. Now here’s what we know, Ryan. His name, is not Blake Laurence, it’s Robert Kreske. He’s used about 20 aliases that we know of, so far. To date, we are aware of 16 different victims, all pretty the same MO. All teen males, aged 14 to 16, all found away from the scene of the crime, all with their penises cut off.” My mind was reeling. “Were they all from around here”, I asked. “No, they have been mostly in Northern California, until yesterday when he moved south.”, he replied. I said sort of numbly “Wow, 16 other dudes like me.” Then I remembered about a survivor that Dr. Gold mentioned. “Well actually, Ryan,” Rich continued, “Until yesterday, no one died. But one of yesterday’s victims bled to death, so we’re looking at a murder rap against Mr. Kreske, now.” I asked, “where did the other two attacks happen, det…um, Rich?’ He leaned forward and said, “if you’re up to it Ryan, I’d like to see if you might have any information regarding the other two boys. They were both from Woodland Hills, not far from where you live.” I wondered to myself if I might know them, as Rich went on “they were found in a public restroom near Zuma Beach, about 5 miles north of where you were found.’ Puzzled, I asked the detective, “Do you have their names?” He pulled a little notepad out and leafed through the pages as he announced “Yes, one boy is named Deke Michaels and the other boy, who was found dead…yes, his name was Steve Mac Farlane. Did you know either of these two?’ You could have knocked me over with a feather. I sat in stunned disbelief. I stuttered, “Those are the two guys that were supposed to pick me up and take me home! That’s why they never showed up. Oh My God!” I couldn’t help it, I broke down crying at the news. Detective Nelson, said quietly “I am sorry, Ryan. I had no idea you knew one another. We’ll stop for now. You might like to know, they’re transferring Deke Michaels here to UCLA, this afternoon. I’ll stop back tomorrow, perhaps I can interview both of you, together.” “I’m sorry”, I sobbed “I just had no idea about my friends, and to learn that Spank, uh Steve is dead, it’s just too awful.” As the detective left I heard him conversing quietly with Dr. Gold out in the hall. Dr. Gold returned to my room and sat on the chair next to my bed. He said softly as he took my hand “Ryan, I had no idea you knew the other boys. I wouldn’t have let him upset you had I known.” “It’s OK, Dr. Gold,” I managed, “He told me they were transferring Deke here this afternoon. Will I be able to see him? Maybe you could put us in the same room…” Dr. Gold put his hand to interrupt, “Perhaps, but I think I should prepare you a bit on Deke’s condition. He didn’t fare as well as you. I’ve seen some of his MRI and notes from the doctor, from where being transferred. It appears there’s been a lot more damage than in your case. From the looks of things, the attacker went quite deep into the root area of his penis. He’ll go into surgery upon his arrival, so I won’t know for sure until we get a first and look. From what I can tell, he’s likely facing a complete penectomy and mostly likely we will have to move his urethra to an opening we’ll create in the perineum. Probably the only thing remaining will be his scrotum and testicles.” Without really thinking I blurted out, “You mean he’ll have to squat to pee?” Dr Gold nodded yes and said, “I’m going have the nurse give you a mild sedative for now. Depending on how the surgery goes on your friend, I’ll see about putting you together after he’s out of ICU, if you’d like.” I shook my head yes and tried to understand the madness of the past 24 hours. Continued in Part 4