The Cobbler’s Tale

by

Kortpeel

I was repairing squire’s brogues, the ones he uses for walking around his estate when Doctor Granger, our local vet came into the shop.

“Hello Robbie.”  I was flattered that she remembered my name, me being only an apprentice.  And she’d only ever spoken to me once before.  She’s always very gracious. A real lady, I reckon and I get thoughts about her that I know I shouldn’t.  She’s tall, and pretty and she speaks so posh. She’s part of the local gentry really and doesn’t need to be a vet.  Just that she likes animals I suppose.

We all know that she’s keen on cutting off men’s balls too. She’s done quite a few of the fellows in our village. She reckons that men don’t need ‘em and are better off without ‘em.  I know she’s done Mr. Nailit, my master, and he always says she done him a favour.  He’d do anything for Doc Granger, Mr. Nailit would.

“Is Mr. Nailit here?”  she asked me.

“No ma’am.  He’s gone to deliver some shoes.”

“I see. Well, would you ask him to repair these for me.”  She handed me a pair of black patent leather dress heels.  Very nice shoes too. Quality.  “One of the heels has come loose and I want to them in time for the hunt ball.”

“Very good, Doctor Granger. I’ll tell him.”

I watched her walk out thinking what a lovely arse she had inside those tight jeans.  And what a lovely camel toe they’d given her when she walked into the shop.  ‘S funny how a woman can be so sexy and a lady at the same time.  Takes real class that does. I wondered what it would feel like having her cut my balls off. It’d be lovely having her soft hands feeling you up down there.

I sniffed her shoes and they smelt of lavender and talcum powder.  As Mr. Nailit always says, “You can tell a lady by the way her shoes smell.  A real lady‘ll never have smelly feet.”  But personally I don’t mind a bit of female sweat, as long as it isn’t too stale.  Funny though how sniffing a woman’s shoe gives you a hard on. I’ve never understood that.

I remembered the only other time I’d spoken to Doc Granger.  Not two months ago I was having it off with Mavis Sidebottom down by the river.  Well, Squire’s trout stream really but we call it a river.  Around here any stream that is too wide to jump over is a river. Mavis and I were both coming along nicely when I felt a riding boot on my bare arse.  I knew immediately whose boot it was. Hadn’t I repaired it with my own hands only the previous day?  Good job I had too. From the pressure my arse would have bled if there’d been any nails sticking out.

“Stop that immediately,” she’d said.

 What can you do under those circumstances?  I pulled out and we both stood up. Me bollock naked but Mavis let her skirt fall into position and she was dressed, apart from her knickers still around her right ankle.

“Just what do you two think you’re doing? And on private property too.”

“Please miss, we was ‘aving sex,” Mavis said, making a deep curtsey.  It wasn’t so much deference as an opportunity to pull up her knickers.  She stumbled getting her left leg in.

“We wasn’t poaching squire’s fish.”  In the village we all knew that squire never objected to a bit of casual fornication on his land.  He liked to watch from behind the bushes but he was strong on people poaching his trout.

Doctor Granger slipped the loop of her riding crop around my cluster, turned it so that the loop tightened and then she really did have me by the balls.  She raised it forcing me to stand on tip toe. Then she jerked it down again.  She turned it some more until my balls were bulging against my scrotum then let go of it. It dangled from my horizontal prick.  It was so humiliating. I wasn’t sure whether or not I should hand her the crop back or leave it there.

“What is your name, young man?”

“Robbie, miss.”

“Well, Robbie. I’m going to stop you walking around squire’s land with no clothes on.  And no more ‘having sex’ on it either.” Doc Janet turned to Mavis.  “Mavis Sidebottom, go and get my black bag from the horse.”

“No.” Mavis stood her ground, defiant. “He’s mine and you ain’t gonna cut him off.  Not yet anyway.”

I was astonished at how brave Mavis was, standing up to the Doc like that.  For us village folks Doc Granger wasn’t a person to cross. 

Doc Janet and Mavis glared at each other. I could see Mavis was trembling and scared but she was fighting for what was hers.  I felt a shock when it dawned on me that what Mavis was fighting for was me!  Having a tumble in the grass with Mavis was one thing but a lifetime commitment? That was something else.  I was beginning to see what the chaps meant when they said you’re better off without ‘em.

I don’t know what would have happened but at that point the riding crop fell off my prick.  The erection had gone down.

Mavis picked it up and handed it back to Doc Janet. “I believe this is yours.”

Doc Janet smiled. “You keep it Mavis. You’re a brave girl and you’ll need it keep him in line.”

Doc Janet left us but Mavis was looking at me the same way as Mr. Nailit had looked at his new car.  There was pride of ownership on her face.  “You’re mine. Doc Janet said so.”  As if to prove it to herself she gave me a hearty thwack across the buttocks with the crop.

“Ouch!”

“Stop moaning.  We’ll go to my place and tell mum the good news.”

“What good news?”

“That you’ve asked me to marry you.”

“But-“ I broke off as she raised the crop again.

“You’d better put your clothes on,” she said.

That night, when I checked in the mirror, it occurred to me that if there was ever a pub in all England called “the Welt and Bootprint,” my backside would have made a bloody good inn-sign for it.

I felt sick as I delivered the repaired shoes to Doc Granger’s house.  All this talk about weddings made me feel like a prisoner facing the gallows. Mavis and her mother, and my mother too come to that, could talk of nothing else. And I was supposed to be happy about it.  Why me?  Mavis had rolled in the grass with plenty of other boys from the village. Why didn’t one of them take her on?  The two faced bastards! I’d seen the smirk on their faces when they congratulated me. How come I was the one getting stuck with her? Life was bloody unfair.  And I was much too young to die.

Doc Granger was at home.  “Hello Robbie, I hear that congratulations are in order.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“You don’t sound very pleased.”

“No ma’am.”

“Well, come in and tell me about it.”

I did. It was a relief to be able to say what I really thought instead of having to act all pleased about it.  Doc Granger listened carefully.

“Hmm,” she said when I’d finished pouring my heart out.  “You really have got yourself into a spot, haven’t you?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“It isn’t so bad being married though.  I think Mavis will make you a good wife. She’s certainly sown all her wild oats so she’s ready to settle down.  She’s good breeding stock too.  She’ll give you healthy children.”

A vision of Mavis pregnant turned my stomach over. I had to fight the urge to puke.

Doc Janet noticed my pallor and the cold sweat I was in.  “Then again, perhaps you aren’t the marrying kind.”

“No ma’am. I don’t think I am. If you castrated me that would get me out of it.  Mavis wouldn’t want a man with no balls.”

Doc Janet considered that.  “Well, it’s simple enough to castrate you.  All male mammals are designed for castration and its beneficial effects.  But would that be that fair to Mavis?”

My reaction to that was “sod Mavis” but I didn’t say so.   “Mavis knows plenty of other boys and I’m not even her first choice.”

“You aren’t?  I’d have thought she was very keen on you from the way she stood up to me at Squire’s trout stream that day.”  She paused then added “It could be that it’s just marriage that she’s keen on.  Girls that age…  Who is her first choice?”

“Adam Bogroll, ma’am.  Farmer Bogroll’s son. She’s been keen on him for years.”

Doc Granger considered my answer for a moment while she expertly unzipped my pants and rolled my balls in her hand.  “Hmm, yes.  That explains a lot.”

“Ma’am?”

“Adam asked me to castrate him a few weeks ago. Naturally I obliged him.  I thought it was strange at the time as he didn’t seem ready for it.  But he is a bright lad and I assumed he understood the benefits for him.”

“So would you do me too, please Doctor Granger?”

“No Robbie. It wouldn’t be right at this stage.  I can’t disappoint Mavis like that again.  I want you to marry Mavis, make an honest woman of her and give her a clutch of kids.   If you still want I’ll do you in a year or two after these little fellows have done their work.”   Doc Granger gave my balls a gentle squeeze of reassurance but it didn’t help.  I was the condemned man whose last appeal had failed.

So I married Mavis. It wasn’t as bad as I’d feared, once the actual ceremony was over.  Mavis was so enthusiastic about being married she did her best to keep me happy too.  It wasn’t that difficult. A daily come one way or another was all it took. I finished my time with Mr. Nailit and he kept me on at tradesman’s rates.  Mavis discovered she was pregnant and presented me with a fine young son. He weighed seven and a half pounds when he popped out which is unusual for a baby born two months premature.  He put me in mind a bit of Adam Bogroll too so I invested in a dna check.

Sure enough. The kid was a Bogroll. A quiet word with Adam Bogroll’s dad, Farmer Bogroll, got a promise of expenses and he said he’d keep it up as long as he could see his bastard grandson now and again. He was very reasonable about it but as Mavis pointed out it was the only grandson he’d ever have, now that Adam was a eunuch. The old man was pissed off with Adam for having it done.  Seeing as the baby was Adam’s son we called him Seth.  However we registered him as my baby, a Robson, just to keep old man Bogroll on his toes.  He might have claimed him for himself or something.

It didn’t take long for Mavis to get pregnant again and this time it was my kid.  The dna proved it.  Mavis was quite offended that I’d checked up on her.

“What sort of woman do you think I am?” she asked me.  I didn’t answer that.  The subsequent reaction to a truthful answer would have been more than I wanted to put up with.

With two young kids to look after Mavis was happily fulfilling her destiny and putting on a lot of weight in doing so.  She wasn’t much interested in anything else.  The riding crop neatly hanging over the fireplace on the chimney breast reminded me that it was time to see Doc Granger again.  I told Mavis what I had in mind. She was sat in the armchair with one kid on each tit. Little Seth had most of his teeth by that stage but that didn’t bother Mavis.  She looked like the great Earth Mother sat there with her kids.

“You want to have your balls out?  What for?”

“Woman, they’re more trouble than they’re worth. I’ll be much better off without ‘em.”

“But we can’t have any more kids if you do that.”

“That’s right. And there’d better not be any more kids either.”  The great Earth Mother looked so disappointed but two kids these days are enough for any couple, even if the grandfather is paying for one of ‘em.

Oddest thing happened at the shop next day.  Squire came in with his shot gun under one arm and asked for Mr. Nailit.  He was all red in the face and angry looking.  Mr. Nailit and Squire went out the back. I heard raised voices but not the actual words.  Then Doc Granger came rushing in.  Had I seen Squire?

“He’s out the back, Ma’am. With Mr. Nailit,”

She ran after them and I heard more raised voices.  Doc Granger’s voice carried well and there was some very unladylike language from her.

Afterwards I saw Squire storm out, his face like thunder and Doc Granger running after him.

Mr. Nailit came into the shop looking pleased with himself.   “Robbie, I’m retiring. You can take over the shop if you want.”

I didn’t know what to say.  I just stared open-mouthed.

“Squire’s very kindly allowed me fishing rights on his trout stream,” Mr. Nailit said.  There was a smug triumphant look on his face.

Of course it all came out in the end. In our village it always does.  Mr. Nailit had photographed squire jerking off in the bushes while he perved on a couple fucking by the stream. I never saw the pictures but it could have been me and Mavis that time.  Squire had a suspended sentence hanging over him for being a peeping tom.  It near broke squire’s heart to share his fishing rights with a tradesman but, I must say, it was the neatest bit of blackmail I’d ever seen.

Of course, it came right once Doc Granger fixed squire. Sorted out his bad temper and his heart condition nicely, that did.  Squire and Mr. Nailit became good friends after that.

Me? I got Doc Granger to fix me once it had all settled down.  Mavis was there with the kids to help.  She wasn’t at all happy about it. She was fussing and carrying on like an old hen. Doc Granger had just snipped off my first ball when the baby started crying and Mavis went outside to feed him. It was much better without her there.

It was such a relief when Doc Granger snipped off the second ball.  It felt like freedom at last.

Personally I think Doc Granger is right and any man is better off without ‘em.  There’s a lovely sense of calm and of self control once you settle down to it.  Mavis doesn’t really mind.  She’s so fat these days that she’s not interested in sex any more. At least she doesn’t have to worry about her husband straying with another woman.  Meanwhile our two kids are growing up nicely and this cobbler is sticking to his last.