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XXXIII The Concert Karen had told the boys that they should sleep in the morning of the concert, but they were far too wired. By 7 AM they were all up, showered and dressed, and were seated in the huge dining room in the hotel. Each of them had particular problems they wanted to go over with Karen, but on the whole there was a positive atmosphere that could have come from only one source: Karen herself. Andy was a little more apprehensive than the others. He hadn't had nearly as much practice as his brothers, but it was more than that. He had a plan, and he wasn't at all sure he could pull it off. But he had the determination he'd learned from the Conners, so right or wrong, good or bad, he was committed to seeing it through to the end. He bolted down his ample breakfast, then enticed Christopher back upstairs with the pretext of working on the duet they were supposed to do. Once there with the door closed, he shared his plan and how he was counting on the little boy's help. "Can ya do it?" Andy asked after he'd laid out his plan. "It's really important to me, Chris." "Gee," the little boy answered, "I dunno. Why me anyway? I don't wanna cause any trouble. Why not Paul?" "It's gotta be you, Christopher! I explained that to you. Please help me. This is something I gotta do, and you'll make it a lot easier." "But Charlie... and Mom... what're they gonna say? What're they gonna think? I love them, Andy. I don't wanna hurt them." "That's why I need you to help me. I know they'll understand. You're more like Charlie than Paul is, and you are so good at communicating! Please help me? Please?" "I want to Andy. I really want to help you, but I just don't know..." "Ok," Andy said. He was a little disappointed, but he didn't want to push it. "You think about it, and when the time comes just do what you think is right. And whatever you do, I love you, lil brother. Just keep that in your mind. I loved you the first time I saw you in that dorm in Italy, a scared little boy thinking you were trying to get away from some sort of pervert. I love you, Christopher, and I always will." They spent most of the day at the arena, checking the lights, sound system, and getting used to singing in the gigantic space with feedback speakers pointed directly at them so they could hear themselves. Andy watched with amazement as Karen took charge and directed the entire operation. Guido had hired two professional directors, but it didn't take them long to learn that Karen, and not they, would make the final decisions about how the whole thing would go down. These directors had thought themselves pretty talented, but they bowed to a greater power and contented themselves with providing the technical details that Karen simply didn't know, never having been in this position before. For the millionth time it seemed, Andy was struck with awe at the incredible family he'd found himself in, and the invincible woman who led them all. Then he shuddered at how close he'd come to throwing it all away. Then he thought again of his plan. Was he crazy? Or was it the plan of the century? Guido had arranged for a fairly hearty lunch to be brought in, then a much lighter dinner at about 6. Showtime was at 8 and no one wanted much to eat, but Karen's primary responsibility was as a mother, and she insisted that they all eat something. Fortunately they all liked salads, so that's what they ate. As they finished their meal and were thinking of getting dressed, a telegram arrived. It was from Carlo in prison saying that he would not get there for obvious reasons, but he offered his encouragement and good wishes. Charlie didn't say anything, but it was plain to everyone that Carlo's best wishes had meant a lot to him. Charlie took Christopher aside and hugged him, then kissed him. The little boy was extremely apprehensive and Charlie understood why. Christopher had been destined to be Guido's son until his wife died suddenly, and he still had a very deep feeling for the man. "He'll love you as always," Charlie said. "Signore Guido is a good musician, and he appreciates our music as well as his own because he knows talent when he sees it, and you've certainly got talent." "I know, Charlie. But I want him to know that I've not wasted all the training he gave me. I want him to be proud of me so bad!" "He's already proud of you, Chris. We all are." * * * The whole show was introduced by a local TV personality. He stood on the stage, the only light in the entire arena being the single spotlight on him. He told his audience that they were about to experience the best kept secret of North Carolina. He gave a brief history of the Conner family, then turned and said simply, "Do it, guys! Just like I've heard y'all do it before." And do it they did! Billy was on drums, his very first public appearance; Karen stood at an array of five keyboards; Andy was alternating between an amplified acoustic guitar and an electric; Dennis held his new electric guitar. Charlie was on bass guitar, occasionally switching to another keyboard as the need arose; Paul had an electric guitar that he'd learned to play almost overnight. The music training he and Christopher had received in Italy had been superb; so much so that both boys seemed to be able to play just about any instrument with very little instruction. But the unchallenged star of the show, the one who stole the show and ran away with it, was little Christopher and his violin... er... make that FIDDLE. After all, this was a COUNTRY band! When Christopher first appeared on stage to do a violin solo, he started a routine that only he, Karen, and Dennis knew about. Karen struck a chord, and Chris began to play. The violin is not a large instrument; but it seemed huge when held by the little boy. But he demonstrated, as he began to play, that he was unquestionably the master. He played the first few bars of "Ave Maria" but was interrupted by Dennis, who left his position in the band and walked to the front of the stage. "Uhhh Christopher," he said, his voice booming with as much authority as he could muster, "what're you doing?" "I'm playing my violin solo, Father," Christopher answered in his most innocent little boy voice. It took a great deal of effort to keep from grinning, but somehow he managed. "And doing it beautifully!" Dennis answered. "But... there's one little problem." "Problem, Father?" Christopher questioned in that same innocent voice. "You don't like my playing?" "I love your playing, son!" Dennis answered. "But this is a country band! These kind folks..." he gestured toward the audience, "They didn't come to hear that kind of music. We're a country band! Do you know any country songs, Christopher?" "Like... Like what, Father?" By now the rest of the band had figured out what was going on. They all did their best to keep a poker face, but were only partly successful. Chris was so serious! He looked as if he were about to start crying right there on the stage! He had just displayed another talent that no one had known he possessed: he was a born actor! "Well," Dennis said with a grin, "one of my favorite country fiddle songs is 'The Devil Went Down to Georgia.' Do you know that one?" "I think so, sir. I've heard it and I think I can do it." "Good. Let's try it, ok? I'll help you by doing the vocal." The result drove the arena full of screaming fans absolutely wild, and secured Christopher firmly in their hearts. Of course everyone who gave it any thought at all knew it was a spoof, but they still loved that tiny figure standing on the stage doing whatever he pleased with his violin and doing it well. Christopher had learned the violin in Italy; he had heard fiddling in North Carolina and applied his own skills to this new phenomenon. He had completely charmed first Andy, then the rest of the Conner clan; now he had charmed twenty thousand people in an arena the very same way, by just being himself. When Chris again stepped out front on the stage for his first vocal solo, he was totally unprepared for what happened. He wasn't exactly nervous because he'd performed many times, even soloed many times in Italy. But when twenty thousand people saw that tiny boy appear in a glittering blue cowboy suit complete with wide brimmed hat, hanging on his back by its draw string around his neck, they erupted. They already knew him as an incredible violinist, and now his crystal clear voice was showing that same skill and confidence. The lights mesmerized him; the roar of the crowd brought him to life. When he started to sing, his voice so high, so clear, so pure that it defied description, the crowd went wild! They had come on a holiday to hear an unknown quantity; they had warmed to a beautiful little blonde boy with an Italian accent, and they were determined to make that clear to him. The more he sang, the noisier it got; the noisier it got, the louder, clearer, more powerful he got. Charlie stood back, strumming his bass guitar as Christopher became more and more animated, more into the job at hand, and he admired him. He'd been afraid that he would envy him, having lost his own soprano voice forever; but Christopher was so good, so incredibly talented, so in touch with the audience that Charlie knew, and was thankful for the fact, that even at his very best he wasn't even in the same league with Chris! "And he's my brother!" Charlie said to himself. The first half of the performance lasted an hour and twenty minutes. There was a twenty minute break, then a tiring troupe of musicians were back on stage for another hour. In their wildest dreams they never dared hope for the reception they were getting. And then, far too soon for all of them, they did their closing numbers. First Chris sang "America The Beautiful," backed up by the entire group in harmony. He was followed by Paul who sang the National Anthem by himself; no instruments, no vocal backup. Both songs have some pretty high notes, but they were no match for two very pumped-up boys. They loved their home, their country, even were beginning to like themselves, and it all came out in their singing. The entire group left their positions and formed a line on the stage, then bowed to the audience. The applause kept coming. They bowed again. Still more applause. Karen was getting ready to signal the hands backstage to lower the curtain when Andy stepped forward, picked up a mike and raised his hand in a gesture that requested silence. The applause stopped. Everyone on the stage, especially Karen and Charlie, noticed that he was trembling uncontrollably. No one had the slightest idea what he was up to, but Karen had always encouraged everyone to be innovative. Well, this was certainly innovation at its most extreme. Andy was scared to death! "L-l-ladies and gentlemen," Andy began with a shaky, faltering voice, "o-on behalf of my family, I thank you for your overwhelming reception. We don't have an encore prepared because we never dreamed we'd need one. But there is a song I'd like to sing for you now. Over the past month I have done some pretty terrible things, and some pretty stupid things. They tell me that's normal when you're a teenager, but it sure doesn't feel normal to me. I hurt my brother Charlie so much I don't know if he can ever forgive me, and I don't blame him if he never does. But I want you to know I love you, Charlie, and I always will even if you never speak to me again. Our mom, who put this whole show together, suggested that I put my feelings to music, so that's what I'd like to do. This is a song I heard the Statler Brothers sing. It's had no legal clearing, I don't even know if I can legally sing it without violating some copyright law, but I don't care. I thank the Statler Brothers for introducing me to the song, and if they have a problem with me singing it now, they'll just have to sue me. It expresses how I feel the best way I know how, so with your kind permission, I'd like to sing it now and dedicate it to my brother Charlie. You're totally awesome, dude!" Chris stood and watched Andy as he made his speech. He saw him tremble; heard the insecurity in his voice. He loved Andy more in that moment than he'd ever done in his life. Ever since their first meeting in the empty dormitory, Christopher had admired Andy. He had been in total panic when he'd seen this stranger in his dorm, and had come very close to wetting his pants when the stranger caught him. But Andy had held him, restrained him, but never gave the slightest hint that he meant any harm. To Christopher he was as strong as an ox, tough as nails; yet gentle as a lamb. Now he was standing in front of a crowd of people, more people than Christopher had ever seen in one place before, baring his soul! As the tears threatened, Christopher knew he had no choice; he had to do whatever he could to help Andy, his brother! Andy backed toward Karen and whispered. She nodded and went back to her keyboards. She played a short introduction as Billy took his place at the drums, Dennis picked up his guitar, Christopher his violin. Charlie, not having the slightest idea what they were doing, picked up his bass guitar and waited. As his mother got into the intro he recognized it and began to play along, as did all the others. This was a song they'd sung a few times but decided they weren't going to sing in the concert; but it seems Andy was going to change all that. Right on cue, in the most beautiful voice anyone had ever heard come out of Andy, he began to sing. If it makes any difference, and I'm sure that it won't If you think I laugh and take in life, you're wrong, this time I don't. Look at me if you're still looking for the place the blame should fall. I'm sick and simply sorry, if it makes any difference at all. As he finished the first verse, Christopher joined him on the chorus, his crisp clear soprano voice singing tenor two octaves above, as Charlie had done in his gospel quartet. If it makes any difference about me and you If it makes any difference any more what I do. Knowing how I've made you feel this blue, being about so tall, I'm sorry and I love you, if it makes any difference at all. Christopher took two steps back to allow Andy to sing the next verse alone. The little boy harmonized with his violin. If it makes any difference, I was wrong from the start These aren't more sweet talkin' words, these are from the heart. I've walked around the truth before, but this time I'm ready to crawl. What else can I say but I'm sorry, if it makes any difference at all. Charlie realized what Andy was doing. He knew how difficult it must have been and he began to feel deep remorse for his attitude over the past two weeks. So he communicated with Andy the way he always did best: he joined the other two and sang tenor in the closing chorus. If it makes any difference about me and you If it makes any difference any more what I do. Knowing now I've made you feel this blue, being about so tall, I'm sorry and I love you, if it makes any difference at all. There was very little applause after Andy finished his song. At the end, everyone in the group was playing and singing, including Charlie. Somehow the audience had sensed that this was a very serious situation, one that demanded empathy, not noisy applause. Andy got his empathy, but it mattered little to him. What mattered was Charlie's reaction; but Charlie couldn't react because his tears prevented it. * * * "That was truly beautiful, Andy," Karen said when they were finally backstage. "But when I suggested you sing the way you feel, I never dreamed you'd do it in front of the world." "Yeah, man," Charlie added as he hugged Andy, "TRULY beautiful!" "Ya think so Charlie?" Andy said, ignoring Karen completely. "No, I don't think so, I KNOW so! I also know I'd like to do two things now." "Two things?" Andy questioned. They were standing backstage facing each other, still embracing, each looking deep into the eyes of the other. "Uh-huh. First I'm gonna kill that little shit we call a brother for helping you make me cry on stage. Then I'm gonna take you off somewhere, just the two of us, and take up where we left off. Any objections?" "Yeah," Andy grinned. "I don't think we should kill Christopher. He's a pretty decent lil shit." "Andy," a small voice came from behind, "My name is Chris, remember?" "If... if you say so... CHRIS," Andy said. "But that doesn't mean you aren't still a lil shit!" "You ain't seen nuthin' yet," he returned. "Charlie, are you gonna get this big bag o' wind outa here or what? If you don't I'm gonna be forced to tease him till he wants to kill me too." "Right away, CHRIS!" Charlie answered as he grabbed Andy's hand and led him to the door. "I'm so sorry, Andy," Charlie said when they'd found a small room where they could be alone, "I shouldn't have reacted..." "I don't want to hear it," Andy said as he placed his index finger on Charlie's lips. "Lisa said some terrible things about you, and I just stood there and let her say them. You reacted the way you always do, by showing your true feelings. But it doesn't matter who shoulda done what. All that matters now is I'd like to kiss you, if it's all right." Charlie didn't answer. He couldn't, because his mouth was sealed against Andy's, his tongue exploring deeply. Andy moaned softly as he tasted the sweetness in his mouth and went totally limp (except for one part of him) at the thought that suddenly popped into his mind: that he hadn't lost Charlie forever. "We better get back to the others," he said when he'd finally pulled away from Charlie. "Just hold that thought till bedtime. Right now Guido's throwing a party for us and I think people will talk if we're not there." "Let 'em talk!" Charlie answered. "I got a month's catching up to do." "C'mon, you horny lil eunuch," Andy laughed. "It'll be all that much sweeter if we wait all evening and think about it." "WOW!" Charlie exclaimed after they'd been in bed for an hour. "Now I know what they mean when they say making up is great. We gotta have a fight like that more often." "I sure hope you're kidding," Andy answered. "I never wanna go through that again." "I'm kidding," Charlie confirmed. "I'm not thrilled at the prospects of going through it either." They talked well into the night about what had happened and why it happened. Each admitted to part of the fault, each apologized to the other, and both committed to stop and think a little more before they acted. Finally Charlie snuggled into Andy the way he'd done so many times and whispered "Let's go to sleep, Andy. I wanna wake up just like this, and I can't unless we get to sleep." Needless to say after that concert, which got aired on TV stations across the nation, the Conner family was very popular, very much in demand. Before they knew it they were making appearances all over the country. They were making records, and most important of all, trying to balance their new fame and success with the simple life of a farm family which none of them wanted to give up. And that's where we'll leave them, struggling to balance their success as performers with their efforts to build an enlarged farm, and of course their incredible success at building a family that was itself no small miracle. The Conner Family never will become a household name, and they'll probably never produce a gold record. They've been told they probably could, but the farming lifestyle they have chosen is simply inconsistent with an entertainer's life. The constant traveling, doing one night stands and living out of a bus, simply didn't appeal to them. To engage in such a lifestyle would mean giving up their lives as farmers, and they simply were not prepared to do that. They had many family discussions about it so they knew their options and the price of each. And they paid the price gladly for the life they all enjoy. The jury is still out on who of the boys is gay and who is not; who is in love with whom and who, if anyone, will pair off and with whom. They aren't worried about it, so why should we? At the moment each has three brothers and loves them all; each has been intimate with the others and is comfortable with their experiences and not worried about labels or categories. Each knows the other will be there for him should he need it; one by one they have all proved their love, their devotion, their commitment. Karen and Dennis are aware of some of the activities the boys have been up to, but not all. They also suspect that they don't know all there is to know, but they're not worried about that either. They are sensitive people so they can see the love that bonds their sons together, and that is enough for them. Karen had often, as the family grew from one son to two and then four, expressed sentiments that she was getting more and more outnumbered as the male population increased. But she seems to have covered that issue too. She announced right after their inaugural show that she is pregnant; and she already knows that the baby is a girl! Well, actually, twin girls! The boys are all thrilled at the prospect of having two little sisters. They will be two very spoiled little girls. Andy decided not to start college right away. He had only had a real home for three years and he simply was not ready to leave it. There was the farm expansion to deal with, three brothers being home schooled and Karen could use all the help she could get with that project, to say nothing of the busy concert and recording schedule they were keeping. So tentative plans are for him and Charlie to start at the same time, when Charlie graduates in two years. Paul and Chris wasted no time getting used to the idea of being typical farm kids. They were devoted to each other, and between them they could find more mischief to get into than Karen and Dennis ever dreamed possible. Incidents like going swimming in the sewage lagoon, underestimating the depth of mudholes and coming home filthy, falling in the manure trough countless times in the barn, were all commonplace. Those two spent as much time in the shower as they did in their beds! But they were good kids, hard workers and good students. Charlie stopped his hormone shots as soon as his voice and emotions settled down. His doctor protested, saying that he could never be a normal man without hormones. Charlie countered that he wasn't normal and never could be anyway, and he missed the "eunuch calm" he'd had before he started taking the shots. "Besides," he argued, "it's not as if I can't start again if I ever need it. Paul is still taking a very small dose - enough to support a fairly normal growth and development, but not enough to force his voice to change. His plan is to increase the dosage when he is 14 or 15, then follow Charlie's example and quit again once the ravages of puberty are dealt with. Billy Chan is very much a part of the Conner family now. He has had a bit of pressure from his family to return to Texas, but he has told them in no uncertain terms that he's not leaving. He has his own little farm now, but he doesn't work it as a separate entity. For all practical purposes, it is just a part of what has become known for miles around as "the Conner farm." The Conner family has included various prisons in their performance schedule, including Western Youth Institution. In fact, they made their first appearance at Western on Christmas Eve, the year after Charlie had spent Christmas in a cell at this very prison. Charlie remembered how devastatingly lonely it had been, how deathly quiet the entire place had been. Most inmates were locked down over the Holiday because there was a skeleton staff on duty so most employees could be home with their families, but not any more! Charlie had made a commitment to Larry on his last night in the prison, and having been a prisoner himself he understood how much a pledge like that would mean to Larry. This was something Charlie had to do and the rest of the family understood that, so they supported him. To their surprise, they all had a fantastic time! There is one more song I want to leave with you. It's a song that the Conner family sings during every performance, almost every time they get together at home. Many musical groups and performers choose something as a "signature song," a song with which they want to be identified. The Conner's didn't choose this song, but it has become something of a de facto signature for them. Each of the four boys has sung it as a solo; they have sung it in duets, and the entire group has sung it together. Every time they sing it, they sing it to each other. Perhaps that's why it's always requested, because it illustrates for all to see the pure love and admiration each has for the other. This song has been sung by a variety of artists, was introduced quite some time ago by a country music legend: George Jones. In this writer's opinion there is not much good to be said about the technical merits of George's singing; but he still packs 'em in, still gets his point across and touches hearts as well as the most highly trained opera singer. But then with songs like this, is there any wonder? The chorus goes something like this: You're as smoo-ooth as Tennessee whiskey You're as sweet as strawberry wine You're as warm as a glass of brandy And I stay stoned on your love all the time. The End (or is it the beginning?)
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