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IV Tim Finds A Clinic
Over the next month or so Tim spent many hours chatting with Eric. He told him of all the incidents in his life that had led to his final decision while Eric tried to convince him to consider being castrated instead. "If you simply cut off your cock you'll still have the same desires and needs," he said. "But you will have no way of relieving yourself. You won't be attractive to women, and even men won't want you if you continue to refuse to even discuss anal sex." But Tim had made up his mind. "That's exactly what I want," he replied every time it was brought up. He said that he loved his cock and the feelings it gave him, but it was time his sex life was over, and this was the way he had chosen. Eric was really beginning to develop a feeling for Tim now, so he continued to try and convince his new young e-friend to consider other alternatives. Tim was sure he wasn't going to take Eric's suggestions. Eric was all about slavery and bondage, torture and pain. None of those things interested Tim, although he had tried to get himself interested because so far Eric was the only chance he had; but try as he might, he simply could not force himself to accept submitting himself to such indignities. He had been severely traumatized by his dream, especially considering the fact that he had no one to share it with or discuss its meaning. He kept up his association with Eric though, because if nothing else turned up, this was better than nothing. If he absolutely could not find a legitimate medical facility to do the job, he might have to resort to what Eric was offering. It wasn't what he wanted, but the end result would be the same. If he got desperate, he thought, he could always enlist the help of Larry to act as a monitor to be sure Eric didn't go too far. If Tim had been skilled enough to do a little more self analysis, he would have known that his chats with Eric were somewhat therapeutic. Even though Eric was only a name and someone somewhere in the huge cloud that is called Internet, he was someone with whom Tim had shared things he'd never told anyone else. Eric was the only one who knew of Tim's passion and plans. Anyone who had taken Psychology 101 would realize what Tim didn't: that what he was planning was very traumatic and had to be talked out, so Tim had a deep need to keep up the association even though he was becoming terrified of the man. Tim was excited by Eric's proposition. He wouldn't be completely nullified as he wanted, but it would be the second best thing. He was already planning to go far beyond the month commitment he'd made to Eric. Perhaps he could start the rest of his life now, so when he finally had the surgery it would be no big deal. He would be removing a part of his body he no longer used anyway. This was gonna be great! Before he shut down the computer, Tim checked for mail on his phoney email accounts, but there was nothing there. He followed up on two links he'd heard about on the Eunuch Archive, but they both turned out to be nothing of interest. One of them did indeed do SRS surgery, but only after extensive psychological testing. The other was a urinary clinic that claimed to do all sorts of different "cosmetic" surgeries, but only on patients over 18. Same old crap! he muttered to himself as he secured everything and then shut the computer down. What the heck is so special about bein' 18 anyway? It was still early, so he wandered downstairs to see his family. In his mind this was what he would do if he were facing surgery in the morning, and in his fantasies that's precisely what he was doing. "Is something wrong?" Tim's Dad asked as he noticed his son drifting about the living area as if lost. Terry's giggle was too much. Tim loved that giggle! It was so honest, so innocent, so infectious! He attacked his brother, and in minutes both boys were rolling on the living room floor, both giggling and tickling, punching playfully, showing every indication they were going to trash the entire house before they were through. "Boys!" their mother yelled. It didn't take too long for Tim to get the better of his brother. Of course they both knew he would, but the tussle had been fun for both of them anyway. Now Tim was sitting on Terry's chest, his knees holding Terry's elbows nailed to the floor. The little boy was panting, sweating, still struggling, and still giggling. Tim noticed with some dismay that he was hard as a rock, and he knew Terry had noticed it as well. But Tim had noticed that Terry was also somewhat aroused. It hadn't been on purpose, but during their wrestling Tim had brushed his brother's groin and felt the unmistakable prodding of a penis that was obviously not that of a little boy. Terry was indeed in puberty! "You got a woodie!" Terry giggled, not loud enough for their parents to hear. In his room, Tim was half expecting his brother to ask to come in, but he didn't. Tim didn't know if he was relieved or disappointed as he busied himself getting ready for bed. Once he was down to his boxers, he slipped out the bedroom door and across the hall to the bathroom. At the last moment he remembered his commitment and sat down to relieve himself. This isn't gonna be too bad, he said to himself. Actually I kinda like the idea of sitting down to pee, and I know Mom's gonna love it! No more piss on the floor and toilet seat! Back in his room, Tim carefully locked the door. He fired up his computer and looked for a hot story to get his engine really running. He browsed a few stories, but couldn't find exactly what he wanted. He then went to a picture site he had often visited, and there he wasn't disappointed. He began browsing through dozens of pictures of naked boys and men, each one invoking a fantasy in his mind as he slowly manipulated himself. This was going to be so awesome, he thought, his last orgasm! He was really playing the part now, so he decided to go to bed and make up his own story, acting it out as he went. Just as he was getting settled, his mom tapped on the door. "Telephone, Tim," she said. "It's Larry." "Hi Larry," Tim said when he had put on his robe and picked up the phone in his parents' room. Now Tim had to go get clearance with his parents for all that he'd just agreed to, but he knew it wouldn't be a problem and he was right. "I wish I had got interested in golf when I was your age," his father said. "I honestly think that I could go further in my career if I was a golfer, but at my age it just doesn't seem to work." Tim thanked his parents, then again headed for bed. It gave him a true, genuine warm feeling that his parents were so approving of his very best friend. He would never have admitted it to his mom, but she was right. Larry was indeed a "nice" boy, and worth any sacrifice Tim had to make to spend time with, including a day on the golf course. Tim's Imaginary Emasculation "Are you sure this is what you want, Tim?" a pretty male nurse asked. In Tim's imagination, the nurse bore a striking resemblance to Terry, his brother. Tim gasped as he tried to keep himself still on the hospital bed. This was total heaven! Where in the world had this nurse been all his life? Why couldn't they have gone to high school together? Why couldn't they have been lovers all these years? If that had happened, Tim knew that he wouldn't now be lying naked on a hospital bed, only a few hours away from being asexual forever! The sensations coursing through his body were so incredible as this man who looked like his brother stroked him gently, erotically. Tim reached out his hand and felt the nurse's ample erection through his briefs. He could see a small wet spot on the fabric, obviously a drop or two of precum. The nurse responded by slipping his briefs down with his free hand, then getting up on the bed to give his patient free access to his body. "When you cum," the nurse said softly, "do you want it, or would you rather I take it?" Tim felt the storm building in his loins, so he slowed his strokes almost to a stop while his fantasy went on. His doomed cock was drooling a steady stream now, and in his mind his nurse's was running a stream that had covered his entire hand. He continued to admire the body of the imaginary man who was getting him off and would then put him to sleep. He was about Tim's age, although Tim knew in reality there would never be a sixteen year old nurse doing what this one was doing; but this was a fantasy, and anything goes in a fantasy. He was as handsome as a god, built like a swimmer and tanned a light golden brown. His cock might well have been a clone of Tim's, although perhaps a shade larger, and it was uncircumcised, just like Terry's. Tim had picked up the pace of his stroking without even knowing it as his fantasy took complete control of his mind. The nurse arranged himself on the bed so that he would have oral access to Tim's load when it came, and Tim would have access to his. They both knew it wouldn't be long now. "Think about your orgasm, Tim," the nurse said almost in a whisper. "Analyze it when it comes; savor it; enjoy it! Remember as you start to cum that this will be the last time in your life you will have this feeling! Make it count, my handsome young friend!" Tim did indeed make it count. When he felt his first shot building, he was totally paralyzed as his entire body went rigid, every ounce of his strength and consciousness centered on the tiny muscles deep in his groin that would propel his seed out of his manhood. He moaned softly, urgently as the first volley came, landing squarely on his face as if it had been trained. The fantasy was forgotten now as Tim concentrated with everything in him on his orgasm. It was truly sensational! "That was truly wonderful!" the imaginary nurse exclaimed as Tim came down off his high. "Sleep now, my handsome young friend! When you wake up, you will have your wish." Tim's fantasy that night, the night before he was to begin his month of celibacy, had a very dramatic effect on his mind. He awoke at 4 AM, having just had another bone rattling orgasm in his sleep. It was the first wet dream Tim had ever had, and would be his last for quite a while; but of course Tim didn't know that. The experience served only to encourage Tim in his quest. Now he knew that his body had a safety valve that worked; if he couldn't get himself off, his body had the ability to do it on its own! At least that's what he thought. He had a bit of a mess to clean up in the morning. Two huge orgasms had left their unmistakable mark on his bed clothes, so before he went for a shower he had to change the sheets. He rolled up the soiled ones and hid them in his closet, planning to wash them when he got home from school. Remembering that he was supposed to be acting as if the surgery had already been done, he smiled to himself. This is the last time I'm gonna have to do this exercise, he said to himself. "Man, you musta had some kinda good time last night," Terry exclaimed as soon as they'd left the house. "I never heard so much moaning and groaning in my life!" Now Tim was nervous; or was he simply incredibly turned on? What exactly had his little brother heard? What had he seen, and when? Could it be that he had got so turned on, so involved in what he was doing that he hadn't noticed Terry watching him? Tim thought he was always very careful and had always locked the door before his sessions. But he also knew how easy it was to defeat that simple lock. He thought about getting a bolt for his door, but then he remembered that would no longer be a problem. He was done with that sort of thing, wasn't he? There was no doubt in his mind that he would do his month of celibacy with no problem whatsoever, and having done the month he would just continue. His hardon got even harder as he thought about that last big orgasm, the REAL last one, after having deprived himself for almost a full year until just before his emasculation. Man, that was going to be something! Tim actually enjoyed school that day. Sitting to pee wasn't as much of a hassle as he had expected. There were booths with toilets in the boys' washrooms, but there were no doors! But to Tim's surprise, no one seemed to notice that he wasn't standing at the urinals. Of course in the booths he didn't enjoy the scenery he'd always made a point to watch as he relieved himself, but that wasn't necessarily bad as he tried to force his mind to think of other things. He was hard as a rock all day and didn't see any relief from this situation any time soon, so he resolved to buy himself some briefs to do what he could to restrain his raging member. Tim did. He went into a great deal of detail about his evening, beginning with his wrestling match with his brother and how hot that had made him. He went on to describe his fantasy, about the male nurse who insisted on looking like his brother no matter how hard Tim had tried to imagine someone else. He described how that imaginary nurse had got him off, and how his imagination had actually taken control of his mind and given him the most intense orgasm he had ever experienced. Eric watched the description of Tim's evening as it appeared on his screen, line by line. Before Tim had really got into his account, Eric was breathing hard and... well... HARD! Before Tim had got halfway through, Eric was creaming his jeans, literally! By the time he had finished, Eric had done it again! Somehow, some way, Eric had to meet Tim! He HAD to! But at the same time he had come to the realization that he had met someone he cared for. This young sixteen year old had more than captured Eric's fantasies; he had captured his heart! Tim hadn't been exactly truthful with his chat buddy. Yes, he did have an assignment he had to do tonight, but he knew it wouldn't take that long. But he wanted to track down three leads he'd got from answers to his Internet ads. Hopefully they would give him some real leads to where he could get his surgery. He was starting to get really frustrated with Eric, but he had to keep up the contact just in case. If nothing else turned up, he might have to resort to Eric, as much as he found the idea distasteful. And then there was Terry. His little brother had said this morning that he wanted to talk tonight, and Tim was very anxious to hear what he had to say. He wasn't very proud of what was in his mind, would never have admitted it, but Tim was wondering, hoping, would Terry want to talk about his sexuality? Not that Tim would ever bring it up, but if Terry did... Tim's thoughts drifted to Nathan and their encounter in the Boy Scout tent. He had just told Eric about the guilt he was bearing for that incident, and that revelation was a surprise even to Tim. As he thought about the boy he thought he'd harmed irreparably, and he wished things could have been different with Nathan. Tim and Terry were four years apart in age. Why the hell couldn't their parents have had another boy in between? And why couldn't that boy have been Nathan? Once more Tim thought of calling him, but then he remembered the consequences and he abandoned the idea. Nathan was better off without him and he knew it. There were five emails tonight, but only one of interest to Tim. The four discards were all from "cutters" who were anxious to meet Tim, all assuring him that they could do the job with the skill and finesse of a major surgeon. Of these Tim wanted no part; but the fifth had Tim's heart really racing! It was a link... just a link! There was no message, no other information, just a link; but Tim had a feeling about this link. Just as his shaking finger clicked the mouse, there was a light tap on his bedroom door. "Tim?" a young male voice called. "Can I come in?" Tim quickly clicked on STOP on his browser, then closed the window and unlocked the door. "Tim, can you please help me with this math?" Terry said. "I been workin' on it all evening and I just don't get it! I asked Mom and she tried, but she said you're a lot better at math than anyone else in this family. Can ya? Please?" Tim felt his already stiff boner growing and intensifying. There stood his little brother, clad only in his briefs again, looking up at him innocently, holding a math book and scribbler in his left hand. He was the picture of innocent beauty, the personification of the young prince in the story Tim had been reading. Does he have any idea what he's doing to me? Tim wondered. Is he tryin' to drive me nuts? Or is he so naive he has no idea what his gorgeous little body does to me? Does he really want help with his math, or does he want help with something else? Tim thought about this morning as they parted. We'll talk later, he'd said. Was this why he was here? "C'mon in," Tim said as he opened the door wider, then closed and locked it as soon as Terry was in the room. Why had he locked the door? Tim didn't really know, but it seemed like the thing to do. The two boys sat down at Tim's desk and Terry explained as best he could the problem he was having. All the time Terry was talking, Tim had an almost debilitating urge to take his beautiful little brother in his arms and hug the very life out of him, but he somehow resisted. "Your problem is, you don't understand the basics," Tim said. "We gotta go back a little and really understand what multiplication is, I mean what it really means when you multiply two numbers together." He was the big brother now, all thoughts of sex forgotten for the moment, just helping his younger sibling with a pretty basic and common problem. It felt really good! Tim was one of those born teachers, and imparting some knowledge or understanding to someone was almost as good as sex to Tim. Almost. "I understand multiplication," the younger boy defended. "Man, you're so smart!" Terry said an hour later as he threw his arms around his big brother. Finally, Tim was getting his hug and he enjoyed it more than words can tell. Finally the lights had come on in the little boy's head, and they were shining through his gorgeous eyes and bright smile. He understood now, and he understood something even more profound: that there are many concepts whose understanding depends upon the knowledge of the principle that is more basic. He didn't need help with his current assignment now, he could figure it out using the grounding that he should have received several years ago but hadn't! "I'm not that smart," Tim replied. "I guess I just got a better teacher in the first few grades than you did." He returned the hug, which of course placed his hands on the naked back of his little brother. He gasped as he suffered yet another testosterone attack. He felt himself snap back to attention as he savored the silky smooth, velvet soft, yet hard muscular torso of his brother. "Time for bed, dude," he whispered huskily, desperately trying to get Terry out of his locked bedroom before he did something he would forever regret. If you only knew what I'm thinking you might not say that! Tim said to himself as he let Terry out and re-locked the door. He felt really guilty for the feelings he was having about his brother; but that guilt was not so strong as to prevent him from trying to think of a way to bring up the subject that Terry had evidently forgotten. Every day, it seemed to Tim, that little boy was developing, growing, maturing. And with every step in the long road to adolescence, he became more beautiful, more irresistible to Tim. Tim turned back to the computer and brought up the web site he'd started to view. It was a simple site, with very few graphics or other embellishments to make it more attractive. As he read the text, his eyes grew wider, his pulse quickened. This site was showing promise! A LOT of promise! Having visited several such sites only to be disappointed, Tim looked for the link that would probably rule this one out as it had done so many times before. Yes, there it was! PREREQUISITES. Almost hyperventilating now, Tim clicked on the word. Another window opened with a simple heading followed by a list: We at the Sanchez Clinic realize that there are many human conditions that require special considerations. We do our very best to accommodate any and all who might have been turned away by other clinics. There are however certain basic requirements each patient must meet. These we keep so a minimum. The requirements we must insist upon are the following: 1. The patient must be in good basic health and be HIV negative. There will be a blood test and a short medical examination before any treatment or surgery. 2. All accounts must be settled in advance in cash or traveler's cheque before any procedure is begun. 3. In cases of extreme body modification, we reserve the right to perform a basic psychological examination prior to surgery. We keep this exam as simple as possible, usually a simple interview; but we must be assured that the patient is well informed before proceeding. 4. The patient must be prepared to remain in or near the clinic until it is determined that he or she can leave safely. Each case will be evaluated on its own merits to determine how long a stay will be necessary. 5. The patient must be at least 14 years of age, unless accompanied by an adult. That was it! Tim almost screamed a cheer as he read stipulation 5. Fourteen unless accompanied by an adult! FOURTEEN! This was IT! Quickly, he noted the email address and typed up a note to the clinic, stating his needs and the time frame he had in mind. He had checked the web page carefully for an address or phone number, but there was none; just a simple email link. No problem, he thought, they were probably acting on the very fringe of the law and had to be careful. So he was more open and frank than he had ever been in his life and stated precisely what he wanted. In anticipation of their very first question, he made sure they understood that he had no desire to become physically female now or any time in the future. He simply wanted, needed, his penis amputated. Next: V A Plan Begins To Form
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