BOOGER RED & COWBOY III~

Chapter III~

For some strange reason my Company in Basic Training at Fort Ord were all Texans except two. One was an Okie! We gave him a lot of shit about being from Oklahoma. He gave as good as he got. He fit right in!

“Texans Hell!” He would bellow, “You’re all from baja Oklahoma so don’t gimme’ no shit!” Then he would fall out laughing. We all liked him! His name was Ken White!

The other unusual thing about my going for induction, after the Johnson Crew left, was who arrived later for induction? Buck Yates! He was accompanied by his Dad and I saw them first. I waved and he looked surprised as did his Dad.

“Damn, Son! They get you too?” Asked his Dad, Dan Yates, as he shook my hand.
“‘Fraid so, Mr. Yates, my Family brought my induction letter with them but didn’t give it to me until after the Rodeo. If’n they had, you guys might have won. Lot of good winning’s gonna’ do either me or Buck now!”

Buck and I shook hands. He was the only other Man in our outfit that wasn’t a Texan but because he and I were good friends they all excepted him as a Texan.

“Glad to see you Bro. and I hate like Hell to see you, if you know what I mean!” I told Buck.
“I do, Billy! I do! But I’m glad to see a friendly face, even if you and your Dad robbed us!” He laughed and slapped me on the back.
“Awh, Hell, Buck! We just got lucky and you know it!!”
“Luck?! Who’re you kidding, Son?!” Interjected Mr. Yates, “You two were the best. We know that!! Now, look! Do me a huge favor Billy!”

“Anything, Mr. Yates!”
“Take care of my boy! Keep a eye out for him if you can, Son! He’s a good boy but he has problems chewing gum and walking at the same time!” He laughed at his joke but underneath I knew he was worried about his Son!

“We’ll look out for each other Mr. Yates. If I see he’s gonna’ get brave or something I’ll rope and hog tie him ‘till it passes and I hope he does the same for me!”
“You got it Bro!” Buck said. He didn’t seem to be so worried as he waved then went to check in.

There were four of us that Bonded really tight in Boot Camp! We looked out for each other. We helped each other and urged each other on. The other three guys were Buck Yates, Ken White the Okie, and a big Man from Uvalde, Texas, Rowley Twissleman. We were all Cowboys with Rodeo experience.

Ken White rode Bareback Broncs and Bulls. He was a big young Man. Twissleman rode Saddle Broncs and Bulldogged Steers. He was the biggest of the four of us. We became inseparable, entertaining each other for hours with Rodeo stories.

Anytime there was a shit job to do the Sargent memorized our names before all others. Maybe it was ‘cause he caught us calling him Sgt. Mom? GUNN, WHITE, YATES, and TWISSLEMAN, front and center!! Then we’d be told the good news that we were on KP or some other unpleasant job.

We didn’t care! We liked being together and formed deep friendships for each other. We got nicknamed The Cowboy’s! Billy the Kid, Buckeroo Yates, Butch and Sundance. White was Sundance!

We also became the leaders of the Company. If the Sargent wanted to make sure something got done he gave the job to The Cowboys and he knew it would be done right.

Boot Camp wasn’t as bad as any of us thought it might be. I came out heavier, muscled out and in better shape than I’d been in my life. Buck Yates looked like a young God! He and I were attracted to each other but couldn’t do anything about it. Didn’t keep us from talking about it and playing grab ass!

We all had thirty days leave before reporting back to Ft. Ord. I had sent a couple of letters to Master Red in care of Johnson’s Ranch in Glen Rose, Texas and got one brief letter back from him. I ask him to come see me in Mason, my home town, if he was gonna’ be in the area and spend a little time with me. I gave him a date of the second week.

Dear Cowboy,

I don’t write to well. I know how to! It’s just that I don’t do it much. For you I’ll make an exception. You made me feel like a million bucks to get your letter and while I wont say anything to embarrass you here, you know all my thoughts! I am thinking about all the wonderful things we shared that first evening I met you. Don’t get much better’n that, Son!

Of course I’ll be there the very day you told me! I can’t wait to see you again. May bring a couple of Buddies with me if that’s alright! Wont say anything here but you know how I feel. Take that to the bank, Son!

Your Beast,

Booger Red

True to his word, Booger and two other Bikers pulled up in front of my house accompanied by the Sheriff of the County who drove them over to show ‘em where I lived. Uncle Bud was really glad to see Old Booger again and knew his two companions as well. They were the two biggest Men I had ever seen in my life. They both were Giants. Huge Men. Bigger than Walker Johnson! Both of them!

“Billy Gunn, meet Master Jim Johnson, Walker’s younger but bigger Brother, and his Clan leader Master Beryl Mc Innins! I shook their hands and marveled at their size. They dwarfed the Bikes they were riding.I hugged Booger and invited them in. I called Dad at work. He and Uncle Joe closed the shop early to come home. They knew all three of these guys. They all had been together in Korea.

Then Master Red said something I found interesting and funny as Hell!“Well, Billy!” Red said to my Dad, “You still fucking Joe after all these years?” My Dad shot him a look that if it had been gun, Red would have been a dead Man!

Master Red giggled nervous like he realized he’d ‘let the cat out of the bag!’ “Oh! I’m sorry! I should have known better!”

“Awh Hell! No harm done Red!” My Dad told him! “It’s time Billy Jr. knew anyway!” However, Dad never said another word to me about it!!

I spent a wonderful week with my Beast and slept in my bed with him. I didn’t ask my Dad. I felt if I was old enough to die for my Country I had the right to invite who I wanted to my bed.

I didn’t go to my Aunt Ethel’s on Friday nights any more. I thought it was funny to find Uncle Joe coming out of my Dad’s bedroom one morning, his boots in his hand, with a funny look on his face. He just smiled and winked at me. He knew I understood.

I got to know the two Giants. I could have fallen in love with either one of them. They were wonderful Men. Big Beryl had lost his little slave Jimmy in a bad Bike accident several years before and Big Jim had just lost his slave several months before in Europe somewhere. They both were still grieving and dependant on each other.

Master Red promised he would write me while I was in Nam. I would send him letters at the Johnson Ranch. I enjoyed being with him for that week. He and I fell more in love with each other. It was hard letting him go when they left.

Uncle Bud and I took off to go fishing for several days. We ended up staying away from our town for almost a week. Aunt Laura didn’t mind. She knew Uncle Bud and I were close and he was worried he may never see me again. We went with her blessing.

We didn’t get much fishing done. Mostly we just fucked! We were trying to drink as much of each other as we could. I couldn’t get enough of him.I loved having sex with my big Beast, Booger, but there was something special that Uncle Bud and I had, that was electric.

We drove to a lake where Uncle Bud and Aunt Laura had a cabin. We stayed there, together, all week. I never had a more wonderful week with any person. I think he realized how much he missed me during Boot Camp and was so scared for me to go to Nam.

He never said anything but I knew. He didn’t want me to go but wouldn’t ask me to go with Booger again. Booger did! He wanted me to run away with him and the two Giants but I couldn’t! I had Bonded with three great young Men in Boot Camp, one of whom I was falling in love with. I had to go to make sure his ass didn’t get shot! I promised his Dad!

My Buddies,White and Twissleman fell in love with each other during basic training. Of course they couldn’t do anything about it ‘cause we were watched every minute day and night!

They decided to spend time together during leave. Buck and I decided to spend our last week of leave together before reporting back to Ft. Ord. We knew we were bound for Nam.

Since my Home Town of Mason was on the way back to Ft. Ord, Buck took a Bus to Mason. Dad and I met him at the Greyhound Station. I had invited White and Twissleman to stay with us but they didn’t know whether they could; however, we no sooner got something to eat at the local Diner when all Hell broke loose.

There were three Sheriff cars around the Diner like there was a robbery! Sirens and Bubble Gum Machines on top spinning ‘round! In walks my Uncle Bud, big smile on his face, with White and Twissleman in tow.

“These young Men claim to know you, Billy!”
“Never seen ‘em before in my life, Uncle Bud! Throw their ass’s in jail!”
“Yeah, Sheriff Cummings, they’re Holligans!!” Added Buck

They walked over to Buck and I, we all yelled, and hugged each other. I introduced ‘em to everyone there. We all sat down and Uncle Bud bought us Lunch. We had a great time.

They were impressed that the Sheriff of the County brought ‘em directly to me when they walked from the Bus station to his office to ask directions to our place.

Dad drove us all over to our house. Hell, we had plenty of room. We had four bedrooms upstairs we hadn’t used in years. I offered ‘em separate bedrooms and they both looked at Buck and I like we were daft!

“You two gonna’ sleep in separate bedrooms?” Twissleman asked us.
“Hell no!” Replied Buck, “And miss getting me a piece of that little ass my dick’s been drooling over for the last year and a half! Get serious!”
We all fell out laughing.

“I know how you feel Buck! I’ve been dreaming of Rowley fucking me ever since the first day we met! We came here so we could be together!”

“Think your Dad will get upset if he figures out what’s going on, Billy?!” Asked White.
“Don’t worry! He’s too busy fucking my Uncle Joe!” We all laughed again. “I spent all last week in bed with my Uncle Bud!”

“Son of a bitch! That fine looking Man, the Sheriff, and you?” Asked Twissleman. “By the way, he looks just like you! You sure he’s your Uncle?” He said laughing.

“Yeah! I could have shit when he told me!’ Said Buck, “They spent all year on the Rodeo Circuit competing against my Dad and I. I thought he was Billy’s Dad! They look just alike! No wonder they won! They were in love!” Laughed Buck.

“Maybe when we get back from Nam Billy, and I can team up and go on the Circuit. We’ve talked about it! Hell, nobody could beat us!”

We spent every day Rodeoing. Once again every one came from all around. My Buddies had brought their Western Clothes and we got to be known all over our small town as Billy’s Cowboy Buddies that were going to Nam with him.

We were sucking and fucking half the night and Rodeoing all day. Buck and I got damn good as a team in and out of bed! He was right! If we went on the Circuit, nobody could have beaten us.

I know my Dad and Uncle Joe couldn’t. Dad didn’t even bother to bet anymore. He just rode over and shoved a hundred bucks in my Western Shirt.

“What’s that for Dad?”
“Well, I ain’t never been much of a Dad to you. Couldn’t tell you how much I loved you so I thought I’d do the next best thing! Try to buy your love!”

“Hell Dad! You could have had that for five bucks!” We both fell out laughing. It felt good to laugh with my old Man. I loved him more since I found out about him and Uncle Joe. I was sent to my Aunt’s all those years not to protect me from the Whores but to keep me from finding out about him and Uncle Joe!! What a laugh!

We had a great week. We Rodeoed and partied all week like it was our last. Uncle Bud spent as much time with us as he could. The whole town sort of just shut down to come to the Rodeo Grounds. Sign in the Barber Shop: Need Hair Cut? Come to Rodeo Grounds! Ask for Ed!

Uncle Bud and I roped again together. We competed friendly against anyone that wanted to. Then Buck and I would rope and he and I were damn good together.

The last night before we were to leave we were at our house. We had so much food brought to us by the good folks of the community we were nibbling, drinking Beer, and shooting the shit.

My Buddies were there with my Dad, Uncle Joe, Uncle Bud and a Black Man that had worked for my Dad and Uncle Joe for years. He was also the shine man at Ed’s Barber Shop two days a week. Had been for as many years as I could remember.

He had taken care of me as a Kid. Watched out for me. His name was Lester! Lester was my Fishin’ Buddy. I loved to fish!

Years later I was to learn the Lester was the secret money behind our town. He was worth a small fortune and worked for Dad and Uncle Joe ‘caused he loved ‘em. They took him in years ago when he didn’t have any one nor any where to go. He lived in his own room on the back part of our house and came and went as he pleased.

We were the only Family he had and I loved him like one of my Uncles. I never ever thought of him as different but one day when I was five years old and ask him why he was black. “Cause God left me in the oven too long, Child!” He laughed and I knew he was pulling my leg. He was just Lester! My good friend! I could tell him anything!

Dad and Uncle Joe got kind of drunk. I knew something was bothering Dad but I thought it was because he was afraid he was gonna’ lose me in Nam. Uncle Joe catered to my Dad hand and foot. I’d never seen that before. I had just enough Beer I though I’d take a shot across Dad’s bow!

“Uncle Joe? Are you my Dad’s slave?” Uncle Joe looked at Dad not knowing whether to shit or go blind! Lester slapped his leg with his hand and fell out laughing.

“Laus, Billy, you’s always could zero in on something them grown-ups never wanted you to know! You just seems to have a sixth sense about’n they’s secrets!”

“Yes, Son, he is! He has been for years! Even before your Mother passed away.” Dad looked down at his dirty boots.

“He ain’t much of a slave if’n your Boots are that dirty Dad!” Everyone fell out laughing including Lester who almost had a heart attack. Uncle Joe smile sheepishly.

“You gonna’ tell him the rest Mista’ Gunn?” Lester asked Dad.
“Tell me what Dad?” Dad looked at Lester like he could have choked off his oxygen supply.

“Yes, Lester, I am! So ease up!! Billy there’s something you need to know before you go off to Nam. We’re all praying nothing’s gonna’ happen to you but we’re all scared. All of us! Your Aunts, Uncle Bud, Uncle Joe and me. Even old Lester!” Lester frowned and looked at his old boots.

“Goddamn it Billy I ain’t real good at this and I know I ain’t been a good Father but fuck it, Son, I love you! You didn’t just happen! You were wanted and carefully planned for! I wanted a Son so bad I went to almost criminal lengths to have you!”

“What you need to know is that I caught the Mumps from Joe when we were Kids and it settled in our nuts. When we recovered it left us both sterile! We couldn’t have Kids.”

“I wanted a Son and so did your Momma. So we had you by a sperm donor!” Everyone in the kitchen was so quiet you could hear your own heart beat. My mouth dropped open ‘cause it started to dawn on me who my real Dad was! But how?

“Your real Dad is your Uncle Bud! He never knew ‘til now! When we were younger, your Uncle Bud and I were inseparable. We were running Buddies with your Uncle Joe and Harvey Franks.”

“I fell in love with your Uncle Bud! The four of us use to experiment sexually with each other and then stopped as we grew up! Hell, we grew up together! We did everything together!”

“I never lied to your Mother that I couldn’t have Kids but told her that someway we would have. I’d see to that! She loved me and I loved her. She trusted me. If I said we’d have Kids, she believed me.”

“After your Mom and I were married, Joe and I took Bud out and got him drunk one night! He hadn’t married your Momma’s sister yet and wasn’t your Uncle then! He passed out in the back of my pick up.”

“I sucked his dick to get him hard and slipped a rubber on him. Then your Uncle Joe sucked him off! He never knew! We took Bud home and put him to bed.”

“I took the rubber home with me, slipped it on, cut the end out of the tip, and made love to your Mom. She knew what I’d done but didn’t know who the donor was. When I shot it pushed your Uncle’s come on through and got her pregnant.” The room was silent. No one breathed!

“I never told your Mom whose sperm it was but when they brought you to her and laid you in her arms, she gently undid the small blanket, took one look at your pretty little face, smiled, looked up at me and said, “Bud?”

“She knew and was pleased. I just nodded, yes!”

I looked at Uncle Bud who had tears in his eyes. He was stunned but thrilled. I was thrilled but confused ‘cause I’d really started to love my Dad. I’d always loved him but now that I was grown he was easier for me to love! He was my Dad after all! Now, after telling me this, the truth, which must have been hard for him, I loved him even more!

“That’s why I let you and Bud grow so close all these years and allowed you to go Rodeoing with him instead of insisting on you going to College. But Billy, I want you to know that I love you more than anything in the world. I ain’t about to stop being your Dad and you’ll never stop being my Son!”

“Just don’t hate me, Son! You either Bud! I’ve loved the two of you for so long it would kill me to think you wouldn’t forgive me. I wanted a Kid and the only person’s sperm I would have considered was Bud’s!” My Dad started crying. I went to him and took him in my arms.

I motioned for Uncle Bud to join me! He put his hand on Dad’s shoulder. “I love you Dad and I know Uncle Bud does too! You’re still my Dad! You always will be! At least Uncle Bud and I know why the Hell we look so much alike!” Lester fell out laughing and so did everybody.

“I guess I should have told the two of you before you went Rodeoing ‘cause when I saw you together in Ft. Worth I knew you’d become lovers!”

“Well, shit, Dad! It ain’t like we’re gonna’ have an idiot child!” They all laughed again including my Dad. I loved that old Man at that moment more than I ever had in my life. He’d just made my life make sense!

“Look Dad! I’m not ashamed of my love for Uncle Bud whether he’s my biological Father or not! And, it sure as Hell ain’t gonna’ stop me from pleasuring him any time he wants it!”

“Here! Here!” Said Twissleman, White and Buck!

“Oh, I don’t think you should, Billy, now that you know he’s your real Dad! But, not to worry! I’ll be more’n happy to stand in for you, Cowboy!” Volunteered White, the smart ass Okie ! Everyone fell out laughing again. Uncle Joe even started laughing. Uncle Bud winked at Ken White! Lester had to get a glass of water he was laughing so hard!

“Ya’ See’s, Mista’ Gunn!” Lester said, gesturing with his glass of water, I’s told you it would turn out alright! But, it be good you told the boy before he goes over there! He’s a fine young Man and deserves to know!”

“So do Mr. Bud! Mr. Bud never had no Kids ‘cepen Billy! So’s you done more good than you knows! Billy ain’t gonna’ stop loving you! You haven’t lost your Boy! He just got two Dad’s to love now!”

“Billy’s one lucky Kid!! To have two fine Mens like you and Mr. Bud! As many times as that Boy dragged my ass fishing over these years, I’s feels like he’s mine too! God alone, knows how I hate’s fishing!” Lester rolled his eyeballs and we were rolling on the floor laughing at him. I went to him and hugged the old Man assuring him he was as much a Dad to me as my Uncle Bud and Dad. Lester always made a lot of sense! I loved that old Man.

“I had no idea you did that, Gunn!” Said Uncle Bud, “It’s been too many years ago for me to be angry. I remember the night! The only thing I could think to be mad about was not allowing me to enjoy the Blow Job!” We all laughed.

“As I remember, Joe use to be able to suck chrome off a bumper hitch!”“Still can!” Dad told him laughing. Uncle Joe blushed. All my Buddies couldn’t stop laughing. Maybe to find humor in something that potentially could be turned into something bad was a good thing.

“Actually, you answered a prayer for me! You don’t know how many times I wished Billy was my Son and even prayed he was! I was so damn jealous of you all these years, Gunn! I wanted a Son so bad but never would consider leaving Laura even after we found out she was barren.”

“And you had the perfect Son I always wanted! Looked just like me! It just wasn’t fair! So I tried to make Billy into my own Son. It was wrong of me but the more I got to know him the more I couldn’t help loving him! I always wondered why you let us get so close and didn’t seem threatened? I never thought you’d let him go Rodeoing with me! I thank you and God, you did!”

“I guess God does hear our prayers. We both loved each other when we were younger and to think you wanted to have a Kid by me is an overwhelming statement of that love! So it would seem, Lester’s the only one here making any sense out of all this. We should listen to the Man!”

“I know Billy well enough to know he loves the both of us. He ain’t gonna’ stop loving either of us! Cowboy and I have something special that goes beyond Father and Son. I ain’t gonna’ give that up either! I love the Kid as much as you do. You’ll always be his Dad besides he has another name for me.”

“What’s that?” Asked my Dad.
“Master!” Replied Uncle Bud.
“I can live with that!” Laughed Dad.

I got alone with Uncle Bud later and thanked him for understanding for Dad’s sake.
“You really love him after all don’t you, Son?!”
“More now than ever, Master! But do me a favor?”
“Anything!”

“Don’t ever stop calling me ‘Son’!”
“It feels good, don’t it, Boy!”
“Sure does, Master! All the way to my soul, good!” We kissed! Not the kiss of a Father and Son. The kiss of a Master and his Cowboy!

I spent the last night in Buck’s arms. We had fucked and sucked our way into each others hearts. I was falling deeply in love with the big Man. I would have done anything for him and he felt the same.

“Cowboy, you got one Hell of a Family! They all worship the ground you walk on. Every damn one of ‘em including Lester would lay down their lives for you. Your Aunt’s beam when you show them the slightest attention and you have a way of pouring it on! That Uncle Bud of your’s is enough to make anyone wet his pants over. What a Man! Holy Shit! White wasn’t joking!!” We laughed. “I’ll be honest with you, I always wanted a relationship with my Dad like you had with you real Father, Uncle Bud!” Buck kinda stunned me!

“Glad you saved it for me, Buck! Ain’t never felt what I feel for you, not even with my Uncle. I hope you don’t get upset when I tell you I’ve fallen in love with you!”

“Upset?! Me upset?! I was trying to figure out how to tell you, I don’t want to live my life without you, and here you tell me you’re in love with me! Upset? I don’t think so! Sweetest three words my Cowboy ears have heard since, “Attention! KMart Shoppers!” We both fell out laughing. Buck had an earthy sense of humor.

We silently made love together for a while and laughed at the symphony of the old bed springs in the next bedroom as Twissleman was getting his pound of White’s flesh! I think they fell off the bed once which sent me and Buck into gales of laughter and caued a knock on the wall.

Then it was our turn to serenade them. My bed was worse than their’s and sounded like four midgets jumping up and down on four Playel Harpsichords at once. A terrible racket!

Buck took me hard and settled in for a good long, loving fuck. He was a young Stallion that had developed a tasted for Butt fucking. He was working hard to perfect his style and technique. Didn’t really have much to perfect! He was a natural and climbed inside my ass like it was his place to dock his dick. As was settled into our second hour of fucking we heard groans from the next bedroom like, “Oh God!! Wont they ever stop!!”

I worked as hard to please him as he did to fuck me and together we made a perfect team. He wouldn’t come until he knew that he had me climbing up the hill and started trying to bite his dick off in my ass that he unloaded his hot Cowboy come deep in my ass. His body would shake all over as he unloaded wave after wave of his sweet seed into me. The finish sounded like the midgets were jumping off the damn roof onto the Harpsichords with sledge hammers! It was indeed a dramatic climax to a long, long fuck!! It out did the 1812 even with the stupid Cannons.

We lay together, still, with him inside me! Exhausted! Making soft loving sounds to each other. Then came the applause! Not only from the next room but from all over the damn house! Then the gales of laughter from Lester, Dad, Uncle Joe and of course White and Twissleman. We just laughed! We didn’t care! Fuck ‘em! We were in love!!

He had just fucked the Holy B’Jesus out of me and I had sucked him off once! Damn he has a nice big fat dick and really knew how to use it. He and I Bonded that week! So did Twissleman and White! They fell all the more in love with each other.

We said goodbye the next morning and boarded the Bus for Ft. Ord. We slept almost all the way there. We were all exhausted. We had gone day in and day out for a week. We tried to cram as much living in one week as we could.

Buck and I had a lot of time to talk intimately about the future on the way back to Ft. Ord. We were going to spend our lives together. We had talked to Twissleman and White and we all were gonna’ rodeo until we got to old then buy adjacent ranches and settle down. Maybe open a Rodeo School for young Kids.

We arrived in plenty of time to check in and receive our orders. We all shipped out within two days and were on our way to Nam. We didn’t care! We had love! Nothing could touch the four of us!

After we got there almost our entire company was assigned to the same Platoon. We weren’t broken in gently! Hell, they had us on patrol the first week we were there. The four of us stuck close together. Buck and I fell more in love with each other and so did White and Twissleman.

When we were on bivouac White and Twissleman would crawl in their tent and make out as Buck and I sat out front keeping watch. Then they would switch off for Buck and I. It was the only way we could have stayed sane through the whole senseless thing.

We were coming upon our last three months. Almost short timers. We had lost our Platoon leader and had a hot shot new Louie for a leader. He was out to make a name for himself and started requiring us to do a lot of fool hardy, stupid things that endangered the lives of all of us.

Our old Leader got us this far and we had only lost one Man. He was loved by us and we took care of him. He was a no nonsense kind of Leader. If he thought there was the least chance we were walking into a trap or there was a safer way for his Men to get a job done, he ordered it done that way. He listened to his Men!

He listened to the Cowboys especially. We had developed a sixth sense as to where Charlie was hiding and the signs of when he was around. The four of us compared notes constantly and were pretty damn sharp.

The new Hot Shot Louie didn’t want our input. We tried and after four or five times getting put down we just decided to keep our mouths shut! We’d take care of ourselves!

It was a hot day! Fucking Nam hot!! I’ve never experienced a more suffering heat anywhere in my life. White, Twissleman, Buck and I were walking point across this open field. It was a dry patty where months before there had been ankle deep water. The rice crop had been burned out. It was scorched earth with little mounds of dried rice grass and dirt.

We saw all the signs of Charlie and tried to tell the ass hole that we were walking right into a possible trap. We were told to stop being cowards and get our lazy ass’s out there on point. Something in me almost snapped! Buck grabbed me and held me hard. I thought he was gonna’ hit me.

“Cowboy! Let it go! We ain’t got that long to go! We’ll be home! On the Circuit again! Just you, me, Twissleman and White. Let it go!”

I did! We started out across this huge field. About half way across the VC had dug in and popped up out of hidden holes to spray us with fire. We were ambushed as the four of us feared. I took a hit to my shoulder and my leg was shot out from under me. Buck turned to see me start to fall and moved to catch me.

When he turned, I saw him get hit right through the chest and we fell together. White and Twissleman headed for us! Both were shot as they were trying to lunge for us. I fell underneath the three big Men. My Buddies lay dying on top of me. I was laying face down under their three bodies.

I heard White tell Twissleman he loved him! Twissleman put his big arm around him, pulled him to his chest, kissed him one last time and comforted him as they lay dying in each others arms. I felt Buck’s two days growth of beard as he kissed me behind the ear and whispered, “On down the road Cowboy.......I love you!” I passed out as a tear rolled down my cheek. I knew they were mortally wounded and I probably was too! I felt the life force leaving my body the more blood I lost.

My life was over! I didn’t want to live anymore! Somehow I just didn’t care. It wasn’t as bad as I had imagined it might be. It hurt for a while but the pain was going away the more blood I lost.

The beautiful Man I had come to trust and love lay on top of me with his life force leaving his body. As he breathed his last his big body suddenly became lighter.

I don’t know how long I lay there. I don’t know if Charlie came to check the dead or what. When I awoke and dared open my eye I couldn’t move. I had lost so much blood and had three Men on top of me holding me down. I heard choppers! They came closer and closer. Then I heard English! Our guys yelling and cursing.

I passed out again knowing I was dying. I rose up out of my body and could see the Medics moving swiftly from Man to Man. White, Twissleman and Buck were standing there next to me. Buck smiled at me.

He put his big arms around me and pulled me to him. I could feel him, smell him, as I cried in his arms. He gently kissed me and looked me in the eye as he held me.

“Twissleman, White and I are dead, Cowboy! You’re not! You have to go back! You still have things to get done in life. God still has some things for you to do! There’s folks that need you! My Dad needs you! Some guy named Booger needs you! Your Dad needs you! You have to go back Cowboy!”

“Hell, Buck, I wouldn’t be here if I weren’t dead too! I don’t want to go back without you guys. I don’t want to live here anymore. It’s an awful place! Look at all this blood! Look at our bodies laying there! You want me to go back to that??”

“How could I go back without you, Buck?! I love you! You have my heart. I don’t think I could live without you, Buck! I don’t want to try!I never thought I could love another Man as much as I loved my Uncle but I do Buck! I do! What would I ever tell your Dad?? I promised him I’d take care of you! Don’t make me go back, Buck! Take me with you! Please!”

“You know I would never deny you anything, Cowboy but I don’t have any choice in this. It isn’t my call. See that Medic there! The big guy! He knows you’re here! Your Uncle died of a heart attack last night and went to him in his sleep. He told him to look for you today. He’s about to call out your name. Move something so he can get to you. He’ll save you! Cowboy?! Tell my Dad I loved him!”

All of a sudden Uncle Bud, my Father, was there with the four of us. He held me and kissed me too. I cried in his arms. I had lost him! I had lost Buck! I had lost Twissleman! I had lost White! A huge chunk of my soul lay on top of me.

“Go back, Son! Live! You have to live for your Dad and Buck’s Dad! We love you! We will always love you! We will be with you when you need us, but now, we have to go! The rest are waiting for me to take them home!”

“Be strong, Son! It’s not your turn yet but we’ll be waiting for you.” He let me go and I felt someone calling my name. My Master lifted his hand and turned to the other three.

“You Men ready?? We need to go. Come Buck, Rowley, Ken... take my hand!” They did and they were gone as I felt myself being pulled back into my pain filled body!

I heard a voice as if in the distance. A voice I knew! Someone I loved! “Billy! Billy Gunn! GUNN! BILLY GUNN! The voice was getting closer. I managed to raise my boot and one of the Corpsmen saw me. “Over here Chief!! He’s over here!!”

The two men gently checked out Buck, Twissleman and White as they moved them off me. I opened my eyes in Jim Redfeather’s big arms and saw the tears in his eyes. He wiped the dirt from my face and hugged me to him gently there on the battlefield. He rocked back and forth with me in his arms.

“Oh God, Billy! Your Uncle Bud came to me last night in a dream. You’re safe now. I’ll get you home! I promise, Cowboy! I promise!” I passed out again and didn’t come to until I was in the Hospital with Chief by my side.

He again had tears in his eyes as he was holding my hand, rubbing it in his big rough hands.
“Cowboy! You’re awake! Don’t try to speak. We pumped a lot of blood into you. The Doctors saved your leg and your shoulder is patched. You’re gonna’ make it, Friend! You’ll be going to Hawaii for recovery and then home. You’re out! On your way!” He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead.

“Buck, Rowley and Ken White......?” I asked him knowing what I was going to hear but I had to ask. He just shook his handsome head as a tear ran down his cheek. I told him my Uncle was dead too. He knew. He also knew that Uncle Bud was my real Father. Uncle Bud had told him.

Chief was a good Man. He had changed. He was older, mature, filled out with a sad look on his face that the weight of the world was on his shoulders. And it was! At least that corner of the world. He spent as much time with me as he could until I was shipped out to a Hospital in Hawaii.

The stupid Lieutenant that had insisted we do it his way lost almost all his Men that day and got assigned another Platoon. Word gets around quick in Nam. He was still continuing his hard nose Military Man persona. My Buddies deaths had meant nothing to him nor had he learned a thing!

His next Platoon was seasoned Vets! He pulled one of his stupid little tantrums on them insisting that he was going to shape the lot of ‘em up just like he’d done for the last lazy assed Platoon that didn’t follow his Orders and got themselves slaughtered! The next night after a patrol a grenade rolled into his tent. Fragged! No more ambitious Lieutenant! The Army investigated every detail and found nothing! No one saw anything! Can’t say’s I shed a tear.

I stayed there until I was discharged and had recovered enough to fly home. I got letters from home and even got a couple from Chief. I didn’t answer any. I got one letter from Dan Yates, Buck’s Dad! I started ten or fifteen letters to him and couldn’t get past the first page. I would break down and the ink would run. I’d get frustrated and tear the damn thing up in anger! Finally managed to get several lines off to him.

Dear Mr. Yates,

Started fifteen letters to you! Can’t write or talk about it yet. My tears make the ink run and I end up tearing them up. Buck loved you! I love you! Will come to see you after I get home. I’m so sorry I failed you and Buck. He saved my life. But, what is my life without him?

With love,

Billy

They gave me two Purple Hearts before I left the service. I sent them home to my Dad! I knew they’d mean a lot to him. I was officially discharged to Reserve Status two days before I left Hawaii.

I flew into LAX and on to San Antonio. Dad and Uncle Joe met me at the airport. I was still in a wheel chair. I was getting stronger and able to get up and around but I would lose strength quickly and have to get back in the wheel chair for a while. I was coming home to a town I no longer knew.

I cried in my Dad’s arms and Uncle Joe broke down when he saw me in the wheel chair.
“Billy, Oh God, Billy, you’re home! Thank God, Son! I love you, Son!”

“Dad!” I couldn’t say more. They wheeled me back to the car and helped me in. I was so glad to see my old Man. I had forgotten how much he meant to me until that moment.

My Aunt Ethel had died my first year in Nam and my Uncle Bud died the night before I was shot. I didn’t know what to think or do. I didn’t want to do or see anyone. I slept most of the way back to Mason.

When we passed through town there was this huge banner across Main Street, “Welcome Home Billy!!”

I broke down and cried. I didn’t want any fan fare. Uncle Joe helped me into the wheel chair and they both helped me up the stairs to the front porch. Lester was there, hugged and kissed me, welcoming me home!

Dad wheeled me into the house and headed for the living room.
“Son, we have a house guest for a couple of days who wanted to be here when you came home! He’s waiting for you in the living room.”

We turned into the living room and this big Cowboy stood up with his hat in his hand with tears in his eyes. It was my beloved Buck’s Dad, Dan Yates! He had driven all the way from Tucson to be there when I got home. I lifted myself up out of the chair and threw my arms around him and cried and cried! He cried with me and let me get it out!

“Oh God, Mr. Yates! I failed you! I’m so sorry! He saved my life! I loved him so much Mr. Yates! His last words to me were to tell you he loved you! He and my other two Brother’s fell on top of me to protect me. I couldn’t move. Oh God, I’m sorry Mr. Yates!”

“There, there, Son! You did what you could! I know you! I just wanted to be here so you wouldn’t have to come to me. I wanted you to know I love you for being Buck’s Friend and brought you copies of all his letters telling me what a great Man he thought you were. He also loved your other two Buddies Ken and Rowley. He spoke of them often with the deepest love.”

“I’m so glad you’re here Mr. Yates. You don’t know how much it means to me. He didn’t suffer Mr. Yates. I was looking into his eyes when he took it directly in his big heart. He fell on top of me and told me goodbye. He knew he wasn’t gonna’ make it! But he threw himself on top of me to protect me! He was a Hero, Mr. Yates. He was MY Hero.”

“They sent him home and we buried him in our Family Plot. I’m doing better. Just seeing you helps me a lot. I love you, Son and I’m so glad you made it back! I just wanted you to know.”

“When I get better, I’d like to come to Tucson. Would you take me to see him?”
“You know it, Son! You’re welcome any time!”

Dan Yates stayed the rest of the week with us. I slipped a couple of times and called him Dad Yates! He would just smile real big and get tears in his eyes.
“May I call you that Mr. Yates?”

“I’d be proud for you too, Son!” He replied. So I introduced him as one of my Dads, Dad Yates! My Brother Buck’s Dad! In a small town everyone knows immediately what you’re talking about. They never questioned!

It was healing for Dan Yates for me to call him that! I loved him. As I spent time with him I saw the better parts of my beloved Brother in him and wept at night by myself. It was little mannerisms his Son had copied and became a part of his personality as well as his Dad’s.

They way he put his hat on. The way he looked into my eyes, I would see Buck looking back at me and break into tears. The way he swaggered when he walked in his Cowboy Boots. Buck walked that way and to see his Dad walk exactly the same way kept a lump in my throat.

But, somehow, he was comforting. It was like I had a bit of Buck back for a while to ease me over the pain.

The afternoon before he left to return to Tucson he and I got a couple of shakes from the Dairy Queen and drove to the park to sit and talk. It was a beautiful warm late summer afternoon and we had become comfortable with each other.

“Billy? Would you answer a question honestly for me if I asked you?”
“Sure Dad! Anything!”
“Well, it’s kind a hard for me to ask because it involves a part of Buck I don’t think he wanted me to know about! He could have told me anything and I still would have loved him. He was my life! He’s all I lived for!”

“Then, do your really want to know, Dad?” I got the idea of what he was getting at and I had to try to think what Buck would have wanted me to tell him. He had told me that if he and I were to go on the Circuit together that he was going to tell his Dad about us. He wanted his Dad to know how happy he was and in turn, how happy we were.

“Yes! I need to know, Son! That’s why I copied his letters and brought them for you to read. I know you haven’t read any of them yet but someday you will. It’s good that you wait for a while! They’ll rip your heart out! You have no idea how much Buck thought of you!”

“He was trying to tell me something but just couldn’t come to the point. I’m an old Man but I could read between the lines. He wrote how much he loved you and how happy he was with you. He admired you, no, Son, he worshiped you!”

“I’m not surprised that he tried to save your life. You meant more to him than his own life! And Son, I’m not sorry he saved you either! You know I’ve grown to love you through Buck, being around you for the year we were Rodeoing and this week. I just thank God you made it back and Buck had you for a Mate. He couldn’t have chosen better, Son!”

I was still very vulnerable and broke into tears. He had chosen his words well to see if he could get confirmation of his suspicions without embarrassing me. I thought if Buck was going to tell him maybe I should follow my heart and share with him the love that Buck and I felt for each other.

He reached across the table and gently laid his hand on my arm. I put my hand on his.
“I loved him so Goddamned much, Dad, it aches in my gut to think about him being gone! I never thought I could love anyone more than my Uncle Bud, but I did! I loved Buck that much! We were going to share life together! We wanted to Rodeo until we got older, buy a big ranch and teach young Kids Rodeoing.”

“We only had three Goddamned months left to have our dream. Rowley and Ken were going with us. We loved them and they loved us. We were inseparable! They all three jumped on top of me to protect me.”

“I woke up out of my body with Buck, Rowley and Ken. My Uncle Bud was there and they told me I had to go back that I had things to do yet. It wasn’t my time. God, Dad, I begged them to take me with them! I didn’t want to come back without Buck. My Uncle, my real Father as you know, was dead from a heart attack the night before. He took them away. Buck’s last words to me before he left were, “Cowboy, tell my Dad I loved him!”

Dan Yates bit his lower lip and drew blood to keep from breaking down but he knew what I was telling him was truth. I sat there weeping.
“Thanks for telling me that, Son! I only wanted to know that he loved someone and was happy when he died. I know it sounds strange but I didn’t give a damn whether it was a Man or a Woman. Just as long as my boy was happy. To know it was you makes it all the more sweet!”

They town threw a big welcome home party for me in the same park the weekend I got home. I tried to be up for everyone but my heart just wasn’t in it! Dad Yates watched me closely and stayed close.

I felt at times that Buck was sitting next to me! I wouldn’t turn my head to see ‘cause I just wanted to have the continued feeling that my love was sitting there!. I know Dad Yates knew when he would see tears in my eyes and I couldn’t look at him.

Aunt Laura came and told me that Uncle Bud had liquidated all of Aunt Ethel’s property and all monies she had left me were in an account in my name in the bank. He had also left me ALL the winnings from our year Rodeoing. His half too! He and Aunt Laura both wanted me to have that. There was over a quarter of a million in the account.

I could have cared less. I didn’t care about anything. I had no interests in life and just didn’t give a damn about living. Dad moved into my bedroom and begin to sleep with me. I would wake in the night screaming and couldn’t stop. He got tired of running from his room to mine to wake or comfort me.

He would hold me and gently speak my name. He would comfort me until I calmed down. Then I would cry myself to sleep in his arms. It was beginning to tell on his and Uncle Joe’s relationship. I knew I had to get away for his sake. I had to heal on my own and wouldn’t take my old Man down with me. I had come to love him too much for that.

I watched him go from a fine looking middle aged Man to a white haired older Man right before my eyes. I was killing him. I began to see just how much my old Man loved me. He may not have been my biological Father but neither he nor I gave a shit! I had grown to love him as much as Uncle Bud. My subconscious pain knew no bounds and it was going to come out no matter what I did! I wasn’t going to let it destroy another person I loved.

I called Walker Johnson and asked if I could come stay with him and Xander for a while.
“Of course you can, Son! Booger keeps calling. Asking if we’ve heard anything from you. Says you didn’t answer his letters. He was disappointed, Son.”

“I can’t see him right now Master Walker! Maybe you understand why!” “I do indeed, Son! Come on up! We’ll be happy to have you!”
“I’m a mess Master Walker! I’m not the boy you once knew!” I started crying on the phone.

“Hell Son! You wait there! Xander and I will be down to get you day after tomorrow! Have your stuff ready!!”
“I’ll be ready Master Johnson!”

Master Walker Johnson and his slave Xander drove all the way to Mason to pick me up. I said my goodbyes to everyone and told them I’d be back when I got better. I had some things to work out.

Dad cried! He didn’t want me to go but knew it was probably for the best. He was exhausted and didn’t know what to do for me. I was withdrawing more and more into myself. I would spend days in my room watching TV. I wouldn’t go out nor see anyone. I occasionally went to Aunt Laura’s for dinner but being around Uncle Bud’s stuff would rip my heart out.

Aunt Laura gave me a letter one night at dinner from Uncle Bud. He had shared with her my Dad’s revelation that he, Bud, was my biological Father. She couldn’t have been prouder and happy for the both of us. Hell, the whole town knew. You can’t keep secrets in a small town. Found out several folks had known or guessed for years that Uncle Bud was my read Father.

When she handed me the letter she told me to read it in private. Those were Uncle Bud’s instructions! I put it in my pocket ‘til I got home. I left immediately after desert and coffee. I hugged and kissed her goodbye and thanked her for dinner and the letter. I drove home fast as I could and ran to my bedroom in the house, lay across my bed and opened the letter.

Dearest Son,

I am writing this in my office. It is a cold, bleak, wintery day but it’s warm here in my office. You have been in Nam now for a little over eighteen months and I miss you terribly. The day that you, Buck, Rowley and Ken took off on that Bus I watched a major part of my heart go down the road with it. That empty portion of my heart hasn’t been filled since you left and wont be ‘till you return.

I’ve been having some minor health problems and haven’t been feeling too well for the past several weeks. I manage to get to work everyday but I have cut out a lot of the rough stuff I use to do around here. It’s really better for me and probably the people we run through here anyway.

I wanted to write this in case anything happened to me before you got back. I know you will come back! I was afraid and prayed every night for God and his Angels to watch over you. To let you come home to me and the folks that love you so dearly. One night an Angel came to me in a dream to ease my heart and told me you would be hurt but you would come home safely. I trust him.

He also told me to write this letter. So, maybe I wont be here when you get home to welcome you. To hug you, kiss you and tell you how proud I am of you and how much I love you. If that’s the case read the last line again and know how much I wanted to be there to do those things.

You have great talents, Billy. I’ve watched you grow and develop into a fine young Man. I have loved you every step of the way. That year we spent together on the Circuit was the greatest year of my life. I haven’t been able to stop thanking God and your Dad for you. Your Aunt Laura in thrilled for the both of us. She loves you as much as I do.

The love that passed between us was the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced in my life. I love your Aunt Laura as much as you but in a different way. You will understand as you grow older that you don’t replace love with another, you only add to love. A new unexpected love becomes growth and a beautiful thing. But you don’t stop loving the older loves that have sustained you through the years.

Maybe that’s what life’s all about, Son! It’s not just getting through it! It’s loving, sharing, caring, and building as much love as we can to take back to God when we die. If God is love as we’ve been told then that’s all he’s interested in. That we learn to love and share love while we’re here. Doesn’t matter what form it takes as long as it benefits the people involved and is done consensually.

Some misguide religious fanatics might ‘thump their Bibles’ and yell that certain forms of love they don’t approve of is against God and their religious beliefs. Ignore them. Most don’t know how to share love beyond their own selfish needs of self agrandizement. God will deal with them in his own way and it wont be pretty. Remember the old saying: The Devil can turn a verse in the Bible for his own use.

Was our love a ‘bad’ love? What do you think? It was only bad if we think so or allow anyone else to suggest that is was. Of course it wasn’t bad and I’d do it again in a minute. Knowing what we know!

I still dream of making love to you but I’m not beyond wishing you all the happiness in the world with Buck! I saw what was going on between you two that last week and it felt good to my heart. I was so pleased that you were going over there with someone you had fallen in love with. It would make it so much easier for you. Rowley and Ken were pretty transparent too. Your Dad, Joe, Lester and I have laughed our ass’s off at some of the shit that came out of Ken White’s mouth. Funny, funny Man! But lovable to a fault!

Take the talent you have for loving, Billy, and build it to become the greatest gift you can take back to God and lay at his feet.
“Here Master! Here is the love I have grown and given freely to others! I now make a gift of it to you!” What Father wouldn’t be proud of a Son that has brought him such a present?

Never make the mistake of thinking that material possessions will bring you happiness or make you more attractive to anyone including God. When you leave this life, you can only take the soul that God has allowed your body to hold for a while and it’s the quality of that soul that God is most interested in. You have to give it back to him. In what condition will you give it back?

How much better to hand him the gift of your soul with it overflowing with the light and joy of love. It’s that simple, Cowboy!

I’m not worried! We both have a leg up on that project from the love we shared. You will go on to build on that love so your soul will become one of the greatest gifts a simple Man can give to his creator. A soul filled with the light and goodness of love.

If I’m not here when you return I probably will have gone on. Don’t grieve for me or your Buddies too long, Son! Start as soon as you can to remember and build on those loves. Don’t hide that light under a bushel.

You already know what I’m talking about in the way that you have learned to love and appreciate your Dad. He is a wonderful Man, full of mysteries I never thought him capable of. We have fallen back in love after all these years and I see a lot more of him and Joe than I use to. They have built a strong love for each other over the years. I just thank God they’ve stopped the drinking and fighting. Makes their love all the better for them.

I wanted to leave you all our winnings from the Rodeo Prize Money. Your Aunt Laura suggested it! That plus your Aunt Ethel’s estate should give you a good start in life. Remember above all else, that I love you! I cherish the days on this Earth that you walked by my side and loved me in return. I have never know a greater love with anyone.

You will always be my Cowboy and I will always be your Master! I can’t end this letter by simply saying goodbye! It doesn’t end that way anyway! On down the road Cowboy......we’ll love again!

All my love, Son,

Uncle Bud

“On down the road, Master....Oh, God, Uncle Bud, I loved you so......” I whispered.
I held his letter to my heart and cried myself to sleep. What better words for a Father to leave his Son!

Master Walker and Xander were very protective and wouldn’t let anybody know I was there with them. They didn’t lie to Booger! They just didn’t say anything. I just couldn’t be around anybody I cared a lot about because I was afraid I was going to bring them down like my Dad or lose them like my Uncle Bud and my Brothers. I was on the edge of sanity. I could have gone either way. Uncle Bud’s letter helped!

I stayed with Master Walker and Xander for about a month, went back home for a visit and brought Dolly and Madison back to the Johnson Ranch. Master Walker suggested I do that since there was no one that was interested in taking care of them back home. Aunt Laura ask me about selling both of them. I couldn’t let her do that. They were happy there at the Johnson ranch.

Aunt Laura gave me Uncle Bud’s old Pickemup Truck, with camper and horse trailer to transport Dolly and Madison. It was great to have the memories of that Camper and Truck with me. I could sometime imagine Uncle Bud riding next to me. It was so real I didn’t want to turn my head to see that it wasn’t. I would ride for miles just knowing he was sitting next to me. It was spooky but ultimately a great comfort. I swear today as I write this, that he was sitting there, helping me ‘on down the road!’

I started roping again and the big, tall Cowboy, Leon was a pretty good amateur roper. He started roping with me. Damn he was quiet but I liked him. He let me alone. I could be around him and he didn’t demand I entertain him or even speak. I spent hours helping him with the livestock and if we said two complete sentences to each other in a day it was a lot! I just got to know his ways and knew how he wanted things done. He never pushed.

Sometime we would rope together by the hour and never say a word to each other. I got the idea he didn’t want to be intruded on either; although I did get the feeling I could have invited myself to his bed anytime I wanted. I didn’t. I couldn’t!

It was going on six months and I hadn’t been with a soul since I got back. I was too psyched out to let anyone close enough to me. I wanted to! God knows I wanted to but was just too afraid. I re-read Uncle Bud’s letter every night and cried. I was reading my loss into his letter and not hearing the words he had written. But they were getting through to my subconscious.

I was trying to pay my way at the Johnson Ranch by helping Leon with the livestock and doing Handyman work around the Ranch. Hell, there was always something to do and the work kept me up and out. Kept me from feeling sorry for myself. Leon and I had spent several days mending fences and painting the huge long running white wooden fence into the property. We were hot and dirty and decided to cool off in the river.

We both threw our clothes off and jumped in. Holy shit! Leon had a bigger dick than Madison’s! I had heard tell of his legendary cock but had never seen it. I was kinda glad I hadn’t invited myself to his bed. He would have killed me.

We began to horseplay a little, he grabbed me and held me. He looked deep in my eyes and saw my hunger. He didn’t say a word as he moved in toward my mouth and gently brushed his lips across mine.

“Fuck it Leon! Kiss me!” He did! We were standing chest deep in the cool swift running water. He didn’t rush, finished and then just held me without a word. He could communicate a lot with his touch.
“Thanks Leon! I needed that!”

“Anytime Cowboy!” He said quietly without emotion and didn’t push further.

I was getting better. A little at a time. Master Walker didn’t push and Xander was a love. He would ask how I was doing and if I wanted to talk he would listen, if not he would understand and go on his way. I grew to love and respect him. I kept reading Uncle Bud’s letter.

One afternoon three Harley’s pulled up out front. My heart went to my throat as I wasn’t ready to see Booger Red at that time. I ran for the barn before anyone could see me. As it turned out it was Master Sam and two of his straight Bikers Buddies, Bull and Charlie.

I got myself busy cleaning out stalls in the barn. I didn’t want to go to the house to meet them. I was fond of Master Sam but I was so shook up thinking that Big Red might have been with them that I didn’t want to think. I was also angry at myself for feeling that way about a good, loving Man who had done nothing to me but want to love me.

I was just not ready to love any one again. I was doing good to get from day to day and the closest I had come to opening up to anyone was yesterday afternoon in the river with Leon.

It was another hot afternoon. I had my shirt off and was working my ass off. I set a goal for myself to get all the stalls cleaned and fresh straw for all the horses. I was down to cleaning the last three stalls when I sat on a bail of hay to take a breather.

I heard Leon walk into the barn. I was so use to the sound of his boots that I didn’t open my eyes to see him approach. I didn’t realize but my eyes were watering from the fumes of the dung and my thoughts. Leon sat down beside me and didn’t say a word. He just put his big arm around me and kept his mouth shut.

It was such an understanding, gently loving gesture that I leaned into him and quietly started crying. He put both arms around me and held me tight. “You’ve gotta’ talk about it some time, Cowboy.” He said quietly but he didn’t push. We sat there for a long time with him holding me.

“You know I ain’t much of a talker but I can listen with the best of ‘em!”

I looked up into his ruggedly handsome face and saw the pain he felt for me reflected in his eyes. He pulled his bandana out of his back pocket and gently wiped away the dirt and tears from my face and mouth. Damn I was filthy. Then he gently kissed me again. This time I didn’t resist nor hold back from the big Man. My dam broke and the waters of my life began to flow again. My healing subconscious had taken over from my crippled psyche.

Leon told me with that kiss to put my trust in him and he would be my rock to climb out of the mire. He was wonderful and let me flow into him without criticism, judgment, or condemnation.

I had seen from the pain in his face the same pain my Dad had experience when I was home that almost destroyed him. With Leon I was becoming a silent killer. I didn’t realize the big Man was working with me day to day, by my side, giving me strength and absorbing more and more of my pain, without any words being exchanged between us.

I couldn’t do that to anyone anymore. He had to have something from me in return and my body was the thing he most wanted. I knew that! I could see the way he watched me when he didn’t think I was looking. I worked hard and he appreciated my natural affinity for Horses. I could talk a Horse into being ridden.

I had learned from a wonderful Man when Uncle Bud and I was on the Circuit. He lived alone on his Ranch in Montana and Uncle Bud and I hadstopped to say ‘Hello’. Uncle Bud knew him from his Rodeo days.

He taught me to ‘whisper’ to Horses to get them to do anything you wanted once you got their trust. You didn’t have to ‘break’ them in a traumatic way. I could take the wildest of saddle broncs and within thirty minutes be riding him. Impressed the shit out of Leon and several others.

“Leon? May I come to your bed this evening?”
“Only if you feel you’re ready to give yourself to someone.”

Damn! Leon surprised me. He was not going to let me use him without something in return. Good for Leon! Life is give and take. You give me some of yourself and I’ll give you back your life! Sounded like a deal to me!

I had not planned to withhold anything from him anyway but I was really impressed with the strength of his statement. I kissed him again.
“I will come to you clean and ready. You will get only my best Leon! I promise you!”

“Come on then, Cowboy, lets finish these last stalls. I’ll give you a hand and it will go quicker. You did a good job on ‘em! I always appreciate your help! I haven’t told you but having you work by my side for the last several months has meant a lot to me. You know I’ve wanted you since the first time I saw you three years ago.”

We finished cleaning the stalls and I returned to my small apartment over the garages to clean up. I no sooner got out of the shower than there came a knock on the door. I didn’t bother to wrap the towel around me as no one came to my door unless it was Master Walker or Xander. It was Master Walker. He looked me up and down and smiled.

“Damn Son! You look so much like your Dad it just took my breath away for a moment. I miss him too, Billy! He was one of the finest Men I ever knew.” I hugged him and thanked him for letting me stay with him and Xander.

“Look Son! You’ve more than paid your way around here. I should put you on the staff and will if you want me too. Leon has been riding my ass to hire another stable attendant and wants you. I don’t know what you’re doing but he can’t say enough good things about you.”

“Let me think about it Master. I don’t know how long I want to stay. I feel like I’m getting better.”

“It’s up to you, Son! I wont insist but it’s there if you want it. That’s not the reason I’ve come out here. We’re doing steaks by the pool for Dinner. I’m going to go get Leon. After you dress join us. Master Sam and two of his straight Friends are here. He wants to see you again and introduce you to his Friends.”

“Would you ask Leon to come by and get me, Master Walker?” Walker raised a knowing eyebrow at me and smiled slightly.
“Sure, Son! You and old Leon getting closer?”
“It’s time I let someone in, Master Walker.” He grabbed me and hugged me.

“I’m glad to hear that, Son! We’ve all been worried about you and didn’t know what to do for you but let you be. Maybe if you open up to Leon you could ease Booger back into your life? He’s hurting, Billy! He wants to see you. I can’t keep him away too much longer. The Man fell in love with you!”

I couldn’t answer him. He knew what I was thinking. I still had a fond spot in my heart for my Beast but it was just a little to big to let it through the door right now. Master Walker hugged me to him and didn’t say a word. “Stay with us as long as it takes, Cowboy! You’re loved here!”

About thirty minutes later, another knock on the door. I opened it and there stood the most remarkably, rugged, handsome, Cowboy with a huge black felt hat, new jeans, beautiful Western Shirt and new Boots. God, was Leon looking good!

“Come in you handsome Devil!” I laughed as I moved my right hand in a sweeping gesture.
“Not to shabby yourself, Cowboy!” I grabbed my equally big black felt hat and put it own. Leon reached up took it off my head and threw both his and my hats on the bed. He took me in his arms and kissed me in a lingering, gentle, passionate kiss. Took ‘me’ breath away! I knew I was doing the right thing by offering myself to him. I felt his manhood growing in his levis like a snake.

“Me too!” Was all I said when he finished and he fell out laughing.
“Grab our Bonnets, Cowboy!”

We went to the pool to join Master Walker and Xander. We got cat calls and whistles of admiration from everyone on the deck. Master Sam came to me, hugged and kissed me.

“Damn, Billy! You look like a carbon copy of your Dad, Bud! Except you’re just slightly better looking. I could have sworn it was him walking toward us a minute ago. God, I loved that man! One of the finest Men I ever knew in my life, Billy!”
“Thank you Master Sam! Damn good to see you again!”

Master Sam introduced his two friends to me and Leon. The big mean looking one stood up, shook my hand, then looked at me funny.
“That ain’t gonna’ get it, Cowboy, is it??” With that he grabbed me tight and kissed me hard. I almost swooned! I wasn’t expecting a straight Man to plant one on me like that! I didn’t hold back with him either.

“Well, thank you, Master Bull!”
“I ain’t a Master Kid! I’m straight, but for you I’d sure think about jumping the fence!” Everyone laughed.
“Thank you, Sir!”

The other good looking Man, Charlie, kissed me too but not so suggestive. He was well meaning and mannered. He shook Leon’s hand as did Bull. There were two other couples there from Ft. Worth~Dallas area. They were nice, pleasant, good looking Men.

It was a pleasant evening and as dinner went on someone that didn’t know me brought up the subject of what we were doing in Vietnam. I didn’t say a word and would have been alright except they kept talking about it on and on. Master Sam tried to change the subject several time to no avail. He saw me getting uncomfortable.

What was worse was, they hadn’t a clue as to what was going on over there and what a waste of good Men it had become. Was it worth it? Then a couple of ‘my country right or wrong’ statements..... We’re saving the world from Communism! At what price?! I wanted to scream!! Buck’s life? Rowley life? Ken’s life? That’s not why we’re over there!! Don’t fool yourselves!! I kept quiet and sank lower in my chair. I saw Walker looking at me with concern.

I listened for a few more minutes and had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I ran to the bathroom off the back entry to the big house barely in time to throw up!

Leon came to find me and broke into tears when he saw me kneeling in front of the toilet retching my guts out, crying as hard as I could! He got a wash cloth and wet it with cold water and sat down with me to wipe my face and clean me.

Walker came to check on us and saw that Leon had things under control. He started crying when he saw me and apologized for his Friends. I felt like shit for embarrassing him.

“No Master Walker, Leon! Get me up! I have to face this! I can’t go on this way.” I went back to the pool area supported by Leon and Walker.

“Gentleman, I am so sorry I’ve ruined your evening! I have no control sometime when people talk about Nam. I apologize to each of you, Master Walker and Xander. Please forgive me!”

“You want to know what it’s like over there? You want to really know why we’re there? You want to know what I went over there to fight for? You want to know what I went through? You want to know whether we should be there or not?”

“I’ll tell you my story. It’ll be the first time I’ve told anybody! Leon says I have to talk about it sometime. Maybe he’s right! I want more than anything to heal so I’ll tell you then you decide for yourselves whether we should be over there!"

I told them everything from being drafted with Buck, Boot Camp, the four Cowboys, being inseparable, falling in love, them dying on top of me to protect me and talking with them after they were dead. One of the Men was crying in his lovers arms. Xander was in Master Walkers arms crying!

Bull was crying holding Charlie and Master Sam was just weeping by himself as I described the unbearable pain of surviving. Of having to go on when you don’t want to go on. Yet you don’t want to harm those around you that are trying to care for you and love you. Leon had his arm around me as I went on and on. Finally I stopped.

Master Walker, Xander and Leon had never heard my story and didn’t know about my love for Buck or Rowley and Ken. They were devastated and began to understand why I was the way I had become. I felt like healing could begin. I could go on and give myself to Leon with no regrets. Only because I stood up and said “No! I’m not gonna’ run any more! You folks are gonna’ know what it cost me! Damn you if you can’t or worse, wont, understand!!”

“Once again, Gentlemen, I apologize but before you think bad of me for this evening be generous enough to consider you may have helped heal a crippled spirit and helped him on his road to recovery. For listening, I am grateful. Thank you!”

They all assured me that they needed to hear what I had to say! There was no doubt in their minds that we shouldn’t be over there. I asked Leon if we could take off to his place. He agreed and we left. I sent Leon back to talk to Walker and Xander to tell them how sorry I was. He returned and told me that they had no idea what I had been though and was more resolved than ever to stand by me.

That night I lay in Leon’s comforting arms. I was ready for him to take me but he didn’t. He made the sweetest love to me and held me close. He was in no hurry. He wanted whatever passed between us to be the best for both of us. He knew he could have what he wanted anytime but he wanted it on his terms, from someone that could give wholeheartedly from a complete soul. I was getting better but there were still times I was very much an emotional cripple.

Underneath all that quite facade was a sensitive Man who felt very deeply about people. He just wasn’t overly demonstrative. If you got a hug from Leon, it meant he really was fond of you. If you got a hug and a kiss on the forehead, he loved you deeply as a friend. If you got a hug and a kiss on the mouth he was in love with you!

I scared him to death during the night even though I had warned him about my night time delusional flashbacks. I told him just to hold me ‘till I could orient myself. Call my name and tell me his name and where I was! Most times the delusions were so real I was totally unaware of my current surroundings.

He ended up holding me tight as I once again cried myself back to sleep. I couldn’t keep doing this to others and myself. I had to start healing. Also, I truly wanted to repay Leon for his unassuming efforts to help me. Just being there and not demanding. Not pushing! Just allowing me to be! He wasn’t a Saint! He was a Man!

The next day was Sunday. I was up early and went to the barn to feed and do the chores. I slipped out of bed and dressed quietly so’s not to wake Leon. I wanted him to sleep in ‘cause he was up with me half the night. I came back, showered, cleaned myself, slipped back in bed with him and took him in my arms.

I woke him when I did.
“What time is it?” He asked.
“Time for some good old fashion Cowboy lovin’, Hoss!”
“Gotta’ go feed and take care of the Horses!”
“Done, Cowboy!” I told him.
“You already did it?” He asked bleary eyed.

“Yes Sir! Got up two hours ago and let you sleep in! Cleaned myself, came back to bed in hopes I could tempt a certain handsome Cowpoke into riding this old Cayuse off into the Sunset.” Leon smiled as he stretched and pulled the sheet back to show me his morning erection. Damn!! I didn’t know if I could take that thing or not but I was going to give it the old College try!

I lay there holding him rubbing my hands over his hairy chest and pectoral muscles.
“Thanks Cowboy.” I said quietly. He didn’t respond but simply turned his head up to mine and kissed me gently.
“Anytime Cowboy.” He said. “Let’s mount up and play ‘Pony Express’!

“How you play that?”
“I’ll stick a stamp on your forehead and ride you ‘till you drop!”

“Saddle me up Cowboy and slap some leather! Hard!! I promise this old Hoss will deliver your Mail on time!” With that he took me long, deep and hard! The only way a Cowboy should mount his Horse!! Then he rode me on down the trail.......

End of Chapter III~
Waddie Greywolf
waddie8@ earthlink.net