I believe that on a very primal level, a man's penis size dictates his place in the hierarchy of men. Socioeconomic status, education, etc. is purely surface conditioning. I believe that every man knows on some level his place in the 'man heirarchy' and has known since he became aware of his penis size in relation to other men. It doesn't matter if a man is straight or gay - on some level he is definitely aware of his penis and his place when compared with other men.

My attention to this topic really started when I was in my early twenties. When I was in my early thirties I became completely obsessed with my fascination of this masculine primal world. When I was in my early thirties I was very attractive, hairy, successful and hung about 5.5 inches erect. I had this inner desire to fulfill my place amongst men and become completely self actualized. Needless to say there wasn't anyone I could think of to talk openly and honestly about this. Fortunately the Internet connected me with with a few like minded men.

Eventually I really connected with a man from Brazil named Soren. Soren was about seven years older than me, about six inches shorter, olive skin and had a true 9 inch cock that was thick, matched with large manly balls and the entire package was surrounded by a thick, black, untrimmed bush. Soren was also aware of the primal hierarchy and knew that he was superior to most men. I knew I was to many men with my 5.5 inches. Soren and I were a perfect fit and we both knew it immediately.

We communicated extensively online, traded photographs, talked on the telephone and finally met. I wanted to serve a man who was higher up the primal masculine ladder than me and Soren wanted to be served by a man below him. It was a perfect match, a match that took time to cultivate, an amazing match that few would ever understand.

We came to a point where we wanted to move forward. Since Soren was a superior man to me with his large genitalia, I appropriately gave up my life in the United States and moved to Brazil to be with Soren and take our connection to the next level. The move was drastic and none of me friends or family understood why I was doing this. Soren was a blue collar delivery man and I was an educated professional - yet we had this connection that only we understood. I gave up my successful life and happily moved in with him where I contributed to household expenses as well as happily served him any way he wanted (sexually, house chores, etc.).

Two months had gone by and we were truly in a great place - each being fulfilled in the primal roles we knew we held. Every day when we were naked with each other, his impressive 9 inches humiliated my modest 5.5 - and we were both were fulfilled knowing that. All of my savings went into an account that Soren had control over. Soren continued his job and I continued to serve him in every way he wanted and needed. I knew early on that this is where I was truly meant to be. Even though I loved my cock and balls and loved jacking off, my desire to permanently know my place with Soren by being castrated was a stronger feeling. Fortunately, Soren also wanted to have me castrated for several reasons. I would jack off regularly (alone or with Soren) as I fantasized about the day I am castrated. I knew that I wouldn't be able to jack off with no cock or balls, yet the feelings intensified.

My true reasons for wanting to be castrated were that it was a complete, pure, primal and masculine exchange of power - where the weaker man permanently submits to the stronger man when his manhood is removed. I wanted Soren to know that I respect him and would make that sacrifice - knowing that I would never enjoy sexual pleasure the same way again, knowing that I would be limited to an extremely small or non-existent pool of potential partners if Soren ever dumped me. I was proud to make this sacrifice and we both knew that he had enough cock, balls and cum for both of us.

We eagerly wanted to move forward and faced the reality that we couldn't find a surgeon willing to perform the surgery. Through extensive research we found a reputable clinic in Thailand that would perform the surgery properly and wouldn't judge us. We scheduled and pre-paid several thousand dollars six months in advance. The several month wait was specifically so that we could really think about what we were about to do.

The time for the trip to Thailand came. Soren had taken numerous photographs and movies of me with my hard cock on my hairy body over the past year. We wanted to have before pics that we could cherish. We arrived at the Thailand hotel, near the clinic. We had arranged for a photographer to video our last night with my man parts. I stripped naked in front of the camera, jacked off then read a letter I had written to Soren. I expressed how much I respect and honor him. I begged to be castrated and sincerely expressed how proud I would be to be castrated for Soren (and myself). I also signed the consent forms and the letter I just read. Soren then shaved all the hair from my body from the neck down. A gesture symbolizing the essence of our relationship - Soren demonstrating his superior masculine. This special evening was captured on a video that we would often look back at.

The following morning finally arrived. I was completely hairless from the neck down and Soren and I had the best sex ever and my cock and balls felt incredible as I came harder than ever. I was excited and afraid at the same time as I knew this would be the last time I would ejaculate or have a penis and testicles.

We arrived at the clinic and I signed more papers. Soren told me again that if I was truly committed to him (and us) I would prove it by consenting to have not only my testicles and scrotum removed - but also my penis completely removed from the base. Even though I heard him say this numerous times before, I flooded with emotions and got teary eyed with joy when he spoke. I told him that nothing would make me happier and more fulfilled. I told him that serving him is my true calling and giving up my genitals and ability to have sexual stimulation for him would be an honor. The consent forms clearly expressed our wishes and my signature was eagerly signed.

I was then escorted into a room away from Soren - the last time we would see each other with with me having my manhood. I was asked to strip and put on a gown. They examined my crotch and shaved a few hairs that were missed then dabbed rubbing alcohol on the area. I was now laying on my back on a table and was surrounded by one surgeon, two technicians and one nurse. I was injected with a sedative which was followed by the general anaesthetic.

When I woke up I was in a cold, sterile recovery room with Soren holding my hand. I couldn't feel anything below my waste. As the anaesthetic wore off I was injected with strong pain killers. I noticed that my crotch was bandaged up an that a catheter was coming out. I had a brief moment of terror until I looked up and saw Soren smiling at me.

Time passed and the bandages had to be changed. I would be able to see for the first time how I looked without my manhood. Soren was present and I was told to lay on my back and look up as the bandages were removed. I was swabbed with saline and the surgeon finally told me I could sit up and look at myself in the full length mirror beside the bed. I kept my eyes closed as I sat up and stood next to Soren in front of the mirror. I opened my eyes to see my completely naked, hairless, cockless, ballless body next to Soren, who was wearing jeans with his large bulge showing. I was flooded with emotions and started crying - tears of grief and tears of joy. It was obvious that the surgeon knew what he was doing as there was no evidence of my cock an balls and all that remained was a well placed piss hole that he artistically created with the head of my penis.

I was filled with emotion - joy, terror, excitement and then joy again. As the following weeks passed and we were back home, reality had permanently set into both Soren and myself. I was put on hormones to maintain my masculine features and faced my new reality. I did go through a depression for a few months - and knew to expect that from reading all I read. Eventually that passed and I was completely healed both physically and emotionally.

After I completely recovered, Soren took numerous photographs of my naked body and put the before and after photos in discrete areas around the house that only we would see. This was one of the constant reminders of the choice I made - and the place I hold amongst other men. Every time I saw another man on the street or in the gym. In the gym I would see men either naked or sporting bulges in snugly fitting underwear while I wore loose fitting shorts and never showered at the gym. Even seeing a boy on the street reminded me that he has more manhood than I do.

As time went on I became extremely content and fulfilled as I was permanently in the place I felt I belonged, serving a man who took my manhood. I was proud and knew that I did the right thing. I would never experience sexual satisfaction the same way again and my sex drive was low. Soren's sex drive is extremely high and I always service him regardless of whether I am in the mood or not. At first it was hard for me to service him when I wasn't in the mood but he forced the issue reminded me what I signed up for. He reminded me that my sex drive will never be as high as his and to do what I am told. I eventually grew to enjoy it in a different way than before. I focused on my true respect for him as a man. Swallowing his cum while smelling and tasting his sweaty crotch (when I am not in the mood is the ultimate act of my respect for him.

Soren doesn't like fucking much but loves it when his big cock is in my mouth. Sometimes he comes home from work, sweaty and smelling like a man. I take off his shoes, unbuckle his belt, take down his pants and then release his large, hairy, aromatic and moist cock from his underwear. He sits down, puts one leg up on each side of my body as I kneel between his legs and lick him, suck him and honor him until he bursts his cum in my mouth. Even though I don't feel the same sexual arousal any more, I eagerly swallow Soran's cum as it is the only cum in my body.

We have been living like this for the past seven years. Like with any relationship we have had our disagreements - but I always defer to Soren, the superior man. Nobody in our network of friends or family knows our secret. Behind closed doors we sometimes look at the photographs and videos of what I looked like with my cock and balls. The best way I can explain our relationship to an outsider is that I feel a sense of calmness and belonging. Perhaps the way a dog has peace knowing its place in the pack, Soren and I have peace knowing our places in our little pack. I gave up a successful life in the United States along my balls, sack and cock to be with a blue collar man of modest means - who has a large cock. In our very primal and private world, we couldn't be happier.

The ultimate expression of my contentment to Soren, is when I honor his bulge without ever feeling sexual climax myself. Losing my manhood has allowed me to concentrate less on myself and more on serving Soren. On the outside, with clothes on, I am an attractive, well proportioned, muscular 41 year old man. When in public restrooms, I have to use a private stall as it is awkward for me to stand urinating (like a man). I never shower at the gym and my friends don't ask questions. To this day, like every other day, I am constantly reminded of my permanent place in the primal, masculine hierarchy. I couldn't be happier and more grateful to have my special relationship with Soren.