“Hakan…”

“No. It’s just – no.”

“But, I’ll die.”

“Then die.”

“Do you mean that?”

“No, I don’t, but you’ll have to do it yourself.”

“I’m still too weak.”

“You’re not so weak. You’re stronger than me.”

“I’m too weak for that. Besides, it’s too dangerous.”

“You don’t think it’s dangerous for me? I could have been caught when I killed that boy. I was lucky that he didn’t scream or run. But it’s more than that. I kill a little bit of myself, every time I kill one of them. It’s so – horrible, so…”

“I know,” said Eli.

“You don’t know. It’s different for you.”

“What do you know about how it is for me?”

“You don’t really care about any of us. You don’t love me. You just use me. We’re just – food to you.”

“I do it because I have to. Do you think I like it?”

“I’ve watched you. It looks like you enjoy it.”

At times, Hakan had provided men for Eli, enticing them by offering to let them have sex with her. In secluded areas of parks, she had lain back with her dress up. In the dark, the men hadn’t noticed she had no vagina.

Dropping their pants, they had lowered themselves upon her, and she, wrapping her arms around their necks, her legs around their middles, had sunk her teeth into their necks.

“That’s blood lust. I’m not enjoying it, not the part of me that’s Eli. That’s the other thing.”

“I’m not sure what the difference is. Sometimes, I think that’s all you are – that thing.”

“If that’s all I was, would you love me? You do love me, don’t you?”

Hakan looked down at the floor, the expression on his face incredibly sad. “I love you.”

“Then do it for me.”

“I can’t – I won’t.”

“How can you say you love me, if you’d let me die?”

“You won’t die. You lived a long time before you found me. You’ll find a way.”

“I’m too weak. Just do it once more; then I’ll find the next one myself.”

“No, I won’t. I can’t do it anymore.”

“I love you.”

“I don’t believe you. You only love me to the extent that I help you.”

“Isn’t that what love is?”

“I want you to love me, even if I didn’t do it.”

“Hakan, I can only manage a few days more; then…”

“Make sure you start to love me, then.”

“Would you do it then?”

“Maybe.”

“Eli knew what Hakan wanted. He wanted to lie with her, to do to her what those men in the park had wanted to do. He couldn’t be in the room with Eli without being aroused.

Somehow, this thing inside Eli caused a powerful sexual attraction in others for her. Even women were aroused, but because Eli presented as a girl, they were confused by it. Men, particularly those attracted to children, were often overwhelmed by their desire for her.

That’s how she had got Hakan.

She knew she aroused the boy next door. She hadn’t needed to look at the hard cock pressing against his pants to know it. One look at his face had been enough.

Eli had never known sexual arousal, not even before the change, which happened before she reached puberty.

She thought about the boy. It would be easy. She only needed to go out to the playground. Chances are he’d be at his window watching for her.

Going out, she looked up at his window. He stood, naked or clad only in his briefs, as he usually was. From the courtyard, people would only see him from the waist up, but she had watched from outside his window. She had seen him naked and in his briefs. She had watched him masturbate.

His cock was smaller than most. Foreskin covered it, revealing only the tip of its head, even when it was erect – even while he masturbated.

When he saw her come out, he jumped back from the window. He’d be out in a minute. Eli knew he would be. She walked over to the jungle gym and climbed onto it. About five minutes later, he came out.

He walked over to the sandbox, not looking in her direction. He took something out, a cube of some sort, and began twisting parts of it. Eli watched a few moments before standing, perched high up on the bars. Although she knew he saw her, he kept worrying with the cube.

“You here again?”

He lifted his head. “You again?”

Eli waited a moment before saying, “Why are you here?”

“Why are you up there?” he replied.

“I came down to be by myself.” She didn’t know why she said it. She had come down for him.

“Me, too,” he said.

“So, why don’t you go home?” Is that what she wanted? Go home and live. Stay here and die.

“You go home. I’ve lived here longer than you.”

Oskar didn’t want her to go home; he’d come out because she had.

Jumping down from the bars, Eli walked over to him. What’s that?” she asked, looking at the multicolored cube in his hand.

“This,” he said, holding it up.

“Yes.”

“You don’t know?”

“No.”

“It’s a Rubik’s Cube.”

“What?”

He said it again, exaggerating each syllable. “Ru – bic’s Cube.”

“And just what is a Rubik’s Cube?”

“A toy,” he said.

“Is it a puzzle?”

“Yes. Oskar held it out to her. “You want to try it?”

She took it, turned it over, examining each side.

He laughed. “You really haven’t seen one before?”

“No, what do you do with it?”

“Where have you been? Everyone knows what a Rubik’s Cube is.”

“I don’t.”

“Give it to me, I’ll show you.” She handed it back to him.

“Like this.” He twisted the pieces of it. “You try to get each side the same color.” He continued twisting until one side was all white and held it up. “See. Only every side has to be all one color.”

She took it back and began to twist it.

“Can you see the colors?”

“Yes.”

“In the dark? I can only make out the white.”

“I can see them.”

A breeze blew in his direction. He sniffed. “Don’t you ever take a bath? You stink.”

Eli sniffed. She did, she guessed. She could smell herself, of course. It’s just that it was a familiar smell. When she was a child, people bathed – maybe – once or twice a year. Bathing was a habit she’d never acquired. Until she had met the boy, she hadn’t spoken to anyone but Hakan for a couple of years, and Hakan didn’t seem to mind. At least, he never said anything about it.

The boy stood up. “Hey, I have to go home.”

“Huh?”

He held out his hand. “The cube.”

Eli hesitated. Was she really going to let him go? She handed the cube to him. “Why are you leaving?”

“It’s the way you smell,” he said. “You really stink. I’m about to puke.”

“Is it really that bad?”

“Yes.” He handed her back the cube. “You can keep it until tomorrow.”

She didn’t take it. What was it about the boy? She was hungry; she wanted him. Why didn’t she take him? No one would see; no one would know. “I might not be here tomorrow.”

“Keep it until the day after tomorrow, then. No longer, though.”

She wasn’t going to kill him, which surprised her. It wasn’t a conscious decision, but she wasn’t going to do it. Eli took the cube. “I’ll probably be here tomorrow.”

“OK, bye.”

“Bye.” She watched as he turned and walked away. She shook her head. Why had she let him? She needed his blood.

Hakan wasn’t home when she returned. She sat working the puzzle until he came home.

“Where have you been?”

“Out,” he said.

“You’re drunk.”

“So?”

“We agreed you wouldn’t get drunk anymore.”

“You agreed. I didn’t. What’s that?”

“It’s a puzzle.”

“Where did you get it? Did you kill someone?”

“No, I borrowed it.”

“Borrowed it – from whom?”

“The boy next door.”

“What were you doing with him?”

“Nothing. Just talking.”

“You don’t talk to me.”

“Hakan. Don’t be like this.”

“Make me happy, then.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Let me touch you.”

“All right, but you have to…”

Hakan shook his head. “No, not that. I’m not doing that anymore.

“You have to. Tomorrow, you have to.”

“No, never again.” He looked at the puzzle. What do you mean, ‘borrowed?’ You never borrow things. You never talk to people. What is it, anyway?”

“A puzzle.”

“Don’t you have enough puzzles? Why were you talking to that boy?”

“Hakan. Stop it.”

“What do you need me for, anyway?”

“I love you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do – in a way.”

“You don’t love someone like that. You love him or you don’t.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“In that case, I’ll have to think about it.” She didn’t love Hakan, but she was fond of him – used to him. He’d been with her for years. She needed him. The boy, though…what was it she felt for him?

Did he lust for her, did he like her, or was it a little of both? He was a little young for lust, probably having just started puberty. He masturbated, though. Eli had heard him through the wall, his back against their common wall while he did it; she had watched him do it from outside his window. ‘Jacking off.’ That’s what Hakan said most boys called it. Hakan did it all the time, wanting her while he did it. Did the boy think about her, when he jacked off? She thought he did.

But did he want more than that from her. Would he know what to do with a girl? No matter. Eli wasn’t a girl.

After a couple of hours, Eli heard him come into his room. He’d probably been watching TV with his mom. She heard him flop down on his bed. Hakan was lying on the bed on this side of the wall. It was the only bed in the only bedroom, and since Eli never used one, he’d taken it. “Go out,” she said. “I want this room. You can sleep in the living room.”

“What do you want it for? You sleep in the bathtub.”

“I just want it; that’s all. Take you things into one of the other rooms.”

About that time, the boy made a noise, dropped something, slammed a drawer – something. Hakan looked at the wall. The look on his face was a mixture of hurt and anger. “You just want to be close to him. You’re hungry. There’s blood for you. Kill him, and I’ll dump him in the river. It’s frozen over, except for where the sewer runs into it. They wouldn’t find him until spring, and by that time, we’ll be gone.”

“Take your things. I want this room tonight.”

“Maybe I will kill another one for you. Maybe I’ll kill him.”

“No!” She didn’t sound like either a girl or a boy, when she said it. She used the voice of the other creature. With that voice, there was no arguing. Hakan picked up a pillow and some covers off the bed and went into another room.

Eli did sleep in the bathtub; the room sealed easily against the light, and she could lock it against Hakan. He wouldn’t hurt her, she didn’t think, but he might touch her while she slept, and that might not awake her. It took a dire threat to awake her from her sleep, during which she barely bothered to breathe. Her heart beat, but it slowed to a few beats a minute. She didn’t dream; in most respects, during daylight hours, she didn’t exist.

She was most vulnerable during those hours.

Eli came out of her room naked. Hakan was in the living room, sitting there, doing nothing. Sometimes, he read, but often, he just sat, staring into space.

He licked his lips, staring at her crotch. It was the first time he’d seen her naked in months; she’d worn the same clothes without taking them off for that long.

He knew she’d once been a boy. Pressing her lips to his, she had allowed him to look at her memories of that day, when, taken from her parents, she’d been neutered, her – his – cock and balls cut off. The lord, after she had been neutered, had dressed her in girl’s clothes. She had almost forgotten she had once been a boy.

She knew her nakedness would arouse Hakan, and that wasn’t a bad thing. It was good to remind him why he stayed. “Do we have towels?”

“Yes. Why?”

“I want to take a bath.”

“You never bathe.”

“Well, I am tonight.”

“Why?”

“Don’t I need one? Don’t I smell?”

Hakan shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know.”

“You do, I guess, but I’m used to it. I don’t notice it.”

“The boy said I stank.”

“What do you care what he thinks?”

It was Eli’s turn to shrug. “I don’t. I just thought I’d take a bath.”

“Are you going to see him?”

“I have to give him back his puzzle.”

“Are you going to kill him?”

Again, Eli shrugged. “Are you going to do one for me?”

“No, I told you I’m not doing it again – never.”

“I’ll have to do it myself, then.”

“Are you going to kill the boy?”

“I don’t know.” She didn’t. His hot blood almost drove her mad with desire for it, and it would be so easy; she was sure no one had seen her with him – but.

“And you needed a bath for that?”

“Hakan, you could do it for me.”

“I’d do anything else. Anything else…”

“Yeah, OK. Fine.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.”

She took a bath, washed her hair, dressed, putting on a pair jeans along with her pink top, went outside, and climbed on top of the jungle gym.

Before long, he came out. “Hey there.”

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

She stood up. “Come up here.”

“OK,” He climbed up the bars until he was next to her.

“Do I smell better?”

He blushed.

Eli smiled, holding the cube out to him. “Thanks for lending it to me.”

He turned it, examining each side. She had solved it. “Did you take it apart?”

“Can you do that?”

He wiggled the pieces, testing them. “You must have taken it apart.”

“No.”

“But you said you’d never seen one.”

“No, I haven’t. It was fun. Thanks.”

“How long did it take you?”

“Several hours. If I did it again, I don’t think would take so long.”

“Amazing.”

“It’s not so hard.”

“The boy cleared his throat. “How old are you?”

“How old do you think?”

“Fourteen, fifteen.”

“Do I look it?”

He shrugged. “Yes. Or – no. I don’t know.”

“I’m twelve.”

“Twelve! What month were you born?”

“I don’t know.”

“How can you not know? When’s your birthday? When do you celebrate your birthday?”

“I don’t celebrate it.” When Eli was born, there had been no calendars on the wall to mark. She had marked her years by the passing of the seasons. I was twelve summers old that summer I was chosen.

“Your mom and dad must know.”

“My mom is dead.”

“Oh. Sorry. How did she die?”

“I don’t know.”

“Doesn’t your dad know?”

She knew he meant Hakan. “No, he doesn’t.”

“Don’t you ever get presents and stuff?”

“No, I never get presents – ever.”

She stepped closer, inhaling, taking in his scent, smelling his blood. As dark as it was, the irises of her eyes all pupil, letting in light, she saw it pulsing beneath the skin at his throat. She could hear his heart beat.

“Do you want to give me a present?”

She bent over, her face next to his. She could feel his breath on her cheek. Her mouth was but inches from his neck – from the blood pulsing there.

Her upper lip drew back, revealing sharp teeth - small, dirty white fangs. She lowered her mouth toward his neck.

Raising his hand, he stroked her face.

She froze. “Why did you do that?”

“I’m sorry…I –“

“What did you do that for?”

He held out the cube. “Do you want it? You can have it.”

Feeling dazed, she shook her head. “No, it’s yours.”

“What’s…your name?”

“Eli.”

“Eli…you said your name was Eli?”

She nodded.

“My name’s Oskar.”

Eli shuffled her feet. She had come so close. If he hadn’t stroked her face -. If she didn’t leave, she’d do it anyway.

“I’m…going now.”

He nodded. She raised her face, looking him in the eye. She turned and walked toward her door.

“See you tomorrow?”

She paused, didn’t turn around, said, “Yes.” Eli continued toward her door, but before reaching it, turned to go through the archway out to the street.

A little ways from the apartments, the sidewalk went through an underpass under a street. Picking up a rock, Eli knocked out the street light, and walked halfway through the underpass, where she sat and waited in the dark.

It wasn’t long before she heard someone coming. Good… He was alone. She hoped he wasn’t drunk. Blood was blood, even with alcohol in it, but drinking it left her intoxicated, and she didn’t like the feeling. Besides, alcohol spoiled the taste.

As long as her victim was alive, his blood would suffice, but disease and even age ruined the taste. Hakan chose boys, adolescents, because they were easier for him to overpower and kill, but also because Eli preferred the taste of their blood.

A long time ago, desperate for blood, Eli had killed an animal and attempted to drink its blood. She hadn’t been able to keep it down. She had vomited it, leaving her weaker than before she drank it. Only human blood would do.

As the man entered the underpass, Eli moaned, her voice quiet, barely audible, “Help me.”

“Hello? Is someone there?”

“Help me…” After a moment, she said, “Please, help me.”

He took a few steps toward her, bending over as he came close, “What happened?”

“Help me…”

He crouched down next to her, taking her hand. “What happened to you?”

“Help me. Pick me up.”

“Are you hurt?”

“Yes.”

“What happened?”

“Help me. Pick me up.”

“Is it your back? Is it hurt?”

Knowing people were taught not to move someone with a back injury, Eli said, “No. Pick me up.”

“I’ll go call for help.”

“No, don’t leave me. Carry me. Take me with you.”

Leaning over, he slid his left arm under her knees and his right arm beneath her back, cupping the fingers of that hand around her ribs below the armpit of her right arm.

“OK. Up we go.”

:Mmmmm.”

He lifted her, getting to his feet as he did. She put her arms around his neck lifting her cheek to his shoulder.

“How does that feel?”

“Good. Thank you.”

He turned, walking back the way he’d come. Eli raised her face to his neck and bit.

He tried to bend his head toward her, but Eli’s head was beneath his chin, her mouth locked onto his throat.

“What the hell are you doing?”

She chewed, biting through his jugular vein. Blood ran down her face onto his chest.

“Stop it!”

He let go of her, but Eli had her arms wrapped around his neck and her legs wrapped around his middle. She chewed at his neck. Grabbing her head, he tried to pull it away, but she was too strong for him. She pulled her legs up around his ribs and squeezed.

The man staggered back, gasping for air. She sucked and lapped at the gaping wound in his neck. Under the pressure exerted by her legs, several of his ribs broke. He pummeled her head with a few weak blows and fell backward, landing on a pile of dried leaves.

Hakan looked up as Eli walked in.

“Did you kill the boy?”

Blood was smeared across her face.

“No. A man”

“A man? Where?”

“Beneath the underpass, where the sidewalk goes under the road.”

“Is he still there?”

“Yes. You have to move him, get rid of his body.”

“A man? How big is he?”

Eli shrugged. “I don’t know. Pretty big, I guess. Maybe a little taller than you.”

“How the hell am I supposed to move him? Why didn’t you do the boy? He would have been easy to get rid of. I could have carried him to the river and dumped him. How the fuck am I supposed to move a man? Why didn’t you do the boy? You must have seen him. I saw him go out.”

“I saw him. I don’t know why. I couldn’t.”

“Fuck…fuck…fuck. And you expect me to clean up your fucking mess.”

“You have to. You can’t leave him there. If you’d done one for me, we wouldn’t have this problem. You knew I couldn’t go any longer without it.”

“I thought you’d kill the boy.”

“He lives next door. Don’t you think that would have been a problem?”

“They wouldn’t have found him – at least, not until spring. By that time, we would have been long gone. As far as the police were concerned, he might have run away. Fuck!”

“You have to do it – now – before someone finds him. I left my sweater next to him. Someone might recognize it.”

“What did you do that for?”

“His blood was all over it. I didn’t want anyone to see me coming home all covered with blood. You’ll have to get rid of it, too.”

“You’ve got blood all over your fucking face. Don’t you think someone would have noticed that?” Hakan paced, shaking his head. “Goddamn it! What a fucking mess.”

“You have to do it, Hakan.”

Hakan stood shaking his head; then went into the kitchen, coming out with some trash bags. He put on his coat.

“Fuck!”

He went out, slamming the door behind him. He came back sometime later.

“Did you take care of it?”

“Yes.” But that’s all he would say.