(Dacia, Iulius, DCCCLIX [July, 106 AD])

The Emperor Claudius must have trusted either me as an honourable person or my Romanisation since my capture, enslavement and castration to return me temporarily to Britannia. He must have realised that I might be tempted to desert his service once I was in my homeland to hide instead amongst my people, the Catuvellauni.

Alternatively, as I contemplate the matter over half a century after the event in my new and probably final home in Dacia, I surmise that perhaps at that time Claudius knew me better than I knew myself. He probably appreciated that there was one insurmountable motive why I would not desert his cause and that of his Empire. This reason made nationalism, honour, duty, cultural assimilation and possible shame at being a eunuch slave in the service of the Romans irrelevant.

(Domus of Axenius, Quirinal Hill, Rome, almost 54 years previously, A.D. III Non. Oct. A.V.C. [5th October 52 AD])

I had now been temporarily excused service as Claudius’ food-taster and was not only ready for my mission to Britannia but also about to depart Rome for the nearby port of Ostia. Before I left, I visited my beloved Gaius, who was currently resident in Axenius’ luxurious domus on Rome’s Quirinal Hill.

"You’ll be a wonderful father," I told Gaius, whilst my arms were still wrapped round his neck, after kissing him on being told his wonderful news, just received in a letter from his pregnant new wife. However, I have to confess that I never needed much motivation to attach my lips to his.

"But how can I be," Gaius asked doubtfully in reply, "if my son or daughter lives with Sethra in Volsinii Novae whilst I reside in Rome? I’m very happy, especially when I’m with you, but I want my children to be even happier!"

"You’ll find a way to make your children very happy!" I correctly retorted.

(Campus of the Greens Factiones, near the Circus Maximus, Rome, same time)

Suffuscus had eagerly broken his fast in his home just after dawn. The previous day had been one when he and many Romans had not eaten.

Almost 1½ centuries previously, oracle consultation of the Sybilline Books had resulted in a sacred directive that all religiously observant Romans should fast on the 4^th day of October every half decade in honour of the goddess Ceres, who presided over the crucial cultivation of crops. Given the vital importance of the autumnal harvest at this time of year, the divine Augustus subsequently made the event an annual affair.

Suffuscus’ adoptive father, Aulus Plautius, was rather devout and old-fashioned as far as the Roman pantheon of gods was concerned. This attitude had caused his wife, Pomponia Graecina, not to tell him yet of her secret conversion by the persuasive Cephas to the new Jewish Christian sect.

Despite being sceptical about the gods, Suffuscus was an obliging boy and so had followed his adoptive father’s observance of the previous day’s fast, which he enjoyed breaking with a particularly large ientaculum of bread, cheese and dried fruit, washed down with fresh cow’s milk. The boy was also looking forward to going later with Aulus Plautius to the slave market to buy a young groom to help him look after Bucephalus. This purchase of human goods was scheduled to take place after his current visit to the home of the Green chariot-racing factiones, which is located near to the Circus Maximus in the valley between Rome’s Palatine and Aventine Hills.

As previously mentioned, Aulus Plautius was a keen supporter and benefactor of the Greens, and he was presently checking on the wellbeing of the equine racers and their riders. The major festival of the ‘Ludi Plebeii’, or ‘Plebeian Games’, would take place in Rome early in the next month of November. He was keen for his favourite team to perform well, not least because he had already waged a lot of money in relation to the outcome with his friend, Emperor Claudius.

Claudius had honoured me by continuing to laud my own favourite factiones, the Whites. This team’s recent successes had won him a lot of bets against Aulus Plautius as well as, through subsequent kind Imperial largesse, seeded the beginnings of my own nascent fortune.

As Suffuscus, who had been excused Seneca’s classes in the Imperial palace for the day, walked with his adoptive father through the stables of the Greens factiones, he observed a young slaveboy, whose prettiness was still evident despite surface grime and a grubby tunic. The 13 year-old was, with clear care and skill, ministering to some bloody scratches evident on a horse. Such minor equine wounds, along with sadly more serious injuries, are common in chariot racing and usually result either from riders’ whips or accidental collisions.

There had been no formal chariot racing on this morning, however, and so Suffuscus concluded that the scratches had either been incurred in practice or, correctly and more sinisterly, by an over-zealous trainer. The boy briefly contemplated this disturbing scenario but then quickly forgot about the matter when Aulus Plautius found the head of the stables and began to chat about the Greens’ prospects for the Ludi Plebii.

"The stables can have half of my winnings!" Aulus Plautius, to whom glory was much more important than monetary reward, generously announced to the head of the stables, who appreciated that such largesse, won from the Emperor, would be substantial. However, he could not guarantee success, commenting that the Whites, normally one of the least successful of the four factiones, appeared to have unusually excellent luck at this time.

"I suspect that the fortune of the Whites will run out at the Ludi Plebii," Aulus Plautius retorted, whilst bearing a broad smile, "as the Emperor has despatched their apparent lucky charm to distant Britannia!" When Suffuscus later appraised me about this remark, he added that he did not know whether his adoptive father, conqueror and first governor of my homeland, was jesting or being serious.

"What charm’s that?" the head of the Greens asked. "A charming Imperial slaveboy and Whites’ supporter called Bicilus!" Aulus Plautius kindly answered.

My ‘exceptional youthful looks’, as Gaius often kindly advised me that I possessed at this time, still regularly earned me the description of ‘boy’, even though, now being 20 years of age, I should perhaps have been referred to as a ‘young man’. However, I was not displeased with the juvenile title, which some others might have considered derogatory, because, without being too vain, it did truly reflect my current appearance.

I had not previously appreciated that Aulus Plautius remembered my existence. To renowned and important men like him, Imperial slaves, especially of the food-tasting kind, would normally be of so little consequence that, despite their frequent background presence and usefulness, they would be invisible to their eyes. I can only presume that the likes of his friends, Claudius and Caratacus, had regularly mentioned me to him, or I had attracted his attention for some other unknown reason.

As Aulus Plautius and his adopted son subsequently began to leave the stables of the Greens, retracing their steps back to the entrance gateway, Suffuscus noticed that the young slave, whom he had seen earlier tending a horse, was being beaten with a leather crop by an angry trainer. Whilst the man rained hard blows on the vulnerable back of the cowering and sobbing boy, who had lifted his arms up to try to protect his head, the adult shouted "How dare you, you lazy brat, spend so long on that animal at the expense of your other chores!"

Suffuscus immediately unhesitatingly advanced towards the scene and addressed the trainer. "How dare you," the boy shouted, deliberately using the man’s own starting words and with such conviction that the surprised adult’s uplifted crop paused in the air above his head, "beat my new groom!"

(Ostia, Latium, Italia, later same day)

Ostia was founded as a fort, or ‘castrum’, about four centuries before my time, when Romans expanded their territory to the coast of the Mare Tyrrhenum [modern Tyrrhennian Sea]. The city’s name derives from its location at the southern mouth, or ‘ostium’, of the River Tiber and its original importance was not due to activities as a port but was instead associated with its strategically significant situation in respect of the defence of the local salt marshes.

The waters at the mouth of the Tiber are marshy and tend to evaporate, leaving behind copious deposits of salt, which is important for not only flavouring and preserving foodstuffs but also tanning hides. Controlling the marshes necessitated dominion over the local pathways, and Ostia’s castrum was built at a major intersection of these routes, with a town layout resembling that of a Roman military camp, which always followed a similar pattern, and based on two main perpendicular roads, the ‘Decumanus’ and ‘Cardus Maximus’.

Ostia subsequently expanded rapidly, outgrowing its exclusively military role and the fortifications of the castrum. The place became not only a naval base defending Rome but also a port suburb and first proper colony of the capital, with over 50,000 inhabitants, and the local architectural, economic and political infrastructures were accordingly changed.

New city walls were built, which enclosed an area thirty times bigger than that of the original castrum, with, in line with normal new town planning schemes, a lot of pleasant green space left between these defences and the actual municipality. A Forum was also constructed at the intersection of the Decumanus and Cardus Maximus roads.

The early Emperors added a Guild Square and a theatre, aqueduct and thermal baths. As previously mentioned, Claudius had also undertaken to repair and improve the port facilities, which had become increasingly unfit to use because of the quantities of detritus that had gradually been deposited at the mouth of the Tiber. This development was beginning to intrude on the ability of the crucial grain ships to supply their vital cargo to Rome.

Claudius built a fresh harbour above the mouth of the river, protected by a tall lighthouse resting on the concrete-filled deliberately sunken hull of the ship Caligula had used to bring an obelisk from Aegyptia to the Vatican Hill, which is just outside Rome’s official boundaries. This maritime sentinel became Ostia’s official emblem, and was now beginning to appear on and in many new municipal constructions.

Unfortunately, Claudius’ choice of location for the new harbour subsequently proved unwise, as the area was subject to speedy silting. However, one of his successors, who is my current Imperial master, as I narrate my autobiography to my worthy scribe over half a century later, was to rectify this problem. He re-located the port to an octagonal inland basin, which was linked to the Tiber by a canal named after him.

I was currently sitting at a table and enjoying some liquid refreshment outside the large caupona that was owned by an innkeeper called Fortunatus. I knew his name because it was inscribed on the internal mosaic floor, below the figure of a krater.

The caupona was located amidst the many shops that line the Decumanus Maximus. I had earlier entered Ostia via the ancient Porta Romana, which had been erected in Republican times and is the main easterly gate for traffic from Rome, and had proceeded westerly along the road until stopping at the inn, where I was staying for the night.

I later went sightseeing by venturing a little further westerly along the Decumanus Maximus and quickly reached the steps that lead to Ostia’s relatively small 3000-seat open-air theatre, below whose front portico more shops are located. I climbed these stairs to the top of the cavea to take in the splendid view to the north of the magnificent Guild Square, built during Augustus’ reign, and the greenery beyond, which runs down to the riverbank.

I subsequently entered the square, which is surrounded by porticoed arcades, where the eponymous guilds are housed and spectators from the open-air theatre sometimes shelter if rain spoils a performance. I discovered that the scenes depicted on the local floor mosaics are proud testament to the different professions represented, including the ‘navicularii’, namely the ship builders and owners and various types of merchant, as well as trades such as tanners.

Just to the south of the square and theatre is a huge storehouse complex, or ‘horrea’, erected round a vast central courtyard and belonging to a merchant called Hortensius. However, even this mercantile amenity is dwarfed by another similar but bigger warehouse to the right on the other side of the Decumanus Maximus. This building extends down to the Tiber to facilitate the trans-shipment of goods from sea-going vessels to barges and other river-craft that take cargoes on to Rome.

Horrea possess thick walls for insulation and no windows. Empty spaces below the floors protect stored goods from humidity.

Continuing westerly along the Decumanus Maximus, I came to the Forum at the intersection with the Cardus Maximus, which is the centre of Ostia’s political, economic, commercial and religious life. The large square is flanked by porticoes on the longer sides, whilst on a podium at the northern end is the Capitolium, which, like the more famous one in Rome, is a temple dedicated to Jupiter, Juno and Minerva.

At the southern end of the Forum I saw the temple of Roma and Augustus, with a statue of the eponymous goddess named after the Imperial capital depicted as an Amazon. Beyond are the porticoes of other important constructions, such as the Curia, which is a square that hosts assemblies of people’s representatives. There is also the judicial Basilica, with its great colonnaded hall, in the centre of which is the round sacellum of the Lares Augusti, the deities who protect the Emperor.

Despite the maintenance of a quiet but nevertheless main affinity for the gods of my homeland, as well as for Cybele, for whom I share a liking with Axenius because we are both eunuchs, I proffered a few prayers at the sacellum. I prayed for the wellbeing of Claudius whilst I was away from Rome. I also begged the Lares Augusti to take good care of the rightful heir to the Principate, young Britannicus.

I eventually turned back at the western gate called the Porta Marina, not wanting to go beyond the city walls because the sun would soon set. I instead returned to Fortunatus’ caupona, impressed by the sights of not only Ostia but also the very cosmopolitan nature of the city’s permanent and transitory population, which is an even more exotic mix than in Rome. The variety of dress alone is stunning.

I had, of course, visited Ostia before but only briefly, never previously having the time for sightseeing. I now had the luxury of this pastime because the man appointed to be the next Roman Governor of Britannia, Aulus Didius Gallus, whom I was to accompany to my homeland and act for as advisor and translator, was late arriving in the city. Although the Imperial trireme that would take us on the first leg of the long journey, comprising the relatively short voyage to Agricola’s place of birth, Forum Julii in Gallia Narbonensis [modern Fréjus, France], was already waiting in the harbour, I preferred to remain on land for as long as possible for two reasons.

Firstly, I have always been easily susceptible to ‘nausea’, or ‘seasickness’, ever since my two previous experiences of sailing on oceans. These journeys happened when I was being transported across the Fretum Gallicum [modern Dover Straits of the English Channel] on my way to Rome to be enslaved and castrated, and when I was briefly a galley slave.

Secondly, my thankfully short experience of being a galley slave makes me intensely dislike those types of ship, like the Imperial trireme, that partly rely for propulsion on oarsmen involuntarily incarcerated in the holds of such vessels. Naturally, Servius’ similar abhorrence was even stronger than mine, given that he had endured such horrific penal servitude for much longer and had suffered his own castration during the process.

I arranged cena at the internal marble-covered masonry bar of Fortunatus’ caupona. However, I was not ordering just for myself, as I was to dine in the very pleasant company of three other people, with whom I had also shared my walk around Ostia.

You see, dear patient reader of my very long autobiography, I can happily report that Claudius had kindly given permission, and issued the relevant Imperial pass, marked with the Emperor’s seal, for Gaius, Hylas and Agricola to go with me to Britannia.

(Domus of Aulus Plautius, patrician quarter, Palatine Hill, Rome, same time)

"Please keep still, Menoeceus!" Suffuscus requested of his new 13 year-old groom, to whose own scratches, created by hard leather hitting tender juvenile flesh, he was gently applying healing salve, which stung on initial application to each wound. The two boys were both naked and alone together in the ornate baths complex of Aulus Plautius’ luxurious home.

Suffuscus had previously dismissed the usual attendant bath slaves, considerately trying to preserve some of his new groom’s pride by tending himself to the boy’s injuries. These wounds had previously been concealed under his rather grubby and now discarded tunic, which was to be replaced by far nicer new attire. This new clothing matched the livery sported by all of the household servants owned or employed by Aulus Plautius, whose 15 year-old adopted son thoughtfully did not see why the other staff should learn about the recent demeaning chastisement of the latest addition to their numbers.

Suffuscus had previously encouraged Menoeceus to wash in the usual manner in the baths in the warm tepidarium and hot caldarium, where he also applied olive oil to his new groom’s naked body before scraping it off with a strigil. He encountered a little resistance when asking the young slave finally to plunge into the cold frigidarium prior to drying with towels. However, he overcame this problem by simply pushing the boy into the chilly water.

Having secured Menoeceus’ cleanliness in this manner, Suffuscus had then produced his salve and, as he now applied this herbal ointment, a couple of thoughts crossed his mind. First, he recalled being introduced himself, as a very reluctant grubby street urchin, to these very baths by Nigerinus. Second, he realised that his new groom’s completely smooth body, once relieved of accumulated grime, was exceedingly pleasant.

Such realisation caused Suffuscus’ cock to become aroused. However, the boy remained unconcerned by this penile development for two reasons.

Firstly, such exhibitions of male virility are not uncommon in baths, especially when the likes of massaging occurs. Secondly, Menoeceus slightly smaller cock was similarly hard, as a result of both the forefinger applying salve to various parts of his naked body and the sight of his new young master’s similarly nude and extremely attractive form.

"Tell me about yourself," Suffuscus requested, as he applied some of his salve to a large red stripe besmirching Menoeceus’ back and whilst his eyes also regularly feasted on the delightfully curvaceous mounds of his new groom’s bottom below. Earlier in the day, Aulus Plautius had been unable to resist the entreaties of his adopted son to buy the young slave, just as he had once succumbed in a similar manner to agreeing to the purchase of Bucephalus from the stables of the Greens’ factiones.

In order to succumb, Aulus Plautius had not really needed to hear Suffuscus’ arguments that "I’ve seen that the boy’s good with horses, and buying him would save a visit to the slave market!" The man’s submission instead only necessitated the sight of his adopted son’s completely disarming smile.

Menoeceus advised Suffuscus, in Latin with a strong Greek accent, that his family originated from Thebes in Boeotia, which had been destroyed by Alexander the Great almost four centuries previously. The city had recovered within a generation but had never regained its former glory and was eventually conquered by the Romans.

Menoeceus proudly added that he had been named after two local heroes, who had both sacrificed themselves for Thebes. One had thrown himself from the walls because a seer had predicted that only such an oblation could save the city from a terrible drought, and his eponymous grandson had taken similar action to prevent conquest by enemies.

Suffuscus immediately recalled that Thebes had been the home of the 300-strong Sacred Band of young paired homosexual warriors, whose final exploits are celebrated by the monumental marble lion erected on the battlefield of Chaeronea, near Plutarchus’ birthplace. As he happily appraised Menoeceus’ exceptional body, he could understand why such a famous military unit had formed in the city, if the boy was an example of local masculine pulchritude.

Suffuscus did not, of course, know at the time that his remembrance of the Sacred Band was actually an insight into his own future and that of Menoeceus.

(Ostia, Latium, Italia, later same day)

Agricola was another possessor of a disarming smile that had quickly caused adult concession to boyish entreaty. Learning that Gaius and Hylas were accompanying me to Britannia, the boy had begged my beloved, in whose care he had been left by Axenius, to be allowed to do the same.

Previously, Gaius had kindly advised me that he would not let me go on my mission without him, citing his love, which would not allow him to be again parted from me for long. Although he did not say so, I also believe that he was concerned for my welfare and wanted to be protector as much as paramour.

When I later approached Claudius with the request to allow Gaius and Hylas, who was ever-present at his master’s side, to accompany me, the Emperor smiled and declared, as usual without stuttering when alone with me, "I somehow knew that you’d seek such permission. You’ll find that the Imperial warrant already prepared for you, to assist your travel arrangements and ensure that you gain the co-operation of everyone you encounter, has the young equestrian’s name on it too!" The Princeps was equally helpful when I subsequently asked him also to append Agricola’s appellation.

Agricola had pleaded truthfully that he had always dreamt of visiting Britannia, ever since he had read about the ancient voyages to the area of Pytheas, a ship’s captain from Massalia. The boy added, in answer to Gaius’ objections, that his education could be continued through tuition from my beloved, whom he knew had provided similar instruction for Hylas and me, and he was sure his mother in Forum Julii would not object.

"I just couldn’t say ‘no’ to that smile of his," Gaius later confessed to me, "just as I can never say ‘no’ to yours in similar circumstances!" "Your own also always seems to succeed in achieving its wicked aims," I retorted at the time to my grinning beloved, just before he again demonstrated the veracity of my comment, whilst we lay naked together on my bed in the Imperial palace.

After making love once more, Gaius confirmed the precise nature of the arrangements he had made. "Agricola is initially accompanying us only as far as his hometown of Forum Julii," he advised, "where his mother is resident. I’m sure that she’ll be delighted to see him, but whether he’ll then obtain maternal approval to travel with us all the way to Britannia is doubtful. The journey, even in the well-guarded company of the new Governor, still has dangers, not least the crossing in autumn of the Oceanus Britannicus. As you well know, Bicilus, some of the conquered sections of your homeland are also still subject to insurgency and conflict!" I was indeed very much aware of this latter fact because part of my role was to help Aulus Didius Gallus reach a peaceful settlement with the remnants of my own tribe, the troublesome Catuvellauni.

Nevertheless, I replied to Gaius’ doubts about Agricola gaining maternal approval to accompany us to Britannia, which, if realised, would instead precipitate a quick return to grammaticus in Rome, by, almost unprecedentedly, challenging my beloved’s normally perfect wisdom. I did so by betting him one of the gold aurei, which Claudius had won from Aulus Plautius and then gave to me, that the boy would persuade his mother.

Gaius kindly accepted the bet even though, after hearing the explanation behind my challenge, he immediately believed that he would lose. "I don’t think," I suggested to my beloved, "that Agricola’s mother could be any more resistant to her son’s disarming smile than you!"

Gaius also appraised me about the arrangements he had made to compensate for his absence from Axenius’ home and the supervision of the residual boy residents, namely Anacletus, Arius, Achilleus and Tyanus. This adventurous young quartet had wanted to go to Britannia too but my beloved somehow managed to overcome their attempts at persuasion. Consequently, Corntus and Servius were to move temporarily from their humble lodgings in the Subura Quarter to the much larger and more luxurious domus on the Quirinal Hill to look after the disappointed foursome with the help of the household slaves, including Endymion and Selene.

Meanwhile, Gaius’ father, mother and new wife in Volsinii Novae were informed that their son and husband had decided to tour some of the western parts of the Roman Empire, just as he had previously travelled around the eastern. Being already pregnant and so no longer for now needing my beloved to perform his conjugal duties, Sethra was unconcerned, whilst parental disapproval was avoided by their son promising to return in time to be with his spouse during her final stages of labour.

On this night in Ostia, Gaius, Hylas, Agricola and I were sharing a large comfortable bedchamber in Fortunatus’ cauponia. The tavern’s owner had initially been reluctant to release his best room to us, a young equestrian suspiciously accompanied by what looked like three pretty boys, until his surprised eyes saw the Imperial warrant we carried. This pass subsequently ensured that we were treated much more respectfully and quickly secured not only the finest accommodation but also most attentive service and superior food and drink.

On this night in Ostia, Agricola also proved neither ignorant nor a prude. The boy must already somehow have been aware of the full nature of the relationship between Gaius and me because he happily allowed us to sleep together whilst he platonically shared a bed with Hylas. He also appeared, perhaps just diplomatically, not to notice subsequent occasionally unsuccessfully muted passionate noises emerging from our direction.

Agricola was to maintain his considerate nightly display of innocent nonchalance all the way to Britannia because, in Forum Julii, I was to win my gold aureus from Gaius, which I have never spent. I instead later converted the coin, which bears Claudius’ profile, into a medallion, which I still wear in remembrance of both that Emperor and my beloved as I narrate my life story to my worthy scribe over half a century after the events that I am currently describing.

Claudius, I now suspect, knew full well and why I would never desert his cause when I returned home to Britannia. The one overriding reason was, of course, my deep love and devotion for a young Roman called Gaius Musonius Rufus.