As mom rubbed my back she said, "Joshy you were always the most wonderful baby and little boy.  But I could tell right from the start that you were always a bit too wild and domineering.  You couldn't help it but you were always a bit too bossy.  It was just your way.  I knew that somthing would need to be done to calm you down and make you more controllable before you became a teenager and really got into hot water.  I realized that for your own good you'd need to be castrated.  I also knew that you'd need to decide for yourself that castration was what was best for you.  I'm so proud that you have.  You have shown such maturity.  Genital nullification will keep you out of trouble.  We both know that."

At that moment Kelly walked in through the door.  He saw me sitting on the sofa next to my mom.  Immediately I tried to wipe away my tears with the back of my hand and sniffed as I tried to draw the snot back into my nose.  I couldn't let him see that I had been crying.  I didn't want him to think that I was a baby.  But it was no good.  I couldn't hid it.

Kelly saw that I had been crying and said with concern, "Josh have you been crying?  What's wrong?"  He sat down next to me and placed his arm around my sholders.  I was afraid to answer him for fear that my voice would break.

My mom said, "Nothing is wrong Kelly.  Josh has just made a very momentous decision.  A decision that required a huge amount of courage and strength.  I'm so very proud of him."

"You don't mean..."  Kelly started.  "Josh are you going to let them nullify you?"  Too weak to answer I just nodded yes.  It looked like a done deal.  My poor little genitals were doomed.

"Josh," Kelly said.  "I know it's hard for any boy to give up his penis, believe me I was there.  But you'll get used to it.  You are doing the right thing.  I could see that having a dick was driving you crazy.  We could all see it.  I'll be there for you to help you through it.  Did you know that it was one year ago today that they took mine?  It hasn't been an easy year but I made it through and so will you."

"Let's go out and celebrate," my mom said.  It will be a celebration of your decision Josh and Kelly's first full year as a eunuch."

We drove to "Cats".  It's my favorite restaurant.  It's in the Santa Cruz hills just off highway 17 near the Lexington Reservoir.  After we put in our name for a table I went to the restroom to pee.  At Cats the restroom is called "The sand box".  Weird huh?  You know what else was weird?  Standing at the urinal I looked down at my boy package.  It was the first time I had seen it since we decided that it would have to be removed.  "Well old friend," I said speaking to my dick and balls, "I hope you realize that this little party is in your honor.  But I'm sorry to say this is a going away party.  My days of standing up to pee are just about over.  At least I was able to give you a few good work outs on Kelly's butt!"

I had read that the eunuchs back in China kept their genitals in a box so after they died they could be buried with them as "whole men".   I wasn't going to do that.  But I would ask for my genitals back so that after I healed I could bury them myself.  I'd bury my dick and balls in a special, secret place that only I would know.  Once a year I'd go visit and bring flowers.  Also before they cut me I'd have some nude photos taken of me just so I could remember how I looked as a boy.  I know all this makes me sound as nutty as a s*** house rat but when you know you are facing nullification that's how your mind works. You go a bit nuts.

I returned from the sand box and saw that Kelly and my mom were talking with a man.  You should have seen this guy, he was about six foot five and built like a world class athlete!  He turned to face me and I felt my knees go sort of weak because he was so gorgeous.  All I could think was, what a hunk!

I heard my mom say, "Well here's Joshy now.  Alan this is Kelly's cousin and my son Josh.  Joshy sweetie this is Alan BenDaniel.  I know Alan from work.  He is a graduate student in the psychology department".  I guess I should add that my mom works at the University of California's Santa Cruz campus.

"I'm pleased to meet you Josh,"  Alan said and shook my hand.  My small hand was just about lost in his big one but he held it very gently.  Good thing too,  if he had closed his hand I'm sure it would have crushed mine.

But I didn't know what to say to him other than a weak, "Hi".  I don't know why I was so entranced.  Perhaps I wanted a father.  Perhaps I wanted a big brother.  Or perhaps it was somthing else all together.

The good thing was that, for a while, he made me forget that I was soon to be castrated.  That's saying a lot!  The bad thing was I had no idea what to say to him.  I wanted him to like me but I didn't know how to make him do that.

Kelly had no trouble at all thinking of things to say, "So Alan what sort of psychologist are you going to be?"

"I'm going to be a child psychologest but I plan working mostly with adolescent boys like you.  Boys just on the cusp of puberty,"   Alan answered.

"Oh really?" Kelly said,  "Boys like me?" He drew out the word 'boys' and smirked at the private joke.

"What?  Did I say something funny?" Alan asked.

"Well just a bit funny.  I'll explain later," Kelly said and put on a straight face.  "So tell me Alan are you just about finished with your studies?"

"Yes I'm really happy to say that I am.  All that remains is to finish my thesis.  But that is a bit of a problem.  What I want is a topic that will really stand out.  I'm looking for something original.  But so far I haven't found it.  It seems that everything I can think of has all been done before."

"Gee Alan,  I sure would like to help you out by suggesting a really original idea but I just can't think of a thing.  After all I'm only your average everyday boy,"  Kelly said and just about burst laughing.

Alan took the ribbing with good nature.  He smiled in a friendly mannor and said, "Okay Kelly,  It's clear that you are playing some sort of game with me young man.  A game that I don't understand.  Would you care to explain what's going on?"

"Perhaps I will Mr. soon to be Dr. BenDaniel"  Kelly said with a playful grin.  But you see, just like the kid in the movie THE SIXTH SENSE,  I have a secret.  Bruce Willis had to gain the kid's trust before the kid would tell him his secret.  You have to try to gain my trust before I will tell you mine."

"Kelly your secret had better be pretty darn good.  But you have me hooked.  What should I do to gain your trust young man?"  Alan asked.

I couldn't believe any of this.  I couldn't think of a thing to say to Alan but Kelly was flirting with him and Alan was flirting back.  Alan and Kelly were getting along just like hot apple pie and vanilla ice cream!"

"Mr. BenDaniel,"  Kelly said.  "I noticed you came in alone.  If you want to gain my trust you must first agree to join us for dinner."

Alan turned to my mom and said, "Anna would it be an impostion if I joined you, Josh and Kelly for dinner?

"It would be fine with me,"  my mom said.  "But we'll have to ask Joshy.  This is his special night out."

"Oh really?" Alan said and turned to me, "Josh is it your birthday?" he asked.

"No not my birthday," I managed to say.  "But join us for dinner."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," I said.  I didn't like seeing Kelly get all Alan's attention.  I wanted Alan to spend time talking with me.  But I didn't know what to say.

What I really wanted was for Alan to lift me up into his strong arms and carry me away into the cool clean night.  Away from my bitch of a mom who decided I shoud be castrated before I was even out of diapers.  Away from my false friend Kelly who puts his naked nullo butt up in the air to let himself be f***ed by any boy who happens along.

Alan was so much bigger than me that I would feel like a very small child again while being held by him.  I would feel safe, protected and loved in his arms.  But what if he decided to use me sexually?  Compared to him I was as weak as a kitten.  If he wanted me I wouldn't be able to put up any resistance at all.  That thought both frightened me and excited me.  I wanted Alan to be gental but at the same time I wanted him to take me by force.  Just so long as it didn't hurt too much I wanted him to rape me.  Geez they hadn't even cut me and already I was thinking like a eunuch!  I was going nuts!

We were shown to out table and after ordering dinner Alan asked me, "So Josh this isn't your birthday but it is your special night out.  What are we celebrating?"

"I'd rather not say,"  I replied.  "It's sort of personal."

"Well it would seem that Kelly isn't the only boy at this table who has a secret.  Josh has one to,"  Alan said.

Once again Kelly sort of smirked and Alan said, "Okay Kelly what is this thing I keep saying that you think is so funny?"

"Well Alan it's just that you are going to be a head doctor for boys and all that but you don't even realize that I'm not a boy!"  Kelly said.

"Oh my Kelly this is most interesting," Alan said smiling.  "It's all so clear now.  You are actually a pretty little girl who dresses up to look like a pretty little boy just to fool poor hapless grad students like me.  How long have you been doing this?"

"No," Kelly laughed.  "I'm not a girl either!  Last year I had what you might call a supper circumsision.  I had a full genital nullification!  I'm a eunuch, a nullo, and you didn't even know. All this time you thought I was a boy! That's what's so funny!"

Alan looked truly distressed.  I was afraid he might be sick, "An accident?" he asked.

"No not an accident," my mom stepped in, "Alan don't be troubled by it.  It doesn't bother Kelly so it shouldn't bother you."

Alan turned to Kelly and said, "That's rather unusual."

"I guess it is," Kelly replied.  "Would you like to write your Ph.D. thesis on it?"

"I'd be lying if I said otherwize.  This is a subject I could really sink my teeth into,"  Alan replied.

I was tired of Alan always giving all his attention to Kelly.  I wanted him to notice me.  "I'm going to be a nullo to," I said.  They are going to fix me too and I want them to!"  It worked.  I had Alan's attention.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

Dear Readers

Please keep the e-mails comming.  They inspire me to keep this story alive.

All the best!

Timothy