My New Life
By: Craig

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The story of my partial sex change.

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I am a 40 year old male (at least to the eyes of the world I am still male) who is divorced. My marriage produced two lovely daughters who I love more then anything in the world however the overall marriage was not a success. One reason for that was my struggle with gender identity. Ever since I remember I have struggled with being male. I enjoy some stereotypical male pursuits such as athletics however on the whole I have always been more feminine oriented. All my friends are female (and that has been the case most of my life) I have been attracted to and wear female clothing (I have worn panties 100% of the time since moving away from my mother’s home, and wear such things as women’s jeans, slacks, some tops, etc) remove most of my body hair, and have always sat down to urinate. On top of all this I truly hated my male genitals. I tried to make it a point never to look at them or handle them. One prominent memory I have is having a bath as a young boy with my female cousin who is a year older then me. I remember looking at her genitals and feeling so deprived. I could not understand why she had something so nice between her legs and I had these disgusting things hanging there.

My wife was some somewhat tolerant of all of this but finally “drew the line” when I confessed to her that I hated my genitals. She had some idea of this as our sex life revolved around me performing oral sex on her and sometime when she wished it intercourse. I never asked her to perform oral sex on me as I never enjoyed receiving it. I always felt fellatio is such a demeaning act for a woman to have to perform. Imagine the horror of having to put something as filthy and disgusting as a penis in your mouth. Good lord….

Anyway when I told her that I truly hated them she announced she had married a guy not a woman and moved out with my daughters. I was devastated at losing them. I also thought about having gender change surgery. I thought that now that I was on my own this was my chance to finally have the genitals I always wanted. However I worried about the impact on my daughters. I still saw them on a regular basis and in my heart of hearts knew that I would hurt them and subject them to ridicule by their peers if I had a sex change and it became public.

After doing research on the “net” I came across the Eunuch Archive and was fascinated at the idea of nullification. I began to seriously think about this. I would not have the genitals I always wanted, however I would be free of that horrific penis and disgusting scrotum and testicles I so hated. I mentioned this to my best friend Stephanie and she was very supportive. She knew about my desires and agreed that having sex change surgery would have a terrible impact on my daughters. Nobody would have to know about me being nullified unless I chose to tell them. That being said she raised another idea. She said

“Craig I feel very badly for what you are going through. I can’t imagine what you feel. I do think you’d be happy if you simply had your genitals removed but have you considered seeing if you could find a doctor who would perform a sex change on you from the waist down? Think about this. Nullification will get rid of your male genitals and I know you want that. Also your kids won’t be affected at all. But what if you had a sex change just from the waist down? Your male genitals would be gone but you’d also have the genitals you always wanted. Your kids would not be affected and nobody would know unless you told them. You wouldn’t have to go through the social stigma of changing your gender. You’d still appear male and yet you’d have a pussy, just like me! Let me tell you I have seen the look in your eyes when you have seen me naked and can tell you it is so clear that you want a pussy. Why not go for it? I love having a pussy. My genitals and especially my clitoris gives me so much pleasure that I’d love you to feel the same. Think about it.”

I was shocked by the suggestion and yet it made 100% total sense. Why not go for it? My daughters would not be affected at all. This seemed like an excellent compromise. But now, how do I go about this? Stephanie and I spoke more about it and she said she’d speak to our mutual friend Kathy Clark. Kathy was a surgeon and Stephanie suggested she may know a colleague who would do this. Kathy was a very sweet person and I knew she would take me seriously and not think badly of me and would help if she could.

A few days later Kathy called me at home. She told me Stephanie had spoken to her and that she (Kathy) would like to meet with me to discuss this. We set up an appointment at her office for later in the week. I walked into her office and from then on my life would never be the same. She greeted me as I came in and we began to talk. She told me Stephanie had explained what I was interested in and asked me to confirm it. I confirmed that and she went on:

“I am not surprised by this you know. On more than one occasion I have noticed you wearing women’s slacks and when you bent over could see the waist- band of your panties. I thought it was cool as you wear the same slacks and panties I do! Also do you remember the time we went up north to the cottage with Stephanie and Karen? (Karen was another friend of ours.) I told her I did remember. She went on; “ We were sitting around the fire and Karen was in the cottage having a bath. You stepped away from the fire and went behind a bush to have a pee. I stood up to get another drink and you were not hidden very well! I could see you and you had your shorts and panties pulled right down and you were squatting and peeing like a woman. Stephanie also saw you and we laughed and Stephanie said ‘Craig is certainly more girl then guy!’

We both had a laugh at that and she then went through some very detailed questions. She then said;

“I’ll support you in this but have to tell you your chances of getting a surgeon in North America to do this is slim and none. You could get a full sex change but nobody will do a “half job.”

My heart sank at this new but she then went on; “Nobody but me.” I gasped at this and she smiled and continued; “I have never done a sex change before but I have read about the techniques and actually witnessed 2 male to female operations in Montreal. You are a good friend and if you trust me I’ll do this for you even though it does go against medical standards and I could get into serious trouble.”

I jumped up and hugged her with tears of joy in my eyes. What a friend I had! I said;

“Kathy I trust you. In fact because I know you I would rather have you do this far more so then a surgeon who has done 100 of the operations, who I didn’t know.”

We planned and set a date and she told me she’d make all the arrangements. After that I left her office and called Stephanie was also thrilled but not stunned. She confirmed that she and Kathy had discussed this when they first spoke.

The date selected was 6 weeks away. As a free- lance writer I didn’t need to book vacation. I simply advised my clients that I would be having some surgery and would not “be on duty” for a period of time. Kathy gave me information detailing how she would do the operation and what the recovery period would be like. Both Stephanie and Karen arranged vacation time for their jobs so they could stay with me and help me during the recovery period. I was again awestruck at how great my friends were!

The night before my surgery Stephanie and Karen arranged a “going away” party for me. I asked them “what do you mean ‘going away’? Karen responded “ your cock and balls are going away silly, and then you will be just like us!”

It was a fun party. All my friends (who of course were all female) were there and we had a good time. I was very open about what was going to happen and Kathy described how she would do the operation. My friend Christine spoke to me at one point and said

“One thing you’ll need to pay attention to after you heal is cleanliness. As a woman we are more prone to bladder and yeast infections so you’ll need to be careful. If you want once you have healed I’ll be happy to show you what I do to take are of my self. Part of that will be to show you how to wipe yourself properly after you pee.”

Christine was a long time friend so I wasn’t at all embarrassed and told her I’d be very flattered if she’d help. Just before the guests began to leave Karen called everyone to attention. She said “We all love Craig. He has been our friend for a long time and tomorrow he will have the operation he has wanted for so long. Lets all wish him luck!”

They all cheered and all of them came up to me and gave me a kiss for luck. Stephanie then said “Craig if you don’t mind why not drop your pants and panties and show everyone what you look like now. That way we’ll all have a good “before and after view.”

Although normally I was mortified at showing anyone my male genitals this time it wasn’t an issue. I smiled and pulled everything down. My friends gathered around and looked at my small hairless penis and scrotum. (I had my pubic hair removed via electrolysis years before.) Christine took my penis in her hand and said “last night on earth for you!” That prompted a loud cheer from everyone.

The next morning after a long and rather sleepless night Stephanie drove me to Kathy’s medical clinic. There a nurse gave me an enema and ensured my pubic hair was in fact totally gone which was not an issue. Then I was wheeled into the operating room. Kathy was there and was gloved, gowned and masked as was everyone there. The entire operating team was female which made me feel much more comfortable. Hours later I woke up in a room. The pain between my legs was terrible. Stephanie, Karen, and Christine were there and when they saw I was awake they called in Kathy. Kathy hurried in and told me the operation was a total success and she fell I’d be thrilled with and very proud of my new genitals. Then more pain medication was given.

Within a few days Kathy removed the bandages. I was horribly swollen and bruised but it was clear I now had a vulva! The catheter was also removed and Kathy watched inventively as I had my first pee with my female genitals. When the urine flowed out and straight down Kathy sighed in relief knowing my urinary system was working fine.

Stephanie then took me home. She was staying me the first two weeks and then Karen would come for a week followed by Christine. The first full day I was home Kathy came by and removed the packing from my new vagina. It had been in there to keep my vagina open. Both Stephanie and Christine who was also there held my hands as Kathy pulled it out. The pain was terrible but along with that came the knowledge that I now had the genitals I had craved all my life. That made it bearable. Kathy then went over the dilation process I would need to follow. For the next 3 months I would have to insert a dildo 3 times every day, 20 minutes at a time into my vagina. This would keep it open. After 3 months I could do it twice a day unless I was sexually active and engaging in penetrative sex. Then I could do it once a day.

With both the bandages and packing now gone I could finally have a good look at my new genitals. I sat back on the bed, Kathy held a mirror between my legs and I looked down. I was awestruck! My vulva still looked a bit “raw” but it was beautiful. It was small, hairless, and pink. Kathy said;

“We didn’t really discuss exactly how you wanted your vulva to look so I took the liberty of making it look like mine. I have a little one without any real visible inner lips protruding. I always disliked the look of protruding inner lips and am thankful I never had that, so I did the same for you. In a sense both of us have pussies that look that that of a prepubescent girl. I hope you don’t mind. Your clitoris isn’t visible now but I am sure you will see it when you are excited and you will have full sensation in it.”

I responded “Kathy I can’t believe how beautiful it looks. I love it – thank you so much!”

She smiled and commented that she was thrilled at how happy I was.

Once Kathy left I mentioned I needed to pee. Christine said “let me show you something.” She took me into the bathroom and Stephanie tagged along. Christine said “Now that you have women’s genitals you need to see how a woman cleans herself after using the toilet. That will help you avoid any infection problems. I’ll show you what I do.” She pulled her pants and panties down, sat on the toilet and peed. After that she wadded up some toilet paper and moved forward on the seat so I had a clear view of her vulva. She said “I don’t usually sit forward like this but I want you to see how I wipe. I spread my lips and blot the excess urine with the paper. This will keep your vulva clean” She then showed me. She also said : "when you have a bowel movement make sure you wipe from front to back…never back to front. You don’t want any poop getting near your genitals or into your vagina." She then flushed and pulled her panties and pants up. I asked Stephanie how she did it. She then demonstrated much in the same manner as Christine and said “Now you know how to pee properly like a woman.”

That evening after my shower I dilated for the first time. Karen and Christine were also over and I asked if they’d all be present and help me. I undressed and sat back on the bed. Stephanie put lubrication on the dildo while Karen bent down and spread my vaginal lips. Christine held my hand as Stephanie slowly slid the dildo in as Karen held my lips open and helped to guide it. It was uncomfortable but bearable.

This process continued over the next weeks. I was doing more of the dilation myself but my friends would usually stay with me during the process and at the least keep me company. About 6 weeks after the operation the three of us were sitting around chatting when I told them I had to dilate. Karen asked if I had, had an orgasm yet. I said no and she smiled and said it was time. She said “girls let’s all get naked!” Once we were all nude she had me lie down and said “forget the dildo.” She lowered her head to my crotch and began kissing and then licking my vulva. I couldn’t believe the sheer pleasure I was feeling. A penis never felt like this! Her tongue licked my clitoris and pleasure just rolled over me. My body then shuddered with the most intense orgasm I ever felt. Once I finished Karen smiled and slid her sleek middle finger into me. “We need to keep this open don’t we” she said with a smile. I looked over at Stephanie and Christine and saw they were masturbating. I said;

“I never felt anything so good in my life. Can you all show me how to masturbate?”

At that Karen slipped her finger out of me and lay back with her legs spread. She then showed me how she masturbated, gently stroking and moving her clitoris with her finger. After she came it was time for me to watch Stephanie and then Christine. Each of my friends happily showed me how they masturbated and gave me a full indication of how much pleasure one can get from a vulva. When that was done Christine said she wanted to taste me. For the second time that night I lay back and enjoyed the pleasure of a soft, female tongue caressing my vulva and sliding into my vagina. After I had a number of shuddering orgasms Stephanie took her place and gave me yet another. I had heard of multiple orgasms before but of course had never experienced them until I had the correct genitals. I then responded by going down on each of them.

I continued to heal and it wasn’t long until I felt I had always had a vulva. I didn’t miss my male genitals in anyway. In my outside professional life I continued to dress mainly as male although I would wear female slacks, panties, socks, and some shoes. My daughters had no idea of what I had done and thus there was no negative impact on their life at all. I played sports – mainly touch football in the summer and found I actually played better with my new genitals. There was nothing flapping between my legs as I ran.

I never again had sex with my friends although from that day forward we were very open about our bodies with each other. In the past we had seen each other in our underwear – now they had no qualms about getting changed around me right down to being naked or going to the bathroom in my presence. I was simply now “one of the girls” as I always wanted to be.

I am thinking of dating. I am just not sure of how to explain my genitals to a young woman with whom I may be interested in having a relationship with.











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