Tour de Folsum

Forward

The year is 2021. The economy which began its decline in 2001 has become worse. There is a world wide depression. To provide funds to operate essential services such as prisons and to provide diversion for a depressed and economically deprived populace, sports have become much more violent. Instead of spending money on long-term incarceration of prisoners, those that would be sentenced to death, or to life imprisonment, are forced to participate in gladiatorial contests which, not only eliminate most of them, but provide entertainment for the masses. As in ancient Rome, admission to the coliseums is free, but the television rights are sold to the networks to provide operating revenue for the prisons. Most sex offenders are physically castrated. This is the story of the contest in which they participate. A lucky few will escape castration. It is being broadcast on ESPN. The announcers are Al Michaels, Jr. and Bob Costas, Jr., sons, who are following their famous fathers’ careers. We’ll join them as they broadcast the event, a bicycle race.

The Race

“Good afternoon, sports fans, this is Bob Costas. I’m joined today by Al Michaels, who will be my cohost. Welcome to the most unique bicycle race on the planet, a race that has come to be know as the “Tour de Folsum,” though, of course, the participants are from other prisons across this great state of California as well.”

“Al, perhaps you can tell the audience about the bicycles that will be used today.”

“I’d be glad to, Bob. The riders will be using recumbent bikes exclusively. They are used because it’s easier to equip them with the necessary devices-devices that will automatically castrate the rider should he fail to complete the race, or finish lower that third place. Yes, sport fans, only the top three finishers will escape castration. All the rest will, at least, lose their testicles-and all violent offenders will also lose their penises.”

“And, how is that accomplished, Al?”

“Each rider participates in the nude. He is strapped into the seat of the recumbent bicycle with a belt that cannot be unlocked until the race is over. His balls-er, testicles-protrude through the front portion of the seat into a castration device. If, at any time in the race, he stops pedaling for more than three seconds, the castration device is activated. Also, at the end of the race, after the first three cross the finish line, a radio signal is sent to all the other bicycles activating the devices, instantly castrating the remaining riders.”

“Thank you for that explanation, Al. By the way,” Bob said with a grin. “It’s O.K. to call them balls. Would you describe the castration devices for the audience?”

“Yes, Bob. I’d be happy to: There’s a variety of devices in use today. On some of the older bikes, reserved for the more violent offenders, one wire encircles the rider’s scrotum and another encircles his penis. If the device is activated, the ends of the wires are rapidly retracted, closing the loop, effectively chopping off both the scrotum and the penis. This, of course, results in profound bleeding-and the offender must still complete the race to obtain medical treatment.”

“That sounds a little harsh, Al.”

“Well, you have to remember, Bob. This method of castration is reserved for the violent offenders. If they don’t survive, it’s no loss to society.”

“What about the other devices, Al?”

“There are two other types of devices in use, Bob. On most of the bikes a wire encircles the scrotum as it does on the first castration device that I described. When activated, it also rapidly retracts, but heats up to a white hot temperature at the same time, burning it’s way through the scrotum, instead of cutting. In most cases there’s little bleeding.”

“You said there was a third device?”

“Yes, Bob. In use for the first time, some of the bikes are equipped with a laser castration device. When activated, it cuts through the scrotum with a beam of light. There is rarely any bleeding using this device. Maybe you can tell us about the participants, Bob”

“I’d be glad to, Al. There are a total of 125 riders in today’s race. That means that 122 of them will at least lose their balls. That’s a lot of balls that will be bouncing down the road,” Bob said, laughing.”

“Yes, it sure is, Bob. What about the age of the riders?”

“The race is limited to those between the age of 16 and 45, to, at least, make an attempt to level the playing field.”

“Does that mean that no one under the age of 16 or over 45 is castrated, Bob?”

“No, of course not, Al. As you know, Since the Bush administration in the early part of this century, there is no longer a juvenile justice system. All law breakers are treated as adults, no matter what their age. There are other contests for the younger boys. They still lose their balls.”

“What about the ones older than 45?”

“They just chop their balls off. How exciting is it to see an old man lose his balls?” said Bob, grinning.

“And, who is favored to win this race, Bob?”

“There’s Jason Williams, 19 years-old. He’s young, fit, and a long time bicycle racer. He’s also motivated. He’s a violent sex offender. If he loses, he loses his penis as well..”

“Anyone else, Bob?”

“Well, Al, there’s a 17 year old, Raymond Spruance. He looks good. He’s got a hot-uh-uh-well developed body. He sure looks like he’s physically ready for this race. Also, James Anderson, a 26 year-old, is an ex-bicycle racer. There’s some question as to whether he’s still in shape, however.”

“Who’s not expected to finish?”

“John Gacy. He weighs over 300 pounds. They had to reinforce his bicycle so it wouldn’t collapse under his weight.”

“What about the uncertainty factor, Bob? Would you tell us about that, and how it affects the race?”

“Yes, Al. Throughout the race a radio signal will be sent to bicycles, chosen randomly, to activate their castration devices. It provides a luck factor to the race, so that even the current leader could be randomly castrated during the race.”

“You mean that you could be way out in the lead and still lose your balls?”

“Yes, Al. It could happen. At least 50 riders will be randomly castrated during the race. Perhaps you could tell the audience about the race itself, Al.”

“All right, Bob. The race is 50 miles from start to finish. There are few hills. It will essentially be an all out sprint. Each rider has 60 seconds to get his bike moving. If, after the first 60 seconds, he stops pedaling before he crosses the finish line, the device will be activated and he’ll lose his nuts.”

“Well, Al. It looks like we’re getting ready to start. The riders are lining up at the start line.”

“Wow. Look at Gacy. Want to bet that he’ll be our first casualty? He’s having trouble keeping his bicycle upright even before the race starts,” said Al.

“I think you’re right, Al. He can kiss his balls goodbye.”

“Kiss his balls, Bob? He hasn’t been able to see them for years.”

“Figure of speech, Al. You know what I mean. Before the race starts, would you tell the audience about the ball cam?”

“Of course, Bob. Each bike is equipped with a small video camera that is focused on the victim’s-I mean rider’s-balls. That way we can access a replay of every chop job that happens. If the rider is in danger of losing his cock-it is all right if I say cock, isn’t it?”

“Of course, Al. Folks, this in Al’s debut on national TV. Al, you’ve been listening to your dad too much. TV has changed since his day. You can say anything you want: Shit, cock, pussy, or even fuck. Just talk as you would in your living room.”

“O.K., thank you, Bob. As I was saying, if the guy’s cock is in jeopardy, then there is a separate camera aimed at his dick-a dick or cock cam, I guess.”

“Excuse me, Al. I don’t want to interrupt you, but the race is about to start. The flag is up. They’re off. Jason Williams on bike #4, as expected, jumps out into the lead, followed by Raymond Spruance on bike #16 and, surprisingly, bike #9-let’s see that’s Brent Abernathy, a 16 year-old-is in third place. James Anderson, who was expected to be up with the leaders, had a collision with bike #115. He’d better get his bike moving. He only has 60 seconds before his device is activated.”

“Bob, look at Gacy on bike #109. He’s not even moving. Wait-is he doing what I think he’s doing?”

“He sure is, Al. It happens a lot in this race. When a rider realizes that he’s not going to make it, he’ll often try for one last orgasm before he loses his balls. This is the first time I’ve ever seen anyone start beating off this early in the race, however. I guess that Gacy knows that he doesn’t have a chance so he’s going to try to shoot his wad during the first 60 seconds before the device is activated. Think he’ll make it?”

“I don’t know, Bob. He’s sure pounding it; but, the clock is winding down fast. His 60 seconds are almost up. MY GOD-did you see that. His cock came away in his hand. He was pulling on it and it just flew off his body. Can we get a shot from the ball cam, too?”

“Yeah, Al, here it is now. God, look at the blood. Did you see his sack? It just popped loose; and those balls inside-they just dropped past the camera. Let’s take a look at the cock cam. Well, he didn’t make it. No cum shot.”

“He’s not the only one that didn’t make it, Bob. There must be 10 riders still down from that big collision at the start. They’ve all lost their balls, too-and some of them, their cocks. It looks like James Anderson got his bike rolling in time, though.”

“Back to the race, though, Bob. It looks like that 16 year-old, Brent Abernathy is still up with the leaders. What was his offense, anyway?”

“He got his 14 year-old girl friend pregnant, Al.”

“That’s bad, Bob. He deserves to lose his balls. That’s all the country needs: another welfare baby. He should have kept his dick in his pants-or, at least, used a rubber. Too bad he won’t lose his cock as well.”

“Well, if he can keep it up, he might save his balls. He’s closing up on Spruance. He might be making his move too soon, though. There’s a long ways to go in this race. Kind of a cute little fucker, though, isn’t he, Al?”

“Oh, did you see that, Bob? Spruance just ran his bike into the kid’s. The kid is down. Shit-there goes his balls. Can we get the ball cam on that?”

“We’re getting the replay now, Al. Here it is.”

“Wow, look at that, Bob. There was a flash as the laser hit his scrotum. It sliced right through it. See the smoke curl up. Hey, there is almost no blood; and, look, you can see his balls lying on the ground next to the bike. It’s hardly fair. Spruance deliberately knocked the kid over.”

“Hey, Al, what would you have done if your balls were on the line? Anything goes in this race. Look, Spruance is pulling away from the pack.”

“You’re right, Bob; but here comes Williams. It looks like he isn’t going to let Spruance complete his break away.”

“Yeah, Al. He’s not trying to pass Spruance, though. It looks like he’s going to draft behind Spruance. Anderson has closed some ground, but he’s still back in the pack.”

“Did you see that, Bob. Were those balls that just popped off of the rider on bike #68?”

“Just a minute, Al. We’ll take a look at his ball cam. Here it comes now...You’re right, Al. It was his balls. He was the victim of the first random activation. Did you see how they bounced along the road beside his bike? And, that was the hot wire castration device. There wasn’t much blood.”

“Let’s switch back to the race, Bob. There’s some action back in the pack.”

“You’re right, Al. Look, the rider on bike #117 just slugged the rider on bike #15. He’s down. OOPS, there goes both his cock and his balls. Shit four bikes just wrecked after running into him. That’s another eight balls lost..

“Look, Bob. Back in the rear of the pack, the rider on bike #74. It looks like he’s beating off.”

“Yeah, he is, Al. He probably realizes that he can’t win. Look, he’s got a cock wire on, too. He’ll lose both his cock and balls, if he doesn’t cross the finish line in time.”

“How can he do that, Bob-ride a bike and masturbate at the same time?”

“I don’t know, Al, but he’s really going at it. He’s getting a little wobbly on the bike, though. Let’s get a shot from the cock cam. There it is now. Look at that, Al. A close up shot-oh, look at him spurt. He’s really pumping it out.”

“Yeah, Bob, but he’s forgetting to pedal. Shit-look. It just cut off his cock-even as cum was shooting out the end. Look-it’s still oozing out the stump. Can we get a shot of the ball cam?”

“Yeah, here it is, Al. Look at those things fly off.”

The race continued, until, by the time the leaders were less than a mile from the end, there were only fifteen racers left. Spruance was still in the lead with Williams drafting behind him. Anderson had pulled to front of the pack, but was 100 yards behind Williams when his device was randomly chosen.

“Look, Al. Anderson just went down. Let’s check the replay on his ball cam to see what happened.”

“Yeah, Bob. There it is. Look at his balls. They flew off as he was pedaling. He must have been chosen by the random selection. He probably had third place sewed up, too. Too bad. Oops-three riders just hit his bike. Look at the balls fly off. That leaves eleven riders left in the race. Spruance and Williams, unless something unforeseen happens in the next few minutes, will finish first and second. It’s a toss-up, however, between the other nine. Right now, it’s too close to call.”

“The finish line is in sight, Al. It looks like Spruance and Williams are home free. No-wait. What’s happening with Spruance. He’s wobbling on his bike. There he goes; he’s down. Oh, no. Williams was drafting too close behind him. He’s down, too. Quick-check the ball cam, Al.”

“Yes, there it is, Bob. See how his balls popped off. That was the bare wire device. That means that he lost his cock, also. His device was randomly picked.”

“Yeah, Al; and poor Williams lost both his cock and balls, too. Look, here comes the pack.”

“This is going to be close, Bob. There’s five of them in a straight line headed for the finish. This is anyone’s race. They’re across the finish. Who won, Bob?”

“Beats me, Al. It was too close for me to tell. I guess that we’ll have to check the ball cam to see who won. The three that still have their balls will be the winners,” said Bob, grinning.

But, when they checked, they found that none of the racers had balls. Apparently, the programmers hadn’t taken into consideration that there might be a dead heat. When there was, the computer, not being able to choose three winners, compromised by cutting off everyone’s balls.