The primary marriage counselor was a psychologist, Dr. Roma. She heads a large practice with other psychologists, social workers, psychiatrists and a few others. Her specialty is fixing failing relationships. Up front she said that only about 50% of relationships like ours survived. The primary cause was infidelity. More frequently the husbands, but increasingly common for the wife to the culprit. Other causes were money, infertility and just plain “incompatibility”. Her words: If I didn’t do something about my infidelity, the marriage would fail. She would testify against me in any divorce proceedings and it would be humiliating and expensive. Many men want to remain faithful, but they fail in a weak moment. Male hormones drive men to want to/need to have sex with as many women as possible. That may have been good in the cave men days, but it’s a problem now. I vowed to do whatever it took. Sara had tears in her eyes when I said it and we were back on the road to a successful marriage.

Therapy was 3 times per week at first. Mondays focused on Sara, Wednesdays focused on me, Fridays focused on us. The Wednesday sessions were particularly uncomfortable for me. I don’t like to talk about my self. Dr. Roma forced me to do so. The relationship matters were difficult. Then she wanted to talk about sex, and have me talk about sex. Why did I sleep around, what did I get out of it, what gave me the right to break my marriage vows. She was unstoppable sometimes, constantly wearing me down. She always seemed to be on Sara’s side. Berating me for doing what I had done. I let her get inside me and started talking about my sexual exploits one session. Slowly at first, but there was a crack in the door. This seemed to be where she wanted things to go. She seemed to reward me for talking this was, encouraging me to go on. I let slip that there had been more than one woman. Sara started to cry, but Dr. Roma just gave a knowing nod, and told Sara that this was something they had already talked about. “Testosterone does this to men, Sara”. I felt about 3 feet tall after that session. But it was the first of many. Like that. Once I said that I was bigger than most men, and women were just drawn to me because of this. This caught Dr. Roma’s interest. She shifted in her chair and began asking about this. How did I know I was bigger? What difference did this make? How did the women respond? Did I think this justified my infidelity? And then…”Sara, do you agree that Kurt has a large penis?” I still remember Sara’s answer: “Yes, I think it is bigger than most”. The answer was lost on me for a whole because the questioning then turned back to me. But later, it came back…”bigger than most”? I though I was the only man Sara had slept with. We had been together since hi school. How did she know how big any man’s erect penis was but mine? Bigger than most? How many had she seen. After some stewing (I was in no position to challenge Sara on this) I figured it out. Sara and I had watched porn movies in the past. None lately (there was no sex at all for me then) but had a lot in the past. I assumed that she was comparing me to men she had seen in movies.

There was absolutely no sex for us for a long time. While my sex drive had been gone for a while after our initial problems, that didn’t last forever. I was extremely horny (I can remember what it was like to be horny- glad those days are over). The Doctor addressed this early on in therapy. “There is to be no sex! Not between you two, and not with anyone else. And no masturbation. Sex is going to have to become something you two enjoy together. And that’s going to take some time. Do you understand?” I understood, but didn’t like it. And it was driven into me soon. The new requirement at the beginning of each session was to state 3 things to my wife and Dr. Roma. First, that I had not had sex with anyone since that last session. Second, that I had not masturbated since the last session. And finally, that I had not had an erection while thinking of anyone but my wife, since the last session. This was humiliating. At first I answered honestly. I hadn’t had sex at all, and I said so. Second, I had masturbated. I couldn’t help it, I woke up with a hard on every day and spent half the day that way. I went from having sex with numerous different women, to not having sex a tall. It was tough. That didn’t go over well. They war both very insistent that I would have to stop masturbating. “You are probably not going to make it here. You have seen how hurt your wife is because of your activities. And yet you are still resisting treatment rules. You are demonstrating how much you are a prisoner of your testosterone. If you cannot comply, then we will have to institute other measures or you will fail and you marriage will end. I vowed to try, and I did. I stopped masturbating completely. No ejaculations. A day was OK. Three days tough. A week was hell; I was so tremendously in need of release. I had a hare on all of the time. Then at 2 weeks, it got a little easier. I could direct my thought away form sex sometimes. I still had frequent erections, but I could manage. Time helped me to reign in my rampant need for sex. I came into session at 20 days and said that I had not masturbated since the last session, and they were happy.

Then statement 3: I have had erections thinking about women other than my wife. Honesty, perhaps a mistake. This lead to a lot of talk about how sex was reserved for our marriage bed. My erections were for my wife only. I reserved intercourse for her alone to keep her fulfilled and satisfied. My erections were my wife’s. A light went on…my erections were my wife’s. Sara would be in control of the erections. Perhaps I could do that. From then on, I decided to only think about Sara when I got hard. At this state if chastity, the slightest hint of anything sexual gave me a raging hard on. A bra strap, an insinuating remark by a female colleague, a commercial on TV. When that happened, I tried to just think of Sara and sex with her.

It didn’t work. So I lied. When I was at the next session, I said no to all 3 question- no sex, no masturbation, no erections when thinking about other women. Sara and Dr. Roam were again happy. Sara seemed happy and proud of me. I began to think that this might work. But it was very very difficult to be chaste and I kept lying about the thoughts of other women.

I had been hinting that I wanted sex for months. Sara refused of course. She and I slept in separate rooms at first. Then seperate beds. Now back in the same bed, but the least touch was rebuffed and I was told to head for the couch. I didn’t even see her dressing, that’s how cold she felt to me. Good thing took, I might have ejaculated at the mere sight of a breast. She dressed in the dressing room, I never saw her even partially unclothed. I think Sara knew of my discomfort. Once she was out by the pools in a bikini when I came home. I had an instant hard on. She covered up with a sarong and went inside. I hot the shower and did an incredible job of maintaining self control and not jacking off. A couple of weeks later her robe fell open while she was setting the table for breakfast. Cleavage first, then a nipple and left breast, and finally that pussy I loved so much. I had stopped reading the paper and was staring, my mouth open. dick going crazy straining to get out. Then she seemed to notice she was flashing me, and tied the robe back up. Slowly. A slight smile like she enjoyed the attention. Or was it different, like she enjoyed the tease, the power she had over me. It was true power- she lets her robe fall open and I am completely enthralled and fascinated. Then she’s back to preparing breakfast and I am stuck with an enormous erection and no place to put it. I had to finish my coffee slowly and was late for the office waiting for the hard on to dissipate.

I desperately wanted sex. I wanted relief. I was distracted at work. I couldn’t sit still for long anywhere. I had to avoid certain people, situations and even TV shows because they were stimulating to me. I was going a little crazy. I wanted to make love to my wife again. I told my wife I wanted her, and only her. I begged her to help me, to let me make love to her. She seemed flattered, amused, but firm in her denial. She said I should bring it up with Dr. Roma.

The next session, I did just that. I started out the session stating, that I had no sex, no masturbation and no fantasies of women other than my wife. Further I said that from now on, I was completely devoted to her and that my sex life would be with her only. “Can you say that in other terms, Kurt?”

I thought back, straining to think of what they wanted me to say. “Yes. I mean that my erections belong to Sara, my wife”.

“Very good Kurt. I’m proud of you. Just one more question. ” the doctor said. She stood from her chair, removed her Blazer and hung it on the back of her chair. I was so eager to please, I was all ears. I though my goal might be in reach. “Kurt, do you want to see my breasts?”

I was confused. I must have misheard. I opened my mouth. Then the thought of what she might have said struck me. You see, the doctor is nothing if not sexy, in a kind of a 40ish professional way. Always dressed businesslike, but usually with a slightly sheer blouse under a blazer to take the edge off the underlying sexuality. I thought I saw a hint of a lacy bra under her blouse from time to time. Full lips, hair tied up so as not to interfere with her work. Not a great looker in a classic sense, but very interesting. I found her attire a painful distraction during this chaste phase.

“whaaa…” I stammered.

“I said do you want to look at my breasts. Do you want me to remove my blouse and bra so you can look at my tits?”

I flushed, confused. I couldn’t speak, I didn’t know what to say. This was completely inappropriate and strange and yet this hot doctor had just asked me if I wanted to see her tits.

“ I thought we still had a problem, and I believe I’m right”. She stood up. I thought she was going to remove her top for a minute. But she walked over to where I sat, reached down and felt through my pants and grabbed my dick.

“Just as I thought.”

Then I realized I was sunk. I had a tremendous erection. She looked at my wife. “He’s having inappropriate erections still.” She gave my dick a quick squeeze as if to verify her diagnosis, shook her head, nodded to my wife and returned to her desk.

“You see, if a statement like I just made can make you erect, you still have more work to do. Did you really think I was going to remove my clothing in front of you? Of course I wasn’t. Your new way of thinking should have told you that. It was a test. You failed. Your erections belong to your wife. Until you get that through you head, there can be no sex, intercourse, masturbation or release of any kind.”

“And you had better hurry and make progress soon. A prolonged state of chastity can cause long term health problems. Prostate cancer and infection come to mind.”

I looked over at Sara and she was smiling! She seemed happy! I was so angry and embarrassed, I wanted to walk out. But I couldn’t walk through the waiting room with the hard on I was sporting. I sat down.

I was near tears. I turned to Sara. “I cannot have sex with other women. I understand and agree with that. I’m sorry. Then I cannot have sex with you. I love you and want to make you happy. I need this. Now I cannot even have an erection! This is crazy, I have done everything you have asked of me, been completely cooperative. Now this and I and still not getting anywhere. I’ve given up my infidelity, become chaste and now should be impotent too? I’m ready to give up and go it alone with you without all this therapy crap.

I put my head in my hands and wanted to cry.

“It’s OK Kurt, I know you’re trying. I’m sure it hurts, just like it hurt me when you were sleeping around” Sara said. She patted me on the shoulder as if comforting a child.

“Actually Kurt, you are making some progress. This is a difficult process. When one mode of therapy doesn’t work, we sometimes have to try another.” I lifted my head to look at her. She was standing, leaning against the front of her desk. I wanted to hear more, but I noticed that her nipples seemed to be erect and protruding noticeably through her blouse. She did not seem to notice or did not care.

“Kurt, you have inappropriate erection syndrome, or IES. It happens often in men who have a high sex drive. We could do a test but I am sure that your testosterone level is very high. We know that you have been driven to intercourse with many women not your wife. This is a sign of the high testosterone level. So is your larger than normal penis. There are a number of treatments available. Some are simple behavior modification, like you have been attempting these past few months. Others are more active. In addition there’s some medical treatment and surgery if necessary.”

“Look”, I said, “I slept around. I quite. I don’t have a syndrome and I don’t need medicine or surgery.”

“Honey, please do this for me. I’ve been through a lot for you. I read about the treatments. They’re not bad. Some simple things we can do at home to start. We can learn here in the office. Maybe that will work. There’s the internal condom too that might help you too. Other aversion therapy like that. Please baby, let me help you.” She was so sincere and loving all of a sudden. The connection to her I had been missing all these past few months was there again. She loved me and would help me through this. We could do it together. Tears came to my eyes. She leaned over and hugged me for the first time in months.

End of part 2.

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