I thought they were going to fucking castrate me then and there. “No! Don’t!” I said.

I felt the knife prick my ball sac. A trickle of blood ran down its blade. The fucker was sharp; the edge on it looked razor sharp. I was afraid to move. A flick of Stephan’s wrist would slice open my ball sac.

“Don’t! Please, don’t,” I said.

Stephan withdrew the knife. “I don’t want you just castrated,” he said. “When you come back, I want you to look like one of these guys.” He gestured toward the nullos with a flick of his head. “That thing of yours is obscene. Around here, they’re cut off a few days after birth.”

“You never had one?” I asked.

“Not that I remember,” he said, pulling the knife back. Blood drips from my scrotum. His friend lets me go. They leave. One of the nullos remains; he watches the others leave.

An inch or two shorter than I, he looks like a tall ten year-old. I try not to stare at his crotch, else my dick will get hard. I already felt it stir. Shit! He was pretty. He was almost beautiful. He’d make a nice girl. Somehow, he turned me on more than I think a girl would – not that I’ve see that many naked girls.

I turned my back to him; my cock was rising. “What’s it feel like to have one?” he asked.

I looked at him over my shoulder. He stood facing me, seemingly unconcerned that he had no cock – no balls – as if that were natural. I guess it was. Here, I was the freak. Back home – although there were more like him all the time – he would have been.

“What’s it feel like to have what?” I asked, although I knew what he meant.

He walked over to me. I could no longer hide my hard cock. “One of those,” he asked, pointing to my cock.

I shrugged and said, “I don’t know. What’s it like to be like that?” I pointed to his smooth crotch.

He looked puzzled for a moment; then he grinned. “I think I see what you mean. You’ve always had one; I’ve never had one. I can’t tell you what it’s like to be a nullo, because that’s all I’ve ever known; and you can’t tell me what it’s like to have one, because you’ve always had one.”

Although he talked to me, he stared at my hard cock. His interest turned me on even more. My cock made little up and down jumps. “I guess it’s not exactly the same,” I said. “Some guys don’t seem to be aware of their pricks until they hit puberty, and in any case, you notice it a lot more after that. You kind of think about it all the time.”

“Why’s it stiff like that?”

“I’ve got a hard-on,” I said.

“Why?”

“Fuck! Don’t you know nothing?”

“I don’t guess,” he said. “Animals get erections when they’re about to engage in sex, but there’re no females around for you to engage in sex with. Are you a homosexual?”

“I’m no queer,” I said.

“Then, I don’t understand why your penis is erect,” he said.

“Well, we can’t talk about it here in the shower,” I said, wanting him to leave, so I could get dressed - so my erection would go soft. “Fuck face and his friend might come back. Is his dad really the police chief?”

“Yeah,” said the kid. “He’s an ass, isn’t he? All of them are.”

“All of who are?” I ask.

“All the boys with testicles,” he said. “They think they’re better than us nullos, because they can breed and we can’t. Stephan already has five or six kids; of course he doesn’t have to raise them. Nullos like me – older ones, of course – will have to raise them. All Stephan contributes is his seed.”

“How can he have kids, if he doesn’t have a dick?” I asked.

“They take his seed and inseminate some woman with it.”

“Hey,” I asked, “what’s your name?”

“Joshua,” he said.

“Mine’s Logan. Say, you want to come over to my place after school? We can talk more then.” He was the first kid that had talked to me, other than Stephan and his stud friends; and I guess, if what Joshua had told me were true, they were actually studs.

Joshua seemed friendly; and I needed a friend; and he turned me on. I didn’t know where I wanted that to lead, but I wanted to find out.

“Sure,” he said, “but you’ll have to tell me where you live.” He looked over his shoulder. “I can’t talk to you at school, and I can’t walk home with you. Stephan and his gang would beat the crap out of me, if they caught me talking to you. No one is allowed to talk to you, as long as you have that.” He pointed to my dick.

“Nobody?”

“Nobody,” he said. “I’d better go; and you had, too. We’ll be late for our next class. What’s your address?”

I told him.

He was right: no one talked to me the rest of the day; teachers didn’t call on me – not that I wanted them to. I’m not much good at class participation.

He was standing by the bike rack unlocking his bike, when I left school. I walked near him; I didn’t say anything, but I raised my eyebrows. He nodded – at least, I think he did. It was ever so slight a nod.

I walked home. Stephan and his friend – the one that claimed to be the mayor’s son - drove by me in a car driven by Stephan. Both looked at me long and hard as they drove by. It took me about thirty minutes to get home. I wondered whether Joshua would actually come.

The first thing I did was to change out of the skintites. I damn sure wasn’t wearing them again, not to school, not outside of the house in Redemption. I’d decided there wasn’t anything cool about showing my dick to the other kids in Redemption. If anything, I wanted them to forget I had one. Maybe – if they forgot – I could keep it. I changed into a pair of sweat pants.

I’d been home about fifteen minutes when I heard a knock at the back door.

“Hey,” said Joshua, when I answered the door, “I came in through the alley. I put my bike in the garage. Is that OK? I was afraid someone might be watching the front.”

“Sure,” I said. “Do you really think someone would be watching my house? That sounds a little paranoid to me?”

“It’s not paranoia,” he said. “It’s facing reality. Someone is always watching. That’s what took me so long. You walked; I rode my bike. I beat you here by a good fifteen minutes; but I had to make sure no one saw me. If any of those fucking assholes saw me, I’d be up shit creek.”

My mouth dropped. “You said fucking; you said shit. I didn’t think you guys cussed.

“What do you mean, you guys?” he asked.

“Members of the Church of the Redeemer. Aren’t you a member?”

“Oh, yeah,” he said, “EVERYONE in Redemption is a member – except for you, and I guess, your dad. That doesn’t mean I believe that shit, though.”

“Does your dad believe it?”

“Depends on what you mean by ‘my dad,’” he said.

“I don’t understand,” I said.

“Do you mean my biological dad or my real dad?”

“I still don’t fucking understand,” I said.

“My real dad is the guy who raised me, but he’s not my biological dad,” he said.

“Who’s your biological dad?” I asked.

“Reverend Gillis,” he said.

“Isn’t he the guy who started the church?”

“Yeah.”

“And he’s your father?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“Then why aren't you part of the big shit clique? Why don’t you have balls – at least?”

“Because being one of Gillis’s bastards doesn’t mean much. There’re hundreds of us. He knocked up half the girls and women in his church. My mom was thirteen years-old when he knocked her up; she died in childbirth; I never knew her.”

“Who’s your real dad then?”

“A nullo like me. He and I aren’t related by blood, but he’s my real dad. He raised me; and he loves me. That makes him my real dad.”

“You sound like you hate Gillis.”

“I do,” he said. “He says he’s the second coming of Christ, but he’s the beast. There’s nothing Christ-like about him.”

“But he’s your father.”

“I have his blood,” Joshua said, “and I guess I have his intelligence. School is easy for me. I never have to study. Don’t tell anyone, though. I play dumb.”

“Why?” I ask.

“It doesn’t pay to stand out, unless you’re one of them. They want everyone to believe that they have balls, because they are brightest and the best, but they’re not. They’re elders of the church; and the kids that have balls are the sons of the elders.”

“But you’re a son of Gillis, the guy that started the fucking church,” I said.

“That’s actually a reason I’ve been nullified,” he said. “Only the sons by his wife have balls. The oldest one, Micah Gillis, will inherit power, when old Gillis dies. All his bastards have been castrated. Not one of us has balls.”

“You sound like you’re pissed that you’re a nullo. I thought you said you didn’t care.”

“That’s not what I said,” he answered. “I said I didn’t know what it was like to have a penis or testicles. I never said I wasn’t pissed that they’d been cut off. What gives them the right to breed, when I can’t? I’m smarter than ten of them combined. Who know what my son might have become; but I won’t ever have one. Besides, I’m curious. I want to know what I’ve missed by not having what you have.”

“You mean my cock and my balls?”

“Yeah…can I see them? Yours is the first penis I’ve ever seen, except for those on animals; yours reminds me of a horse’s penis. I didn’t know boys had ones as big as yours.”

“Mine’s thicker than most, I guess,” I said, “but lots of guys have longer ones.”

“Would you show it to me?”

“You’re not trying to trick me, are you?” I asked, suddenly wary. Why had he stayed behind in the shower? Was it some kind of plot?”