Commander Anthropologist Ethnographer Doctor Havas Envor,PhD, FGAES [hereafter Dr. Envor] of the Imperial Anthropological and Ethnographic Survey of the Galaxy had just completed his fourth survey orbit of planet Zhr 237.809037/+7.063942/19.453261:4, probably known to its inhabitants by the word in their language for "world".

It was,in most respects, a fairly ordinary Terrestrial planet. The physical parameters agreed closely with those in the 800-year-old Atlas Galactica Catalogue.

The things which had changed were the objectives of this survey: the culture, technology, language, possibly government and possibly religion. Because, as was true of most rim-worlds,the original entries of these social parameters in the Atlas Catalogue were incomplete or missing, it would be difficult to determine how much change had occurred.

One anomaly which Dr. Envor's survey from space had revealed needed explanation, however. His estimate of the area of arable land indicated that it could easily support a population of 4,000,000,000. The number and size of population centers, on the other hand, suggested a maximum population of 100,000,000. The planet was drastically underpopulated.

The usual explanation for such an anomaly would be either a disastrous plague or an equally disastrous worldwide war. There was no evidence of either. The only other reasonable explanation would be an unusually effective program of population control.

The true explanation of the anomalous underpopulation would require a visit to the planet's surface. As the Atlas Catalogue's analysis of the atmosphere had indicated, and his own confirmed, though somewhat higher in oxygen and argon than the standard Terrestrial model atmosphere, it ought to be quite breathable. The bioassay revealed no pathogens that Polymmune couldn't cope with.

As soon as it was discovered that the planet had a Level 4.7 technology: pre-nuclear electrical with both wireless and television, solid-state electronics, and computers,Dr. Envor had fed the audio signals from wireless and television broadcasts directly into LEX , the linguistic analysis program, to identify the language and its origins and to create a glossary for use in communicating with the natives.

LEX identified it as an evolved dialect of First Empire Court Vrasdan with loan-words from a very ancient and otherwise forgotten language called Russian. The 62-character phonetic script, derived from New Martian (?) was daunting and the rules of pronunciation mind-boggling.

Dr. Envor sighed as he realized that the only way for him to learn this language was to have it down-loaded directly into his brain, a process which he dreaded and hated.

Grimacing, he put on the helmet and said "Download to output No.3"

and braced himself for the combination of vertigo, confusion, disorientation, and just plain chaos to come. It was no worse than usual, but certainly no better.

The download was soon over but it left him feeling nauseated and bewildered. As his mind cleared, Dr. Envor understood that he now knew the local language ,known as Mirgovor, as if he had been born to it. The glossary had been constructed from Old Court Vrasdan changed as Mirgovor had changed in these past 800 years.

To test his understanding of it, Dr. Envor tuned in a television broadcast just as it ended. It was followed by a Public Service Announcement. "Have you masturbated today ? If not, why not ? Go and do it right now. You'll feel ever so much better."

Clearly, this announcement had a bearing on population control. Dr.Envor decided that it was even more necessary than he had thought to discuss population control on planet Zyemly [aka Zhr 237.809037/+7.063942/19.453261:4] with some knowledgeable native.

So,he prepared a lander with a rover and, when the survey ship passed over the largest city he had observed, he set the lander down near to the long-abandoned spaceport.

Dr. Envor had attired himself in his full-dress spacefleet uniform and as regulations prescribed, wore both his dress sword, which was sharpened and which he knew how to use, at need, and his DL-80 blaster.

As no one in the city seemed to have noticed his landing, he deployed the rover and drove onto the highway which passed near the old spaceport and clearly went to Nogor, the nearby city. He had noticed from space that Zyemlyans drove on the right-hand side of the road, so he did not need to worry about that.

He noticed billboards along both sides of the road ahead, but only the ones on the left faced him. The first one read "Did you masturbate this morning ? Why not stop at the next rest area, 2 arcmin, and enjoy a masturbation break ?" Dr. Envor guessed that an arcmin must be a nautical mile,on this planet about 2232 metres or 2.232 km.

The next sign said "Masturbation is GOOD for you. It relieves stress and prevents congestion of the gonads. Do it often." The next one reminded the driver that "Masturbation is the only completely safe form of sex. It's the safe way to relieve sexual tension."

One did not need to be a genius to realise that masturbation played a very important role in Zyemly's population control program. It hardly seemed adequate to account for the planet's extreme under-population, however.

Entering the city, Dr. Envor pulled up his rover to the edge of the sidewalk and asked a passerby "Who is the most important official in this city ?"

"The Vakran" the man replied. That was a familiar term, an Old Court Vrasdan word, meaning "Master of the City".

"And where I willI find him?"

"Why, in the Town Hall."

"Obviously, but where is it and what does it look like ?"

"It's the only blue building in the city. You can just see it over yonder."

"Ah, yes, I see it. Thank You."

"Um, excuse me, but who are you ?"

"You'll probably be sorry you asked that."said Dr. Envor drawing a deep breath. "I am Commander Anthropologist Ethnographer Doctor Havas Envor of the Imperial Anthropological and Ethnographic Survey of the Galaxy."

"WOOF ! That's a mouthful."

"That it is. I'm here to study this planet's society and culture."

"Well,I think the Vakran's the man you want.He's pretty smart. Good

luck."

"Thank you"replied Dr.Envor again and drove off. The blue Town Hall was a conspicuous landmark, easy to keep in sight as he wound his way through a maze of one-way streets. Arrived at the Town Hall,he reeled off his impressive array of titles to the young man at the reception desk who was at least as impressed by CDR Envor's full-dress Starfleet uniform and weapons as by his titles.

He asked to see the Vakran on a matter of Imperial business and was immediately shown to that official's office. The Vakran was a stout elderly man in a rather rumpled green uniform who rose and bowed

through an angle of 100 grads in token of respect to an acknowledged superior.

Dr. Envor returned the bow, albeit through a more obtuse angle, and explained his mission. Vakran Bor offered him a seat in a comfortable armchair and replied. "We have been wondering when the Empire would notice us again. As you may well imagine,much has changed since your agent left so hastily 800 years ago."

Dr. Envor nodded. "The Empire was imploding. Emperor Dwar III had been deposed and disappeared. The Usurper was assassinated soon afterward, and the Interregnum began."

"I can fill you in on one detail."commented Vakran Bor. "The Ertran [Emperor] of Zyemly, Marw VIII, is a lineal descendant of Dwar III. It was here that he sought refuge from the Usurper. So, in a sense, the First Empire never died, but Zyemly is all that remains of it."

It would be an understatement to say that Dr. Envor was astonished."When my mission here is completed I must pay my respects to Emperor Marw, for, under the old Empire, I would have been a prince, and the house of Envor has always retained its loyalty to the Imperial House of Tarn.

But, to return to my mission, there are certain anomalies in what I have learned from surveying your planet from orbit which need to be resolved. For example, your technology is unusually highly developed for a pre-nuclear technology."

"That is easily explained." replied the Vakran. "Ours is not a pre-nuclear technology, but an anti-nuclear technology. We know, from bitter experience, about nuclear power and nuclear weapons and we WILL NOT follow that path to destruction again. Zyemly was settled by refugees from a nuclear war.

We brought with us historical records of our life on Hybor and of the war which drove us from our home world. They include images preserved in an indestructible medium, photoengraved on platinum plates, showing the horrors of nuclear warfare. Viewing these images is a required part of every Zyemlyan's education . IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN !

Research into the structure of the nucleus of the atom is forbidden and anyone seeking to investigate it is put to death ! What do you say ? Is this policy fanatical or wise ?"

"Rather than answer this question directly, I shall give you three examples from my observations in the survey and then state my opinion. The first is a planet which the Atlas catalogue listed as having a high civilization and Level 5.6 technology: advanced nuclear.

As I surveyed it from orbit, I detected areas of intense radioactivity and an overall level of radioactivity unhealthily high. All of the cities appeared to be in ruins. I could receive no wireless signals from the planet. The atmosphere contained a dangerous level of radioactive particulates.

I descended to a lower parking orbit from which I could observe the inhabitants telescopically. They were so mutated by radiation that they could not even be called human. I assume that this was the aftermath

of a disastrous nuclear war.

The second planet, though it had once had a high civilization, was deserted. Its cities stood decaying but undamaged. The surface of the planet was dotted with abandoned nuclear power plants, like the pustules of a planetary plague.

Each of them was surrounded by three razor-wire fences, the outermost of which bore signs,one of which had fallen off onto its back so that I could read it telescopically from above. It read "Do not Approach this Fence Closer than 100 Metres for Longer than Necessary to Read This Sign."

By the time, about 30,000 Standard Galactic Years from now, that the reactors would be safe to approach, would anybody still be able to read these signs ?

Last is a planet which gave me an automatic warning message by wireless "DANGER. DO NOT LAND OR ENTER THE ATMOSPHERE. RADIATION HAZARD." At 1000 km. above the planet's surface, the radiation level outside the survey ship's hull was 500 rads.

The Atlas Catalogue entry made no mention of radiation. It rated the planet as having a high civilization, a technology of Level 5.8 and a population of 1,000,000,000. What happened ? I have no idea, evidently

some kind of nuclear disaster.

So, my answer to your question is 'No. You're not being fanatical; you're being sensible.'

The other anomaly about Zyemly which I noticed from orbit is that the planet is greatly under-populated. You have a population of about 10^7 and enough arable land to feed 4X10^9. I see no evidence of warfare or a plague, therefore, I must attribute it to population control. The pro-masturbation program must be a contributing factior, but it can't be the entire explanation."

"That is true. When we emigrated from Hybor we brought with us our culture,language, and religion.The last was a piece of luggage we might better have left behind. The Church of the Divine Saviour,like many others, advocated unlimited and irresponsible reproduction.

As you have observed, Zyemly has enough arable land to feed 4X10^9 human beings, in a pinch, 6X10^9 with a lower standard of living.Under the influence of the Church, the population passed even the pinch level.At 7X10^9 there were famines.

The priests, and especially the Ruler of the Church,Umble XVII, kept saying 'God will provide.' But, God did NOT provide. People were starving to death. The Ertran [Emperor], Myedyev IV, decreed that only those licensed by the state might marry; that a couple might have but one child,after which the husband must undergo vasectomy; that bastardy be punished by nullifcation of the father (if known); and that non-reproductive sexual activity be encouraged.

The Ruler of the Church promptly excommunicated the Ertran. The Ertran, who had a degree in canon law, responded that the realm of canon law was spiritual only, that he could be excommunicated only for a violation of canon law, and that he had violated no article of canon law.

The Ruler of the Church pronounced from the Ecclesiastical Throne that he was the sole interpreter of canon law. The Ertran decreed from his throne that all Church property be taxed retroactively to the date of the Immigration at the standard real-estate and movable property rates, giving the Church 10 days in which to pay the taxes.

The Ruler of the Church claimed that excommunication nullified the Ertran's mandate to rule. The Ertran ignored him and,in 10 days, seized all Church property for back taxes, including the Ruler's bejewelled

regalia and his golden crown. Soldiers were sent to the Ecclesiastical Palace and the major temples to confiscate the forfeited property.

The Ruler promised remission of all sins,however grave, to anyone who would kill the Ertran. Mysteriously, the Ruler of the Church disappeared that very day. He was not to be found in his quarters, nor in his office, nor in his private chapel. No one knows what became of him.

After forty days, the Prince-Electors of the Church, whose duty it was to elect a new Ruler of the Church, announced that they would meet in solemn conclave to do just that. Wherever the solemn conclave was held,they never emerged, nor could any trace of them ever be found.

The Ertran replaced the entire upper echelons of the Church with government-appointed supervisors responsible to the Ertran,who became, in effect, the head of the Church. There was no further interference from the Church with his policies on population control.

And, so it stands, today. Masturbation, all homosexual acts,and non-penetrative heterosexual acts such as frottage and mutual fellatio are encouraged. Contraception must be by vasectomy or tubal ligation.Other contraceptive measures are undependable.

Couples are now limited to two offspring, after which the husband is vasectomized. Rape,whether or not it results in pregnancy is punished by nullification, total exstirpation of both the external and internal genitalia.

Bastardy resulting from consensual sex is punished by bilateral orchiectomy of the father and tubal ligation of the mother Depending on the circumstances of the case, a court of law will determine when and if the father is permitted to take testosterone.

Adultery, whether consensual or not, and whether it results in pregnancy or not,is treated as rape. Eunuchs who have not become so punitively, are treated as vasectomized males and are provided with free testosterone.

These measures have been in effect for over 2000 Standard Galactic Years and are the means by which Zyemly's population is controlled. The population is monitored closely by annual censuses. If the population falls,more marriage licenses are issued, if it rises,less are issued. The average population per decade remains constant. Have I answered your question ?"

"Exhaustively." Dr. Envor assured him. "There is one point on which I'm not wholly clear.If the present Ertran is a lineal descendant of Tarn,may I assume that the office of Ertran is and has been hereditary ?"

"In theory,it is not. Before Dwar III arrived, the Ertran was elected by the kings and ruling princes.Once the Galactic Ertran arrived, it was decided that, as long as any scions of his survived, the Ertran would be elected from among them. Since then, the election has been a formality. When the Tarnul Dynasty dies out, I suppose that we shall return to the old system of electing him whom the electors consider the best-qualified of the reigning kings.

With this information, Dr. Envor considered his mission to be completed.