At Knadsofferson & Associates, LLP you sure don’t want to miss your Sales Quota.

Shit thought Erik, could this day possibly get any worse. Sitting in his in-box was a rather ominous looking e-mail from old man Knadsofferson himself. The subject was simply

“Sales Performance Review and Motivational Meeting”

His bad luck had all started last night when he had had a fight with his girlfriend. Erik had not got his nads off in over a week in anticipation of their liaison. After they had quarreled she had walked out leaving him high and dry with a weeks worth of pent up spunk churning away in his nuts. He had thought about beating off last night but was too drunk to get it hard enough. And this morning he was hung over and running late. Now as his hang over was wearing off, he started to get that old familiar tingle between his legs. All those “swimmers” in his balls were making their presence known, and they could not be ignored forever.

As a good-looking, dark-haired and blue-eyed 24 year old, Erik Anders was one of the newer Sales Reps at Knadsofferson & Associates, LLP, and was one of the 3 youngest on the sales team. The other 2 guys his age were Craig Johnston, clean-cut, short brown hair, brown eyes, about 6 feet even, a rather gangly fellow, friendly enough when talking sports, but generally did his own thing. Joe Reynolds was a cute,friendly, curly-haired 23 years old, the newest and youngest team-member though he did seem to be a real enthusiastic go-getter. Erik had always found the word “team” to be somewhat ironic. Though technically his co-workers, the other sales reps were more like his competitors. As bonuses were based on sales numbers, everyone in the company was chasing after an increasingly shrinking pool of business. It did not make for great bonding with the other guys. And he wouldn’t put it past the other reps to stab him in the back given the chance. He often thought the company ought to be called Knadsofferson & Assholes, LLP.

Reluctantly Erik opened up the old man’s e-mail;

“Please be advised that the presence of all salesmen will be required in the large conference room at 5:30 pm. We will be reviewing our Year-End Sales Quotas and providing a Motivational Experience for the entire sales staff. Attendance is mandatory.

Sincerely

H.J. Knadsofferson.

President & CEO”

“Motivational Experience”, what the heck did he mean by that? Hell Erik was surprised the old geezer even knew how to use e-mail. Must be serious though, if the old man himself was calling the meeting. Hey he knew his sales number were down, shit everybody’s were. Hadn’t the old skinflint heard there was a recession out there? “Financial meltdown” were obviously two words that had never been heard at Knadsofferson’s. And why were they having the meeting after hours? Shit, it was going to be tough enough to sit through another endless sales meeting, pretending to pay attention, but Erik knew that by then he would be suffering an even more serious case of Blue Balls.

Suddenly a very nervous Joe stuck his head over the partition from his cubicle and said “Hey buddy, did you read the old man’s e-mail”

“Ya, what of it?” replied Erik somewhat testily.

“I heard, the old man’s really pissed about the sales numbers, I heard someone’s going to get cut”

Shit, thought Erik, the thought of getting cut hadn’t occurred to him. He suddenly realized that with his lousy sales numbers it could easily be him on the chopping block.

“Ya well let’s not worry about this now, I’ll talk to you later, I gotta take a leak”.

And with that Erik abruptly ended the conversation and headed off to the can.

Just as he was walking in he almost ran into Craig on the way out.

“Hey did you hear about the meeting?” said Craig

“Ya, it doesn’t look too good, does it?”

“If they’re gonna cut somebody it’ll probably be, you, me or Joe, or shit maybe they’ll cut all three of us.”

And on that cheery note Craig went on his way as Erik headed for the urinals.

Standing before the last urinal on the left, he swiftly undid his belt, then the metal clasp of his suit pants, then the button lower down and finally the zipper. Erik really hated wearing suits and dress pants. Belt, metal clasp, button and zipper, just to whip your dick out. Must have been designed by a woman he thought. He fished his warm, uncut dick out of his bright orange Joe Boxers, skinned it back and let loose with a sigh of relief. Erik had to admit he was proud of his junk and loved the feel of his dick in his hand. Soft, his plump dick was a respectable 4 inches and pushing 8 when hard. His hairy balls, though not huge were at least on the larger size of average, and he had been in enough locker rooms to know. He loved strutting through the locker room after his post work-out shower, airing out the boys and feeling his dick sway between his thighs. He never understood these shy guys who always covered themselves up like they were hiding some sort of secret treasure.

He finished pissing, and his dick started to swell slightly as he was shaking it off. His nuts started to remind him again of their building pressure. Just as he was considering risking a quick wank, the door loudly slammed open and in stomped Ian Murphy, senior sales rep, early 40’s, thinning brown hair, getting a gut and Eriks’ least favorite person in the whole company. And that was saying a lot.

He and Erik had taken an almost immediate dislike to each other. Erik considered him a pretentious bastard who was always sucking up to old man Knadsofferson. Erik often said that he was the “Ass” is Associates. Murphy considered Erik one of those cocky kids who loved the glamour of the job and the bonuses when times were good, but just didn’t have the stamina or guts to tough it our when things got rough. He often felt Erik needed to be taken down a peg or two.

“Hey buddy, I hear this is where all the pricks hang out” laughed Murphy as he charged up to the centre urinal, unzipping and whipping it out on the way.

Ya that joke just never gets tired, thought Erik, forcing a smile as he tucked his still swelling dick away.

“I hear one of you newbies is getting cut today” Murphy said with a gleeful, smirk.

“Ya well, we’ll see about that” said Erik rather defensively. “Knadsofferson has to know how tough times have been”

“Well buddy” replied Murphy, smirking again, “its tough times that separate the men from the boys, my numbers are good, I hear yours’ aren’t so hot”

“Ya, fuck you Murphy”

“We’ll see who’s fucked later, you know if you ain’t got the balls to hack it in tough times, you don’t belong at Knadsofferson” And with that Murphy zipped up and walked out without even washing his hands.

“Obnoxious prick, what an asshole” thought Erik, Worse part, as much as he hated Murphy, he was probably right. At least he took Eriks’ mind off his churning nuts for awhile.

Finally, after a day that he thought would never end; Erik filed into the conference room with the other 20 sales reps. Sitting at a table at the back was the company physician. What the Hell is he doing here, thought Erik. Are they expecting the old geezer to have a heart attach or something? After about 5 minutes old man Knadsofferson himself walked in and took his place at the head of the table. God, could that mans’ eyebrows possibly get any bushier thought Erik as he looked at the wrinkled, ashen face of the company CEO. Erik could swear that the old man’s eyebrows were bigger everytime he saw him, which thankfully wasn’t too often. As the old man droned on and on about Lord knows what, Erik couldn’t help thinking how his eyebrows looked like two fat hairy caterpillars crawling across his forehead. You’d think the old geezer would spend some of his millions and get a decent stylist, or at least trim his ear hairs.

As he sat there for what seemed like forever, his nads started aching again. They obviously weren’t too interested in what the old man had to say. Erik just could not concentrate. God he needed to drain his nuts! His dick had been at half staff for about 15 minutes now and he could feel his balls shifting around in his Joe Boxers.

“And I would like to congratulate Ian Murphy for being our top sales rep again this year” droned on Knadsofferson.

At the sound of Murphys’ name Erik snapped back to paying attention.

“And in addition to his regular bonus, I would like to present him with this engraved silver letter opener as a small token of appreciation”. This pronouncement from Knadsofferson was followed by polite, unenthusiastic applause from the rest of the sales reps.

Murphy accepted the gift with his usual fake sincerity and shit-eating grin. God Erik hated him.

He saw the other newbies, Craig and Joe, sitting around the conference table and started wondering which of them was going to get cut.

“And as you know gentlemen, not everyone has been able to make their sales quotas this year”

Shit thought Erik, hear comes the knife.

“We here at Knadsofferson & Associates, LLP, have managed to carry on in these difficult economic circumstances. Can any of you gentlemen tell me what the LLP in our name stands for?”

Lots of Limp Pricks, Erik was thinking, but decided to keep his mouth shut.

“Limited Liability Partnership, is what it means gentlemen. And it is not just part of our name, it is also part of our business philosophy. In these tough economic times we must always look for ways to limit our liabilities. And unfortunately sometimes things and staff that were formerly assets become liabilities”

Erik quickly lost his semi and started to get a sick feeling in his stomach.

“So unfortunately gentlemen, and trust me this was not an easy decision, someone in this room is going to get cut”

Erik stole a glance at Craig and Joe, they both looked nervous and were starting to sweat.

“Now I originally thought about cutting more than one, but figured this example would provide serious motivation for some of you underperformers. Cutting back on bonuses does not seem to have sufficiently motivated some of you to try harder, so I will have to implement a more serious cut. Perhaps when you realize what you really stand to lose here you all will stop making excuses and meet your sales quotas”

Erik could hardly breathe anymore, would the old geezer just say who was getting cut and get it over with already.

And finally the old geezer pronounced the dreaded words that Erik had expected to hear.

“Mr. Erik Anders, I regret to inform you that I will have to have you cut.” With that Knadsofferson pushed a button on his intercom and two burly security guards entered the conference room.

Erik stood up and said “Hey, the guards aren’t really necessary, I can empty out my desk myself” as he turned towards the door.

“Well we’re not quite done with you yet boy” said Knadsofferson as he nodded to the guards, they quickly seized Erik by the shoulders and pinned his arms behind him.

“Hey what gives” shouted Erik as he started to struggle.

Murphy stood up and punched Erik as hard as he could, right in his nuts. Erik gasped and doubled over.

“Mr Knadsofferson said we’re not finished with you yet” sneered Murphy. With that Murphy undid Eriks’ belt buckle, fiddled around a bit to open the metal clasp and button and finally dragged down the zipper of Eriks’ pants. The loose dress pants quickly dropped to Eriks’ ankles. exposing his bright orange Joe Boxers. Murphy chuckled at the sight, grabbed the waist band and roughly hauled them down to Erik’s knees. “Hey look at that” laughed Murphy, “You really do have a set of balls down there, I never would have figured a cocky little punk like you had real nuts” (Well not for long, thought Murphy to himself)

Erik recovered his breath just long enough to say “What the…” as Murphy shoved a large silk hanker chief into his mouth.

With that the guards shoved him backwards onto the table, pinning his shoulders down. His bare ass squeaked against the tabletop as his balls flopped down onto the smooth polished wood. His nuts seemed almost surprised by their sudden exposure and started to retract, back towards Erik’s groin. Murphy said, “Lets make you a little more comfortable” as he loosened and removed Erik’s tie. He wrapped the tie around Erik’s nutsac in a loose slip knot and said “I’m going to need a hand with this knot, Craig, Joe get over here” The two shocked sales reps came quickly over and stood on either side of their pinioned comrade. Murphy handed each one an end of the tie. “OK boys, I’m going to pull on his nuts and work the knot up high on his bag, when I tell you to pull I want you both to yank on that tie with all you got, understand?” Both Craig and Joe nodded quickly, their eyes locked on Erik’s balls. Murphy grabbed Erik’s sweaty, full balls with his left hand and with his right hand shoved the knot up as high as he could towards Erik’s dick. “OK guys, PULL!” And with that Craig and Joe pulled as hard as they could on the tie. Instantly the top of Erik’s scrotum was squeezed down to a quarter of its usual size, his loose scrotal skin was compressed down as his two sperm tubes were crushed together. His nuts bulged out as his bag tightened around them. His churning load of baby batter now hopelessly trapped in his swelling nads.

As two other sales reps helpfully held down Erik’s knees, Mr Knadsofferson himself handed Murhpy the engraved silver letter opener. “Would you do the honors please, Mr. Murphy” “With pleasure, Sir” replied Murhpy gleefully. He pulled a chair up between Erik’s legs, slowly made himself comfortable and grasped Erik’s bulging nads in his left hand. He fondled them briefly, feeling their heat and their firmness, God he had wanted to castrate this little prick since day one. With his right hand he slowly positioned the letter opener under Erik’s scrotum, just below the tie. Craig and Joe were still pulling on the tie, their arm muscles straining and foreheads sweating. All eyes in the room were locked on Erik’s balls. Finally with a deep breath, Murphy pulled Erik’s balls out hard with his left hand as he tugged his right hand upwards. Erik struggled violently as he felt the sharp blade dig into his tender bag. Murphy gave Erik’s nuts a really hard crushing squeeze with his left hand. But they were not as easy to cut off as Murphy had thought. The first tug of the blade had barely broken the skin on Erik’s scrotum, the compressed flesh was proving quite resilient. Murphy had to pause, re-tighten his grip on Erik’s balls and put a lot more strength into pulling the blade upwards through his scrotum. With a hard jerk he managed to pull the blade through Erik’s right sperm tube, the third jerk hacked through his left sperm tube, and finally with a jerky, sawing motion he hacked through the remaining skin and Erik’s sweaty hairy scrotum with his two fat balls and their weeks’ worth of jizz came free into Murphy’s hand. Murphy stood up and to raucous applause, in a sweeping overhand motion, lobbed Erik’s ball bag into the corner waste basket where his nuts landed with a loud splat.

Mr Knadsofferson approached and said “Well boy, I really hated to do that, but this firm just can’t tolerate people who can’t make their sales quota, I trust this little demonstration has provided suitable motivation for you other junior sales reps” Both Craig and Joe nodded furiously in agreement. “Doc here will sew you up and then we’ll send you home in a cab, thank you for you attendance gentlemen, this concludes our business for this evening.

ONE YEAR LATER…

Memo to all sales representatives of Knadsofferson & Associates LLP:

“Gentlemen, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for a job well done. Over the last year not only have all our Sales Quotas been met, they have been exceeded by each and everyone one of you. Congratulations, and keep up the good work!”

Sincerely

H.J. Knadsofferson.

President & CEO”

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