It started with a film where the plot line went somewhat like this... girl has money trouble, rich man offers to help her.. if he can tattoo her and use her for sex.

The twist is I actually got the tattoo. You may have even seen the photos or the film. The truth is I had always wanted a back piece and this was the perfect excuse. Call it method acting if you will, for me it was fun, and it introduced me to the pleasure one can find in pain. Several BDSM related films followed after that and then I was looking for a challenge.

What is extreme anyway, that is the real question? Where would you draw the line? That is the question I kept asking myself. So many things are temporary. Being in a hogtie for a few hours is nothing. Shaving your head, well that will grow back. In a sense, tattoo openend my eyes to the world of permanence. That is not going away, not anytime soon.

So if something was permanent, where would I draw the line? Obviously, at life or limb. I'm not going to let someone kill me or take an arm or leg. That's just stupid.

But what about a clit? Now that is kind of sexy. Consider the challenge of trying to get off without it. I mean, I've done it before, many times, many ways, of course, it's always so much more difficult. But since I'm up for sport, I figured I was game for it. A director I know was more than happy to oblige. A couple calls, and a Japanese client was found to fund everything.

And so the plot of the film, a challenge. A rich and twisted master, a beautiful asian slave who can't stop misbehaving. She is easily aroused, a sexual athlete, always eager, and always climaxing. He is jealous of her ability, how she so pleasantly disobeys him, and so he hires a team of doctors to make her inorgasmic. They cut off the visible part of her clit, but it is not enough. She is actually turned on by this, and so the battle must continue. They remove all the internal vestiges of it, and fry her g-spot with electricity. She's coming the whole time, and this is the climax of the movie.

Well, method acting indeed. We couldn't shoot this here or on the mainland, so it was done overseas. It's actually going to be released as a film this year, and I'm quite happy with the work. It was my favorite film to make yet.

Of course, you may be wondering about one thing. Yes, I did have my clitoris and everything removed, we got the whole nerve bundle and all the underlying branches. That is pretty much the g-spot itself, right there. I undertook this as part of a challenge for myself. I mean, sure, there was a very real chance it would make me inorgasmic, but what would that mean for me? Most of my orgasms are faked for the camera anyway, and I've certainly had plenty of satisfaction to last a lifetime, so if it were gone for good, I would be okay with that.

That's not exactly how it turned out. Like I said, life is full of surprises. The orgasms I had on film for the g-spot frying, those were fake. And the surgery, that was real. So was the orgasm I've had since. I don't know what it was, I was trying to get off, which I wasn't able to do after even the first operation, and I got so tired I fell asleep with my vibrator still on. I had an amazing dream that night, I kept thinking about how hot it was to be the girl in that film, to be turned on by the possibility of not being able to get off.

When I woke up, I had an amazing orgasm, something I have certainly had before, this was up there with one of the best. However, almost certainly not something I'll ever be able to produce again. In the three months since, I have not had one orgasm, despite having plenty of sex. The weird thing, I can still 'squirt', I'm a female ejaculator, it's a talent every woman can learn. It can happen with or without orgasm. Looks like mine will be without orgasm from now on, as will sex, even masturbation, although that has tapered off a bit. Knowing you can't get off does make it fun, in a kinky sort of way, but not something I want to do every night, at least not anymore. For those people who have asked, yes, it does make you more horny to not be able to get off, if you like that sort of thing. It's an itch you can never scratch, but for some of us, that itself is what makes it enjoyable.

My master and I decided last week that we would give up on trying to make me orgasm, that even if it is possible, I should never orgasm again.

Perhaps that will be the case.

But I can always hope. You never know when life will surprise you. I ended up becoming more than friends with the wealthy Japanese man, and so I don't need to actually work now, but I still may do a couple more movies.

Still, nothing will ever top my cum-shot.

Slave J (now the property of Mr. N).