It was time for Sully to come clean. The 26-year-old man had become so obsessed with castration and losing his penis, either voluntarily or during a sex encounter gone awry, he feared he would do something drastic to himself.

Sully was nearly six-foot tall and weighed 195 pounds. His hair was black, as was his body hair. He wasn't overly muscled, but enjoyed being in fit health as he was in his prime of life in his mid-20s. He was nervous, though, and was paranoid that others could discern his obsessions. He had worn his six-inch-aroused penis raw with frequent masturbation during the day, and often stayed up til 3 a.m. or later cruising the internet castration and penectomy sites. There he found a friendly, non-judgmental community where he could share his darkest obsessions and learn more about the secret-obsessive lives of other guys who desire or fantasized about losing their masculine equipment. Sully also gained fodder there for his own fantasies and obsessions. The fantasies had come to rule his life, however.

He had already paid a heavy price for his obsession: he'd lost a job in a lucrative computer firm because he called off from work so many times they'd given him the axe. He was not sick when he called in sick; he was so addicted to internet stories of castration and radical male genital mods that he couldn't peel himself away from his computer. A single man, Sully was so dysfunctional sex-wise, he had few relationships beyond his cyber-obsession.

Becoming more desperate as time went on, he frantically reached the point where he was now willing to confess to a minister his obsessions, in hopes of obtaining some form of biblical absolution to his castration cravings and penectomy desires. He had to have relief, either through the act of castration itself, or through counseling that asured him he wasn't weird or insane.

The minister, a middle-aged man with thinning gray hair, agreed to meet with Sully in his churched-based study after giving assurances that anything Sully said would be kept in the strictest of confidences.

When both men were seated in the minister's study, Sully searched for the words to begin. After hesitating and glancing at the minsiter's encouraging expressions, Sully finally found the courage to begin talking. He had to comde clean.

"Reverend," he said, searching for some legitimate form of validation for his obsessions, "does the Bible have anything to say about eunuchs and castration?"

Not flinching, or revealing any shock or surprise at the question, the minister simply began nodding. "Yes, as a matter of fact it does," he said. "The most obvious and well-known comment about eunuchs is a statement made by Jesus Himself."

The minister took up his Bible and turned it open to the gospel of Matthew, where Jesus, in response to His disciples' question about marriage, said, "All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given...For there are some eunuchs which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which mave made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it."

Sully listened intently, becoming slightly excited and aroused at hearing the word "eunuch" from another person's mouth. He was especially and keenly interested that the Bible actually DID have something to say about this deep dark topic that had occupied Sully's mind and heart for years. Maybe he could now "receive it" and settle the issue once and for all.

"So," he began asking, "it seems there are three ways a guy could become a eunuch?"

The minister nodded, saying, "Yes. A man might have been born that way, or he could have been made a eunuch, such as in a master/slave scenario, and then there are others who might voluntarily get castrated for religious reasons. This last group might desire to be emasculated so that their focus can be on the kingdom of God so exclusively that they don't want any distractions from their devotion to God. I don't have any way of knowing how many might be this way, but there it is in scripture."

"How would a man go about getting castrated for the kingdom of heaven's sake?" Sully asked. "Does your church have some ritual you offer?"

The minister was reflective. "That the Bible doesn't say. It's just a statement by our Lord about the reasons or motivations of some men who seek castration to demonstrate true and pure devotion to God. I'm not aware of any scriptures that give details about 'how' men may seek or become castrated, nor does our church do such procedures. Why do you ask these questions?"

It was time for Sully to come clean. If he didn't relieve the pressure he knew he would blow spectacularly someday and do some real harm to himself in order to fulfill his obsession.

"Preacher," he stammered, "I have been obsessed with castration since my mid-teens." The minister nodded, encouraging Sully to continue. Sully plunged forward, pouring out his heart, coming clean.

"I have fantasized about losing my balls constantly for years, and now I'm so obsessed and so hooked on the subject, I'm really afraid I might do it myself and end up dying or being sent to a mental ward.

"But I have to confess, that my motives do not have anything to do with the kingdom of heaven's sake. I just fantasize about losing my nuts in all sorts of ways as a means of getting my rocks off during sex or when using my own hand." He stopped and looked at the minister, expecting the man to be shocked or worse.

"Go on," the minister said. Sully continued.

"I used to strip naked in front of our family dog, and smear peanut butter on my butt and penis and balls and let him lick me clean." Sully was flushed with embarassment at admiting this, but he just had to come clean.

"While the dog licked my crotch and penis and balls, I used to imagine he'd go too far and actually bite my balls off. I was so thrilled and aroused at that possibility I did it over and over again. I think I was about 13 when I started doing this. For some reason I can't explain, the idea of my dog biting my balls, and even my penis off, got me so excited, I climaxed all over myself. I did this for a couple of years until I got bored with it.

"Then when I was about 15 or 16, I started lighting my pubic hair on fire with matches in the bathroom, which was so dumb because I had just started growing it right about that time. It was thrilling to see a fire burn away my pubic hair and heat up my gential area. I used to pose nude in front of the mirror and masturbate until I shot my cum all over me and the mirror.

"Somewhere along the line, I became obsessed with castration, and I would tie up my scrotum with rubberbands and let them get red and sore. I hoped that if they simply fell off of my crotch I would be cured of my obsessions.

"Before too many more years, I started to beat off after tying my nut sack off with rubber bands, and hold a paring knife to my scrotum while I stroked my penis. When my balls flopped up and down as I stroked, I imagined that they were being slowly cut off as my ball bag slapped up against the knife blade. I began to long for castration to cure my sex lust.

"I have fantasized about voluntary castration, but also about being castrated by someone else after revealing to them my desires and obsessions. In one fantasy, I consent to being castrated after having a homosexual encounter with a man who also shares my desire. After he cuts my balls off, I get to castrate him. This fantasy is so hot, I have become totally focused on cutting men's balls off in my heart. In another fantasy, I visualize that I am married and my wife learns about my secret, and we engage in castration play so much it actually happens!

"I ask her to hold pruning shears to my tightly-banded balls, and I jack off with her crouched between my legs. The handles of the pruning shears rest against my spread thighs, and the blade pinches my nut sack as I jerk myself off. The feeling of the blade against my balls, knowing that one second of carelessness could result in me really being made a eunuch, arouses me so much I'm afraid I will actually go through with it someday and castrate myself! In the fantasy, when I shoot my load, my legs slam together accidentally and my ball sack is lopped off to our horror. I have other fantasies about my fictional wife too; that she finds my laptop logged onto a castration site and then gives me my wish and cuts my balls off. Except that afterwards I'm sad that I've lost them because now I have no more fuel for my fantasy.

"Lately, I've come to believe that the only way I can be calm or normal is to actually really get castrated. I long to be emasculated so that I can control my sex life instead of it controlling me. I would love to go a day or more without thinking of being castrated or cutting the balls off of some other guy. I am terrified that I might go through with it someday, you know, of castrating another guy. Then I would be arrested and sent to prison, and I'd be among men who'd probably really cut my balls off, and force me to submit to anal intercourse adn I'd be a sperm repository for the rest of my life. If any of that happened, I know I'd deserve it, but instead, if I was castrated now voluntarily, it would never come to that. I have even longed for castration surgery due to testicular cancer. That's how far gone I am."

Sully share some other deeply personal things with the minister that, if revealed anyplace else, would be highly embarrassing and mortifying. He was ready, at that instant, he thought, that if the minister produced a knife from his desk and offered to do the deed right then and there, Sully would gladly have consented and left the church a nutless eunuch.

"Do you think that God would ever require me to give up my balls voluntarily? Do you think He would take my testicles from me?"

The minister held up his hand. "Look, young man, the scripture mentions eunuchs in a number of places, but I have never read a passage where it mandates a man be castrated. There is one place in Isaiah where God promises the eunuchs who obey His law that He will give them an inheritance and name better than children.

Reading, the minister said, "For thus saith the Lord unto the eunuchs that keep my sabbaths, and choose the things that please me, and take hold of my covenant; Even unto them will I give in mine house and within my walls a place and a name better than of sons and of daughters: I will given them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off..."

When Sully heard the words "cut off," he knew exactly what the Bible was talking about, and was aroused at the sound of the words. The passage read by the minister had to do with the eunuchs lamentinbg the fact that they were a "dry tree" (could not produce sperm to procreate children because their testicles had been removed).

The minister cautioned Sully, "Keep in mind, sir, that these eunuchs are promised these things by God because they have remained faithful to Him and His commandments. They are not obsessed with illicitly being castrated to fulfill a sexual fantasy or something. That's what I'm hearing from you."

Sully nodded. He was ashamed to a degree to admit this to another human being, but it was time to come clean.

"I have to confess, reverend, that I have desired castration as a sexual fantasy, and not because I want to be faithful to God. But I am terrified I'll do something wrong in my obsession, and end up regretting it because it won't be for the right reasons."

The minister was nodding. "I see. But what would be the result of you seeking and getting castration?"

Sully didn't hesitate. "First of all, I think I'd calm down a lot and my mind wouldn't be filled with fantasies of sex encounters that result in my being castrated. Then I'd be able to focus on my life, and keeping a job, and I'd really be happy from then on."

"But you wouldn't necessarily be doing it for biblical reasons, would you?" the minister asked, accusingly.

Sully had to admit that it wasn't for biblical reasons. "No," he said sheepishly, coming clean.

"You do realize the difficulty in getting castrated voluntarily by a medical professional, don't you?"

Sully nodded. "Yeah, they don't want to do it unless you're going for a full sex change operation. And then only after you've undegone a couple of years of counseling and a set time of 'presenting' as the other gender. But I don't want a sex change operation. I want simply to surrender my balls and even my penis if it will help me to begin thinking normally about my future life."

The minister nodded. "Okay, young man, here's my recommendation. You need to seriously start asking God if He wants you to lose your testicles. You need to have the right motives for castration, and then, once it's done, to live your live from that point on with the kingdom of heaven in mind. The purpose for biblical emasculation is so that a man could acquire a single-focus on God's work and His kingdom without the distractions of marriage, sex, relationships with women, and the responsibilties of family. Only then could a man be justified in his decision to seek castration. I don't think you're going to find a biblical passage that sanctions castration for controlling sexual urges."

"What about Jesus' statement about men being made eunuchs by other men?" Sully asked.

"Well, that is an assumed thing," the minister said. "It assumes a man is emascualted by someone else for a biblical reason, not to fulfill a sexual fantasy or urge. I recommend that you only consider it with the stipulations I've outlined."

Sully nodded, and rose to leave. The two men shook hands with the minister saying, "Please call if I can be of further assistance."

When Sully left the church, he was obsessed again: not with castration exclusivley, but with an obsession in mind that no one could object to or question: he would give up his balls for the kingdom of heaven's sake. It would be noble. It would be for a worthy cause. He would offer up his testicles in a show of religious and sanctified devotion. He might even surrender his penis the same way!

As he drove his car away from the church, he couldn't wait to get home and play out this newest fantasy in his castration obession: that of giving up his balls in the ultimate sacrifice! That way he'd accomplish two things: he'd show his devotion by losing his nuts, and he'd finally acquire that "eunuch calm" he'd read about on the websites.

As he drove home, Sully was relived at finally coming clean with his obsession. He was also pleased that his penis was becoming aroused with this fasinating new angle of getting castrated, and knew he could role play with this for quite a while into the near future!