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From the Manchester Guardian - Monday, September 18, 2006 Tale of the first penis transplant A Chinese man who had lost his penis in an accident earlier this year received a transplanted member from a brain-dead man. The operation, performed at Guangzhou General Hospital, was reportedly a success, but the man suffered emotional trauma and after just two weeks insisted that the penis be removed. After 10 days, tests revealed the organ had a rich blood supply and the man was able to urinate normally. Doctors have previously succeeded in reuniting men with their sexual organs after traumatic accidents or attacks, but the Guangzhou operation is the first in which a donor penis has successfully been attached to another man. "Because of a severe psychological problem of the recipient and his wife, the transplanted penis regretfully had to be cut off," Dr Hu said. An examination of the organ showed no signs of it being rejected by the body. I do not know where to even begin with this one but I suppose I'll start here: Just how the fuck do you 'accidentally' lose your penis, anyway? Chopping up some bok choy while naked, perhaps? Maybe he wandered downstairs, looking for his pants, and ran into his very hungry Great Dane. Perhaps he and Mrs Wang were playing a new version of tug-of-war and he lost, in a big way. My cock is sacred, and because of that I don't put it in harms way. You only get one the fuckers, literally, and you have to be careful with it. You don't fry bacon with it hanging out, you don't attach your German Shepherd's leash to it and you sure as fuck don't stick it in Courtney Love. I try to keep mine well-oiled, as often as possible. And what kind of 'emotional trauma' would make you cut it off a second time (maybe it was a Japanese subcompact)? And just what was the 'severe psychological problem'? Was Mr. Wang angry with Mrs. Wang because she was, in reality, being unfaithful with every blowjob? Quite the pickle. But all of this is really beside the point. The problem is the supply. Think about it. When you're talking breast implants, you're talking about a manufactured item - something that rolled off an assembly line somewhere. But you can't make a penis (not literally). The cock has to come from someone, from a donor. I would like to see how this might be set up. Will there be a ready supply of shrink-wrapped johnsons at the hospital to choose from, or will the dissatisfied wife just take her shopping basket to 'Cocks 'r' Us'? Remember, the advent of silicone made it possible for a new generation of American males to become size queens. How will women respond when "just right" is only an 'oopsy-daisy' away? And what happens when the supply of dead peckers dries up? It'll happen, you know it will. Trust me, the number of "accidents" that will befall the poor, inadequate cocks of this world will skyrocket, and from where will the big dicks come? Well, if we're willing to invade the Middle East for Big Oil, I'm willing to bet that we'll go on safari in Africa for Big Black Cocks in a fucking heartbeat. And what happens at home? Will women jealously guard the secret of their husband's, um, attributes? "Oh, no, Lacey, Jeb is really small, hardly worth bothering with." Will Ron Jeremy and Tommy Lee live in sac shrinking fear of any woman with a purse large enough to conceal a pair of scissors? It's an ugly future we're looking at, where no penis is safe. I used to fantasize about getting a blowjob in my car from some smokin' hot babe outside a bar. But now I just see that same chick running down the street with my cock held out before her like the Olympic torch. Be afraid, be very afraid. [email protected]
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