Tim's Last Orgasm 33: Decisions

“Timmy’s gone,” Tim said tearfully when Nate arrived. It was Friday afternoon, just hours before a big game between Lincoln and Midwestern. Nate had come by to have dinner at the Chandler’s before he and Tim went to the game.
“Gone?” Nate said. “But I thought they weren’t leaving till Tuesday.”
“Mom thought it’d be a good idea for Larry to spend some time with him alone before he leaves,” Terry explained. “They’re gone to a hotel downtown.”
“Is he gonna be all right?” Nate asked with concern.
“That’s what we’re gonna find out,” Tim said. “Larry promised he’d call if there were any problems.”

Now the gloom really set in at the Chandler home. Knowing the situation and that his two star basketball players would be there, Uncle Jason showed up just as they were sitting down to eat.

“How’re you guys doing?” Jason asked as Virginia set a place for him.
“We’ve been better,” Terry replied sullenly.
“That’s what I thought,” Jason said. “And I suppose you don’t feel a lot like playing basketball, right?”
“You got that right,” Nate said. “They might just have to get along without me tonight.”
“Bullshit!” Jason exclaimed. “You’re gonna be there tonight, Nathan, and you’re gonna do precisely what you always do. You’re gonna be the biggest pain in my butt that you can possibly be. You know we can beat Lincoln without you just as easily as Lincoln can beat us without Terry. The fans come to see you two, and they’re not gonna be disappointed.”

Terry adored his uncle, especially since he’d become his coach as well, but tonight Jason’s positive attitude had annoyed him. “You just don’t understand, Unc,” he said haughtily. “Maybe you don’t care what happens to Timmy, but the rest of us do.”
“I care just as much as you do, Terry,” Jason said emphatically. “But I care about the rest of the family too. I don’t know why you’re all sitting here grieving. You gave a little boy a year of your lives and gave him one hell of a headstart in life. You’ll see him again, and mark my words, he’ll remember you all. You make an investment like that and you know you’re gonna get it back with interest. But sitting here all depressed isn’t gonna do any good, and it certainly isn’t gonna help Timmy. Get over it, you guys! All of you! Timmy is with his father where he belongs, and you should be very proud of yourselves for giving a child what could be the best year of his life. He has more security in his little finger than I’ve ever had, thanks to all of you. Meanwhile you’ve got responsibilities, Terry and Nathan, and if you don’t face up to them then neither one of you is half the person I thought you were.”

“Ok, ok, we’ll play,” Terry said with a sigh. “Just no more lectures, please.”
“Not good enough,” Jason answered. “I don’t want you to sigh and play, I want you to put a smile on your pretty faces and look at each other with that murderous look of yours, and vow to go out there and kill each other like you always do on the court. If I see anything less I’ll bench you, Terry! And Nathan, I’ll see to it that your coach does the same.”

***********************

Terry and Nate had long since got used to their missing genitalia as had the rest of their respective teams, but for some strange reason tonight was different. Tonight, as they sat undressing in separate rooms about 50 feet apart, both teens were painfully aware of their missing cocks. Terry sat with his teammates as they all undressed in preparation for the game. When he was naked he looked down at himself. At 15 his body was still relatively immature, but he had a thick mat of hair where his penis should be, and his legs were sporting a light coat of hair as well. He looked at his crotch and he was almost overcome with remorse at the sight of the flat, smooth area that should by now be sporting a proud pleasure probe. But tonight he didn’t see a vacant hairy area with a large set of balls below.

Tonight he saw, as he regarded his own groin, a very immature, completely hairless crotch that had a tiny infant prick protruding, a set of almost indistinguishable testicles below. Terry now realized that he had made a giant mistake, that the only hope for the continuing of the proud name of Chandler had disappeared when his cock had been amputated, almost a year ago, and he suddenly wanted to cry. How on earth could he have been so stupid? What had he been thinking? For some strange reason he couldn’t understand Terry had put all his faith, all his hopes for the future, in the tiny genitals of little Timmy the very first time he’d seen the baby naked, but now those hopes were gone. Not only had he lost a very charming little brother, he had lost the very future of his bloodline when that little boy had left. “Come on, Chandler,” one of his teammates called, “it’s time to go destroy Lincoln once and for all.”

Terry had no idea how long he’d been sitting there, naked, reflecting on his body and what he no longer had. But as his teammates began calling to him he realized that they were fully dressed and ready to go while he was still naked. “Be right there,” he called back as he shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thoughts that were invading his brain, threatening to consume him, and he began to get dressed.

Nate was sitting in his dressing room at the very same time Terry was in his, but Nate had suddenly become painfully modest. He was suddenly and surprisingly very aware of his “different” crotch, and he didn’t want to reveal it. Like Terry, Nate saw in his mind the immature, yet perfect set of genitals he’d seen hundreds of times as he changed Timmy’s diaper, and he realized for the first time what had become something of an obsession with him. It was excruciatingly important to Nate that the little boy’s prized possession not suffer the same fate as his own. But now that he was gone, how could Nate or anyone else possibly preserve the boy’s sexuality? How could he be sure that Timmy never had to go through what he was going through now? How could he protect the innocent, unsuspecting little boy from the fate that had already befallen Nate and three of the people he loved dearly? “You ok?” Nate’s coach asked suddenly.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Nate replied.
“Then get dressed,” the coach ordered. “You’ve got about 5 minutes before we’re on the floor.”

Tim sat in the uncomfortable bleachers of Lincoln High with Jared, Laura, Valerie and his parents, waiting for the two teams of gladiators to appear. He was deep in thought, wondering what Timmy was doing at this moment, wondering if he was all right, if Larry was getting along ok. To his own astonishment he was also thinking very seriously about his own penectomy, which had long since healed totally and had almost become a way of life, until tonight. Like Terry and Nate, Tim was remembering the countless times he had changed Timmy’s diaper, and how every single time he had become almost mesmerized by the sight, the beauty, of the baby’s tiny genitals. They were so small, yet perfectly formed in every way. He remembered how his father had fought the doctors who had pressured them to have Timmy circumcised just three days after his birth. Tim knew now that his dad had fought that same battle for his own sons’ foreskins, only to have them both cut off their entire cocks. But of course their father didn’t know that, and that bothered Tim as well.

Tim had determined long ago that Timmy’s beautiful little wee-wee would not suffer a similar fate, but now all those plans seemed to be so much chaff at his feet. How could he have any influence at all on a tiny baby boy living four thousand miles away? He thought of Terry and Nate and shuddered as he realized that they would both probably be whole had it not been for him. How could he possibly live with himself? He had to, absolutely HAD to be sure Timmy’s genitals were safe from anyone, everyone who presented even the slightest threat. But right now Tim had another dilemma. The two teams had appeared on the floor and were warming up. Tim had taken Uncle Jason’s admonition very seriously and he was committed to cheer his lungs out. In a way he was at an advantage because no matter who scored, who won, he had a reason, a responsibility to cheer.

There are a lot of people in Chicago, and many of them are basketball fans. Most of them, almost all in fact, were not present that night as Lincoln and Midwestern battled to a tie, and then finally Lincoln won in overtime. Those who were present, including two very impressed college scouts, would say for years to come that it was the best basketball game they had ever witnessed at any level. No one knew what had got into the stars except the stars themselves, but Nate and Terry had both played the best game they would ever play in their high school careers. Every time Terry and Nate got possession of the ball, they whispered to themselves “For you, Timmy,” and then they made for the basket as if they had a firecracker shoved down their shorts and sank the ball. There were no thoughts of winning or losing, only a desire to show the world that they could not be deterred by a personal setback. Timmy wasn’t at the game, nor was his father; nevertheless both players were driven to excel in Timmy’s name. The final score: 78-76, and over half the goals on both sides had been scored by two players: Nate and Terry.

“You’re almost certain to get a scholarship after the way you played tonight,” Jason and James both raved as the Midwestern team retired to the dressing room.
“Cool,” Terry said indifferently.
“Terry, I don’t think you heard me,” Jason said, somewhat annoyed. “I said you’re gonna get drafted into college ball, and you’re still only 15.”
“I heard you,” Terry answered, also more than a little irritable. “Now if you don’t mind, explain how that’s gonna help Timmy.” Jason didn’t reply; he had absolutely nothing more to say. He threw up his hands and went to some of the other players, commenting on what they had done right or wrong in the game. “Go easy on him,” James advised. “He’s hurting pretty bad, and he did rise above it and played a helluva game.”
“I know,” Jason agreed. “I just want to get him to get on with his life. Timmy is gone. Period!”

Everyone went to their own homes after the game. Both Tim and Terry advised their lovers that they wouldn’t be very good company tonight and their lovers, who weren’t feeling all that sociable themselves, went home with no argument. The first thing Tim noticed as he walked in the door to his home was how quiet it was, which wasn’t all that remarkable given the late hour. But then he saw the living room, which had doubled as Timmy’s playroom. It was neat and tidy, freshly vacuumed with furniture freshly dusted, everything in order just as it had been for years until about six months ago. It looked so incredibly sterile! It was almost as if no one lived in this house, in spite of there being four very active, vital people here. Tim didn’t say anything, nor did he make his customary visit to the refrigerator for one last snack. Instead he went directly upstairs where he closed his door, stripped naked and went straight to bed.

Predicably, there was a light knock on Tim’s door shortly after he was in bed with the light out. He hadn’t heard that sound in quite a while, and even though he really wanted to be alone tonight, Tim couldn’t resist what he recognized as his brother’s knock. “C’mon in, Terry,” he called.

“Sorry to bother you,” Terry said softly as he padded over to the bed, clad in his boxers as usual. “I kinda wanted to talk to you before I go to bed.”
“It’s ok, Terry,” Tim said. “By the way, I didn’t tell you that I thought you played one hell of a game tonight.”
“So everybody keeps saying,” Terry answered as he crawled, uninvited, into bed with Tim. “It doesn’t really make any difference,” he went on. “Timmy’s just as gone whether I played well or not, or even if I played at all.”
“It’s gonna be ok,” Tim promised. “I know how you feel, and I sorta feel the same, but we’ve just gotta get over it. I mean, it’s not as if Timmy’s dead or anything. We’ll see him again before they leave. Larry’s bringing him over Monday evening to say good-bye.”

Tim’s choice of words was anything but ideal. As he might have expected, Terry hung on the phrase: “Before they leave.” Terry didn’t answer, but instead he buried his face in Tim’s neck much the same as Timmy did, and he cried. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it,” he sobbed. “Timmy was just so special.”
“IS,” Tim replied emphatically. “Not WAS, Terry, IS. And you’re one of the reasons he’s so special. He’s gonna be fine, lil bro. You’ll see, and you’ll also see as he grows up that you’ve given him one of the best gifts anyone could ever give another human being. You gave him love and security and self confidence. He’ll be fine.”
“Do you believe that, Tim?” Terry asked as he suddenly stopped crying and gave his brother that penetrating look that demanded the truth.
“Actually I do,” Tim answered honestly. “He might have some rough times, but don’t we all sooner or later? But you know as well as I do he’s a tough little guy, and he’s gonna do just fine. Just think how proud he’s gonna be when he goes to school, with a Top Gun for a father. Man, he’s gonna be big man on campus in kindergarten.”

Tim’s last remark caused Terry to giggle. “I can see him now, dressed in his sailor suit,” he said. “The class of kids is all assembled with unruly little five year olds, and in walks Timmy, son of an ace Tomcat pilot. Man, won’t he do some swaggering!”
“And if anyone steps out of line, Timmy will wilt the SOB with that look of his,” Tim added. “No one can give a look of disdain like Timmy!”

The two brothers, both feeling better now, spent the next half hour reminiscing about some of Timmy’s particularly funny antics, then Terry thanked his brother, kissed him, and crawled out of bed and headed for his own room. They both felt the relief and comfort of mutual grief after having given each other ample amounts of sibling support. They both also felt something else, neither sharing these feelings with his brother. Both Terry and Tim were feeling the most intense, raging phantom erection they had ever felt, and they both had an urgent need to take care of it. Neither of them had the slightest erotic attraction to Timmy, but talking about him had got them pretty emotional and being emotional had always resulted in some form of sexual activity for both boys.

Terry’s need was particularly urgent tonight. He slid his boxers down over his lithe hips, noting as he did how hard and muscular his legs were getting. Terry loved his body and the way it was developing. He loved being admired, and he knew he had no shortage of admirers, the most enthusiastic being Laura, the love of his life. But tonight what he needed was not admiration or mutual touching; tonight what he needed was what he’d done since he was 12. He needed somehow to take that phantom erection in his hand and give it what for, just like he used to, before it drove him totally out of his mind.

****************************

Tim lay in his bed, covered only by a sheet, leafing through some pictures of Timmy. He noticed with a thrill of gratification that there wasn’t a single picture in which the little boy wasn’t grinning from ear to ear. Then as he flipped through them idly, he remembered the pictures that he had hidden in a diskette case in a drawer in his desk. He hopped out of bed and got the box, then retrieved the pictures.

Back in his bed, Tim hesitated. Did he really want to look at them? Of course he did, but he wasn’t sure it was advisable. Nevertheless he hadn’t looked at those pictures for a very long time, and having remembered them he couldn’t resist. The first one showed a 16 year old Tim in his bedroom, naked, posing. His beautiful, flaccid cock hung proudly, slightly off to one side as it always had, crowned at its root by a thick dark mat of pubic hair. He could almost feel it there now as he rubbed his smooth crotch, his phantom hardon raging.

He flipped to the next picture. He and Carlos were standing together. Tim had just been shaved and still had an erection from that activity. Without the bed of hair his cock looked absolutely huge. It was also magnificent, he thought as he gasped loudly. All the while he was looking at these pictures his free hand was roaming - fondling, savoring his now smooth and furry groin area, rolling his balls between his fingers, venturing further back to where his urine now exited his body. The entire area was so sensitive his own ministrations made him shudder with delight, but tonight he missed the electric sensations of his own instrument of pleasure in his hand. If only they could figure a way to have it detachable, he thought. That would’ve been so totally awesome, to take it off or put it on like pair of zip-off shorts.

****************************

A few blocks away, Nate was lying on top of his bed, idly fondling himself. He was wishing he hadn’t come home alone tonight. He knew Tim would be upset; damn, they were all upset! But tonight Nate remembered that some of their best sex had been when one or the other of them was upset. It was a terrific tension reliever, at least for Nate because he could still have occasional orgasms and usually did just when he needed them the most. He wished he could somehow figure out how to bring Tim to a climax, but his beautiful stubborn body simply wouldn’t cooperate.

Tonight Nate knew he wouldn’t have an orgasm and that was fine, he didn’t want one. He did want something he would never have again though: he wanted to touch the glorious beautiful penis that was now only in his mind. He wasn’t sorry he’d had it cut off, not only because of his motives, but he had come to seriously like the way his body looked and felt. Dr. Smith had done a truly wonderful job on him. The scars had already faded so they were almost invisible; the site of his surgery was smooth and soft, and incredibly, erotically sensitive. Nate loved to fondle himself, to have Tim fondle him there, to reflect on the meaning of his odd appearance and why he’d had it done. But tonight, just tonight, as his hand wandered all over and around his groin, he would have loved to have something to wrap his fingers around. Just tonight, it would be so nice to once again feel the delicious sensations of his own fingers gripping his own cock, sliding up and down until the eruption that would render that part of his anatomy so sensitive that he could no longer stroke it.

As he rubbed himself, the obscenely wonderful sensations coursing through his groin, absolutely reveling in the shivers that kept gripping his body, he felt an unwanted climax approaching. He slid one of his hands back to his scrotum and sure enough, it was beginning to tighten up. He didn’t want to cum tonight! But like all virile young males there is a point beyond which he could not stop, and he had already passed the point where his wants and desires were important; the point of no return. He thought of Tim and what he was doing at this very moment. In his vision, Tim still had his cock, and it was resplendent and proud, long and desirable. Nate had never seen the pictures that Tim was at that very moment looking at but it really didn’t matter. Nate had never seen Tim’s penis either after it had reached more or less full maturity, but he had a pretty accurate image of it indelibly etched in his brain, and it was truly magnificent.

Nate knew that his impending orgasm would fade as soon as he stopped manipulating himself, so he did that. It wasn’t like he could cum any time he wanted and he knew that Tim loved to see it, even though he couldn’t participate. But he had gone too far. The eruption came mere seconds after he had crossed his hands over his stomach, and it came with a vengeance. It didn’t last long and there wasn’t much of an emission, but Nate knew it was the last one he’d have for several weeks, and he felt guilty about that too. As good as it felt, it would have been so much better if he’d been able to share it with Tim. After he’d cleaned himself up he crawled back into bed, still naked, and was soon fast asleep.

************************

“You’re a good coach,” Jared told James as they snuggled together.
“Good coaches win games,” James replied.
“That’s stupid and you know it,” Jared scolded. “You and Jason have that team playing together as a unit, supporting each other, encouraging each other. That bunch of kids has been through a lot, what with the mess with Masterson last year, and then that other idiot. It’s a miracle they can hold their own in a game at all.”
“Yeah, I know you’re right,“ James admitted. “I was just hoping...”
“You were hoping that you could put them over the top. Well, it’s still a long season. You might do it yet.”
“Lincoln’s got a good team,” James speculated. “I think we can beat everyone else, but I don’t know about Lincoln.”
“You’re already the champ to me,” Jared said as he snuggled closer, his hands wandering down James’ hard abdomen to his equally hard manhood.

James had wanted a really hot session of sex tonight, but as usual Jared had snuggled in as close as he could get, then minutes later as his hand still wandered over James’ ample package, had fallen fast asleep. Jared tried so hard to accommodate James’ ravenous appetite for sex, but he didn’t even come close. He just couldn’t understand how anyone could be a slave to his hormones and James understood that, but it didn’t help when he was so horny it was painful. There was only one answer to his dilemma, but James knew it wasn’t for him. He was an athlete and wanted to make his career in athletics, and he was afraid he couldn’t do that without hormones. No, as he lay in bed wide awake, wishing he could sleep as peacefully as Jared, he knew without any doubt that whatever modifications he ended up making, they would not include castration.

******************************

Terry didn’t even realize it, but he was moaning rather loudly as he continued to rub his smooth crotch, manipulate his anxious balls, the insides of his legs, and even further back between them. He had got really hot thinking of Laura, but now his mind was on Tim and the fun they used to have before Laura was a part of his life. He remembered fantasizing mutual masturbation, even oral things with Tim, and he wondered if Tim ever thought of those days. He remembered the first time he’d seen Tim’s circumcised cock and how closely, curiously he had examined it. They had discussed it, with Terry asking endless questions and Tim answering patiently

Tim had told of the operation when he was just a little boy and how painful it had been. Terry had been appalled at the time that they would do such a thing to a little boy, but it hadn’t been that long after their discussion that he had done the very same thing, and voluntarily. Why on earth had he done that? What purpose had it served? Why couldn’t he have just left it intact until it was finally taken away from him forever?

He remembered the very first time he’d tried to beat off after the circumcision had healed. It had hurt so much, but still he couldn’t stop. Even the pain, it seemed, was erotic and pleasurable. Could it be that’s why he’d done it? Perhaps it was a punishment in advance for what he would do later. Maybe he was trying to discourage himself from doing what he’d finally done. But on the other hand Laura loved his body just the way it is now, especially with the missing penis and Terry’s reason for having it off. Wasn’t that what was most important? Tim and Nate considered themselves married because they’d both had their cocks off. As a same sex couple and with the laws the way they are now, it was about the only way they could form some sort of permanent bond. Did that mean he and Laura were married? He had certainly made a supreme sacrifice for her. No, he wasn’t sorry he’d done it, but he was sorry things couldn’t have been different so he wouldn’t have felt the need for such radical surgery. As it was, he was enjoying life to the fullest, although a lot of young men and teens would disagree that anyone could live a full life without dipping the part that Terry no longer had into various human orfices.

****************************

And what of Laura? She was the only female in the group of friends and lovers that centered at the Chandler home, but she had never in all the time she’d known them ever felt out of place or unwelcome. She had always been “one of the gang” from the first day she had met Tim, and knowing that had always made her feel special, which of course she was.

Tonight Laura felt more female than she’d felt in years. Terry had always treated her with utmost respect; he had pampered her, loved her, and spoiled her as much as a fifteen year old could do, but still her association with so many males and so few females had called her femininity somewhat into question. Added to that was her absolute revulsion to the thought of ever being penetrated by a male organ, and Laura really wondered if she was all girl. But tonight her mother instinct had completely overwhelmed her. Tonight all she could think of was little Timmy, where he was, what he was doing, what could possibly be going through his little mind as his entire world was being ripped out from under him.

Laura was missing Terry tonight, but she knew if they’d been together she would probably have spent the evening crying and going on, and she knew Terry didn’t need that. He had told her, and no one else, that the only reason he had played tonight was to honor Timmy, and it had been obvious from the way he played that he had somehow managed to turn his grief into positive energy. And that’s what she had so admired about both Tim and his brother. They had a way of turning adversity into something good and positive, and she wanted those genes in her children.

Children?

Oh yes, there would be children. She hadn’t really researched it, but Laura somehow knew that Terry’s lack of a penis would be no impediment to her having children and she wanted lots of them. She smiled as she thought of a whole houseful of little Terry’s running around, getting into mischief, teasing and tormenting their sisters, and how cute they would be. Of course they would have the same keen mind that their father had, along with an intense athletic ability. She wasn’t terribly sleepy, so she flipped on her computer and began surfing the net, looking into ways and methods of making herself pregnant without the benefit of having been penetrated by her gorgeous teenage husband.

****************************

Tim was still flipping through the pictures of himself three hours later. He thought of James’ question and wondered if he would do it again if he were given the chance. The more he thought of it, the more he realized that he probably would. Yes, his life had changed now. He had a lover, and it would sure be nice if he and Nate could carry on as other male lovers do; on the other hand the relationship they now had was, he thought, much deeper and more meaningful because of, not in spite of, their obvious handicap in the bedroom. He had even come to the point, most of the time, where his inability to climax was accepted by them both. Obviously there were times when he wished it otherwise, but on the whole he was satisfied with his life, his love. If only they hadn’t lost little Timmy!

He flipped through the pictures again, pausing at the one where he was alone in his bedroom, his cock flaccid. He remembered how seldom it had been that way, how quick it had always been to stand at attention, ready for whatever its owner had in mind. Again he thought how gorgeous, how perfectly formed it had been. Yes, he missed it terribly sometimes, but there were other times when the thoughts of what he had done were absolutely thrilling. He put the pictures away and snuggled down for sleep. As he wriggled his mature, hard body into his mattress he made a mental note to speak to James before the weekend was over. He was concerned that his bout of tears when they had spoken last had been misinterpreted.

********************************

Jared was awakened by the rapid, rhythmic motion of the bed. His first thought as he opened his foggy eyes was that they were having a minor earthquake; or perhaps not so minor? That thought brought him to life in a hurry, which was when he realized that the bed was shaking because his bedmate, James, was masturbating.

Jared had never masturbated, nor had he ever seen someone else doing it. He decided in an instant to just lie quietly and watch as his lover manipulated himself. He had no ulterior motives, nor did the action in the bed beside him hold any erotic attraction for him; he was simply curious. The moonlight streaming in the window showed James’ face clearly, and Jared could see the look of complete ecstasy as he approached his climax. Suddenly, almost without warning, James uttered a low guttural cry and his body stiffened. “Ohhhhh GAWD!” Jared heard as James’ cock erupted in a gush of semen. This part of the process Jared had seen before, but always as a result of his efforts, not any solitary activity. Spurt after spurt of white fluid erupted from James’s cock as he experienced a momentous orgasm.

When James finally had come down off his high, he glanced over to Jared and was greeted by two gorgeous brown eyes shining in the moonlight, and those eyes were full of tears. James, not without an ample supply of sensitivity, knew instantly what was wrong, or at least he thought he did. “Jared, I’m.... I’m sorry,” he murmered. “I just...”
“You don’t have to apologize,” Jared said. “I’m not stupid, James. It’s me that should be apologizing, not you. I shoulda known...”
“How could you know, Jared?” James said as he embraced his lover. “You’ve never had those feelings, never been so desperate to get off that you thought you might explode. I can’t expect you to know what I need if I don’t tell you.”

Jared didn’t answer right away. He lay in bed, staring at his lover, the only person he had ever really loved, and regarded the beauty of James’ face which was almost glowing in the moonlight. James somehow knew that Jared had not ended their conversation but was thinking. James knew that Jared’s mind was unequaled in its ability to assess a situation, analyze it and come up with a conclusion, a solution. James had often listened to Jared on the phone with his broker, his business manager, presidents of various companies in which he held controlling interest, and he had been impressed to the point of speechlessness at his ability to come back to whatever was being presented to him on the phone with precisely the right answer. James knew that Jared would eventually say something, and what he said would be profound. But still he wasn’t ready for the comment that came when it came.

“I think you should leave,” Jared finally said. “It’s obvious that I can never satisfy you sexually and it’s unfair of me to hold you. I’m sorry, James. If I’d had any idea that I would ever have met someone like you...”
“You’re kicking me out?” James said incredulously. “You caught me jerking off and you’re kicking me out?”
“I’m not kicking you out,” Jared answered, wide awake now. “I’m letting you go so you can find someone who is a real man, who can give you what you really need. But please don’t worry about... well, you know, your job as my consultant, the coach position, and all that. All that will continue as long as you need it. It’s the least I can do.”

“Will you stop throwing your fucking money around!” James said angrily as he flipped on the bedside light, blinding them both. “Do you still think, in spite of all I’ve said, that all I care about is your money? For your information Jared, I would gladly trade all your fortune, all your heritage and your family legacy if we could just be lovers, just be ourselves. I hate that you consider yourself some sort of royalty with all the obligations that come with it. I hate it when you get on the phone, making snap decisions worth millions and doing it well. I’m sorry I jerked off with you asleep in the same bed. I was wrong, but I just couldn’t help myself. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. And it certainly doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you. I want YOU, Jared! If you don’t believe me then cut me off. Fire me from that trumped-up job, take back your car, all of it! But please don’t even suggest that I’m here just for what you can do for me because it isn’t true. And I promise one way or the other I will never jerk off anywhere near you, awake or asleep. Let me live as your servant, or your personal slave, or whatever you want. Take away all the nice things, all the security, everything! But please, don’t throw me out.”

“James, I wasn’t trying to throw you out, and I certainly wasn’t trying to throw my money around,” Jared said. “I’ve already told you that I’d like nothing better than to give the whole fortune away right now. I wanna be a doctor, and I just know all that money’s gonna get in the way sooner or later, but I can’t give it all away. I just can’t. But money or not I can’t be the kind of sexual partner you need. I just don’t think of sex. I just don’t think about it at all, James.”
“Then give me a chance,” James pleaded. “I can’t promise I won’t get frustrated from time to time, but I really do understand, Jared, and I’m willing to live with it the way it is, until I can do something about it.”
“Like what?” Jared demanded. “What can you possibly do about it? You’re a handsome, sexual male and I’m a nullified eunuch. How can you possibly do anything about that?”
“I’ll be going to Cancun during spring break,” James replied. “When I come back I won’t have a cock either.”

Jared went right into a full scale panic at what James had just said. “You can’t do that, James,” he said firmly. “As it is you can relieve the tension when you have to by doing what you did tonight. If you have a penectomy you can’t even do that. You can’t cut it off, James.”
“Watch me,” James challenged. “Tim and Terry and Nathan all did it, and I can too. They’re living with it, and their lives are none too shabby unless you haven’t noticed. They all have lovers, they are getting on with their lives, they’re all doing well in school. Terry and Nate are the unquestionable stars of their basketball teams. If they can do it, I can too, Jared, and I’m going to.”

“I can’t ask you to do that,” Jared said. “You deserve better than to cut off your manhood just to be my lover. I promise to try harder, and I’ll learn to live with you jerking off when I don’t fill the bill. As for giving back anything, that’s not an option. What my dad and I have given you we’ve given out of love and they’re yours no matter what happens. Your job as my consultant is also yours for as long as you want it. In spite of what you might think that was as much for Terry as it was for you. But please think very carefully before you have any surgery. So far anything you have done or committed to can be reversed; but believe me I know, the kind of surgery you’re considering is forever.”
“You wanna know what else is forever?” James asked. The tone of his voice was very clearly, in Jared’s opinion, more of a challenge than a question. Then before Jared had a chance to respond James answered his own question. “I’m forever, Jared,” he said as he wrapped his muscular arms around Jared’s slight frame and hugged so tight Jared wondered if he was about to be crushed. “Balls or no balls, hormones or no hormones, you can’t tell me you don’t appreciate a good hug.”

Indeed Jared couldn’t say such a thing. He absolutely melted in James’ strong arms. His keen mind, always on guard to analyze the feelings and motives of other, was very much aware of what James was doing, but he made no effort to stop it. James was out to prove that they could make love, be intimate, comfort and soothe each other without sex, orgasms, or even heavy breathing. All it took was a hug, a deep, long, passionate kiss, and the words Jared was positive he was going to hear as soon as their kiss ended, if indeed it ever did: “I love you, Jared.”

***********************************

Saturday and Sunday at the Chandler home was so quiet it was downright spooky. Tim and Terry, and even Virginia and Barry slept late Saturday morning. It was well past 9 before Tim awoke to a very silent house. He would have thought the silence, the peace and serenity would have been welcome, but they weren’t. As soon as he was fully awake Tim sprang out of bed and ran to his parents’ room, calling for his father to get out of bed. “We all overslept,” he said loudly through the closed bedroom door. “We’ve gotta open the store this morning, Dad.”

Barry and Virginia hopped out of bed and went into panic mode. “How on earth could we have slept so late?” Barry demanded.
“Simple,” Virginia replied. “We don’t have a little spark plug awake at six demanding that everyone else wake up just because he’s ready to go.”
“Yeah, I guess he did pretty well change our lives, didn’t he?” Barry agreed.

Tim and his father bolted down a slice of toast and headed for the door, assuring Virginia that they’d get more to eat once they’d got to the store and unlocked it. Saturday had become their busiest day, with half the computer enthusiasts in town beginning to assemble outside the door long before the posted opening time of 10 AM. “Wait for me,” Terry called as they were getting in the car. Virginia came running out behind him scolding furiously that he hadn’t had any breakfast at all. “It’s ok, Mom,” he called back. “I’ll get something later.”

Virginia would have come too, but they had already agreed that someone should stay home by the phone in case Larry had a problem with Timmy and called for help. “You might want to think about staying here today, Terry,” Barry advised. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea to leave your mother alone all day.”
“Dad, I can’t stay in that house,” Terry protested.
“Dad’s right,” Tim agreed. “Mom’s gonna need some company today. One of us has to stay here.”
“I can’t, Tim,” Terry whined. “The way I feel I think Mom would be better off without me.”
“Actually you’d be better staying here than she is,” Barry observed. “If anything happens you can drive, and Terry can’t.”

Tim knew his father was right, so he reluctantly got out of the car again. The last thing in the entire universe he wanted to do was to spend the day in that house, knowing that the deathly silence would be a crushing, constant reminder that there was a missing member. Nevertheless someone had to stay, and Tim was hard pressed to argue that he was the most likely candidate.

“I’m fixing a breakfast for your father and brother,” Virginia announced as Tim reentered the kitchen. She was scurrying about like someone possessed, clanging pots and pans, cracking eggs and spilling milk in the process. “You can take it to them as soon as it’s ready. You know how they are, Tim. They get in that store and they’ll go all day and not eat anything but potato chips and soda. It’s just not healthy.”

“Mom, it’s ok,” Tim said as he blocked her path. She collided with him, and he threw his arms around her and held her as she began to sob. “They’ll get something to eat,” Tim assured her. “You know they always send out for something when they get hungry.”
“I know,” his mom said as she broke down completely. “I just feel so... so helpless!”
“I know you do, Mom,” Tim agreed as the tears burned in his own eyes. “He’s gonna be all right, Mom,” he assured his mother, knowing full well that her frantic motherly actions had nothing to do with two of her men who had left without an adequate breakfast. “You’ve done so much for him you think he can’t possibly survive without you, but he will because he’s tough. And he’s tough for the same reason that Terry and I are tough: because you made us tough. No matter what’s going on in our lives we always know that we’ve got a mom who loves us, and Timmy knows that too. So come on, let’s just get a cup of coffee and go sit down, ok?”

Tim and his mother spent two incredibly precious hours together, just talking and sharing like they hadn’t done since Tim was a small boy. Virginia told him repeatedly what a good sone he was, to which Tim replied that he could be no less, with a mother like her. She knew there was something else bothering Tim, but when she asked he replied simply that he was missing little Timmy. In truth, Tim was feeling more remorse than he could ever describe: remorse for what he had done and not told anyone. He wanted to tell his mother so bad that he had been nullified, but what good would it do? It wasn’t as if she could do anything about it, nor did it matter all that much since he was gay anyway. When he analyzed it, Tim didn’t even know why he felt guilty, be he did. On the other hand, he felt a warm sensation course through his body as his mother took comfort in her firstborn son’s attempts to support her. Tim would probably have shared his secret if they’d had a little more time, but shortly after noon the back door burst open and Terry and Nate came in noisily. “Things were really slow at the store,” Terry announced. “Dad gave us the rest of the day off. He said he’d be home in about an hour if things didn’t pick up.”

The kids were all practically kicked out of the house after a hearty dinner Saturday evening. “You kids need to go dancing, or to a movie, or wherever you kids go,” Virginia ordered. “Just go out and have fun.”
“But what if Larry calls?” Tim protested.
“We’ll hold the down the fort here,” Barry said. “But I think if he was going to call he’d have done it by now. I think they must be doing fine.”

Barry’s last comment wasn’t the good news that Tim wanted to hear. He subconsciously, or perhaps not so subconsciously, wanted to believe that they couldn’t get along without him and his family, but he was rapidly and not too happily learning that such was not the case. So Terry called Laura, Tim called Jared, and they all met at the gay friendly teen center downtown. Tim and Nate, Jared and James were there for obvious reasons; Terry and Laura went along because they had begun to shun places that were obviously heterosexual, preferring to be where the gay ones they loved were more comfortable. During the evening Tim discovered that James wanted to talk.

“I still can’t quite bring myself to make a decision,” he told Tim as they danced. “Jared even suggested that we try anal sex, but I just don’t know...”
“Jared suggested it?” Tim asked with surprise.
“He’s feeling pretty guilty because he simply doesn’t meet my needs sexually,” James explained. “I have to admit the idea kinda turned me on, but at the same time I felt repulsed by the idea of doing it with Jared. I mean, he’s just not the submissive type. I’m afraid of what it might do to him emotionally.”
“I know what you mean,” Tim agreed.
“Have you ever tried it?” James asked. Tim didn’t answer right away, but instead he led James off the dance floor to a secluded table. “I’ll be right back,” he said as he went to get Nate.

“I wanted to check with Nate before I told you any more,” Tim explained as he returned with two cokes and a two orders of fries. “We consider what we do in the bedroom to be pretty sacred, and I don’t feel free to tell anyone unless Nate knows and consents.”
“I appreciate that,” James said with a nod. “I’m sure Nathan appreciates it too.”
“The fact is, Nate and I did try it. I kinda insisted that we at least investigate all our options before he had the surgery.”
“So I guess the fact he went ahead is an indication that it didn’t work out?”
“You might say that,” Tim said with a grin as he remembered the fiasco that was the only time he’d ever been penetrated. “He got it in all the way, and for the record it hardly hurt at all. I was quite surprised actually, but Nate was so slow and careful I was beginning to think it might actually work.”
“But it didn’t?” James inquired, his erection beginning to stir.
“Nope,” Tim replied. “As soon as he was in all the way we both started to think about what we were doing, where his cock was and what else was in there, and... well we ended up laughing like a couple of fools. He actually wilted inside me and it was game over.”

“That’s kinda what I thought would happen with Jared and me,” James observed. “I just don’t think I can do that to him.”
“Lots of gay guys do it and love it,” Tim pointed out. “Lots of guys with penises call themselves ‘bottoms’ because they prefer to be on the receiving end.”
“Not Jared,” James stated firmly. “That’s an act of submission, and he’s simply not about submission.”

“I’ve been thinking since we talked before,” Tim continued. “I did a lot of soul searching and I wouldn’t be honest with you if I didn’t share what I found out. The fact is I really am happier having no penis. When you think about it, most guys our age put far too much importance on their cocks. If they have small ones they are self conscious about it; if they have extra big ones they are always showing them off and wearing revealing clothes. When I had a cock I was painfully embarrassed when it got hard, even though I knew it was perfectly normal. I’m free from all that now. I don’t check out other guys the way I used to because there’s no reason; I don’t have to be constantly comparing to see if I measure up because I know I don’t.“I even took pictures of myself before I had it cut off, and it occurred to me last night that the very fact that I did that was an illustration of just how important to me that small piece of flesh was. I was looking at those pictures last night. I was absolutely obsessed by cock, both mine and everyone else’s. I have to admit that there are still times when I wish I had it back, but on the whole I’m better off without it. I’d be a lot more comfortable with the way I am if I could cum once in a while, but if I had to pay the price of carrying around that thing all the time, it wouldn’t be worth it. I’ll continue to keep trying to cum, and hopefully some day I’ll find a combination that’ll work. Until then, I have that goal to work for along with all the other goals in my life.”

James thanked Tim for his honesty and went off to look for Jared while Tim went searching for Nate. They both found their lovers dancing with strangers, both of whom had fond hopes of doing a lot more than dancing even though they had been informed at the outset that there was more chance of hell freezing over. “I’ve made my decision,” James announced when he again had Jared in his arms. “I’m gonna email Dr. Smith as soon as we get home.”

It was snowing again Sunday morning, which meant that everyone pretty well stayed home. Laura came over in the afternoon to do some homework with Tim and Terry had his dad drive him to Nate’s house to do the same. Jared slept late, a very odd occurrence for him. When he finally awoke around 9, he found James as excited as he had ever seen him. “Dr. Smith is coming to Chicago,” he almost yelled when Jared emerged from the shower. “He says he has a new technique that he thinks will meet my needs exactly. He’s gonna be here on a lecture tour in February and he can do me then, if I don’t mind a few medical students watching. He said he won’t even charge me, Jared!”
“You know money’s not a concern,” Jared reminded him.
“I know,” Jared agreed. “I’ve already saved enough to make the trip to Cancun and have the surgery done, but why not save some money if I can?”

“You’re sure you want this?” Jared asked cautiously.
“I’m sure,” James said as he took Jared in his arms, his hardon evident in his groin.
“In the meantime we ought to take care of that,” Jared said with a grin as his hand reached between them and caressed the anxious member. “Its days are really numbered now I guess.”
“Nope,” James said with a sly grin. “With Dr. Smith’s new technique, he leaves a tiny stump. There’ll still be enough there to get hold of and he says in most cases it is very sensitive and can still be massaged to orgasm. I won’t have enough to penetrate anything and it won’t get hard any more, but I can still stand up to pee. I think it’s perfect for us, Jared.”
“Sounds like,” Jared agreed. He glanced out the window and noticed the snow falling while his brain processed what he had just heard. The thoughts of his lover being still a virile male, still having a tiny penis to play with but unable to penetrated got Jared’s long dormant engine running in high gear. “Guess we’re not going anywhere,” he said with a smirk. “Let’s go back to bed.”

**************************

Everyone rushed to the Chandler home as soon as they were done with their various duties on Monday afternoon. It had snowed over a foot overnight and the going was still somewhat difficult as they all made their way for a big good-bye dinner, but they were all assembled by 5 PM; all that is except the honored guests: Larry and his son.

“Sorry we’re late,” Larry apologized when he appeared carrying Timmy in his arms. “Traffic was a nightmare.” Before anyone could respond, Timmy, realizing where he was, emitted a shrill scream and wriggled out of his father’s arms, hitting the floor with a thud and screaming “TIM!” and running to him, arms outstretched. Tim, who had promised himself he wouldn’t get emotional, burst into tears as he scooped up the little boy and held him tightly as Timmy babbled incoherently and obviously happily. Once he’d been crushed half to death by Tim, the little fellow wriggled free again and ran to Virginia, then Terry, Barry, and everyone else who had been his life until four days ago. “That’s what I thought,” Larry said as he removed his coat.

“I’m not leaving in the morning,” Larry announced after the greetings were completed and they were all seated in the living room, Timmy cuddled contentedly in Virginia’s arms.
“Not leaving?” Barry questioned. “But the Navy... they don’t take kindly to AWOL.”
“I don’t have to be back for another week,” Larry explained. “I was gonna use that week to make all the arrangements for Timmy, but it seems that’s not gonna be necessary... at least I hope it won’t.”
“I take it things didn’t go too well for you and Timmy?” Virginia questioned.

“It was great, spending the time with him,” Larry told them. “He really is a great little guy, thanks to all of you. I was astonished at how well he can communicate and tell me what’s on his mind, even though he can’t talk yet. And it didn’t take a bomb to go off in my head to realize he wasn’t happy with me. He was a little irritable and didn’t sleep very well, but the thing I noticed the most was he just wasn’t his bubbly cheerful self.”
“It’ll come,” Barry assured him. “It’ll take time, Larry.”
“I... I can’t do that to him,” Larry said. Tim noticed Larry’s eyes brimming with tears. “Soon as I get back I’ve gotta go into training and I’ll be lucky to see him two or three hours a day. Then once I finish flight school who knows where I’ll be? It could be years before he has the bond with me he’s already got with all of you, if ever. I can’t do that to him. All the time I was trying harder than I’ve ever tried anything in my life to make him love me, all I could think of was that story you told me about King Solomon, Mr. Chandler. I realized that if I loved my son, I mean REALLY loved him I would do what was best for him. And what’s best for him is to be a part, I mean a REAL part, of the Chandler family. So I guess what I’m saying is I’ve got a boy for sale. Do I have any offers?”
“For sale?” Barry repeated, the shock in his voice evident.
“That’s what I said,” Larry affirmed. “The price is love and devotion, support and security, and lots and lots of hugs. He loves hugs, you know.”

“What about his mother?” Virginia asked. “Surely she...”
“I’ve written to her several times,” Larry replied. “The first couple of times she answered, but she never once asked about the baby. It was all her and how much she was enjoying it over there, and how she might never come back. Then she stopped answering my letters altogether. She doesn’t care a flip about Timmy. She doesn’t even know his name! Hell, her name is not even on his birth certificate.”
“And your parents?” Virginia asked. At the very mention of his parents, Larry took on a look of sadness and hurt the likes of which no one in the room had ever seen before.

“I’ll tell you what happened and let you be the judge,” he said as he hung his head. “I took Timmy over there Friday evening, when I knew they’d both be home. I just knew once they saw him he’d melt their hearts just like he did mine, and everyone else he touches. Boy was I wrong!

“My dad went into a tirade like I’d never seen before. He went on and on about how could I bring the fruits of my sin into their home, that he was evil and cursed and straight from the devil. I tried to tell them that it was MY sin, not Timmy’s, and that’s when my mom looked me right in the eye and told me she loved me, but she wanted nothing to do with the little bastard I was carrying. She called my son a bastard!”
“I’m sure she didn’t mean it,” Virginia offered.
“She meant it,” Larry assured her. “I’ve never known my mother to say anything that she didn’t mean.”
“But once they get used to the idea,” Virginia suggested.
“They’ve had over a year to get used to it,” Larry said vehemently. “How long do they need? I’m sorry, but as far as I’m concerned if they’ve rejected my son, they’ve rejected me. You all are more family to me than they ever were, and it’s been that way longer than you all realize.”

Once again Tim found himself overwhelmed with all the memories, the times when he’d envied Larry for his relationship with is father. They had gone on countless fishing trips, golf excursions, attended hockey and baseball games. Tim had always thought they had the perfect father-son relationship. “Larry, I’m sorry but I find that hard to believe,” he said. “All the time we were growing up...”
“All the time we were growing up I was trying to get as close to my dad as you were to yours,” Larry said. “I was never good enough, Tim. I learned to play golf because my dad played golf. But all the time I was playing, killing myself to be a worthy opponent, he was bitching that I was just a stupid kid and would never get it right. When we were fishing he called me a klutz when I didn’t catch any fish, and the one time I caught more than he did he wouldn’t speak to me for a week. Then I would come over here and I could see the contentment in you and Terry. You had each other and it was always obvious how much you loved each other, even when you were fighting. And your mom and dad... no, they didn’t have a lot of time for you because they were killing themselves to make a better life for their boys. Maybe I saw it when you didn’t because it was such a novelty for me, but I always saw the love in their eyes, Tim. I saw from the time I was just a very little boy how much they admired you. God, Tim, if you only knew how much I envied you back then, and I still do. You only have to look around you, at the friends that are here, at little Timmy, who is here because their boys wanted him here. Your mom and dad didn’t owe him anything, and they certainly didn’t owe me anything. Make no mistake, Tim, my son is as well adjusted and content as he is today because of your parents! And it’s because they love you so much that they did all they did to take him in, because it was important to you and what’s important to you is important to them.”

Barry and Virginia looked at each other and communicated with that look. There was no need for words. They had been married for 25 years and they knew each other’s thoughts, exchanged their views with that simple look that always astonished Tim. “We can continue with the current arrangement, but I suspect that’s not what you’re saying,” Barry offered.
“No, sir, it’s not,” Larry confirmed. “I’m offering Timmy up for adoption. I was hoping his real parents, the ones who have cared for him since he was born...”
“I have a better idea,” Barry said. No one said anything, so Barry went on to explain his idea.

“Ginny and I are more than willing to adopt him,” he said. “But I honestly don’t think that’s best for Timmy. By the time he graduates from high school we’ll be almost 70, assuming of course we’re still alive. And I think Timmy himself demonstrated who should be his father. You should adopt him, Tim. You’re already his legal guardian already, so it should be...”
“ME?” Tim gasped. “ME?” he repeated in a squeaky voice he hadn’t heard from his own throat since he was 13.

“We could continue our current home situation until you can take him full time,” Virginia explained. “The only difference would be that as he grows we would be gradually making him understand that you’re his father, your dad and I are his grandparents. To prevent problems with Social Services you are simply a single parent who is taking advantage of your parents until you finish college. And Larry could be... well, Larry would be...”
“Uncle Larry,” Larry suggested. “Timmy would grow up calling me Uncle Larry. There’s no way in the world after spending the past three weeks with him that I could walk out of his life forever, but all he ever has to know is that I’m ‘Uncle Larry,’”
“But... but me, a father...” Tim sputtered, trying to find words that simply would not come.
“You know you adore him,” Nate said as he took Tim’s trembling hands in his own. “He adores you, and between us we’ve got three of the greatest parents on the face of the earth to support us and help us. Do it, Tim! Do what you’ve always told me to do. Follow your heart and believe what you’ve always preached: that if you love someone enough and what you are doing is right, there’s no way you can fail.”

“Larry, can I talk to you for a minute, alone?” Tim requested.
“Go upstairs,” Virginia suggested, “We’ll start serving dinner. Take all the time you want.”

Once Tim and Larry were in Tim’s room with the door closed, Larry astonished his friend by bursting into tears. “I know what you’re gonna say,” he blubbered. “Frankly, I don’t want to hear it, Tim.”
“Larry, do you realize...”
“I realize a helluva lot more than you do,” Larry replied. “I walk into this room and it’s like walking into a time capsule. I think of when we were 6, 10, 14. Tim, the memories, the happiness in this bedroom just overwhelm me. I gotta tell ya, buddy, there’s no one in the entire universe I love as much as I love you. When I first figured out that you were gay I cried myself to sleep for days, wishing that I was gay too. I wanted to be your lover, Tim! I wanted to be the one you spent your life with. I wanted to be the one you couldn’t live without. But I realized that wasn’t a choice I could make. But if I can’t be a father to my son there isn’t a person on earth I’d rather see bringing him up than you.”
“Being a queer’s kid has got to be difficult,” Tim pointed out.
“Timmy can handle it, and I know he’ll be in good hands with you and Nathan,” Larry assured him. “No, it’s not ideal, but it beats the hell outta being the kid of some Navy pilot who’s gone all the time. There are no guarantees in life, Tim, we have to deal with what life hands us. And I have every confidence that you’ll equip Timmy to deal with the very slight drawback of having a gay father. And you’ve got an incredible support structure already in place to help you. You’re the obvious choice, Tim.”
“But I’m only 19, and still a student, and...” Tim argued.
“Me too,” Larry pointed out. “Until I met him I had told myself countless times that it would have been better for everyone if Timmy had never been born. But after meeting him, spending so much time with him I know, I just know that this old world is gonna be better off somehow because Timmy is in it. And there’s no one better to make sure that thought becomes reality than you, Tim. In case you didn’t know it, I think this world is a better place because you’re in it.”

To Tim’s total astonishment, Larry threw his arms around his friend and kissed him, full on the lips. Their tongues danced a ballet as they melted together in total, absolute love. Tim knew that what was happening was not an attempt to undermine his relationship with Nate; Larry would never stoop that low. This was nothing more than an expression of total, absolute, unconditional love that two boys had enjoyed as they grew up. It was a love so deep, so profound that neither could ever hurt the other or refuse to help the other in need. It was a love so devoted that both could let the other live his life in a way that fit. They had to let go and they loved enough to do it. “We’ll never really be apart,” Larry whispered when they finally broke the kiss. “I know how much you love Timmy, and I know how much he loves you. So take him and give him the same love you’ve always given me, and you’ll be hearing from me. That’s a promise, buddy.”

Next: XXXIV Revelations and Last Minute Changes