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XIX Life Is Never Easy
"I got a call from Tim a few minutes ago," Carlos said when he'd come bursting into his father's office. "Carlos, who the hell do you think you're talking to?" Dr. Smith said. He was indeed getting angry now. He had never heard his son talk to anyone this way before, much less his father. **************** Terry walked up to the car just as Jason finished telling Tim about his latest assignment. "Uncle Jason?" he said, but Jason didn't hear him because Tim was screaming oaths and expletives. "What the hell's going on?" Terry yelled in an effort to be heard. "Please, Tim," Jason said. "You're not picking up anyone until I find out what's going on." Once again Terry and his quick thinking defused the situation. "If the two of you will just fuckin' shut up, I'll explain it," he said forcefully. "You concentrate on your driving, Tim. We gotta tell him the whole thing now, whether we like it or not." Tim and Jason did shut up, and Terry related a brief but complete summary of why his brother had no penis. He explained the story of Carlos, which was why Tim's attitude had changed so drastically the day after Christmas. Jason sat in the front passenger's seat, his eyes darting back and forth from Tim to Terry, back to Tim. "So, let me be sure I understand it," he said, astonishment very evident on his face. "You traveled to Mexico last summer and had your penis cut off because you've wanted it most of your life. Your parents don't know anything about it. You're gay, and your parents don't know anything about that either. You had a lover in Mexico but he moved on. And now we're going to pick up your current lover. Of course your parents don't know anything about that either. Does that about cover it?" Nate's beautiful smiling face worked wonders to calm three very upset people when the little red car arrived at his school. Jason, still digesting all that he'd been told, got into the back seat so Nate could sit next to Tim, who immediately started apologizing to Jason for laying so much on him so abruptly, to Nate for having brought all this trouble into the relationship that was only two days old, to Terry for dragging him into his trouble. "We don't wanna even hear it," Terry answered. "Let's just find out what's going on, then we'll deal with it." As soon as they got to Nate's house, Tim got on the phone and called Carlos. When he admitted to Tim that he and his father had discussed briefly the possibility of having Tim castrated, Tim went totally ballistic and tore a stip off his Mexican friend that threatened the beginning of the second Spanish-American war. "You had no right!" he screamed. "What makes you think you can make decisions like that for me? I thought I made it very clear when I was in Cancun that castration was not an option. What the hell's the matter with you?" Carlos wanted to tell Tim again that he didn't know anything about the plan, that they were still friends, that he still loved him dearly, but Tim had already hung up after leaving Nate's number. Then it dawned on him that he still had Uncle Jason to deal with. "You and Terry stay here and get something to eat and do your homework," he directed Nate. "Uncle Jason and I have a lot of talking to do, but we'll be back in time to drive you to the hospital." "The main thing is right now," Tim concluded, "I don't want Mom and Dad to find out about this. It would serve no purpose because what's done is done. It would only upset them, and... well, you know how they are, Uncle." Jason then revealed that he'd decided to try settling down so he could be near the only family he had: a somewhat conservative brother and two incredible nephews. He said that the doctor who had hired him had remained anonymous for obvious reasons, but Tim, once he had cooled off, assured them all that Carlos would get that information for them if he possibly could. It was still something of a mystery why the doctor didn't seem to notice that Tim and Jason shared the same last name, but that was a mystery they would probably never unravel. Terry wanted to stay the whole evening, but Tim and Jason agreed that it would be a bad idea, especially tonight. "I'm going to stay here by the phone while Tim and Nate go to the hospital unless Carlos calls back," Jason said. "Your job is to just go home as if nothing has happened, Terry. I'll be over later to make my grand entrance. Your parents still don't know I've decided to stay put, and I'm going to take advantage of your dad's long standing offer to make use of the guest room for a while." The visit with Mrs. Seymore had a very calming effect on both boys. She seemed brighter, more alert and cheerful as "her boys" arrived to visit with her. She was also much more astute than Tim would have thought. "You seem restless tonight, Tim," she said as soon as the boys were seated. "Is something troubling you?" "Tim's graduating this year, and he's at the top of his class," Nate said proudly. The trio talked for a while, discussing nothing in particular but enjoying the visit just the same. Tim watched with awe the way Nate and his mother looked at each other. He wondered if he and his mother were in the same situation, would his love and admiration for his mother be as obvious as Nate's was for his. He realized with shame that it might not be, and he resolved again to get closer to his mom, to be more demonstrative of his love. "I almost forgot," Mrs. Seymore said just as they were getting ready to leave, "your mother called today, Tim. She's a lovely lady!" "How freakin' much does she know, Nate?" Tim demanded as they left the hospital. But you haven't told her about my surgery?" "I've been thinking of what you said last night too, Nate," Tim said after a pause. "Dr. Smith called," Uncle Jason said when Tim and Nate walked into the house. Jason explained all that had happened, that Dr. Smith had made a call that he later regretted just to get preliminaries out of the way. He had then called back to tell Emory that his services wouldn't be needed, but Emory had evidently taken it upon himself to follow through. "He said you're welcome to call him, Tim. But I believe him. He told me Carlos is still not speaking to him for having made that first phone call, and that he's willing to do almost anything to make it right." "We should go," Jason said. "It's getting late." Nate wasted no time getting undressed and crawling into bed. He had a lot of thinking to do, and he did his best thinking in bed. He didn't bother with pajamas or even underwear, he just slipped between the sheets and lay staring into the darkness. His mind began to wander over the past few days, then over the past four years. He realized with a start just how much his life had revolved around one person and how much that person had changed his life for the better. The image of a smiling face formed in his mind, the image of Tim. Tim! He repeated the name aloud into the darkness. His flaccid penis sprang to life instantly. Tim, his lover! His mentor! His friend! His salvation! How would Tim react if he knew what Nate was planning? As he thought of that plan, well, not really a plan yet, but an idea. As he thought of that idea, his throbbing penis wilted as suddenly as it had gone rigid. Nate had never been the sexual person he knew that Tim was, at least he had never considered himself such. That's not to say he had never masturbated nor thought about sex because he had. He had done his share, albeit always a solitary experience except for one night in a Boy Scout tent, but to Nathan it was just a normal thing. There was no guilt, no second thoughts, no self doubt. But it just had never been as important to him as it was to Tim, at least until two days ago. He had often thought about that night in the tent as he masturbated, and the memories never failed to bring on an intense orgasm. But that night paled now in comparison to what he and Tim had done two nights in a row. That first time in the tent would always be very special because it was the first time, and it had confirmed once and for all in young Nathan's mind what he'd suspected anyway: that his feelings for Tim went a lot deeper than merely a young boy's admiration for an older scout, a great guy, someone who cared. "Someone who cared!" Nate repeated the words aloud, and tears came to his eyes as he remembered the first time he had thought that about Tim. His mother had been well then, and young Nathan had been giving her a very hard time. He was doing terribly in school, getting horrible grades, acting out and getting into trouble, even skipping and hanging out at the mall. He had even done his share of shoplifting: usually candy bars or other snacks, the odd magazine, articles of clothing. Fortunately for Nate he had never been caught. His mother knew though, because his mother always seemed to know everything; and there was no doubt in her mind where her son was headed. Valerie Seymore had tried just about everything she could think of to straighten out her boy, but nothing had seemed to work. She knew without a doubt that he was headed for big trouble if he didn't change his ways. She could foresee prison, drugs, maybe even prostitution. Someone had suggested she get him involved in Scouting, and she had tried it. Young Nate had resisted, even refused to go. "Well son, you have a choice," his mother said. "You can give Scouting a try, or you can go for counseling." So Nathan had joined the Scout troop. His attitude had been far less than desirable, and there had been a fight every meeting night to get him to go. But there was this kid there, a kid named Tim. Young Nate had admired him from the start. He was so dedicated, so committed, so focused, and so friendly! His uniform was always immaculate, and he seemed to wear his impressive array of stupid badges with a pride Nathan could only dream about. Nate found himself wishing he could be like his new friend. He knew he couldn't, because in Nathan's mind Tim was the way he was because he had two loving parents, not one. Over a period of a few months Tim had taught him to swim, to build a campfire, to survive in the wilderness, and to take care of his uniform. He had helped the new tenderfoot with his knots, learning to paddle a canoe, and just about every other skill that was important to a Boy Scout. Tim didn't even seem to notice that his new friend was learning all these things reluctantly. The feelings of frustration and hopelessness had only intensified. He could never be like that kid! So his behavior away from the Scout troop had got worse. Finally Nate's patient mother had lost it. "Fine," she said, "go ahead and ruin the best years of your life! Go ahead and keep kicking the world, self destructing, feeling sorry for yourself because you don't have a father. It's nobody's fault that you don't have a father, and I suspect most people don't even know that's why you're so angry. I hope you enjoy your spiral into the gutter, because nobody is even gonna notice, Nate! Nobody is gonna say Gee, that Nathan Seymore is really mad at the world because of the hand life has dealt him! We've gotta help him, and make excuses for him!' It's all up to you, Nathan! YOU! Nobody cares that you hate living alone with your mother! Nobody cares whether you amount to anything or not! You're not the first boy to grow up without a father and you won't be the last. Whether you allow it to get the best of you and destroy you is all up to you because nobody cares, Nathan! NOBODY!" Nathan remembered how shocked he'd been to hear his mother talk that way. She had always been kind and gentle, had always tried to talk mildly to him. He had bullied her terribly, but she had always responded as tenderly and softly as was humanly possible. Nathan had been very close to tears after his mother's verbal deluge, and for almost five minutes he just stood there looking at her in disbelief. Then he had answered her with only three words. A thrill of some sort coursed through his lithe teen body as he repeated aloud what he'd said to her that night: "Tim Chandler cares." Now he was thinking of hurting her again. But would it hurt her, really? It wasn't as if he was going to use his penis to reproduce anyway. He was gay, all gay, one hundred percent gay! His mother knew it even before Nathan did himself, and she was ok with it! He thought of doing what Tim had done, namely not telling her, but he knew that wouldn't work with his mother. After his talk with his mom, and after learning to take what life threw at him and come up smiling, he had learned to tell his mother everything important that was going on in his young life. Now, it seemed, he couldn't lie to her even if he wanted to!" Nate knew that Tim hadn't exactly lied to his mother, but he hadn't told her the whole truth either. Tim had explained just how devastated his mom would be if she ever learned either of his two big secrets, but Nate also knew he had no such defense. His mom would no doubt give him a hard time if she knew he was considering a penectomy, but in the end, after she'd given all her arguments and objections, he knew she would accept his decision and support him. But was it fair to place that burden on her when she was so sick? Then there was Tim. The two boys had made it very clear to each other that they never wanted to be separated again. In spite of their tender ages, Nate had no doubt that they both meant it and wouldn't change their minds. But Tim practically worshiped Nate's penis! In the two nights they'd slept together, Tim had told him at least a dozen times that he had the most beautiful penis on the face of the earth. He had inspected every square centimeter of it, felt and handled it, tasted it, even expressed a wish that he had one to offer Nate. Nate hadn't bothered to tell him that he preferred Tim the way he was, that he would have had a problem doing some of the things to Tim that Tim enjoyed so much doing. To Nate, oral sex, at least when he was on the oral end, was almost as disgusting as anal sex! Nate loved Tim's smooth crotch and wanted to be the same. But if it were that simple he could live quite nicely without the operation. Didn't he owe it to Tim to keep the organ he adored so much? Didn't he owe it to both of them to keep that willing member that gave them both indescribable pleasure? Nate had planned to bring up the subject with Tim tonight, but with all the other things going on he knew Tim didn't need any more big issues, so it would just have to go on hold. In the meantime he would just try to get his own mind around the idea, to make sure he'd be ok with it because right now he wasn't ok with it at all. He was sure he wanted to do it, but he wasn't sure why. He wasn't at all sure he was ready to give up those incredible orgasms that sometimes were so intense he thought he was having a stroke. And speaking of stroking, his young mind had formed a picture in his head of his incredibly handsome lover, naked, vacant groin very obvious. That image got Nathan stroking, imagining as he did that it was not his own hands doing the work, but Tim's. There was indeed a happy reunion at the Chandler home. Barry Chandler was overjoyed that his brother had decided to settle down, but he was concerned about Jason's financial state. "I'm fine," Jason assured him. "I've got some savings, and I'm assured I'll have no problem getting a job at one of the many ambulance companies. Actually I'm thinking of trying to join a police or fire department, but I might have to take some college courses first." "Ok, what did you want?" Tim questioned as he and his brother got ready for bed. As soon as they were in bed, Terry's hand was groping. Tim kept his hands to himself until Terry asked him about it. "Aren't you gonna... you know... touch me?" he asked. Tim propped himself up on one elbow and eyed his brother sharply. "You're not still on that bandwagon are you?" he asked. Tim did think about it. He thought about it a lot, and every time he did, his phantom erection told him that the idea really turned him on, though he would never have admitted it even to himself. Once again he was thankful that his erectin was indeed known only to him. Had it been real, Terry would have noticed instantly and known Tim's true feelings about his plan. He tried to analyze his feelings and discovered that his attraction to his brother, aside from a very strong brotherly love, was Terry's beautiful penis. But now things had changed. Now he was committed to someone and didn't see that commitment doing anything but get stronger; so wouldn't it be better if there were no distractions, like a gorgeous brother with a beautiful and willing cock? Besides, Nate had one too, and it was every bit as beautiful and willing as Terry's. And that's when Tim realized, with little satisfaction, that he just plain loved cock; any cock! So why then had he had his cut off? It was almost two weeks later, and Nate had become a more or less permanent fixture in the Chandler home. He had the entire family incredibly, and they had in turn made him feel so much at home that he could be seen from time to time wandering about the house in his underwear, just as Terry always did. It was late - so late that everyone was sure to be asleep. Tomorrow was Sunday and Tim had promised that he'd go with Nate to church so he could solicit prayers for his mother. The two had just made passionate love, as they did most nights, and were lying in each other's arms in the afterglow of one of Nate's most earth trembling orgasms. It had been so intense that Tim was sure he could feel it. But this, the cool down period, was to Tim arguably the best part of the whole process. They didn't say anything, they just held and cuddled and enjoyed the closeness. "You still awake, Tim?" Nate whispered. Tim turned his head enough to find himself staring into Nate's shining eyes. The room was dark, but there was enough light coming in the window to pick up the sparkle in those beautiful deep blue eyes. "Why all the questions?" he asked. "Are you starting to wish I had a cock?" Nate didn't say any more. It seemed like only seconds later when he heard Tim's slow, steady breathing. Tim actually moaned lightly in his sleep, snuggled a little closer and mumbled "I love you," then he was gone into dreamland. Nate lay awake, luxuriating in the closeness, the intimacy. He could feel the hot breath on his neck every time Tim exhaled, yet his body shuddered as if in a chill as he tried to imagine himself without a penis. He knew Tim had answered him honestly enough, but still he didn't know the answer. Tim had tried his best to describe how it feels, but Nate knew now that there was only one way he would know. To everyone's astonishment including Terry's, Laura accepted his request to take her to the Prom willingly. She had already spoken to Tim, who had told her that he would take her if there was no one else, but that he would have no problem if she did find a real date. Finally, Tim thought with relief, she was beginning to get the message. But now Tim had Terry to think about, which brought memories of what had happened to him while getting fitted for a tux. Should he let the chips fall where they may, or should he try to protect his brother? After all, the kid was only 13! "Nate, sweetie, could you please go down to the gift shop and get me some of those chocolates I like?" Mrs. Seymore said to her son. "I'd like to have a word with Tim." "Please don't be nervous, Tim," the lady said when Nate was gone. "I wanted to tell you some things you might have to know some day. I know you and Nate plan to spend a lifetime together and that's fine, but you will need to be prepared for what may come." Mrs. Seymore proceeded to tell Tim pretty well the same story that Nate had re-lived his first, and so far only, night that he'd been alone since Tim had come into his life. As she spoke, Tim tried to form an image in his mind of the boy he knew now, that gorgeous young adonis, being a very rebellious, angry kid. The image just didn't fit. "I can tell by your face that you don't believe me," Mrs. Seymore suggested. "Tim, if I was sure I would live to see Nate to his 18th birthday I wouldn't tell you this, but we both know there's a good chance I won't, and someone has to know, to be prepared. Tim, I made a big mistake when Nate was a baby, and now there's a good chance Nate is going to have to pay for that mistake." Tim was once again shocked. He knew he was being trusted with a small fortune, but even more significant, he was being trusted with a boy's life! Mrs. Seymore told him that there would be no legal provisions attached to the insurance or her will because Jonathon could fight that in court. So the only provision was to be Tim's word to a very sick lady that he would do the right thing. Mrs. Seymore said she hoped that doing it this way and making sure Jonathon knew about the arrangement, that he wouldn't bother trying to resurface because there would be nothing in it for him. "But what if it doesn't work?" Tim questioned. "Unconditionally?" Tim said with a gasp when he could catch his breath again. "But... but Mrs. Seymore... Doesn't that mean..." Now Tim was in a state of panic. For the past three weeks he and Nate had slept together every night, usually in Tim's bed. They had only spent time at the Seymore home to check mail, pay bills, and generally check on things. The rest of the time Virginia Chandler had insisted that Nate could profit from a family environment and had treated him like one of her own. But through all this, and all her talks with Nate's mother, what did she know? Did she even suspect? What would she do if she found out? "Please relax, Tim," Valerie Seymore said when she saw the shock on his face. "Your mother knows nothing of your special relationship with Nate, and I'm not going to tell her - yet." There was a light tap on the door, and Nate returned carrying a box of candy for his mother. "Reveal what secrets?" he said cheerily. Nate did, and it was truly a magnificent hug! It was the first time in almost a month his mother had felt good enough to ask for a hug, and Nate was ready and willing. "She's gettin' better!" he exclaimed happily to Tim as they walked to the car. "I think Mom's gonna be fine!" Tim explained the conversation he'd had with Nate's mother as Nate sat wide-eyed listening, analyzing every word. "If I'm hearing what I think I'm hearing," he said with a somewhat somber look, "I'm gonna be your son!" Nate didn't have to say any more. He had been dropping hints left right and center, but Tim had chosen to ignore them. He had asked what it's really like always having to sit to urinate, what it's really like to run your hand down over your own body and not feel that protrusion, how many people laugh when they first see it. Tim had rationalized that this was pretty normal curiosity, but had flatly refused to acknowledge that it was more than that. Well, he couldn't very well ignore it any more. "It's an epidemic!" he declared. "I've started an epidemic of penectomy crazed teenagers!
Next: XX The Epidemic
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