Interview with a Modifier - Part 3

J: Yes, individuals do make up about half my practice. Not long after I started making modifications, I was visited by an attractive young man named Bryan. He told me that he had fantasized about losing his penis since he was a teenager, and had finally decided to have it done.

He wanted a penectomy, but not a full castration. Bryan wanted to keep his testicles.

Q: Wouldn’t that be terribly frustrating? To have sexual urges but no way to fulfill them?

J: That was actually part of the appeal of getting a penectomy for him. Bryan kept saying he knew he’d regret losing his penis, but he’d regret it even more if he didn’t.

Part of my practice is to be able to separate out fantasies from reality. Lots of people fantasize about body modifications such as castration, penectomy or amputation, but it never gets beyond that. A very small number actually pursue it in reality.

Bryan seemed determined to lose his penis. I asked him to come back in a week, and if he still felt the same way I would perform the surgery.

Q: And he came back?

J: Bryan was waiting outside my office that morning before I arrived. That’s when I knew this was more than a fantasy to him.

I explained the procedure to him, and the likely effects. He wanted a complete penectomy, with no remnant of his penis either outside or inside his body. That would necessitate a urethral reroute and the creation of a new opening for urination.

I also told him again how frustrating it would be not to have a penis if he kept his testicles. Bryan would continue to have strong sexual urges for men – he was gay – but without a penis it would be extremely difficult for him to experience orgasm. It would require intense stimulation of his prostate for a long period of time, and even then it would be difficult to come.

I suggested a full castration would be better, but I could see that just talking about the frustration was intensely arousing to him. Bryan had a big erection pressing against the front of his jeans.

Q: So you agreed to perform the surgery?

J: Yes, he sincerely wanted this modification, and was fully aware of the likely consequences, so we scheduled the operation for the following week.

Q: Can you describe what happened?

J: Bryan arrived early again and we prepped him. While shaving his genital area, he developed a big erection. I suggested that he might want to experience one last ejaculation, but he was adamant that his penis would never do that again. So, I taped his hard penis to his stomach and finished shaving him. He still had that erection as the anesthesia put him to sleep, by the way.

The surgery went as expected. Penectomy is much more complicated than a simple castration, especially with the urethral reroute. I felt a little wistful as I cut away his penis, because it was a beautiful, healthy organ. But I always respect the wishes of the patient.

Q: How has Bryan adapted to the modification?

J: Well, the healing went very well. During one of his follow-up exams, Bryan told me that he was learning to live with the frustration, and that he found it sexually stimulating.

Q: Was he able to orgasm again?

J: He did once, during anal intercourse. The intercourse went on long enough to stimulate his prostate and trigger an ejaculation. The semen was absorbed by the bladder, of course. Bryan said he now knew when he was about to go over the edge, and would stop the intercourse before it happened.

Incidentally, Bryan was finding it very easy to attract sexual partners. A lot of men are extremely excited by the idea of having sex with a man who has given up his penis.

I originally thought Bryan would come back to me for a castration, but two years have gone by and he still hasn’t. So I would say his modification was very successful.

Q: Have you performed other penectomies that had a different outcome?

J: Yes, there was a young man named Justin who expressed the same desires as Bryan. So I performed the surgery. But a month later he came back begging to be castrated.

Justin couldn’t stand the frustration. He spent hours trying to achieve orgasm by inserting dildos into his rectum. But he usually failed, and even when he succeeded, he didn’t find them satisfying. He missed the sensation of penile ejaculation.

I told Justin that castration would end his sexual urges, but only if he didn’t take male hormones. And that would mean his body would change. That alarmed him, because he was very proud of his body. Justin was only 25 and worked out all the time to build himself up.

I explained that castration would cause his body to become more feminine. He’d lose most of his muscle definition in his chest and abs. His hips and buttocks would become rounder. He might even experience breast growth. And he would endure hot flashes that were very uncomfortable.

All of this bothered him greatly. He began crying, saying he wished he’d never had the penectomy. I felt badly for Justin, but he’d known of the possible consequences of the surgery. Now he had only two choices: live with the sexual frustration, or be castrated and experience the changes that come with that.

Q: What did he decide?

J: At first he tried to avoid castration, but a month or so later he came to me and said he would have the procedure, that the sexual frustration was too powerful. So I agreed, and Justin was castrated shortly thereafter.

Fortunately, he was able to accept the changes that followed losing his testicles. The last time I saw him for a checkup, he was a very different guy than before the castration. He had gained a lot of weight, and wore loose clothing to hide his breasts and hips. The hot flashes bothered him at first, but they’ve tapered off.

Q: So I guess Justin made a mistake by getting a penectomy in the first place.

J: It sometimes happens. He was determined to lose his penis, but the sexual frustration was worse than he thought. That’s why I try hard to make sure the client really understands what he’s doing before I modify him. In the case of Bryan, the outcome was more successful. Losing his penis was his destiny, I suppose.

(To be continued).