"Religion....is the opium of the people."

- Karl Marx (introduction of his 'Criticism of Hegel's Philosophy of Right')

(Imperial palace, Palatine Hill, Rome, Dies Martis A.D. VII Kal. Mai. DCCV A.V.C. [Tuesday, 25^th April 52])

The post-sex pillow talk between 22 year-old Gaius and me, who was 2 years younger, continued and, I do not recall why, but somehow conversation eventually again turned towards the new Jewish ‘Christian’ sect, particularly the version of the revised Judaism espoused by Paul of Tarsus. Despite the rather improbable nature of the stories this man preached about Jesus’ life and true identity, he was apparently succeeding in gathering adherents to his expressed beliefs amongst the gentiles of Asia Minor and Greece in a manner that my knowledgeable beloved suggested was dangerous.

"Why do you think that Paul’s increasingly successful spreading of his version of the Jewish ‘Christian’ sect is menacing?" I asked of Gaius. "Because," answered the young man from the Italian town of Volsinii, whose eventual philosophies were, in my opinion and that of noted others, to become far more praiseworthy than those ascribed to Jesus Christ, "many people obviously believe his fantastical preaching."

"The result could well be another new religion altogether, and not just a variant of Judaism," Gaius continued, "requiring its own different ceremonial, priests, temples and sacrifices, if only, given Paul’s illiberal views about the likes of sex, of the suppression of true personality. Surely we have enough faiths already to satisfy anyone."

"Another religion," Gaius then suggested, "will undoubtedly lead to much bitterness and rivalry, and probably, given Paul’s bellicose teachings, even conflicts and violent purges in attempts to achieve supremacy. I truly fear for future generations!"

"But will people really be silly enough to believe his fantastic stories," I then enquired, "given that others who actually knew Jesus Christ, such as his brothers, provide different and far more believable versions of his life and identity?" "I’ll answer your question," the patient Gaius replied, "by telling you a true tale of my own."

The brilliant mind of my beloved Gaius was full of interesting anecdotes and I now joyously settled down in his loving arms to hear another, happy in the knowledge that I was not due to return to the Emperor Claudius’ service for several hours. The still naked young man continued to hold my head in his arms and resumed his gently stroking of my long silky straight golden hair with his fingers, whilst he began his narration.

"This true story," Gaius advised, "which, as I’ve suggested, is also a religious allegory, is set in Aegyptia at the dawn of civilisation in that ancient land. I don’t want to spoil the hopefully surprise ending and so I’ll initially call some of the characters in my narrative only by the first letter of their names. You’ll see why later." The clever and very handsome young man from Volsinii then began his tale, which had been related to him by an old agnostic he had met in the Museon of Alexandria, during his tour of the eastern Empire.

They had been discussing the new Jewish ‘Christian’ sect, particularly the version espoused by Paul, with its talk of virgin birth in the presence of regal wise men under an amazing star in Bethlehem, subsequent miracles and revival after crucifixion. Such stories were becoming increasingly believed throughout the Empire despite the evidence, not least from Jesus Christ’s brothers, including his twin, Thomas, plus closest friends, that they were nonsense.

"In the mists of time in northern ancient Aegyptia," Gaius started, "the local people ended a nomadic existence in favour of settled agriculture around villages and towns in the most fertile place in the world, namely the delta and valley banks of the mighty River Nile. The soil here is so dark with richness, as a result of the gift from the gods of the annual flood, that the locale is termed the ‘black land’."

"In one of the major towns, This, there was an esteemed high priest of humble plebeian background called Geb. He presided over a cult that revered the god of the earth."

"Geb married a priestess of the goddess of the sky, who was called Nut, and they produced four healthy children, two boys, ‘Aha’, whom I shall call ‘O’, after his later renaming in sacred legend, and ‘S’, and two girls, ‘I’ and Nephthys.

"O proved to be a most able son, one who was so gifted in agrarian science that he helped to develop agriculture from producing only very rudimentary subsistence food to providing proper bread and luxuries such as beer and wine. He was thereafter associated with staple Aegyptian fare."

"At this time, O’s northern Aegyptian town of This had no single leader, rule being exercised instead by a cumbersome and corrupt aristocratic council of elders. However, divisions of opinion, resultant arguments and graft were such that few effective measures to improve the lot of the people were actioned, with the notable exception of the agricultural developments that the son of Geb had independently introduced."

"The people eventually became very disgruntled with the ineffectiveness and greed of their council of elders, simultaneous to being very impressed with the incorruptible O. A bloodless revolt therefore occurred."

"The people dismissed the council of elders and begged O to fill the power vacuum by becoming the town’s first sole leader. However, the son of Geb was not of aristocratic background and mistakenly did not believe that he possessed the attributes to be a ruler. Consequently, he had never coveted such a position, being content with helping to develop agriculture, and initially resisted the invitation."

"Nevertheless, the highly reluctant O was eventually persuaded by the entreaties of his people to become their leader. He was to prove an inspired choice, ruling with great wisdom and justice and guiding his community to prosperity. As a result, other nearby towns and villages, endangered by bellicose tribes from Libya and Nubia, voluntarily confederated with his own and so a kingdom, centred on the delta and northern valley of the Nile was created."

"O subsequently fought successful wars against the Libyans and Nubians, thereby safeguarding his new realm. His priestly parents, Geb and Nut, were naturally delighted with his achievements, not least that of becoming Aegyptia’s first king, or ‘pharaoh’. They also decided to follow, because of cultural pressure from the public, who now wanted to create a worthy dynasty to rule them, a common aristocratic practice of the time, designed not to dilute the clearly meritorious bloodline of the most esteemed families."

"They married their elder son to his sister, I. The eventual result, after years of trying, was the queen’s pregnancy, which finally promised, if the baby proved to be a healthy male, a legitimate successor to continue O’s dynasty."

"Unfortunately, observing these developments was O’s highly ambitious younger brother, S. The latter was much less able than his older sibling, although he believed otherwise."

"S was also very jealous and saw I’s pregnancy as the ruination of his own aspirations to someday succeed O to the throne. The younger brother therefore plotted to usurp his sibling with other discontents, primarily members of the displaced council of aristocratic elders, who still possessed some power and influence because of family allegiances. They eventually launched their coup…….."

As Gaius continued with his well-told allegory, my mind drifted so that I actually believed that I was somehow a god, observing momentous events in ancient Aegyptia.

(This, Ancient Aegyptia, at the dawn of civilisation, about 3000 years previously)

It was late summer and one night a full moon illuminated the quietly flowing waters of the wide Nile and the equally somnolent town of This on the riverbank. Little also stirred in Pharaoh O’s modest but nevertheless pleasant palace.

Armed men, led by S, then burst noisily into the large palace bedroom, shared by O and his heavily pregnant sister and consort, I. The regal pair, who had been sleeping in the nude, immediately awoke and realised that the intruders were intent on harm.

O shouted at his sister and queen to flee via another door, whilst he tried to hold the obvious rebels at bay. However, I initially refused until her brother and husband told her that she had to ensure the welfare of their unborn child.

Having seen I grab a gown and escape, the unarmed and naked O, risen from his bed, then confronted S and his brother’s supporters, who made no immediate attempt to chase after the queen because their first priority was her husband. "Seize him," the pharaoh’s revolting, in both senses of that word, brother then ordered of his fellow rebels.

Despite trying his best to avoid seizure, O was soon in the firm grip of S’s men. The two brothers then confronted each other, virtually face-to-face.

"Why?" asked the still naked O, who perceptively appreciated S’s murderous intent. "Because," the rebel brother answered, whilst dropping his sword in favour of withdrawing a sharp knife from a scabbard, "I’ll be a much better king!"

S then grabbed hold of his brother’s manly hirsute genitals, squeezing them agonisingly hard so that O winced in pain, although sudden excruciating breathlessness prevented him from either protesting or screaming. In a symbolic act, common to the age and indicative of a person’s intention to eliminate a captive’s entire family, the rebel leader then began to use his blade to slice off the pharaoh’s sexual organs.

O now did find enough breath to scream loudly in acute agony, whilst S’s knife slowly and remorselessly deprived him of his manhood. The pharaoh also discovered sufficient energy to try to escape the manual restrictions by which his brother’s men held him. Unfortunately, their grip proved too resilient and so his sibling was able to complete his very bloody work.

The agonised and appalled O then saw his own severed sexual organs dangled by the cockhead by his own sibling before his horrified eyes. "You know what this means," the smiling S subsequently correctly suggested, "for your wife and unborn child must also now die. In fact, I can tell you, brother, that I’ll soon have I’s unborn foetus in my hands!"

The still smiling S then committed both regicide and fratricide by fatally stabbing his brother in the heart.

(This, Ancient Aegyptia, shortly afterwards)

"What shall we do with the king’s body?" one of S’s men asked of the rebel leader, who had been frustrated in his desire to see his escaped sister, I, also killed but had nevertheless effectively seized power. The people would be forced to accept the situation by the armed might of his supporters.

"Dispose of my brother’s remains secretly," S answered to the man’s question. O’s body was subsequently buried in a sealed wooden casket in a quiet spot on the banks of the Nile.

(This, Ancient Aegyptia, a few days later)

S was now in firm control of the kingdom of northern, or ‘lower’, Aegyptia, although he had so far found no trace of his escaped sister, I. The new pharaoh was also troubled by the earlier than normal flooding of the Nile, which usually occurred in autumn not late summer. He did not know whether the portents associated with this year’s gift of the gods foreboded good or ill for his rule.

S was unable to consult his priestly parents, Geb and Nut, about the matter because they had been so appalled by his fratricide and usurping of power that they wanted nothing to do with him. His other sister, Nephthys, was equally horrified but her surviving brother nevertheless compelled her to marry him in order to strengthen his dynastic position.

(Byblos, Nile Delta, Ancient Aegyptia, a week later)

I hid in a modest wooden home in Byblos. This tiny riverside community in the Nile delta was full of loyal supporters of the legitimate royal line. The village was close to the town of Busiris, north of the current capital of the embryonic kingdom of Lower Aegyptia, and eventually would be confused in subsequent legend with a much more important port of the same name on the Syrian coast because of its renaming to ‘Perhebit’.

It was in this secluded and peaceful setting that I gave birth to a healthy baby son, posthumous offspring of O, whom she named ‘Djer’ but I shall call ‘H’, after his later renaming in sacred legend. The nature of the boy’s birth later caused some false rumours to spread that his mother had been magically impregnated by her late husband’s severed genitalia.

(Byblos, Nile Delta, Ancient Aegyptia, another week later)

"Majesty," the very excited faithful male servant named T, who had been O’s vizier, announced to I, "a miracle has occurred!" The queen was currently cradling H in her arms, whilst under the personal protection of one of her late husband’s most loyal military officers, Wepwawet. The baby had previously been suckled by his young and pretty wet nurse, Hathor.

"The late king’s body," T continued, "has been found in a wooden casket in Byblos, resting against a riverside tree, having apparently been left there by the retreating flood-water after floating down the Nile." "The gods must have caused this miracle!" I commented in response.

In fact, the reason for the apparently miraculous appearance of O’s body in Byblos was much more mundane. The hurried secret burial at night in a shallow grave of the wooden casket, in which the assassinated pharaoh’s remains had been placed, had proved insufficient to prevent resurfacing when the Nile’s floodwater’s had begun to erode the carelessly applied covering soil. The coffin had then simply floated with the strong river current until being marooned.

The term ‘miraculous’ could, however, perhaps be applied to the coincidence of the marooning of the casket on the riverside close to where I and the new-born H were hiding, and to the well preserved state of the naked and emasculated body within the sealed coffin. Some people later suggested that these miracles had resulted from the widowed queen’s sorcery.

Even the severed genitalia, placed on O’s chest, showed little sign of decay. However, I appreciated that this situation would not continue to last much longer in the heat of late summer.

(Buto, Nile Delta, Ancient Aegyptia, next day)

Buto, not far from Byblos, was located on a coastal lagoon of the northern Nile delta. The town was the centre of the ancient cult of the snake goddess, Wadjet, to whom the cobra was sacred. Such creatures were considered beneficial because of their useful eating of rats and other vermin.

I brought the body of her brother and husband, O, to Buto so that the priests of Wadjet, who were renowned for their skills in mummification, could treat his corpse with the respect that was surely due to the first pharaoh of Lower Aegyptia. The queen’s reception at the temple of the snake goddess was warm and her wish for the performance of the relevant preservation rites on the remains of the pharaoh quickly met, a situation that was aided by two factors.

First, the priesthood had all benefited from the highly respected deceased pharaoh’s wise rule. The high priest, A, who personally supervised the mummification, was also both the queen’s stepson and nephew, being the product of an adulterous and incestuous affair years previously between O and Nephthys, which had long been forgiven by I.

Unfortunately, S had his supporters in Buto too and the new pharaoh soon heard about events in the delta town.

(Buto, Nile Delta, Ancient Aegyptia, a week later)

I and H just about managed to escape again from the murderous clutches of S and his large group of armed supporters. However, the late O’s mummified body was not so lucky.

S feared that the preserved body of his brother, which might be considered symbolic of the legitimate royal line, might become a focus of reverence and even worship, thereby undermining his own credibility on the throne. The new pharaoh therefore personally hacked the corpse into pieces, although, of course, he did not have to sever the genitals. He then ordered his own nephew and new stepson, A, and his priests to scatter the various parts secretly throughout Lower Aegyptia.

(Byblos, Nile Delta, Ancient Aegyptia, 12 years later)

S had relocated his capital from the town of This to Memphis in order to stamp his own personality on the monarchy. He had also never given up his search for the fugitive I and H, offering large rewards for their capture alive or dead, an action that now seemed on the brink of being fruitful.

"Wake up, son," I now pleaded with H, whilst shaking the somnolent boy’s shoulders in the glow from a single night oil lamp and the moonlight flowing in from a nearby window. The very pretty 12 year-old, previously sound asleep in his bed in his room in his mother’s rather modest but nevertheless pleasant residence, opened his sensuous brown eyes in response.

"What’s wrong, mother," the waking H then asked of I. The clever boy, who possessed a fashionable long twist of hair in a single lock on an otherwise close-shaven scalp, knew that something was very amiss. The 12 year-old was never disturbed in the middle of the night by anyone in this way.

"We must flee," I announced, "as someone finally appears to have betrayed our hiding place to S. He and his men are searching every house in the village and will surely murder you if he finds you, as you now represent his only rival for the throne!"

"But fleeing would be cowardly," an amazingly unafraid and courageous H replied to his mother’s entreaty, as he rose from his bed, "and I should instead go to fight the murderer of my father." The 12 year-old boy, who slept naked, then went to a chest in which he kept his weaponry, which was that of a part-time military cadet.

Despite their desperate circumstances, I could not now help but smile at the sight of her son’s beautiful and brave nude form advancing to collect his weapons. However, she also realised that she could not relish the vision for long, as outside sounds suggested that S and his men were close.

"Son," I declared, "your duty, bestowed by the gods, is not to your pride but to your people. Their welfare requires you not to waste your life in bold but useless combat but to live to revenge your father’s assassination in a better way by someday retaking the throne from your evil and unworthy uncle."

As soon as I said these words, H recognised that the woman was absolutely right in her assertion. The boy therefore collected clothing instead of weapons and, having speedily dressed and fetched his pet hawk, clambered with his mother out of the window of his ground-floor bedroom, just as the door burst open. The latter occurrence revealed men armed with swords and intent on further regicide, as the 12 year-old was their rightful pharaoh.

S had actually planned to murder H in the same symbolic manner as he had killed the boy’s father. The 12 year-old would have been emasculated before being slain.

A run through some riverside trees to a couple of horses, secreted with clever premonition in case of the need for such hurried escape, then precipitated the further successful flight of the 12 year-old true pharaoh and his mother.

H’s smooth young genitals would not be presented by his uncle before the boy’s lovely sensuous brown eyes, at least for now.

(Ancient Aegyptia, 6 years later)

S’s cruel, corrupt and inefficient rule had proved increasingly unpopular and this situation eventually encouraged H to emerge from hiding on achieving manhood to declare his right to the throne. Many supporters of the legitimate royal line and opponents of the current pharaoh flocked to the cause of the very handsome 18 year-old, who had now lost his boyhood hairstyle.

A major battle for supremacy over Lower Aegyptia was then fought. During the vicious fighting, H’s handsome face sustained a wound that almost lost him an eye. However, the 18 year-old’s generalship, aided by sound advice from his late father’s old officer, Wepwawet, proved superior to that of S and so his army emerged victorious.

S was captured but not then killed. "I don’t want to be a murderer," H had declared, "even of my father’s murderer. I instead want justice for all, including my uncle. I therefore propose to put my right to take the throne from him to the gods. Let them judge who is to rule Aegyptia!"

H was perhaps not being entirely altruistic in his proposal. The gods would, of course, speak through their chief priests, who happened to include his grandparents, Geb and Nut, and his step-brother and cousin, A, and who now hated S as much as the 18 year-old did.

The relevant divine court met in one of Memphis’ main temples. S was allowed to present his case for retaining his throne, which centred on his claim that he was the only rightful heir of O because H was not the son of the late king but an illegitimate child resulting from I’s affair in widowhood with someone else.

Given the unfriendly composition of the divine court, it is not surprising that S’s claims were dismissed in favour of H’s accession to the throne. The new young pharaoh was also told that, in his new role, he could decide what to do with his uncle as punishment for murdering O and usurping the crown.

H again chose not to execute S. The new 18 year-old king, the second legitimate pharaoh of Aegyptia, instead decided on what he considered an even worse penance for such a haughty man as his uncle.

In revenge for perpetrating the same on O, S was to be emasculated. He would then be allowed to live as a eunuch priest in a remote temple ironically dedicated to the fertility god.

Meanwhile, I, with the help of A, re-gathered the mummified and scattered parts of O’s body for proper internment. H, who kept his capital at Memphis but built his tomb at Abydos, also had his own intact genitals regularly and productively pleasured by the still very attractive woman who was once his wet nurse, Hathor, because he married her before going on to be a truly great pharaoh.

(Imperial palace, Palatine Hill, Rome, about 3000 years later)

Gaius stopped his narration, but not his stroking of my hair, and my intrigued mind returned to the present from apparently reliving his fascinating tale. "Well," I then asked, "who were these abbreviated personages and how do they relate to Paul’s version of the Jewish ‘Christian’ sect?"

Gaius, who knew that I was no expert on world religions, then patiently explained, "O was Osiris, I was Isis, S was Seth, H was Horus, T was Thoth and A was Anubis, who became key gods of the Aegyptian pantheon. Lesser deities include Geb, Nut, Nephthys, Wepwawet and Hathor."

"The boyhood hairstyle of Horus, who is now associated with hawks, is still sported by Aegyptian nobility today, as well as being named after him. Also eponymous is his eye, incorrectly supposed to have been lost in battle, which is reproduced in paint on the bow of boats from his homeland, as well as on protective amulets, and is also a unit of measure for grain. A full ‘eye’, which can be subdivided into halves, quarters, eighths, sixteenths, thirty-secondths and sixty-fourths, is equivalent to a barrel."

"You see," Gaius advised, "how true stories about real people can be so distorted over time that the personalities are eventually transformed into gods and associated with all sorts of divine and miraculous happenings."

Gaius then concluded: "Paul appears to be attempting the same with the life of Jesus Christ!"

THE END