Tim's Last Orgasm 32: Larry's Return

“Hey, Larry!” Tim exclaimed when he heard his friend’s voice on the phone. “Man, it’s been so long I was beginning to think we’d never hear from you again. How are you doing, guy?”
“Doin’ great, Tim,” Larry replied. “I’ve had a couple promotions, and I’ve even flown a couple missions in an F-14, second seat of course. How are things there?”
“Couldn’t be better,” Tim answered enthusiastically. “The computer business is doing so well Dad is thinking of opening another store, everyone’s doing well in school, Terry and Nate are turning into killer basketball players. They’re both almost certain to get a scholarship, and probably to one of the top schools.”
“How’s little Timmy?” Larry inquired. It was rather obvious that Larry wasn’t really interested in anything else Tim had to say.

“Man, I wish you could see him,” Tim raved. “He started walking last week, and he’s all over the house now. He talks non stop, I mean whenever his eyes are open he’s talking...”
“He’s talking?” Larry questioned with surprise.
“All the time,” Tim laughed. “Nobody can understand what he’s saying, but he knows exactly what he’s saying. Nate and I are baby sitting him today while Mom and Dad go out. They’ve kinda got into the habit of taking off on Sunday, and usually they don’t even tell us where they’re going, just that they need some time alone. We’ve got a new video just about ready to send you.”
“Don’t bother,” Larry said. “I’m comin’ home, Tim. I’m hoping to be there for Timmy’s birthday. My stint in the Middle East is done for now, till after I finish flight school.”

“Flight school? You’re goin’ to flight school already?”
“Uh-huh. I’ll be home on leave for most of January, then I go to California to Flight school. I’ve been doing some checking and there’s a real good daycare center right on the base, and I’m guaranteed to be there at least two years, so...”
“You... you’re takin’ Timmy with you? To California?”
“That’s my plan. I’ve left him dumped in your parents’ lap far too long already. Man, I can’t wait to see him.”

Tim and his buddy chatted about other news, about what was going on in town since Larry left. They were about to say their good-byes and hang up when Nate and Timmy came in the back door, giggling and chortling. “What the hell’s all that racket?” Larry wanted to know.
“Just Nate and Timmy,” Tim replied. “We were all in the backyard playing when the phone rang.”
“Incredible!” Larry exclaimed. “I thought he must be down for a nap or something, it was so quiet.”
“Would you like to talk to him?” Tim offered.
“Oh man, could I?” Larry responded.

“This is your Daddy,” Tim prompted as he handed the little boy the phone. “Say hi to your Daddy.”
“Hi Daddy,” Timmy said as clearly as Tim had ever heard. Following his very clear salutation there was a long string of unintelligible baby gibberish. There was a pause while Larry was obviously saying something, then another long deluge of gibberish; another pause, then another onslaught of baby talk.

When Tim took the phone back from Timmy, Larry was in tears. “I warned you,” Tim said with a laugh, “He’ll talk your ear off if you let him. He’s used to talking on the phone because Nate and I call all the time if we’re tied up and can’t get home before his bedtime. He’s a very special little boy, Larry.”
“Thanks to you and Nate, Terry and your parents,” Larry said between sobs. “He’s obviously a very happy little boy, and I can’t ever thank you and your folks enough for giving him a home all this time. I knew I could depend on you, Tim. You’re special too.”
“He’s one of the family,” Tim replied. “It’s no effort at all to love him, he’s totally adorable.”
“I’ve gotta go,” Larry announced. “There’s about fifty other guys on the ship waiting to make calls. I’ll see you in a month or so. Bye Tim.”

The tears were streaming down Tim’s cheeks when he hung up the phone. Before he even realized it himself he had sunk into a deep depression. “What, Tim?” Nate demanded. “Is something wrong?”
“Larry’s coming home,” Tim said somberly.
“Great!” Nate responded. “It’ll be really great to watch him when he finally sees his son. Timmy’s such a great little guy.”
“He’s being stationed in California, for flight school,” Tim said almost absently. “He’s taking Timmy with him.”

Now there were two young men who were deeply depressed. Little Timmy was demanding attention as usual, roaming all over the house trying to find various ways to self destruct as all baby boys do, and it took every ounce of effort Tim and Nate could muster to put on a happy face and ride herd on the little boy. But in spite of their grief, their concerns, their primary objective right now was to show their best side to a cute little creature who was oblivious to everything but the world around him, and Tim and Nate had unwittingly learned something about parenting. Their lives were no longer totally their own, and they had to put their own feelings aside at least until relief showed up. Tim and Nate both found themselves wondering how often, how many times their own parents had found themselves in this very same position: ignoring whatever the world was dealing them at the moment and seeing to it that the most important thing in the universe, their children, were happy and carefree.

Timmy was already bathed and in bed when Virginia and Barry returned home. They entered the house and called cheerfully to Tim and Nate, who were sitting in the living room gloomily watching TV. “What in the world’s wrong with you two?” Virginia asked when all she got was two grunts in reply to her greeting.
“Larry’s coming home,” Tim answered without hardly moving a muscle.
“That’s wonderful!” Virginia exclaimed. “How’s he doing?”
“Just peachy, Mom,” Tim replied bitterly. “He’s had a couple promotions and he’s been transferred to California to go to flight school. He’s gonna be home a month and then he’ll be going to his new posting, and he’s taking Timmy with him when he goes.”

Now there were three very depressed people. When Barry entered the room he didn’t need a bomb to fall on him to realize something was wrong. “My, this is a cheerful group,” he observed. “Who died, if I may ask?”
“Larry’s coming to get Timmy,” Virginia wailed as she began to cry. “They’ll be gone by the end of January.”
“Back to the Gulf?” Barry questioned. “How can he...”
“He’s been reassigned,” Tim explained. “He says there’s really good day care on the base where he’s gonna be, so he’s gonna take Timmy.”

“Ok, listen up,” Barry said after he’d got over the shock of what he’d just heard. In the meantime Terry and Laura had arrived, and moments later they had joined the ranks of the depressed. “We knew when we took that baby that it wasn’t forever,” Barry continued. “He will have brightened all our lives more than we can ever tell for a year by the time he leaves, and we can be happy in the knowledge that we’ve given him a good start in life. That baby has had more love in one year than most kids get in an entire lifetime. But we knew it was a temporary arrangement and that Larry could show up at any time and yank him away from us. It’s to Larry’s credit that he left him here as long as he did, knowing that he was well cared for.”
“But Dad,” Tim whined, “daycare! Our little boy in daycare! That’s obscene!”
“It’s also a way of life for a lot of children,” Barry pointed out. “Maybe it’ll be good for him to experience new surroundings, new experiences, other children.”

“You don’t believe that any more than I do,” Virginia scolded. “If you’re going to console us, the least you can do is come up with an argument we can believe in.”
“I bet if we took him to court, the judge would agree that we’re the only family he’s ever known,” Terry suggested.
“Listen to you!” Barry protested. “Larry trusted us with his son. His only son! And you’re talking about playing some legal razzle-dazzle to try and pry him loose. Get it in your head, son, Larry is Timmy’s father. Larry has every right, legal and moral, to take his son. We have all done a wonderful thing here by taking care of that baby, nurturing him and loving him as if he were our own. Now it’s time to show him the ultimate love by letting him go, by handing him over to his rightful father where he belongs. He’ll always be a part of us now and I’m sure we’ll always be a part of him, but what’s right is right. He belongs with his father.”
“Does he?” Virginia offered. “Do you really believe that, Barry?” She said no more as she burst into tears and headed for her bedroom.

Valerie Seymore arrived shortly after to pick up her son. She could sense the gloom in the Chandler home the moment she stepped inside, but she had to get Nate home and ready for school Monday morning. “I’ve gotta stay here with Tim,” Nate protested.
“You’ve got to come home,” Valerie insisted. “You’ve been here all weekend and tomorrow’s a school day. Whatever’s going on can wait.”
“Larry’s coming to get Timmy,” Terry announced as an explanation for Nate’s distress.
“He can’t just show up here and take that baby,” she exclaimed.
“Yes he can,” Barry stated. “That was the agreement and we’re all going to stick to it, like it or not.”
“Dad, you just don’t understand,” Tim exclaimed as he too burst into tears. “I’ll bring Nate home in a little while, if that’s ok,” he said to Valerie. “I’ll stay with him tonight.”
“That’s fine, Honey,” Valerie said, “as long as it’s ok with you, Barry?”
“It’s probably a good idea,” Barry said. “But before you boys go there’s one thing we have got to get straight. We’ve still got Christmas coming and as far as we know Timmy’s going to be here. We’re gonna make this the best Christmas this old house has ever seen, and Timmy’s gonna be the star. Are we agreed on that?”
“Yeah, Dad,” three very unhappy boys chorused.

**************************

Barry Chandler managed to keep a stoic, almost uncaring appearance until Tim, Nate and Laura had left and Terry had gone to bed. But behind his closed bedroom door where only his wife could see him, it was quite another story. “I just don’t know how I’m gonna be able to let that little boy go,” he told her as tears began to flow. “I’m sure Larry means well and it’s to his credit that he wants to take on what he sees as his responsibility, but I know how it is in the Services. It’s certainly not a 9 to 5 job, especially in some training exercise like flight school. Timmy deserves better than spending his childhood in day care and bouncing around from one baby sitter to another.”
“We knew this would happen sooner or later,” Virginia observed. “All we can do is hope he’s been in a stable home environment long enough to develop some toughness.”
“That’s just the point,” Barry sniffled. “We’ve probably done the exact opposite. He’s NOT tough at all because he’s never had to be. He’s always been sheltered from all that. He’s got more surrogate parents than any kid I’ve ever seen, and we all smother him with love and affection. And what’s gonna happen if he gets really sick, and Larry’s off somewhere on an aircraft carrier?”
“I’m sure Larry’s thought of all those things,” Virginia observed.
“Has he?” Barry wondered. “He’s still only 19, Ginny. At that age some boys are very mature and understand responsibility, but some are still children. How can we be sure he’s mature enough to take on that little boy?”
“It’s not our place to make that judgment,” Virginia reminded him. “As you said downstairs, all we can do is make sure he’s happy and well cared for as long as he’s here. And I for one intend to do just that.”

Tim and Nate didn’t say much that night. They made slow, passionate, gentle love, neither giving a thought to the orgasm they usually wished they could induce at times like this. Tonight they just wanted to be close, to find solace in their touch, their intimacy. Actually an orgasm that Sunday night would have been almost unwelcome, a sort of invasion of their mutual grief. So as they gently touched and caressed each other, they started reminiscing about all the cute and remarkable things Timmy had done in the year he’d been with them. They tried to find strength in the memories of the most adorable little boy in the universe, but it didn’t work. The two lovers ended up looking each other in the eye in the darkness, then bursting into tears as their active imaginations pictured a cute little boy in some Navy daycare center in California, waiting for his daddy who was somewhere on a ship in the Pacific. Then they made love again.

As the Christmas season approached, the gloom of Timmy’s imminent departure took a back seat to all the rush of building the hundreds of computers that had been ordered, exams, basketball tournaments, to say nothing of all the personal preparations for their first and last Christmas with the little boy. Tim had declared his major, actually a double major: Computer Science and Business Administration. Barry was planning to open a second store, and Tim would be managing it as soon as he was ready. Laura had decided to take Science and eventually Sports Medicine, but when that would happen depended upon Terry’s future as a basketball player.

Jared and James had become more involved in the Chandler family since James had become assistant coach at Midwestern, and Jared was appalled when he learned of Timmy’s future. “I’m sure we could make a legal case to keep him here,” he said to Barry. “I have one of the best attorneys in town and I know he’d love to take on a case like that.”
“Not an option, Jared,” Barry answered. “Timmy is Larry’s son, and he’s only doing what we all agreed to before he was even born. I’m not going to embroil that little guy in a dirty lawsuit before he’s even out of diapers.”
“But what about when Larry’s away? I mean sailors often go to sea for six months or more, and if the Middle East heats up any more he could be gone for years.”
“I know that, Jared,” Barry said. “But I also know Larry. He’s a good young man, and I have no doubt that he’ll do everything in his power to make that boy’s life as happy and fulfilled as he can.”
“Key expression,” Jared observed, ‘everything in his power.’ But what about the things that are NOT in his power?”

Barry thought long and hard about what Jared had said. He knew that Timmy would not have the full family life he now enjoyed if he went with his father, but what could he do? He decided to have a long talk with Larry when he got home, hopefully to convince him that being a single father and a Naval Aviator were simply not consistent. He would even offer him a job, if that could somehow become an option. Meanwhile he would join his boys in grieving in advance for the little boy who had won all their hearts.

******************************

“What do you want for Christmas?” Jared inquired as he and James lay on the couch listening to James’ stereo, chilling out after a busy day.
“I’ve been having Christmas every day since I met you,” James answered. “Honestly, Jared, you’ve filled my every dream, and I’m not talking about all the nice things I’ve got that I never dreamed I’d have. I mean, as long as I’ve got you what else is there?”
“I’m serious, James,” Jared said as he snuggled a little closer. “I’d like to get you something really nice, but I don’t know what you’d like. I’d like to fulfill your wildest fantasy.”
“Well, there is one thing that’d make me really happy,” James said after a moment’s hesitation. “I’d really love a trip to Cancun.”

Jared sat bolt upright and eyed James curiously. “You’re not talking about just a trip to the beach, are you James?” he queried.
“No, Jared, I’m not,” James replied. Both boys noticed a significant bulge developing in James’ groin. “I’ve been thinking about it ever since that first time you dropped your pants in my apartment. I’ve been wondering what it would be like, and I’ve decided that we could live a wonderful life together if I were a eunuch too.”
“And if you’re not?” Jared wondered.
“I just don’t know, Jared,” James answered. “There’s no doubt I love you and I want to spend my life with you, if you’ll have me, but I just don’t know. There’s no way I can make you understand because you don’t have hormones, and maybe from what you tell me you never did. But that pull gets so strong sometimes, I’m afraid the day will come when I just can’t resist the temptation. I just don’t want to take the chance, Jared.”

Jared was so shocked, so disappointed, he wanted to cry; but at the same time he was somewhat humbled at the realization that in the short time they had been together, James had become so committed that he wanted to make the arrangement absolutely permanent in a way that could not be rescinded. He reached out and touched the absolutely rigid penis that was now standing proudly inside James’ pants. “It’d be a shame to cut that off,” he observed as he fondled it through the material. “It’s such a beautiful one!”
“We could leave it if you like,” James offered. “My main purpose here is to get rid of the hormones. From what I understand it might still work after I’m castrated.”
“Or we could cut it off and leave the balls,” Jared suggested. “That seemed to work for Tim and Nathan.”
“Not an option,” James stated firmly. “As it is I sometimes go out of my mind desiring more than I get. If I couldn’t get any I’d be insane in six months.”

Jared didn’t say so, but he was a little hurt by that last comment. He had been trying very hard to involve himself sexually with his lover as often as he could, but it was very obviously not enough. He knew James was only trying to be honest and forthright, but there were times when he could have done with a little less honesty. “Can I think about it?” he asked. “The castration I mean?”
“Of course,” James agreed. “In the meantime you can be sure I’m finding out all I can. I’ve already had extensive talks with Terry and you of course, but I still want to talk with Nathan and Tim. From what Terry told me Nathan can probably be the most help because his motives were more or less the same as mine.”
“Long as you don’t go rushing into anything,” Jared said. “Castration is forever, you know.”

*****************************

The gloom slowly lifted in the Chandler home as the big Holiday approached. Barry and his sons, and ONLY his sons, had driven out to a cut-your-own Christmas tree farm in early December and cut three trees: one for the Chandler home, one for the Seymore’s, and one for Laura and her family. Laura and Nate had both wanted to go but they weren’t invited and they understood that. They both understood that Barry was very regretful for having more or less ignored his boys while they were growing up, and if he could make up for it now in some small way they were all for it. So Nate and Laura got together and went to do some shopping, each taking advantage of their lover’s absence to buy the perfect gift.

Christmas was indeed to be a total blast at the Chandler home this year. After a quiet family time with just the Chandlers and Timmy, Including Jason of course, with Laura and Nate spending time with their respective parents, they were all to gather for a big meal in the afternoon. They had invited Jared and James, even Jared’s father, who had declined saying he would only dampen the spirts since he didn’t know anyone nor did they know him. Barry had tried to convince him that he’d be fine, but the man had not swayed from his decision. “You boys can go if you like,” he had told Jared and James after he had informed them in no uncertain terms that he would not change his mind.
“But what about you, Dad?” Jared wondered. “We can’t just leave you here alone.”
“And why not?” his father questioned. “God knows I left you alone enough when you could have used a father. I know you love those people son, so you two go and have a good time. I have some work to do anyway, so I can use the solitude. I’ve given the entire staff the day off so it’ll be just Don and me here.”
“Work?” James reacted. “Work on Christmas Day? No way, man! Either you come with us, or I’m staying here.”
“Me too, Dad,” Jared added forcefully, wishing he’d thought of it before James did. “You’re the one who asked me to let bygones be bygones, so just because you weren’t around as much as I would have liked is no excuse to continue the hurt.”

Finally Jared’s father agreed to come along, to the absolute delight of both boys, to say nothing of the Chandler clan. Jared and his father then began to interrogate James because so far he had not mentioned a word about his own family, nor had he made any plans for contact over the Holiday. “They disowned me,” he finally admitted. “My parents told me that they wanted no part of me, nor did they want me defiling their home with my wicked, sinful ways.”
“Because you’re gay?” Jared questioned.
“Yes,” James confirmed. “I told them after my High School graduation, and they literally threw me out. I have two younger brothers aged 14 and 16 and a sister aged 17, and I guess they’re afraid whatever I’ve got is catching. They didn’t say so but I think they were afraid I’d attack my brothers and lead them down the same evil path I had gone.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Jared exclaimed. “What do your brothers think?”
“They don’t want anything to do with me either,” James said, beginning to fight tears. “I’ve got gifts for all of them but I’ve sent them UPS because I’m just not welcome in their home. They all told me, my brothers included, that I would be welcomed with open arms when I came to my senses, but I’ve gotta be me, Jared. I didn’t choose to be gay but I can’t deny it. I’m just not a part of that family any more.”

Jared didn’t like what had happened to James even a little bit, but on the other hand it had made him appreciate a little more the relationship he had with his father. To the astonishment of both is father and his lover, Jared suddenly threw his arms around his father and thanked him for accepting him as he is. “You don’t have to thank me,” his father said as he embraced his son. “Whatever you are, you are; but you’re my son and I love you. I haven’t understood you since you were 10 years old, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

The inhabitants of Chicago woke Christmas morning to the fiercest blizzard that anyone under 50 years old had ever seen. All the roads were closed, and all thoughts of driving the 15 miles from the Wallace mansion to the Chandler home were completely out of the question. Even Nate and his mother, Laura and her parents, would have been trapped in their own homes had it not been for Barry’s new 4 wheel drive SUV which he used to go get them. He had planned to get Jared and his family in a similar way, but the police had closed the roads completely, so the meeting of Jared’s father would have to wait for another time.

“I can make dinner,” James offered. “I don’t know where anything is in your kitchen, but I can probably find most everything I’ll need.”
“I think you will find a very well stocked freezer and pantry,” Don the chauffeur offered. “I can help.”
“We’ll all help,” Jared and his father chimed excitedly just as the power went out.
“Cool!” Jared exclaimed, even more excited now. “We’ve got a huge gas grill on the pool deck we’ve almost never used. We can use that to cook dinner!”
Jared’s dad started to object, but then he saw the sparkle in his son’s eyes. When he looked at James he saw the same mischievous glint. In spite of their ages, he suddenly found himself looking into the eager faces of two excited little boys and he recognized that this was the chance of a lifetime: the chance to go back in time a few years and experience the joys of fatherhood that he had missed. “So what’re we waiting for?” he said with a wide grin.

******************************

“Your dad is so cool!” James remarked when he and Jared were snuggled in bed, covered by a mountain of blankets because the power was still off, and with it the heat in the house.
“Yeah,” Jared agreed. “I’m kinda glad we had this storm. We both got to know my dad a lot better. I think this is the first time I’ve been able to really feel his love like that. I think he had a total blast.”
“Yeah, but did you really have to nail him on the side of the head with that snowball? I thought you were gonna take his freakin’ head off.”
“He didn’t seem to mind,” Jared chuckled. “Besides, you got Don just as good, and you did it twice.”
“Don is cool,” James replied, “By the way, did you know he’s got the hots for you, big time?”“Yeah, I know,” Jared answered. “But I’m afraid I’m kinda taken. Besides, it would kinda be like gettin’ it on with my father. Don was the one that took care of me when I was growing up. In many ways he’s more like my dad than my dad is.”
“Get over it,” James said angrily. “Your father’s killing himself to make up for his earlier mistakes. Do you have any idea how incredibly special that is?”
“Yeah, I know,” Jared replied. “I’m really starting to warm to my dad, but I still owe Don a lot, and I love him more than I could ever express.”
“Well maybe it’s time you found a way to express it,” James suggested. “If he’s more than just hired help, maybe it’s time you told him that.”

“By the way, I haven’t forgot about what you said you wanted for Christmas,” Jared said, as much to change the subject as anything. “I just kinda thought it might not be exactly appropriate as a Christmas gift.”
“I can hardly complain,” James said with a chuckle. “A completely new wardrobe, a fortune in jewelry, a new car and enough cash to pay my tuition until I graduate seems like a rather good haul to me.”
“The cash and the car were from my dad,” Jared reminded him. “He told me he owes you big time for reminding him how hard some students have it. I think he’s even gonna start sponsoring some students.”
“Yeah, he told me,” James agreed. “He’s asked for my help in finding really needy candidates. But about the trip to Cancun...”

Jared purposely allowed his hand to roam to James’s groin where he found what he had expected: a raging, flint-hard erection. “You’re really turned on by the idea, aren’t you?” he suggested.
“Let’s try to think of it in a practical way,” James responded. “As far as procreation is concerned, it’s a no-brainer. I’m never gonna make a baby, and it don’t matter if I’ve got six nuts. I have never met the female who could turn me on, so that’s not an issue here. Then there’s you. Jared, I guess you know you’ve completely changed my life. I’ve got this luxurious mansion to live in, a brand new car, a wardrobe to rival Prince William’s, and money in the bank to finish college. But I wanna be sure you know that’s not why I’m here. Do you know that, Jared?”
“If I thought that, even for an instant, you wouldn’t have all those things,” Jared answered. “Dad and I talked about that, actually. He asked me if I had any understanding of how many people who don’t have a fraction of what we have would do anything to get in on the bonanza. He asked me point blank if I thought you were one of those people, and I told him you were not. I told him I knew love when I felt it, and I felt it loud and clear from you. Dad agreed with me, James. Don’t ever underestimate my dad, Don taught me that. He doesn’t miss much, and I think I’ve inherited his intuition. So to answer your question, YES, James, I can say with a fair degree of confidence that I know you’re not here just for the money and the things we can provide for you. And I thank you for that.”

“Ok, if you understand all that, then I hope you will also understand why I’ve got to get rid of these hormones that’re already beginning to drive me nuts.”
“Believe me I do understand,” Jared answered. “I love you, AND your body, just the way they are but I realize that’s selfish. You were right when you said I couldn’t really understand what you’re going through, but I think I can guess. I think it’s kinda like when I was little, like 10 or 11. I loved my dad so much, and I wanted to sit on his lap and hug him and be hugged back, but it never happened. Don was there and he hugged me and took care of me, drove me wherever I wanted to go, brought my friends here to play and took them home again, anything I wanted! But it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t what I wanted. James, I have never wanted for anything in my entire life, except for the one thing I couldn’t have: my father’s attention. So I think I understand exactly what you’re saying.

“Does that mean you agree that it needs to be done?” James asked.
“I agree you’ve got a valid point,” Jared conceded. “I just don’t know if it’s such a good idea. I realize now I made a mistake, and I thought about it for years before I had it done. I don’t want you to make the same mistake.”
“I don’t think I’d be making a mistake,” James offered. “Frankly I wish I didn’t have to do anything at all, but I think I have to, to put myself on equal footing with you. I love you, Jared. I love you so very much, and it has nothing to do with your body, your incredible riches, the sex we have, as fantastic as all those things are. But it’s YOU I love. YOU, Jared! I love you so much I’m willing, even anxious, to have my willie cut off and everything else with it, if it’ll help me to be sure that we’ll never be apart, and I believe that’s exactly what it’ll mean. But I won’t do it unless you agree. I won’t cut a single hair on my body unless you agree.”

***********************************

Christmas at the Chandler’s was equally as wonderful as it was at the Wallace mansion. Everyone had agreed that gifts exchanged would be restricted to inexpensive trinkets that the giver thought the recipient would really appreciate, the one notable exception being the apple of everyone’s eye: Timmy. That little boy fared as well as any baby boy had ever done in the history of all time. There were toys, clothes, treats, practical items like furniture upgrades and new beds to accommodate a growing boy, not an infant. Bruce Wallace, Jared’s father, had established a trust fund in Timmy’s name, already at the outset valued at well over enough to secure an undergraduate degree, but set up so that it would have at least 17 years to grow into a small fortune before anyone could access it. But as lavish as his haul was, Timmy demonstrated in no uncertain terms how much a little boy he really was by playing, not with the endless pile of toys he’d received, but with the boxes that had contained them. As the storm raged outside, everyone present sat and watched fascinated as the adorable little guy giggled and chortled, crawling into this box, rolling over that one and flattening it in the process, rattling wrapping paper and then looking at his audience, his disarming grin sending everyone into fits of laughter.

Power did not fail at the Chandler home, so dinner progressed on schedule. The meal, the results of three very capable ladies and all their children, was without equal anywhere in the civilized world. This day, Timmy’s first Christmas in the world and very possibly his last in the Chandler home, would be a memorable one to all present, including Timmy himself in spite of his tender age. In spite of his very questionable future, Timmy had a home, a family without equal, and most gratifying of all, it was very obvious that he knew it. Little Timmy, one who was no relation to any of them, was the glue that bonded the entire Chandler family together.

As is usually the case, the Holidays were over almost before they had begun and it was January. Tim and Jared, Laura, Terry and Nate were all back in school. The winter, after it had started, was hard and cold with snow almost every day and sub zero temperatures to deal with. Jared and James had long since abandoned Jared’s Corvette in favor if James’ much more austere little car because it handled the snowy roads much better. As Larry’s arrival time drew near, Tim offered to meet him at the airport but Larry declined, saying that his parents would be meeting him and that a welcoming committee would not be appreciated. So when the big day arrived, everyone went about their business much as usual.

When the doorbell rang early in the evening on January 9, everyone was already there and waiting. Laura and Tim, Terry and Nate were there because they were anxious to see their friend. Jared and James were there because they were anxious to meet the father of little boy they’d come to love and admire. Valerie and Laura’s parents were there to offer support to Barry and Virginia Chandler because they knew that this might very well be Timmy’s last day with them.

When Larry entered the Chandler home, his gasp could be heard throughout the house. Tim and Terry were lying on the floor with Timmy romping from one to the other, giggling his Sunday best giggle. He was dressed in his very best, newest sailor suit, his chubby little legs emerging from his navy blue shorts and whirring back and forth so fast they were almost invisible as he ran from one of his ‘brothers’ to the other. “Larry!” Tim cried when he looked around. He scrambled to his feet and ran and threw his arms around his friend. The two old friends embraced, but before Tim was ready to let go Larry pushed him away. “Is that... is that really him?” he said in awe as Terry stood and scooped up the little boy.
“That’s him,” Terry said proudly as he approached. “Larry, this is your son Timmy. Timmy, this is your daddy!”

Timmy’s face beamed with his trademark charming smile, causing a thrill to course through Larry’s body. “Da-dy?” the little boy questioned.
“Hi, Timmy,” Larry said as he held out his arms to take the child. Timmy’s warm smile disappeared and he turned away, burying his face in Terry’s shoulder and wrapping his little arms around his “big brother’s” neck.
“He’s a little shy at first,” Tim explained. “He’ll be ok once he gets used to you.”

Larry was obviously disappointed, having expected Timmy to be as thrilled to see his daddy as Larry was to see him. That was truly an unrealistic expectation for a one year old, but of course Larry’d had no experience with babies so he couldn’t possibly know that. “He certainly doesn’t seem to be wanting for anything,” Larry quipped as he gazed about the living room that was strewn with so many toys it looked as if a tornado had struck.
“I guess we kinda spoil him pretty bad,” Virginia said as she came into the room. “Ma!” Timmy exclaimed and held out his arms to her. “Ma’s tired,” Terry told him. “She’s been carrying you around all day. Give her a rest, Timmy.”
“Ma!” Timmy said again insistently. Virginia smiled and took the baby from her son. Timmy’s warm beaming smile returned as if to say “Now you know who runs things around here.”

Tim introduced Jared and James and explained who they were. “I remember you from your high school basketball days, James,” Larry said. “You were pretty good, man.”
“Still is,” Terry offered. “He’s our assistant coach at Midwestern.”
“You’re looking really well,” Virginia observed after she had put Timmy down and he had taken interest in a fire truck that was part of his toy stash. “Navy life seems to agree with you.”
“I love it, Ma’am,” Larry agreed. “They’ve been good to me, and I’ll no doubt make a career of it. As soon as I get my wings I’ll be doing what I’ve always dreamed of doing.”

James sat quietly watching all the goings on. He could see the pride in Larry’s eyes as he watched his son playing on the floor, jabbering away happily. He could also see the haunted look in the eyes of the entire Chandler clan, including Laura and Nathan. They were in a countdown now. Within days the little boy who had brightened all their lives so much over the past year would be gone, and the house would be deathly quiet. He remembered the sense of loss he had felt when he’d first left his own family, never to return. And now he was thinking seriously of having a surgical procedure that would result in his never being able to father his own child. Was he totally out of his mind? James wanted children; loved children. But as long as he was partnered with another male he couldn’t have children anyway, could he? Still, a castration seemed so radical, so final. He knew he was facing a long life, and he couldn’t possibly predict what might happen in the future. But if he was a eunuch there’s one thing he would definitely know for sure: he would never father a child. Could he live with that knowledge, even though he knew it would probably never happen anyway?

“It’s past Timmy’s bedtime,” Tim announced. “It’s my turn to put him to bed. You wanna help, Larry? You’ve gotta learn some time.”
“I’d love to,” Larry said enthusiastically. “What do we have to do?”
“Well, we have to give him a bath, then put his thick night diaper on and then his sleeper, and we always read or sing to him till he goes to sleep. You might want to borrow some of my clothes though because that kid can spread some water around in the bath. C’mon, Champ, bedtime,” he said to Timmy. The little boy hopped up and ran to Tim obediently. “He loves his bath,” Tim explained as he picked the little boy up. Larry tried to take him again but Timmy turned away again. “No! Tim!” he exclaimed forcefully.
“He’ll get over it,” Tim told his friend as he picked up the baby. “He’s got to get to know you first. He’s already warming to you a little.”

“Larry seems like a really nice guy,” James observed as he and Jared drove home.
“Yeah,” Jared agreed. “Too bad about the baby though. I think it’s a rotten shame that he’s takin’ that kid out west. I don’t think he’ll be the same sweet kid in a year that he is now.”
“Kids are tough,” James answered. “They can deal with just about anything.”
“I know they can,” Jared agreed after thinking of some of the issues he’d had to deal with. “I just think it’s a shame that he HAS to deal with ‘em.”

“Have you ever thought of having kids?” James asked. Jared snapped his head around and eyed his lover critically.
“Why on earth would you ask a question like that?” he asked. “Last time I checked, I didn’t have a whole lot of equipment to make or have babies.”
“There are other ways,” James suggested. “Lots of gay couples have babies. They get some sympathetic female to have the baby, with one or the other of the guys being the father. I even heard of one couple who mixed their sperm together and then injected a woman with a turkey baster so they wouldn’t know who the father was.”
“Yeah,” Jared retorted. “Then three years later the woman wants the kid back and there’s a big lawsuit. No way, man!”
“So you wouldn’t be real anxious to have a baby that way?”
“Not as long as there’s millions of kids all over the world who need a home. Why bring more into the world? And why do you ask anyway?”

James didn’t answer right away. He and Jared had not discussed the surgery he was becoming more obsessed with since Christmas, and he was beginning to think it was a closed issue as far as Jared was concerned. “I’m just doing what you asked me to do,” he finally answered. “I’m tryin’ to make sure before I go ahead with... with my penectomy.”
“I figured as much,” Jared said. “Believe me I’ve been thinking about it a lot too. I was wondering... maybe it’s just plain selfish of me to keep you all to myself. Maybe under the circumstances we should have a relationship where you could go out sometimes... you know, to...”
“If you’re talking about casual sex, forget it!” James said firmly. “In the first place I don’t wanna get AIDS, or any of the other wonderful things going around for that matter. And in the second place that’s not what I want. I know there will be times, and that’s why I want to prevent it once and for all, while I still can.”
“Have you ever thought about anal sex?” Jared asked nervously. It was very painfully obvious who would do what to whom, considering the available body parts.

James regarded his beautiful lover as they pulled into the driveway of the Wallace mansion. He could not believe what he had just heard. Jared had made it perfectly clear from the outset that anal sex was not an option, that he considered such a thing to be a violent act and not one that he would ever participate in. “Not only that,” Jared had said, “I’ve learned from my medical research that it will stretch the sphincter muscles permanently, if you do it enough. Nurses have told me that they can tell immediately when a man who is in the habit of anal sex is on the operating table, because his butt falls open when he’s unconscious. I don’t have to tell you what happens then.” Jared’s comments had made an indelible impression on James, and he had never brought the subject up again even though he had often considered it.

“You’re kidding,” James finally said as he shut down his new car in the spacious garage and hit the button to close the door.
“I never kid when it comes to body modifications,” Jared said coldly. “I honestly don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into, and I want to make sure you’ve checked all your options before you go ahead.”
“But... anal sex... You’ve made it very clear that you have never done it and you never want to.”
“If that’s what it takes to make you happy, I’ll deal with it,” Jared said. James had never seen this side of Jared before, and he wasn’t at all sure he liked it. It seemed to James as if he were talking to Jared’s father, not Jared. He was cold and calculating, perfectly logical. There was no emotion, no display of any sort of vulnerability. Like his father Jared had assessed the facts, the options and consequences, and he had arrived at a conclusion. It was almost spooky how he had done it, and James suddenly knew how Jared’s father, and his grandfather before him, had managed to amass a fortune. At the same time his very statement was ample evidence that he did care, did love, to the point of making what James knew would be an extreme sacrifice. That love, that selflessness, that sacrifice, had all been put into Jared’s pot full of facts and boiled down along with all the other facts. James knew without a doubt that Jared’s decision was non-negotiable, and that any attempt to lie at this point would be senseless.

“I’ve thought of anal sex a thousand times,” James admitted. “I’ve never done it and probably never would have even considered it except that I find myself hopelessly in love with a guy who has no other way of sexual expression. But I’m astonished that you would even consider such a thing, Jared.”
“There are a lot of things I’d consider if it’d mean making you happy. And the thought of losing you is just plain unthinkable. So if learning to like sex that way is what it takes, then we should try it.”
“It wouldn’t work, Jared,” James said after another pause. You would be submitting yourself, and you’re not about submission. You’re strong and opinionated and proud, and I don’t want to do anything to take that away from you. If we were to start that, I’d be thinking of how I was destroying you all the time I was having my way with you. I don’t want you to submit, Jared! That’s what I love about you. You’re so strong and in control. Anything we do is going to have to be done together, mutually.”
“So does that mean you’re gonna go ahead and get castrated?” Jared asked.
“Nope,” James replied resolutely. “I’m pretty sure I’ve made my decision. I still want to talk to Tim before I make my final decision, but unless he tells me something new, I think I know what I’m gonna do. All I need to know is which option is gonna work with you.”

“That’s easy,” Jared answered. “Whatever you decide, long as you’ve given it careful thought, is ok with me. You know how low my sex drive is, so I think you’re the main consideration here. I want what’s right for you, James.”

*******************************

Timmy had one of the longest baths he’d ever had. By the time Tim and Larry finally lifted the little boy out of the water, his tiny fingers were as wrinkled as little prunes. He had warmed considerably to his father, who was having the time of his life and getting soaked in the process. “He sure is a happy little guy,” he commented as Tim was toweling him dry.
“Yeah,” Tim agreed. “His happiness is contagious. It’s nigh impossible to spend any time with him and still feel depressed.”

Larry went down to Tim’s room to change back into his uniform, after having extracted a promise from Tim that he wouldn’t finalize the putting to bed process until he got back. “No problem,” Tim said. “I’ll just get him powdered and put his diaper on him.”
“Let me diaper him, please?” Larry requested. “I’ve gotta learn sooner or later.”

When Larry came back into the nursery he found Tim doing what Tim almost always did when he changed the baby. He was standing over the changing table, his eyes slightly misty, while Timmy writhed and wriggled, chortled and giggled on the table. He was still naked and making no secret that this was his preferred form of attire. “I’m gonna miss him so much,” Tim muttered more to himself than to anyone else.
“He’s gonna miss you too, Tim,” Larry said. “I can tell just by watching him how much he adores you. He’s just so happy all the time, but even more so when you’re around.”
“He’s like that with everyone,” Tim told him. “He’s just a little people person.”
“Comes from the security you and your family have given him,” Larry pointed out. “He’s been better cared for than I ever dared hope. I owe you all big time, buddy.”

After Timmy had settled down and gone to sleep, Tim took Larry downstairs where he knew his father was waiting to discuss the matter with them both. “My dad has some concerns about Timmy’s future,” he explained as they walked down the stairs. “Frankly, so do I, Larry.”
“Believe me I have the same concerns,” Larry replied. “But at the same time I think you’ll agree if I don’t get him out of here now, as hard as it’s gonna be, it’ll only get harder.”
“We’ll survive,” Barry said in answer to the comment he’d heard Larry make. “I just wonder if Timmy will. We were kinda hoping he wouldn’t get so attached to us, but we HAD to make him a part of the family. In that we had no choice. Even if we’d wanted to stay somewhat detached, that little guy would never have allowed it.”

Barry asked Larry about his folks and how they would feel about a baby in the house, to which Larry explained that he wouldn’t be taking Timmy to his parents’ house. “They told me as soon as I got in the door that they wanted nothing to do with him, that I should never have taken on that responsibility in the first place. My dad said I had made one mistake by conceiving him, then I had made an even bigger one by not giving him up for adoption. I’m afraid I got a little huffy then, so I left. I won’t be going back there, Mr. Chandler. I’ll be getting a small apartment or hotel room or something until I feel comfortable taking care of Timmy, then I’ll be heading back to California.”
“You can stay here,” Virginia offered. “You’ll have to share Tim’s room, but you’re perfectly welcome, Larry. Come to think of it, that might be best anyway.”

Tim was sitting very quietly, listening to Larry tell of the rift with his parents. His mind wandered back to their high school days, and he remembered all the times he’d felt envious of the time Larry’s father had spent with him. They had played golf countless times, gone fishing many times; Larry’s dad had included his son in just about everything he did. It had been the perfect father-son relationship, Tim had often thought. Now they weren’t even speaking, yet he and Terry were enjoying a relationship with their father that seemed to get closer every day. He made a mental note to give his father an extra hug the first time he got a chance.

For the next two weeks, Larry spent almost every waking moment with his son. He watched as Tim and Nate, Terry and Laura, Virginia and Barry all took their turns taking care of Timmy. Each one of them made countless comments such as “Timmy likes to take a bottle to bed with him;” “Timmy loves to play in the bath;” “Timmy loves to run around the house naked after his bath;” “He hates carrots but he knows he has to eat them anyway.” They explained that they put cloth diapers on him at night because they were more comfortable, that the little boy loved walks in the park, that he adored a little playtime after he was ready for bed, and that he seemed to sleep much better if he’d had a story read to him or a song sung before he went to sleep. “He seems to love music,” Tim said. “If I were you I’d get him started with piano and singing lessons as soon as he’s old enough.”

All of this attention to detail did not escape Larry’s notice. Everyone, it seemed, was determined to reveal all that they’d learned about little Timmy, what made him happy, what he liked or didn’t like. It seemed in a way that they were almost pleased to be rid of him, but he knew such a thought was ridiculous. It had to be something more than that. But he was so busy taking notes, both mental and physical, that he really didn’t have a lot of time to think about things like motives or intentions.

******************************

“I was hoping I’d catch you here alone some day soon,” James said as he sat down across the table from Tim, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. Tim had a spare period every Thursday morning and had got into the habit of spending the hour in the Student Union building, sipping on a coffee.
“I’m here every week,” Tim said pleasantly. “There really isn’t time to do much else, so I just spend the time relaxing.”
“I guess you’ve got a lot on your mind these days, what with Timmy’s leaving in another week and all,” James offered.
“Yeah, that’s gonna be a sad day,” Tim agreed. “I’m really gonna miss that little guy. But I’m sure that’s not what you wanted to talk about, James. What’s on your mind?”

James braced himself. “I wanted to talk to you about your... err... your surgery,” he said. “You’ve had it done longer than anyone and you’re the oldest, so I was hoping you could give me some insight. I’ve been thinking of having the same thing done.”
“You?” Tim queried with astonishment. “Why on earth would you do it?”
“Because Jared’s been totally nullified,” James answered. “I just don’t know if we can both be totally happy unless we’re more or less equal in that department. So if you don’t mind answering, how’s it been for you?”

Tim didn’t really have to answer; the distant look in his eyes said it all. “If you’re asking me to advise you, I can’t,” he said. I can only tell you my experience. Yours could be totally different.”
“That’s all I’m asking,” James agreed. “I’ve already spoken to Nathan and Terry, but...”
“I think their motives are more closely aligned with yours,” Tim suggested. “I had no one else to consider when I had it done. I was acting purely out of a personal need that I still cannot explain. It was just something I had to do.”
“And if you could do it again, knowing what you know now, would you do it?”

Tim’s eyes had become cloudy and misty. He was looking directly at James, but James knew he wasn’t seeing him. In fact what Tim was seeing was a 16 year old teenager, lying on his bed and masturbating. He had loved it so much, had never known a time when he didn’t enjoy his sessions of self manipulation. He missed those times so very much! He thought of the night in a Boy Scout tent, the only time he and Nate had enjoyed all of each other’s bodies while they were both still intact, and he wished desperately that they could do again what they’d done that night. He knew there were tears slowly rolling down his cheeks now, but it didn’t matter.

“Tim?” James inquired. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you.”
“It’s ok,” Tim responded. “Just a little attack of melancholy. It happens sometimes.”
“So can I take that to mean you’re sorry you had it done?”
“Yes and no,” Tim said pensively. “There are times, when I think about it, I’m so angry at myself I could die! I think how could I possibly have been so freaking stupid! I don’t suppose it’d be so bad if I could have an orgasm once in a while, but as it is I think some times I’m going to go out of my mind. Terry can cum just about any time he wants to, and Nate has orgasms once in a while, but I never do.”
“Never?” a shocked James echoed. “But I thought...”
“I have wet dreams now and then, but they don’t do anything to relieve the tension. I had an orgasm the night before Nate’s surgery, but that’s been the only one since I had my operation. It just doesn’t happen for me. Sometimes I want to cum so bad I think I’d be better off dead, but it just doesn’t happen.”

“So if I’m understanding you correctly, you wouldn’t do it at all if you had it to do again, right?”
“I didn’t say that,” Tim answered. “I didn’t want to have it done even when I did do it, but I felt that I had to. Honest, James, I don’t know what to tell you. There are times when I feel my crotch, or Nate’s, and I think I’ve created a monster; no, make that three monsters. But then I remember what it was like when I had my cock. James, I loved it so much! But I had to cut it off. I have no idea why, but I just had to!”

James would get no more information from Tim that day because Tim had broken into tears and simply couldn’t stop crying. He cut the rest of his classes that day and stayed in his seat in the Student Union building, just thinking, remembering, and wondering what the future would hold. He was secure financially now and he knew it, and he had no doubt that he and Nate had a bright future. But what of Little Timmy? He was already grieving for the little boy who had so brightened everyone’s life, and who had a little more than a week before he would be taken halfway across the world to what all the Chandler’s considered a very questionable future - a future of daycare and babysitters and strangers. And for those thoughts, Tim cried again, like he’d never cried before. He thought of his own childhood and how secure he and Terry had always been. He had resented his father when he was a young teen because he wasn’t more involved in his sons’ lives, but now he realized how incredibly hard Barry had worked to give his family a comfortable life. They had never seen the inside of a daycare facility, never had a baby sitter for more than a few hours while his parents took the occasional evening off. Now he realized how wonderful his childhood had been. No, it wasn’t perfect, but then whose childhood is?

****************************

“There’s one thing I don’t understand,” Larry said as Virginia was again lecturing him on the care of a baby. “It’s obvious to me that you all care deeply for Timmy, yet you’re all killing yourselves to make it easier for me to take him away. I would have thought if you care so much about him you’d try to keep him. I’ve got a strong feeling that if you were to take it to court, you might very well get permanent custody. So why aren’t you trying?”
“That’s easy,” Barry said. “Have you ever heard the story of King Solomon?”
“You mean from the Bible?”
“That’s the one. I guess you wouldn’t consider us a very religious family as far as going to church is concerned, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t tried to teach our boys the same principles the Bible teaches. And the one that applies here is one of the first judgments Solomon made as King.”

Tim and Terry were all ears as their father told Larry the story. They had heard it many times, but it had never had more meaning than it did right now, just four days before they were to lose their little bundle of sunshine. They suddenly realized that they had indeed learned a lot more about the Bible and its teachings than they had realized. “Solomon was considered one of the wisest kings in history,” Barry began. “Early in his reign two women came to him with a dispute. One of them had a baby and they were both claiming to be the baby’s mother. Solomon listened to their stories, their arguments, but there was simply no way to determine who was the baby’s real mother. Unable to make a decision, Solomon called for his sword to be brought to him. ‘We’ll just cut the baby in two,’ he said, ‘and each of you will have half.’

“One woman thought that would work fine, but the other said no, give her the baby. It would be better for her to have a whole live baby than for each of us to have half a dead one. At that point King Solomon knew who the real mother was, and he gave her the baby. My point is, Larry, we love that child enough to give him up rather than subject him to an ugly court battle. We agreed to keep him until you were in a position to take him and we’ll stick to that agreement, for his sake. And we’ll make it as easy for you as we can because he deserves the best. All children do.”

****************************

“I talked to Tim today,” James told Jared as they got ready for bed.
“And?” Jared said expectantly. “Have you made a decision?”
“Pretty well,” James said. “Tim says he has some pretty rough times. Did you know he can’t have orgasms at all?”
“Yeah, I knew. I guess I can’t really relate because I can’t either, but it doesn’t bother me. I know it bothers Tim a lot, and he keeps hoping that someday it’ll change. After all this time I kinda doubt it, but still he won’t get castrated. So does that mean you’re gonna get castrated?”
“I dunno,” James said. “I still don’t know what you want me to do.”
“I want you to do whatever you feel will be best,” Jared said. “Whatever you do or don’t do, and whatever the results are will be fine with me. We’ll deal with it.”
“I’m gonna call Dr. Smith tomorrow,” James announced. “After I talk with him I’ll make my final decision.”

Next: XXXII Decisions