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Judy Jones walked out of Winter Dreams and into the courtroom yesterday with the genitals of seven of her husbands. The penis, scrotum and tesitcles of six of her husbands were in clear, labelled jars of formaldehyde. The sex organs of her seventh husband were still connected to a guy in a green suit. ***** Defense attorney Johnny Cockontherun claimed his client was not guilty. Mrs. Jones, in fact, had never seen any of the seven collections of genitalia in her life, according to Cockontherun. Marcia Clarkbar Goodbar was prosecuting. She told the jury that Jones was guilty -- guilty of murder by castration, guilty of castration for cash. She told the jury she had the documentation to prove her castration accusation. Goodbar called her first witness. He, well It, was Husband No. 1. While the bobbing and floating eye of the severed cock seemed to be watching the proceedings as its home-in-a-jar was placed on the ledge of the witness stand, there was no response when asked if the cock would be telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. As Judge Frito looked over to scowl at the jar, he noticed that the cock was bobbing up and down. "The witness answers in the affirmative by head motion," the judge noted for the record. "You may proceed with your direct examination Ms. Goodbar." ***** Attorney Goodbar had been examining all seven of the genital specimens for weeks in preparation for trial. Her pre-trial examination was so scrutinous, she had a lot of pre-trial motions because of her observations. Being a hysterical bitch, Goodbar never had a lot of experience checking out Men in Buff, so she had become a man-hating bitch. But that's exactly what she needed to succeed in Gil Badpresententi's Office of the District Attorney, LA County. Ms. Goodbar found it ironic that in examining her witnesses, she began to feel an eroticism that her cynicism had heretofore prevented. It was a paradox to her that a pair of balls, and the rest, turned her on for two reasons -- she actually liked the shape and fantasized about using some of the parts for the purposes for which they were designed, and she was also aroused because they represented emasculation of the men-at-large she largely hated. Funny, she found that she did not hate large men. The odd-numbered husbands were really hung, and she really hung onto her clit when she orgasmed checking these. She was preparing them for her oral arguments. ***** "Isn't it true, Husband No. 1, that you were cut off at the height of your financial success and at the height of orgasm?" Goodbar asked. Judge Frito had to keep noting for the record that the cocky witness would only answer by nodding its head up and down. Goodbar noted the teeth marks on the neck of her witness. The witness, by its now routine motion, agreed that Judy Jones had made those marks. Over Cockontherun's objection, his client was forced to try each former husband on for size. Mrs. Jones initially struggled, in an obvious ploy to trick the jury into believing her mouth was too small to service her husbands. But when Ms. Goodbar gave each husband a good shove past Jones' choppers, the defendant gave in to the erotic thrill of deep-throating a dead dick and gave herself away. ***** Cockontherun tried every trick in the book, "The Joy of Gay Sex," to cast doubt on his client's guilt. But when he was distracted by the exhibitionism in his own exhibits, his erotic reactions gave away his own closet antics. "Her throat fits, so this is it!" was the simple summation Goodbar made. Guilty was the verdict. Clean, simple, and just. ***** Before sentencing, Judge Frito declared a recess for lunch and ordered Chinese for the whole court. "Wun Hung Lo Mein" was the favorite, followed by "Cream of Sum Yung Gai." They had a two-letter fruit juice to wash it down. ***** ***** ***** ***** Classy Bitch often gets the itch -- she's always ready to help you ditch your dick.
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