Weeks and months passed after that upsetting Sunday afternoon discussion. From time to time, they discussed again that sensible subject, Lilli still repulsed but, at the same time, fascinated by the happiness, the love, the strong affective relationship between Dora and her husband.

Lilli was evidently uneasy with the subject, but Dora insisted, answering all kind of questions, relating her every detail of her sexual life, even the more private and embarrassing ones.

“You don’t need – said Dora in a late autumn stormy evening – an intervention as radical as mine, you know.”

They were both sitting, chatting and sipping hot chocolate, in Dora’s kitchen, her husband away for business, her children already sleeping in their beds. Lilli raised her head, looking quizzically at her friend. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that you could just be done a little cut no way harmful for the functionality of your vagina or your capability to become pregnant. It’d just make you more receptive, looking nicer and cleaner. And most likely you’d see men with different eyes from now. By the way, how are you doing with that Herbert guy?”

“Don’t mention him, please… he was so kind the first time we dated. But once in my bedroom he’s turned a beast, and a fast one. – She smiled bitterly – You know what I mean: he ordered me to undress while he was undressing himself, pulled me on the bed and entered my sex with his pathetic cock, stunf-stunf-stunf… ooohhh… and it was all over. I didn’t even felt his load. Then he dressed and was out. Since, he disappeared. As usual.”

“Poor little sister… you desperately need that intervention, let me say. Think again about it.”

“But it’s illegal, in any form. Where could I go being sure it’s safe for my health?”

Dora saw the breach opening in Lilli’s until then impenetrable armour, and quickly took the occasion to break it: “As I said several times, there are dozens, hundreds of women wanting their vaginas definitely fixed. Although illegal, then, it’s done in several medical centres. They’re all very discreet medical facilities, like the one I’ve been at my time. I could arrange a visit for you, if you agree.”

Lilli was evidently balancing Dora’s offer. Not still fully convinced, but clearly attracted: the opportunity of having her problems fixed was really tempting, although she was slowly convincing herself that her case was desperate. It was a risk, but a possibility was better than nothing.

She stood silent for a while, looking at her hands, then raised her head and, staring at Dora’s eyes, eventually said: “Ok, Dora, you convinced me, at least to look by myself. Take an appointment for me, please. Let’s go and see.” She felt exhausted, desperation mumbling in a corner of her mind, another voice repeating “you’re crazy! Drop it! You’ll damage irremediably your body!” “No! – she said to herself – It’s just a first approach. Nothing will happen unless I decide. But at least I must do it.”

It was a week after that Dora and Lilli went to the clinic, a nice two store building in the middle of a quiet park in an upper class neighbourhood. Getting off the car in the parking, Lilli felt a stab of fear in her stomach: was she doing the right thing? At her side, Dora was cheerful, trying to ease the tension so obvious in her friend.

Just a couple of minutes after presenting to the receptionist, an unpleasant middle aged female doctor received them in her room. She asked Lilli the routine questions about her, her previous illnesses, her sexual life. Then she went directly to the point: “You’re a young, attractive, healthy woman. Apparently, you have no reason to be here. But I understand that your sexual life is unsatisfactory for you. And that is the reason of your affective problems with men. I can help you, like I helped, some years ago and for quite different reasons, your friend Dora. As she already explained to you, you don’t need such a massive and intrusive intervention. I suggest you a total clitoridectomy and ablation of labia minora, the inner lips in your vagina. It’ll calm definitely your anxiety about sex, so you’ll fully enjoy your affective relationships and sure you’ll find the right man for you.”

“I understand, doctor. But why ought I voluntary renounce to my sexual pleasure? Isn’t it... erm… something excessive? It’s true that I constantly experience problems with men, but I’m perfectly happy with my sex when masturbating.”

The doctor offered Lilli a glass of water she drank gladly. “This is the point, Lilli… may I call you Lilli? Thank you. So, I was saying: when it becomes the most satisfactory sexual experience, even the sole way to enjoy sex, masturbation is a form of solipsism, of self-centring averting you from other people. At last you find yourself isolated, without a partner, alone with yourself in a claustrophobic world, socially speaking. Trust me, you life will dramatically improve after the intervention.”

Somehow reassured yet not totally convinced, Lilli stood a bit confused, her mind spinning fast, when the woman – her badge said “Doctor Anna Lore” – placed a bunch of paper sheets printed in minuscule characters in front of Lilli. “Please, sign this papers, Lilli”.

“What are they?” asked Lilli glancing from the sheets to Anna’s face and again to the sheets.

“Oh, don’t worry. Just usual bureaucratic stuff… Consent, billing acceptance, responsibility acceptance, insurance… you know” said the Doctor with a cold smile.

Lilli was more and more confused, unable to think clearly. Feeling light-minded and finding it difficult to focus her sight, she took hesitantly the pen the doctor was offering her and started to sign every sheet, not really conscious of what she was doing. “And… and when… when… will it be done?” she asked in a trembling, muffled voice, finding it more and more difficult thinking and speaking, her surroundings fading in a sudden obscurity like she were about to faint.

“Right now, Lilli, right now”, answered happily the doctor while sustaining her falling body. Dora helped her until a nurse came in with a litter.

Lilli slowly opened her eyes, closing them immediately, blinded by the sharp light inundating the table she was laying on… The table she was tied on, she realized in a sudden wave of panic, her wrists firmly bound at both sides, her ankles tightly strapped, her legs spread well apart on what she guessed was partly a table and partly a gynaecological chair, sort of. The doctor was leaning over her, locking a large and thick black strap on her stomach, so tightly that she could barely breathe. A cold flush of air told her that her skirt had been removed. Her panties were missing as well. The doctor pulled her head back, fastening another strap around her throat. She felt like a cattle in a butchery… helpless, unable to move, ready to be… to be… in her panic, she couldn’t even give a name to the ominous “what” that was about to happen to her.

Barely able to turn her head, Lilli saw Dora, standing at her right side and looking calmly to the scene. Her friend intercepted her desperate sight, her implicit request for help. “Relax, Lilli. – she said in a slow voice – There’s nothing wrong. Anna is an excellent surgeon, you’ve nothing to be worried about. We’re doing all this for your wellness. Stay calm, it’ll be over in a matter of minutes.”

Lilli didn’t believe to her ears. “Relax? – she started to scream – RELAX? How the fucking hell do you think I could relax? Let me free. Let me free now! You haven’t the right to do th….. mmmmmfff.”

Lilli’s last words faded in a muffled moaning after the doctor inserted a rubber ball in her mouth, blocking it in place with a tight rubber band. “Oh, shut up, you brainless girl. – said the doctor – I can’t hear anymore your stupid babbling. It’s been you the bitch coming here, asking for a cure, agreeing and signing all papers. So, keep silent and let me do my job.”

She checked thoroughly her instruments, lined on a tray at her right. Dora looked a bit uneasy, but she stood silent. The doctor sit on a chair between Lilli’s legs and started to check her vagina. It was a smooth, nicely shaped vagina, with a thick clitoral hood and small, barely protruding inner labia. She had shaved it totally that very morning, as Dora had instructed her. She had been a bit puzzled: “Why do I need to shave it? This is just a first appointment for information, isn’t it?” “Aw, Lilli, is it possible you don’t understand? The doctor will sure visit you, and you can’t present yourself with a tropical forest between your legs.” “It isn’t a forest, – protested Lilli – I trim it every week.” But at last she agreed having her genital area completely shaven. It was the first time since her hair had started to grow when she was 12. The feeling of her bald vagina, however, wasn’t so bad, making her feel younger and clean.

But now it was quite another feeling. Completely exposed, her most intimate parts helplessly open, she was shaking in anger and shivering in fear, desperately trying to concentrate in the impossible search of a way to escape that nightmare. “Try to relax as your friend suggested. – said the doctor correctly interpreting Lilli’s desperate efforts – There’s no point in fighting the inevitable.”

Wearing surgical gloves, the doctor pulled back Lilli’s clitoral hood, revealing in full light her little button. “It’s very small, I see. I’ve got to choose another technique: the one I prefer isn’t possible with such a childish clitoris. Come and see, – she said to Dora – quite different from your big appendix. Do you remember how I removed it?”

“Y… you clamped it – Dora answered blushing and slightly shivering – and cut it at its very base with a scalpel.”

“Exactly… but here there isn’t enough matter for such a work. So, I’ll cryogenically destroy it.”

Lilli was listening to this dialogue with growing terror. Horrified, she was no more shaking and shivering, her whole body perfectly still, every muscle stiff, only her heart racing and pumping like never before.

Deliberately moving very slowly, clearly willing to delay as long as possible Lilli’s agonizing waiting for the inevitable, the evil doctor stood up, moved across the room and took a metallic bottle from what seemed like a freezer, clouds of cold steam quickly evaporating around it.

“Nitrogen. – she said answering the mute question in Dora’s eyes – I’ll inject it in her clitoris, causing it to instantaneously freeze. Then I’ll remove it. It’s quick and clean, with almost no bleeding.” She rubbed roughly with her latex gloved thumb the exposed clitoris, making Lilli feel even more uneasy and helpless. There was neither kindness nor passion in her crude movements, just coldness and unjustified rudeness.

“Erm… doctor, – Dora went on with a strangled voice – don’t you give her a last pleasure, like… like you did to me?”. Her voice faded in an ashamed whisper, her large face flushing, her eyes staring at her shoes tips.

“This little slut doesn’t deserve any pleasure at all. – the doctor sharply replied – She has had more than enough, I’m pretty sure. She just deserves pain and emptiness. And that is what she’ll get. Now shut up and let me do what must be done.”

Lilli’s mind was frantically spinning, trying to make a sense from all that was happening to her. Tightly strapped to the table, unable to even move her head, her eyes continuously moving from left to right and back in a worthless attempt to catch a glimpse of her surroundings, she couldn’t imagine any way of escape from that living nightmare.

A sharp pain right in her clitoris stopped abruptly every thought. The doctor was inserting a huge needle right in it, pulling it deeper and deeper. Lilli felt like her clitoris were split in two, waves of liquid fire paralyzing her in a soundless and endless scream. She felt like an animal being slaughtered, even unable to faint and begging for a quick, merciful death.

The doctor eventually released the needle. She was grinning in pleasure looking at the distressed face of her patient. Her victim. “This is what you’ll remember all your life long. Not the pleasure, not your sinful, vicious orgasms, but this clean, sharp, purifying pain.” Quickly she connected the needle to the bottle and carefully turned the gauntlet on its top. There was an audible hiss. Almost instantaneously, Lilli’s agonizing pain faded out, replaced by an odd feeling of heaviness and a total numbness.

Dora looked horrified. She couldn’t avert her eyes from Lilli’s frozen clitoris, looking now almost white and petrified. The doctor took a little steel hammer and a surgical chisel and started to hit the hard rock clitoris. It broke in a number of minuscule pieces, like a miniature broken security glass.

After less than a minute, a frozen hole was all remained where before Lilli’s clitoris stood. The doctor took a scalpel and started to scrape the inner walls of the hole, removing every remnants of the clitoral nerve, making sure it was entirely destroyed until its very root. Then she cauterized the hole, burning all the frozen tissues and some living flesh, causing Lilli to suffer another unbearable wave of pain. Not a single drop of blood had spilled until then.

After applying a couple of stitches closing the hole, deliberately slowly again the doctor clamped Lilli’s inner labia, waited some agonizing minutes, took a clean scalpel and started to cut them, then took the clit hood in her fingers and cut it off with a single, swift movement. Eventually she cauterized the bleeding wound with what looked like a dentist cauterium,

“It’s over – she announced – We’ll let her rest some hours, then you’ll drive her to her home and make sure she’ll take regularly her antibiotics. She’ll be healed in a shorter time than you, let’s say no more than three or four weeks.”

They get out the room. Strapped alone in the now dimly illuminated table, Lilli was sobbing, tears blinding her eyes, pain slowly rising again, the stitches hurting more and more.

2. To be continued