The Exam

Lord knows he was not afraid of needles. At one point in his checkered career he was expected to go overseas, but did not know where, Europe, Africa, Asia, So. America or maybe Australia. So, rather than be half safe, his employer had him immunized for all locations, that had been four shots every Wednesday for five weeks, which included a shot for bubonic plague. So the blood tests never bothered him as they did some individuals. The one thing about physicals he could not stand was the digital rectal exam. Just about required for a man of his age. It was bad enough when done by a man, who had you wondering, as he slipped his finger in you, what his sexual orientation was, but to be done by a woman was a gross indignity. He had avoided it during the last three physicals, after his experience with his female doctor the first visit. She had gone on for about five minutes talking about all the young men whose rectums she had probed, then she had him hop up on the table sans shorts. Her exam seemed exceedingly long and exceedingly personal, only concentration and the blood pressure medication he was on prevented him from getting a hard-on.

He sat and waited. Finally she breezed into the office. “Hello Mr G. how are you today.”

“Find Doctor, just fine.”

She was slightly younger than he, perhaps 51 or 52, and could stand to loose about 50 lbs. But it was such a pleasure talking to someone educated and intelligent, he could not prevent himself from talking to her. He spent most of his time dealing with minimum wage types who were barely articulate; so on the rare occasion when he could talk to someone on his own level, he had a tendency to stay beyond the required time.

She went through the heart routine, breath deep, etc, and then she looked at his test results.

“Oh my, Mr G. we have a problem here, your PSA is elevated. Have to do the exam, front and back, stand up and drop your shorts.”

Turning a bright red, he did as he was told. The doctor then with more of a fondling motion than professional detachment examined his gonads, and penis.

‘I do not like this, she supposed to be a doctor, not a date.’ He thought.

“More bad news you have lumps in both your gonads, up on the table and let me check your prostate.”

It was necessary to remove shorts and trousers be ascending the table. Once undressed. He got on top of the table in the doggy style position for this procedure. He didn’t have to wait long; a finger slipped easily up his rectum and began to feel in and out. Again he felt this was more than was necessary.

“Your prostate is all swollen and grainy, we are going to need some pathology work on you. Now hold still I am going to give you a couple of shots around the spine to numb things up for the samples I will need.”

Talk about your ‘square needle in the left nut’, he about jumped off the examining table when she plunged in the first needle. The process was repeated on the opposite side. Had he been more of a student of anatomy he would have know she had shot curare directly into the sciatic nerve on both sides of his body.

“Better roll over on you back, real quick Mr G. you going to be paralyzed from the waste down for the next half hour or so.”

By the time he got on his back his legs and hips were dead to the touch and he was unable to move them. The doctor pulled the stirrups into position and placed his legs in them. He was spread open to the world, much like a woman about to get a pelvic.

“Sometimes men get a little funny with this procedure Mr G. so I have to strap your arms down, and use a gag. You won’t feel any pain, but as I said men sometimes object a little to the samples I take.”

She completed securing him with two straps that held his arms down, and gag in his mouth.

“Now we are already, or I should say you are all ready. To really get good tissue samples, we could do a needle biopsy, but that just delays the inevitable outcome. So I am going to place a catheter in you, remove your penis, and gonads and send them out to be examined. That just saves time later on, you won’t have to come back if the results are bad. No need to thank me.”

“Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.”

“This is just routine for me. Hold still now, of course you couldn’t move even if you tried.” She pulled out a long metal tube with a ball on the end, apparently hollow, and with out further ado proceeded to ram it into his penis, and continued to work it in until the ball was in his prostate. She slipped a finger up his ass to make sure the ball was well seated.

“Mr G. is that uncomfortable for you?”

“Mmmmmmmmmmmmhummmmmmmmm.”

“Then I will fix you right up.” She picked up a scalpel and with two angled strokes cut his penis free from his body and slid it off the tube. “There you go, you will not have that little problem in more. All the little tears from the catheter are all better now. Now to take care of your two little friends down there.” She made two quick slashes, and then she squeezed the sack, much as you would pop a zit. The contents popped out, she pulled hard stretching the cord, and cut first one then the other free. “There you are Mr G. welcome to the rest of your life.”

He was in shock.

“I will send in the nurse, she will cut off your scrotum and neaten you up. Don’t do any deep knee bends or splits for about a month.” She walked out of the examining room.

Outside she talked to her nurse. “Mr G. is in there, just finished him off, go in and do the usual. Sew him up nice and tight and give him nice little girly type lips down there. To bad he didn’t get the hint what I wanted when I sent him the Viagra. I’ll give his wife a call while you sew him up.”

“Hello, Mrs. G. this is doctor Debbie at the clinic. I have some bad new, your husband had a pre cancerous condition and we had to operate. No he will be fine, but he didn’t take the procedure well and seems to be hallucinating. They do that when we have to emasculate them. That? Oh, we removed his penis and gonads, to prevent cancer.” ‘Maybe the next time I want to get layed the patient won’t be quite as dense.’