Registered Sex Offender Part 10: Janet, Stevie, and Christmas

Chip sat on his bunk and read Steve’s letter, then read it again. He saw in it far more than was written there. He saw desperate poverty, fed by alcohol and drug abuse. He saw his sister, perhaps for the first time, as she really was. He saw Steve, working night and day trying unsuccessfully to appease her. Steve was, he thought, the epitome of love and dedication. And he saw himself; only his picture of himself was somewhat distorted. What he saw was a giant upright penis, with literally dozens of young girls and boys, all pointing accusing fingers at him. And then he remembered a Bible verse he'd heard as a very young child: If thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out!

The entire world would be better off if someone would just cut your nuts off, Bruce French had told him and his class at the sex therapy facility. Those words had haunted Chip ever since he’d heard them, but never like now. Now he understood them; now he believed them. Just exactly how many lives had been destroyed by Chip and his miserable, demented genitals?

Chip talked to Ed Barker about Steve’s letter. To his total astonishment, Ed was not the least surprised. “Now you can get on with your life,” the counselor said. “Now you’re free! Now you’re ready to accept the help of the whole army of men who are ready to get you out of here.”
“I can’t leave here,” Chip said absently. “This is my home now, Ed. This is the only home I got.”
“You know sooner or later you’ll be leaving here, one way or the other,” Ed reminded him.
“I know that,” Chip acknowledged. “But while I’m here I got responsibilities. I got things I gotta do.”

“You’re talking about Andy,” Ed observed.
“There’ll always be an Andy,” Chip answered. “Without someone to look out for him, that kid’ll be trashed, if not killed, and you know it.”
“Let me take care of Andy,” Ed advised. “That’s my job, Chip! It’s time you started looking out for Chip Stockdale.”
“Forget it, Ed. Chip Stockdale isn’t worth looking out for. I got a job to do, and frankly it feels good to be useful for the first time in my life. But I’m NOT gonna mess up Kim’s life, so you can forget that. I’m also not gonna fuck up Janet’s life any more than it already is. She’s still got that little boy to look after, and he’s got enough problems without my mess fucking him up all the more.”

Ed Barkhouse sat thinking, contemplating, long after Chip had left his office. With a great deal of difficulty he had finally decided the subliminal messages on the tapes he’d taken from the sex therapy clinic where he had rescued Chip. But he had no earthly idea what effect those messages had had, given that Chip had left after only two days. He had discussed it with many of his colleagues, who all seemed to feel that the best approach right now would be to just wait and observe. Ed wasn’t comfortable with that, but not knowing what else to do, he had bowed to those who were more qualified than he about such things and did nothing.

He knew that Chip’s sexual activities had taken a much more subservient role, but aside from that the boy seemed to be doing well. His school work was above reproach; his behavior was winning him all sorts of favors with all the staff; even the Administration had taken note of the young model inmate and were receptive to just about any program, liberty, opportunity that came his way. So Ed, not knowing what else to do, took the advice given him and adopted a wait and see policy.

When Andy came to get Chip for supper, he was lying on his cot, staring straight up, seeing nothing. "C'mon, Chip," Andy urged. "It's late. We're gonna miss supper."
"You never did tell me what you're in for," Chip said dreamily.
"Two years," Andy answered impatiently, "for shoplifting. Now will you come on!"

"What're you gonna do when you get out?" Chip asked in that same detached, dreamy voice that frightened Andy.
"Chip, will you come on!" he pleaded.
"What're you gonna do, Andy?"

Andy didn't answer. He suddenly caught the glint of a tear in Chip's eye. Not knowing what else to do, he left him there and went to eat. And then he felt guilty about that too. But Chip would just have to understand. He wasn't a social worker, just a kid trying to make his way and not doing real well. So if Chip was bothered by something, he'd just have to work it out.

"Andy," an older boy jeered, "where's your sweetie?"
"Back in the dorm," Andy answered innocently. "He's not feeling very well."
"Probably tired out from fighting all that fat every night."
"Fuck you. Chip likes me."
"Yeah, right. That why he laughs about you every day?"
"Fuck you!" Andy spat back. But the point had been made.

"Christ, Chip,” Tyrone Williams said, "I'd watch who I mess with if I was you." Chip had just stepped between Andy and a new kid. He was older and looked mean, but he'd tormented Andy beyond what Chip would endure, so Chip had intervened. The kid had offered to fight and Chip had accepted the challenge. But not wanting to get in trouble, the kid had backed down.

"Who is it?" Chip asked.
"They call him Doc," Tyrone answered. "I think his name's Sean, but everyone calls him Doc because he loves to cut people. You know, like a surgeon?"
"He doesn't look all that tough to me."
"He doesn't need to be tough. He's always got a knife, and he knows how to use it. He knows how to cut ya to make ya bleed a lot; or he can kill you instantly with hardly any blood at all, if that's what he decides to do."

"Bullshit! Where would he learn all that?"
"I dunno, but he did. You can mess with him if you like, but I'm keepin' my distance.”

"Chip," Andy asked a few days later, "you ever seen anyone cut? I mean, really bad?"
"No," Chip answered. "Why?"
"They say they're gonna get the Doc to cut me if I don't stop hogging you all to myself. They say it just ain't fair for me to have you while no one else even gets a sniff."
"They're just giving you a hard time, Andy. No one's gonna cut you."
"They say he's crazy, Chip. They say all they gotta do is tell 'im that I said he looks stupid, and he'll help me lose some fat, the hard way! They told me they were gonna tell him, Chip. I'm scared! They said either I leave you alone, or they're gonna get Doc to cut me!"

"They're just trying to scare you, Andy. No one's gonna cut you."
"They said after he got done with me, they were gonna have him cut your cock off and jam it down my throat till I choke on it."
"I already tried that," Chip answered, trying to make light of the situation. "It didn't work. You just don't choke on cocks. You love cock, Andy!"
"This is serious, Chip! I'm scared!"
"Okay," Chip said with a sigh, "You wanna lay off for a while?"
"I can't, Chip. You know I can't! And besides, we both know what'll happen if we break up. They just want someone to abuse."

"Uh-huh,” Chip answered knowingly. “And they got ya, don't they? They've got you scared to death, and over nothing! I don't even think he's as good with a knife as everyone thinks. So let's just play it cool, and you learn to relax! No one's gonna hurt you, I'll see to that."

Chip believed what he said, when he said it. But a few days later he wasn't so sure. They began finding birds and squirrels, and even the odd mouse, around the grounds. The creatures had been killed and then dismembered, probably very brutally if the appearance of the remains was any indication. Strangely, or perhaps not so strangely, the one who most often found these carcasses or pieces was Andy, who was getting so frightened and paranoid he was frantic all the time.

"Have you been cuttin' animals and leavin' 'em around where Andy will find 'em?" Chip demanded of Doc.
"Who the hell's Andy?" Doc evaded.
"You know fuckin' well who he is!" Chip challenged.
"Oh, you mean that fat kid? Fuck no, I got better things to do than bother him."
"Yeah? Well, he's been finding dead animals, all cut up, wherever he goes. And they tell me cuttin's your specialty."
"I've seen some o' them animals," Doc said defiantly. "Believe me, they're not my work. That's messy! My work's clean! Sorry, but you got the wrong man."

Chip didn't know why, but he believed the kid. Doc seemed to take real pride in his particular talent, and the bodies he'd seen had been almost ripped apart just didn’t jibe with Doc’s claims as a good cutter. Chip was tempted to inquire if Doc was interested in cutting off his genitals, but he just didn’t know if the boy could do it. So he went looking for Andy when he heard his name on the speaker, summoning him to the warden's office.

"I got some bad news for you," the warden said when Chip had accepted the chair offered. "It'll be all over the place before long, and I wanted to tell you first, so you'd at least get your facts straight.
"Janet!" Chip jumped up. "Is she all right? Is the baby..."
"Your sister's fine, far as we know. This isn't about her. It's Steve Jordan, Chip."
"Stevie?" Chip grinned. "What's that little spook gone and done now?"
"He's dead, Chip. I'm sorry, but Stevie's dead."

"Dead?" Chip felt his head begin to swim in a fog of darkness. He fought to keep from fainting. "He... He can't... How?"
"It was a robbery, Chip. He was working at a convenience store. There was a robbery, a cop showed up, and..."
"You tryin' to tell me Stevie shot at a cop? He hated guns!" No one deserves to die from a bullet! Steve had told him emphatically.
"He didn't have a gun, Chip. He wasn't involved, but the cop thought he was.""Then how..."
"The cop ran into the store in response to a silent alarm. The robber had the store owner at gunpoint. Steve was in the back, didn’t even know what was going on. He'd just started working there last night, and the cop didn't know him. When he came through the doorway, the cop thought he was an accomplice and fired. He died instantly.”

Chip started to laugh. Soon he was hysterical with laughter. "You know what he was doing in that store?" he cackled. "He was there to make money so my no-good sister could get high! He was moonlighting so her baby, and his unborn baby, could have a better Christmas! But it wouldn't have worked, because she'd just spend the whole fuckin' thing on dope! And now he's dead! He wouldn't ever hurt a fly, Stevie wouldn’t, especially after his father..."

"Calm down, Chip," the warden said quietly, "You have yourself to think of.""Yeah," Chip laughed, "I gotta think of myself. That's what I was doin' when I told Stevie to look after my sister and baby. And he got her pregnant. And now she's gonna have his baby. Of course that's in addition to mine! If I was really thinking about myself, I’d try to break outta here so someone would shoot my ass. Stevie’s the lucky one, ‘cause he’s outta this rotten fucked-up life. But now I gotta stick around, ‘cause someone’s gotta take care of Stevie’s baby. It’s a cinch Janet won’t do it."

"She's not having a baby, Chip. She aborted the baby two months ago. And we've already determined that the other one's not yours."
"Yeah," Chip howled, "Isn't that the shits? Stevie's dead, and there's no reason for it! No reason at all! Except of course if I'd kept my dick in my pants, none of this fuckin' nightmare would ever have happened!"

Chip's laughter changed to tears, then calm as the full impact of all that had been said sank in. "She... She's not having Stevie's baby?" he said as he regained his composure.
"No, Chip, she's not. It died two months ago. And it wasn't Stevie's anyway; it was white!"

Chip wanted to laugh again, but there was no more laughter in him. The fact remained that Stevie would never have been in that store if not for Janet. And he and Stevie would never have met anyway if it hadn't been for Chip and his anatomically correct dick whacking all those under-age girls! If thy right hand offend thee...

When he left the warden's office, a full hour later, he was walking like a zombie. Andy came out of nowhere looking for attention and stroking, but even Andy sensed that this was not the time. Chip was muttering something almost inaudibly that sounded a lot like a Bible verse: Something about cutting your hand off rather than let your whole body burn up in a fire. All of the negative feelings that Chip had come a long way to overcoming were back in full force. It was obvious, at least to him, that Steve would still be alive had it not been for him.

"Chip," Ed said, "you never did tell me the rest of the story about you and Kim." It was a full month after Stevie's death, and things had settled down. In fact the guards thought things were a little too docile. There was nothing definite; nothing they could put their fingers on. But all but the very raw rookies among the guards had a sixth sense; a feeling they got, and they had long ago learned to trust their instincts. They were convinced it was the calm before the storm, and were bracing themselves for that possibility. With Christmas fast approaching, inmates were always restless, homesick, and intolerant; and the last thing anyone wanted during this time of year was any kind of an uprising or incident at a youth confinement facility. Teenagers were volatile at the best of times; in close confinement they were downright unpredictable and dangerous.

"There isn't really a lot more to tell," Chip shrugged. "We became real close, possibly even lovers if you stretch the term a bit."
"Stretch the term? Why do you say that?"
"Because we were so young. I doubt if we knew what it was to be in love. We just loved what we did to each other, whether it was me pushing her on a swing, or her watching me play soccer, me watching her swim, or me whacking away at her."
"And what do you think about Kim now?"

"What do I think of her? Well, she was a hell of a sweet girl. I think she feels really sick that I'm in here. I think she feels just as guilty as I am. I'd give my soul to be with her again, but she’s out of my life for good and I’m glad. I’m glad I’m stuck in here because if I was out I’d be chasing her; I know if I had a choice I couldn’t help myself. She deserves so much better than anything I could ever give her."

"Do you think she's guilty?"
"No, Ed, I don't. I think the right one is in jail."
"Do you love her, Chip?" The question came right out of left field. Ed even surprised himself by asking it.

"Yeah!" Chip said after a long pause. "Yeah, I think I do! I think I could love her a lot if I ever got the chance. But of course I never will now. She’s better off with scum like me out of her life. I’ll never try to contact her again."
"How do you know? How can you be so sure you’ll never get the chance to love her?"
"She's in Boston, Ed. All that other stuff was long ago! I'm sure she's forgotten me long before now. She’s prob’ly got a boy friend by now, I mean a REAL boy friend, one who’ll treat her like the princess she is."
"I don't know, Chip, that letter sounded pretty strong."

"Yeah, and I wanted to be a consultant like my daddy, too. That sounded pretty strong too. But who the hell wants to be associated with a jailbird?
"I do, Chip!" Ed said suddenly, showing an uncharacteristic burst of emotion. "I want to be associated with the jailbird I’ve got in my office right now. I would count it a great honor to continue to be your friend after this nightmare is over."
"Well," Chip laughed, "there's lots of time to worry about that, isn't there?" Ed was convinced that Chip hadn’t really heard what he’d said. Chip was simply not ready to hear that anyone thought of him as anything but a piece of shit, a butthole to be used, abused and violated.

"Tell me how the whole thing ended," Ed requested. He didn't tell Chip, but he was beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel that held Chip prisoner.

"Like I said," Chip shrugged, "there's not a lot more to tell. Kim and I had a regular thing going. But then she started getting sick."
"Sick? You mean morning sickness?"
"Yeah. Except that she was sick all the time. She had a lot of pain too. She had so much pain that she started crying when we had intercourse."
"But you did it anyway?"
"Yes. She would come over, saying she was all right. But as soon as we started, she started having cramps. The doctor later said she was probably having contractions.

"After this went on for two or three months, Kim's mother finally took her to the doctor. And that's when they discovered that she was pregnant. Dammit, Ed, I musta caught her very first ovulation! She never had a period! Ever!"
"So Kim told them it was you?"
Naw, not Kim. She said she'd been fooling around, but she wouldn't tell them who with. But they figured it out because Kim was with me a lot. We had become pretty good friends, and Kim loved to go watch me play soccer and basketball. So one day after she'd been to the doctor, I called on her to see how she was. Her father grabbed me and asked if I'd been sleeping with her. I said yes, that I had."

"Just like that?"
"Uh-huh. I don't think even then I was really aware that what I was doing was really wrong. Or maybe a better way of saying it is that I had blocked out the wrong. And it felt so right!"
"You mean the sex felt so good?"
"No, Ed! I mean it! IT! Our friendship, our love, being together, loving and touching each other. The whole thing! And yes, part of the whole thing was the sex! So when he asked me if we'd been intimate, it seemed perfectly natural to me to say yes. I think he'd have killed me on the spot if it hadn't been for her mother."

"Her mother?"
"Yeah. She's a really nice lady, and she liked me a lot. So she got between me and her husband and told him not to hurt me. She and Kim were both crying. It was a pretty ugly scene."
"So Kim's parents blamed it on you?"
"Not entirely. Her dad called Kim a little whore and me a little slime ball. He had been so proud of Kim, but he'd never told her. She was so beautiful, but no one had ever told her so until I did. It sounds so tacky now! Hey, baby, you're beautiful! Let's fuck!"

"From what you've told me, Chip, that doesn't sound like how it happened at all."
"Well, that's exactly how it happened. From the time I first set eyes on her until I was crashing into her was less than an hour."

"One thing I don't understand," Ed said suddenly. "Where were your parents while all this was going on?"
"Downstairs," Chip laughed. "Or away for the week end. Hell, Ed, when Janet was dressing me up in her clothes, I used to walk down the stairs in broad daylight, with my mom in the living room watching her soaps!"
"And she never knew?"
"I dunno what the fuck she knew or didn’t know. Never knew, didn't care... Is there a difference?"

"So you and Kim made love in your bedroom, with your parents downstairs?"
"Kim and lots of the other girls. Shit, man, I had girls spend the night with me! We did it with Mom and Dad in the next bedroom."

How old were you then?"
"I dunno. Probably eleven or twelve."
"And the girls?"
"Anywhere from thirteen to about seventeen."

"Well," Ed said abruptly, "we have to cut this short. But thanks for being so open and frank."
"Doesn't matter any more, does it? No one cares but you."
"But I do, Chip. I care a lot! But I have something to tell you, and I'm gonna ask you to bear with us on this one, okay?"
"You're gonna ask me to see 'em, aren't you?"
"Chip, did anyone ever tell you that you're aggravatingly bright?"
"Doesn't take a rocket scientist. Christmas is coming, the time of year when everyone gets mushy and sentimental. And how can they face all those friends and relatives if they haven't been in contact with their wayward son?"

"Chip, I'd like you to try and see their side of it. They haven't asked yet, but I think there's a chance they might. I've been seeing them from time to time, and I'm going there tomorrow evening. Question is, if they ask to see you, will you say yes?"
"You mean I have a choice?"
"Of course you have a choice, Chip! Of course you do!"
"I'd like it better if you said I don't. I'm not ready to decide, Ed. If you said I had to see them I would; but if I have to decide, I just don't know..."
"Okay, I won't push it. If they ask, I'll just say I don't think you're ready yet."
“They won’t ask,” Chip said confidently.

It was two days before Christmas. Chip had had no visitors, nor was he expecting any. He had wondered if Janet would come, but wasn't the least surprised when she didn't. Most of the kids had received one or more packages from someone, but Chip really didn't care. It just wasn't the same, he said, because everything had to be opened beforehand by the staff anyway. The whole process just sorta took the festive spirit away from everything.

The various church groups and other volunteers had been in and had their parties and "cheer up" sessions. Chip had attended most of them, because he knew by now that it was expected and looked good on the records. But he didn't want tea and crumpets, sweets and candy. He could have done with a little money to buy cigarettes, but of course he wasn't going to get that from the church groups. Not that he objected to their presence; he appreciated their efforts, really, but it just didn't do anything for him.

Now it seemed everyone had done their thing to brighten the lives of the eight hundred inmates who were Chip's family now, and had retired to their own festivities. Even Ed Barker had gone home to Atlanta for a few days, and things were really slowing to a halt. There was no school, no social workers badgering the kids, no nothing, except indescribable tension. Chip couldn't point to a single concrete incident; yet he knew it was there. He could feel it, taste it, smell it. He felt as if he was living in a time bomb. This was his second Christmas in this place. Soon, very soon, he would be 16.

When he came out of the dining hall it was already dark. Andy had left without touching his supper, stating grumpily that he could no longer eat this slop. Chip glanced around for him, but not seeing anyone else, he headed for the dorm. It was cold - below freezing - someone said it might even snow before morning.

"No!" Andy cried in a blood curdling shriek from somewhere in the shadows. Oh, shit! Chip thought, they're teasing him again! Shit! He changed direction and started in the direction of the scream. "I won't!" the scream came again. "I gotta get outa here! I gotta get out now!" Chip quickened his pace, just in time to get bowled over as Andy came huffing around the corner of the building. There were about a dozen forms in the darkness. Although Chip couldn't see them, he had a pretty good idea who they were.

"Andy," Chip cried after his friend, "it's all right! Calm down!"
"They're gonna cut me, Chip!" he screamed over his shoulder. "I can't take it! I'm gettin' out!"

"NO!" Chip heard himself screaming. But it was no use. When Andy reached the fence he started scaling it. As soon as his hands touched the chain link the alarms went off. Guards appeared on the towers, three more in the doorway of the Admin building. All of them were holding guns as the sirens whined so loud it was painful.

"Stop!" Chip heard someone yell. Then another called "Off the fence, you fat tub o' shit!" Andy kept scaling and screaming. Chip was paralyzed with fear. The edgy guards had their guns leveled at Andy now. They called another warning. Andy answered by screaming obscenities. There was a shot. Andy climbed more frantically even though blood was spurting from his right arm. Chip was amazed at the agility he was showing. But of course he'd never seen anyone completely lose their head before.

The second shot hit Andy in the right thigh, causing a spray of blood and flesh against the fence. He screamed and kept on climbing. Another shot, and a large red circle appeared on Andy's back. Still he kept climbing. Another shot, then another and another. "Stop!" Chip screamed. "You're gonna kill him, fer Jesus sake! Stop! PLEASE STOP!"

When the shooting finally stopped, Andy's bullet riddled body was still hanging on the fence grotesquely, his hands evidently tangled in the wire, his head hanging off at a crazy angle. His face was hardly recognizable it was so bloody; but his eyes were still open, staring hauntingly at nothing.

"Fuck!" someone said behind Chip who was weeping hysterically. "He didn't deserve a fine specimen like you anyway. Now you can get a REAL man!"
"Is that what this was about?" Chip demanded as he wheeled around, "my cock? My ass? Is that all you were after? My body? You killed him for a crack at me, you fuckin’ son of a bitch?"
"We didn't kill him, the guards did."
"The guards shot him, but you killed him, you motherfuckers! Well eat your heart out, you bastards. You’ll never get me now. NEVERRRRR!"

If thy right hand offend thee, cut it off!

Suddenly Chip knew exactly what he had to do; and it had to be quick.

Eight hundred teenagers, minus one, spent Christmas in lock down. The entire prison was locked down right after the shooting, and stayed that way until three days after Christmas when most of the staff who'd been away were called back. Everyone was interviewed, but of course no one knew anything. It was no secret that Andy bore the brunt of a lot of teasing, and Chip confirmed that it had been the catalyst that set him off the night he died. But no one had any idea who had been the perpetrators.

The boy they called Doc was in another dorm, and therefore not accessible to Chip until the lockdown was lifted. That was fine, because he had a lot of thinking to do. By the time the five days were up and he was again free to roam the grounds, he had laid his plan. Step one in that plan was to talk to Doc.

To be continued...