It all started with a nightmare.  Yes you heard me right, a nightmare.   I had this nightmare when I was only 7 or 8.  At that age I didn't even know the words; castrate, nullifiy or eunuch so where this came from I don't know.  It was one of those extreamly vivid and very realistic nightmares, so much so that you almost feel like you are awake when you dream it.  The nightmare started off bad and then got much much worse, and yet some how it all ended well and I woke up feeling good.


This was my nightmare.


There was an unmarked delivery van that was often seen driving around town.  The van had windows only in the front for the driver but no windows in the back.  It looked like a thousand other vans but this one was different from all the others.

If a boy's parents made a phone call and asked it to come then with in a few days the van would appear at the boy's house.  The driver would be wearing a strange sort of uniform and carrying what looked like a large canvass laundry bag.  On his hip was a small tranquilizer pistol.  The pistol didn't shoot bullits or darts but somehow it had the power to make a boy groggy and compliant.  It didn't put the boy to sleep or anything but after being shot with it a boy wouldn't put up any sort of fight.

The van's driver would be let into the house by the boy's parents who knew what time to expect him, but the boy was never told of this ahead of time.  They never even told the boy that they had made the phone call and that the van would come for him.  The driver would then go to the boy's room and if the boy resisted in any way a shot from the little pistol would tranqulize him.

The boy would be stripped naked and placed into the canvass bag.  The bag's drawstring would be pulled and clamped shut locking the helpless naked boy inside.  The driver would carry the bag with the boy secured inside out to the van and place him in the back.  A few days later the boy would be returned home, safe and sound, except that he would no longer have any genitals.

If you asked a boy who had been done what happened after he was placed in the van or how his genitals had been removed he would not answer.  To those of us who still had our boyhood it was a complete mystery how they unmanned boys.  It was also a complete mystery why some parents called for the van to come and other did not.  No one knew who would be taken next and none of us boys felt safe.

In this nightmare I was home in my room after just returning from school.  I heard a car (or was it a van) stop in front of my house and footsteps comming up the front walkway.  Next I heard the doorbell ring and my mother answering it.

I jumped up from my bed and rushed to my bedroom window.  There it was, the white van, and it was parked in front of my house.  For a moment I just stood there frozen with fear.  It couldn't be true!  It couldn't be there for me I thought.  The driver must be lost.  He is going to collect some other boy but he needed to stop and ask directions.  My mother would not have called the van for me.

Then I looked about a hundred feet down the street and I saw my best friend Jake.  Jake was on his bike, he always came over to my place after school to see me but now he was stopped dead in his tracks.  He saw the van and then he saw me looking out my window at him.  There was a look of horror and pity on Jake's face.  Then he turned around and peddeled his bike away as fast as it could carry him.  He didn't want to be anywhere near me that afternoon.

I turned to flee the house but it was too late.   Standing in the doorway to my room was the van's driver.  She was a woman which surprised me.  She was wearing the uniform and in her hand was the canvass bag.  The canvas bag that would soon hold me.

"Don't be afraid little one," she said in a friendly tone of voice.  "My my what a darling little boy you are. I'm going to take extra good care of you."   She said it like I was being taken out for ice cream but I felt like I was a butterfly she was about to catch and place in a jar.

"Do you even know my name?" I asked.

"I'm sorry dear but I collect so many boys I can't learn all their names.  You are to be unmanned but don't worry. I promise you it won't hurt a bit.  You'll be back home before you know it and better than ever," she said as she reached for the tranquilizer gun.

"No don't tranquilize me," I said.    "I know what you want me to do.  I'll get naked and get into your bag myself,"  I didn't want her touching me while I was naked and helpless.

"What a darling boy!" she said.  "You certainly are making my job much easier.  I wish all the boys I came for were as good as you."

As she said that I wondered how much longer I would be a boy.  Only hours I guessed.  Slowly I started to disrobe.  When I was completey naked I stood before her with my hands cupped over my genitals.  It wasn't so much that I wanted to hide my nakedness. It was just out of protection.  I didn't want them taken.

"No need to be shy little man," she said.  "You're so very handsome you have nothing to be embarassed about.  And besides I see naked little boys all the time.  You can't possibly have anything I haven't seen a thousand times before."

I removed my hands and stood there naked before her.  What was the point of even trying.  She opened the canvass sack and kneeling down on one knee held it open for me.  "You know what to do young'un," she said, "Hop in and away we'll go."

There was no point in fighting it.  Slowly I stepped forward an placed one naked foot into the bag. As I put the other foot in I felt faint and suddenly I needed to steady myself by placing a hand on her sholder for support to stop myself from falling over.  "Don't worry little guy, I got you," She said as she held me and pulled the sack up around my naked body and over my head.  Yes you got me all right, I thought as the drawstring was pulled and then locked shut.  Since no one could see me I cried now but very softly so not to be heard.  The tears flowed but I was proud that I had not let her see me cry.  That was important.

I felt the bag being lifted off the floor and being carried out of the room.  "You will be gentle with him won't you?" I could hear my mother saying.  "Don't worry about a thing ma'am.  What a sweet little boy you have.  Went peaceful as a lamb he did.  Didn't give me a lick of trouble.  He striped and got into the bag just like a little angel."

I felt the bag being carried out to the van.  I knew that Jake would be hiding behind a tree somewhere watching me being taken out.  I had often done the same thing with him watching other boys being taken away.   I knew that in a few days I would be back but I wouldn't be the same.  I'd be smooth between my legs.  Jake would ask to have a look and I'd show him.  After all we were best friends.  Then Jake would ask how they did it to me, how did they take my genitals? But that I wouldn't answer.  If it happened to him, if his parents called for the van to come he'd learn for himself.  But if not, if he was able to keep his boyhood, he didn't need to know how mine was taken.

I felt somehow relieved and I dryed my tears.  There was no point in fighting it or fearing it any longer.  I was to be done, I was going to lose my boyhood.   But somehow I knew it was all for the best.  I knew I wasn't really ment to have genitals and I'd be better off with out them.  I knew my mom had done the right thing by calling for the van to come and get me.  Although I was naked and locked in a sack being taken to, I knew not where, to have my genitals removed, I knew not how, I was happy.  I was really happy becase I knew it was all for the best.  And that was how my nightmare ended.  With me happy not really understanding why but knowing that what was going to be done to me was all for the best.


Over the past four years I would often remember that nightmare/dream but always with some regret.  I was sad to think that it could never come true.  I wasn't able to have my genitals removed.  But then I saw Kelly on the beach and saw that he was a Nullo. I learned that day that my dream really could come true.  But still I don't really like having to sit down and tell people why I want to be a Nullo.  It would be so much better if my mom could simply place a phone call and have the unmarked white van appear at my house.

[TO BE CONTINUED]