The Trade

I wanted a TV set something terrible, but my family were Pentecostal-some people call us Holy Rollers-and the Church was dead set against television and movies. I’d never seen a movie, and the only place I’d ever seen a TV was in stores. I used to go to into Sears at the mall every day after school, into their TV department, to watch TV on all the sets that they had on, but I couldn’t change the channels to watch what I wanted to watch.

“If I just had my own TV,” I thought, “one that was my very own, one that I could change to a program of my choosing, I wouldn’t ever ask for anything more.”

I prayed to God every night for a TV, but, whenever I asked my dad for one, he’d say, “You know that the Church don’t allow no TV’s.”

I was twelve years-old, and my dad’s only child; my mom was dead. I guess that my dad spoiled me, since I was his son. He’d get a little angry because I bugged him all the time about getting a TV, but I knew that, if I kept at it, I could wear him down. Finally he said, “All right...all right. I’ll get you a TV if you can get Brother Lee to say it’s O.K.”

No matter how I whined or begged, that’s the best he’d do. I had to have permission from Reverend Lee, the pastor of our church, but how was I going to get Reverend Lee to ever agree to my getting a TV? He preached about how evil they were all the time-besides I was a little scared of Reverend Lee.

Finally, I worked up enough courage to go to see Reverend Lee. After riding my bike to the Church, I went to his office. The door was open, so I walked in.

“Well, hello...it’s Raymond isn’t it, Raymond Spencer?”

“Yeah, Brother Lee,” I said, “that’s me.”

“Nice to see you, Raymond. What can I do for you?”

“Brother Lee...I’ve got to have a TV. I want a TV so bad, I can taste it, and my dad says that he’ll get me one, if you’ll say it’s O.K. Please Brother Lee, can I please have a TV?”

I kept talking-pleading. I guess I was afraid that, if I stopped talking he’d say, “No.”

Interrupting me, he said, “Raymond, wait...slow down. Haven’t you been listening to my sermons. Haven’t you understood what I’ve been saying about the evil of TV, about all the sex that they have on TV, about how watching it can lead to masturbation, or, worse, to having sex before marriage.?”

“But, Brother Lee, I won’t watch any of those sex programs. I don’t know, or care, anything about sex. I don’t even like girls.”

“But, Raymond, that’s what’s so evil about TV; you can’t avoid sex. It’s used in the commercials, and, in changing channels, you might come across it accidentally.”

“Brother Lee...I’ve just got to have a TV. I’ll do anything. Isn’t there anything that I could do so that you’d tell my dad that it’s O.K. for me to have one?”

“Well, there is one thing, but...I don’t know if your father would agree to it.”

“What is it Brother Lee? I’ll do anything, and I’m sure I can talk my father into it.”

“Well...sometimes when we have a boy that can’t control himself, we cut off his balls. Then we don’t have to worry about him anymore. I guess that, if you didn’t have balls, we wouldn’t have to worry about what you watched on TV.

“Wouldn’t that hurt something awful, Brother Lee?”

“No, Raymond. We’d give you a shot. It wouldn’t hurt at all.”

“Hmm...” I thought, “I don’t know what good my balls are anyway. I had my appendix out when I was nine, and I hadn’t missed it. My balls just hung down there in the way, and it hurt bad, when they got hit. I reckoned that I could get along just fine without them.”

“If it won’t hurt none, Brother Lee, I’ll do it.”

“You got to ask your father,” he said. “He has to agree.”

I ran out of his office, rode my bike home, pedaling as fast as I could, even though my father wouldn’t be home from work for two hours. I was waiting when he walked in the door.

“Dad, Brother Lee said that I could have a TV.”

“Whoa, Raymond. I find that hard to believe. You know how he preaches against TV all the time. Are you sure that you’re telling me the truth?”

“Yeah, Dad. I swear. He said that I could have a TV as long as I had my balls cut off first.”

“No, Raymond. There’s no way I’m going to let you have your balls cut off.”

“But, Dad...you promised. You said that I could have a TV, if Brother Lee said it was O.K.”

After two weeks of pleading, whining, and crying, my father acceded to my wishes. With a note that said my dad agreed to the operation in my pocket, I rode my bike back to the Church. My dad had called the Reverend, who had everything set up at the church infirmary.

“Hi, Raymond,” Brother Lee said when I walked into his office. “Are you ready, and do you have the note from your father?”

“Sure,” I replied. I dug the note out of my pocket and handed it to him.

He placed it in a filing cabinet-then we walked to the infirmary. The church nurse and two of the deacons were there. It embarrassed me to have to take my clothes off in front of all those people, especially the nurse, who was a woman, but I wanted that TV.

Naked, I climbed up on the padded table. I felt my face get hot when one of the deacons said, “Boy, that’s a little pecker, ain’t it. Least we won’t have to shave him. He ain’t got no hair.”

I lay on my back; they spread my legs apart. When I felt a needle prick me, I craned my neck, lifting my head up to watch. After I was stuck a few times, they told me to relax for a while. When the nurse poked me with a needle again, I didn’t feel anything.

As I watched, the nurse split open my ball sack with a knife. My balls, not much bigger than marbles, dropped out, hanging by bluish cords. It didn’t hurt, but I felt a pull inside of me when she grabbed hold of my right nut and pulled, stretching the cords. She put a little clamp on the cords-had a deacon hold it-tied them off, then, holding my ball in one hand, picked up the knife and sliced through the cords. My ball came loose in her hand. Placing it in a little bowl, she repeated the procedure on my other nut. Although I could again feel the pull when she jerked on my nut, I didn’t feel any pain when she cut it off. It joined my other ball in the bowl. On each ball, when the deacon released the clamp, the cords disappeared into the slit in my ball sack. After she sewed up my sack, it was all over.

The nurse, after putting some bandages on my crotch, gave me some to take home. One of the deacons gave me a ride home in the church van. He put my bike in the back. I couldn’t very well ride it home.

The TV was waiting in my room for me. My dad had picked it up while I was at the church. He handed me the remote when I walked into the room. I flopped on the bed, turned on the TV, cycled through all the channels; my dad had installed cable. “Heaven couldn’t be better than this,” I thought.

I was supposed to stay in bed for a couple of days, but I didn’t want to go anywhere, anyway. All I wanted to do was to lie in bed watching TV. The cut in my ball sack healed quickly. There was a little soreness for a couple of days, but it wasn’t bad and didn’t last. My ball sack tightened up so that there was just a little fold of skin hanging below my pecker. I don’t feel any different. Just as losing my appendix didn’t make any difference, neither did losing my balls. At least I don’t have to worry about getting them squished. The only thing that makes me angry is that I didn’t do it sooner. I could have had a TV a long time ago.

When I asked Brother Lee if I had to avoid sex on TV, he said, “No, Raymond, you don’t ever have to worry about sex again.”

I wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but it didn’t matter. I had my TV.