Reflections of Nate IIIa

Nate shut off the computer and decided to go to bed around 4:00 AM after checking in on Devon one more time. He found the boy asleep, curled up in ball with the covers pulled up to his nose. On impulse, he stepped into Devon’s room and simply stood there staring at the form of his sleeping little brother, bathed in the pale and dim glow of the orange nightlight. On impulse, he bent down and kissed the boy’s forehead, then pulled the covers back down under his chin just a bit more so that Devon wouldn’t smother himself. He wandered back to his own room, unsure of how he was feeling. Since his return from Mexico, he had found his opinions about a great many things beginning to shift.

It had been a while since he’d been online, and even longer since he had talked to his old friends in the chat room. The webcam idea had come to him on the trip back from Mexico, but that had taken him longer to work his way up to than he had thought it would. Still, he had enjoyed the evening and scaring his little brother. The chat had been better than it ever had before, probably thanks to his webcam, and Nate found himself falling asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

His dreams were wild and perplexing images that night. Nate found himself pulled from place to place, his mind filled with disjointed images that made no sense. In one dream, he was wandering about the Doctor’s office in Mexico while everyone on the street was peering in through the windows and pointing at him. He could hear them talking, but since his Spanish wasn’t that good, he couldn’t tell what all they were saying. Then he was being led back to the exam room by a little boy, but the boy was crying and when Nate turned to ask him why he was gone. Suddenly he was in the surgery room, and the Doctor was waving his severed penis around and saying all kinds of things that he didn’t understand.

Almost at once, he was back in his room with his friend Lee. They were masturbating together, and they couldn’t have been that old because Lee - usually the first to pull out his penis - was going at it as usual but his penis wasn’t that big! It was also uncircumcised, unlike Nate’s, and this was leading into one of their long discussions, as they masturbated together, over whether or not infant circumcision was right and proper and whether it was better to be cut or uncut. Yet he was masturbating, right along with Lee, paying almost more attention to Lee’s actions that his own, and something just didn’t seem quite right.

Nate moaned in his sleep and rolled over.

Lee was comparing his penis to Nate’s, proud of his member and how it looked. “You won’t ever know, since yours got cut when you were a baby!” Lee was saying.

“Yea, but YOU might know how I feel if you got yours circ’d,” Nate was arguing.

Lee was shaking his head. “No way is anyone cutting my dick off!”

“They only cut off the tip, idiot!” Nate replied.

Then suddenly, both of them were going over the edge and pumping out the fluids of their youth all over each other as the convulsions of adolescent orgasms tore through them. They were cleaning up when Nate heard something.

Suddenly the dream shifted, and Lee and his uncirc’d penis were gone. Nate found himself naked and alone in a hotel room. He walked to the window and looked down from several stories up. There was a beach below him, but everyone on the beach was naked! Most of the men had erections, and all of the women were beautiful! Nate watched, shocked, as a crowd gathered and he realized that they were all looking up at him.

I suppose this is one of those “up in front of the class in my underwear” dreams, he mused, looking back down at the crowd. But the crowd was pointing, and most of the men had stunned looks on their faces. Nate smiled and waved, unaware of what was going on.

“They’re all staring at you, senior,” a young and high voice said from behind him.

Nate whirled around to see a handsome Latin youth dressed in a black tuxedo with red trim. He looked to be about seventeen or eighteen, but his face and voice told Nate that he was younger. Yet he was tall, and looked well built. In his perfect white teeth was a rose, and strange Latin music began to play. The handsome youth approached Nate, taking the rose from his teeth. Nate reached out to accept it, feeling his own confused feelings of sexual desire rising within him. When he looked down in his hand, however, it was not a rose he held - it was a penis.

HIS penis.

And he wasn’t in his underwear either; he was naked!

Instantly his hand flew his crotch, and he gasped. THAT’S why you came here, idiot, he told himself.

The crowd below on the beach was cheering and waving, and the handsome youth was walking away with his head down. Nate stared at the severed organ in his hand, and looked down at his own crotch even as his curious hand lingered there on its own. He felt his balls, but above them, he felt nothing. He tried again. Same thing.

He felt his face flush as he stared at the thing in his hand, the thing that looked so familiar. The crowd was laughing now, and Nate could feel his face burning. He turned to at least close the curtains, but instead of finding those, his hand was pushing on a doorknob.

The door opened into his little brother Devon’s room, and Devon was in his bed and on his back masturbating. His lithe young body was covered in sweat, and short crew cut - usually gelled and brushed back, was wet and flat. His face looked haggard, and it didn’t appear that he was enjoying himself. He almost looked as if he were in pain. His eyes then locked onto Nate’s, and the look that the boy gave him as he stroked his well-developing and tightly circumcised adolescent penis was one of pure hatred.

“YOU taught me how to do this, it’s all YOUR fault,” the boy accused.

Nate stared, his hand going over his own crotch again. He suddenly looked down toward his free hand, but the severed penis was nowhere to be found. He also realized that he was still naked, and that Devon had to be staring right at him.

He HAD to have seen ... he had to know.

There was no way he couldn’t.

“That’s right, try to hide!” the boy said as he continued to wank, “But you can’t hide! HOW can you hide? What’s gonna happen to ME now? You said it was OK, you said YOU did it, YOU showed me how and look at you! Is THAT what happens when you do it too much?”

Nate didn’t want to, but he looked down. He knew what his little brother was talking about. His hand already felt it, but his eyes confirmed it. Just above his balls, which were as they always were, there was nothing but a smooth and fine line of light pink scar tissue. The fact that he kept the area shaved only made matters worse, and the contrast was stunning. He looked back up, and Devon was beginning to have an orgasm. A few streams of pale white fluid shot from his penis to splatter on his Jeff Gordon poster, but Jeff was shaking his head in disgust and his car was smoking and knocking. In a moment of sudden dream lucidity, Nate realized that he had to be dreaming and began to try and wake himself up.

Devon was moaning in ecstasy, however, and impossible amounts of cum were shooting from him. He continued to stroke and pull at his member, the other hand pressing and rubbing at his small testicles as he climaxed. Then his faced knotted up in something that looked like fear and he screamed, “YOU did this to me! It’s all your fault that I can’t stop! I wanna stop! Why can’t I stop?!” he wailed.

Nate shook his head, his hand still covering his de-cocked crotch. He rubbed at his own balls, pressed on them, squeezed them, did everything he could think of. Feelings of desire rose up in him, and he desperately wanted to find that Latin youth and try to reclaim the penis that he knew to be his! He hadn’t cum in so long, and he longed for the release that he knew he would have. The release that he knew that Devon was having.He thought of Lee, and doing it together! He thought of all the fantasies he’d had, all the time in the chat room, all the stories he’d read ... if I can just work myself up enough, that’s all it takes ... I’ve still got a brain ... what if ...

But there was nothing to work with.

There was simply nothing there.

And Devon was screaming.

Nate jerked himself out of his reverie as the boy began to cry, still jerking at his cock for all he was worth. The sensations of pleasure had obviously turned to pain, and the boy began screaming for help as his lithe body shivered and twitched all over the bed. Nate took a step forward, but just then Devon pulled his hand away from his genitals, hard, and screamed one last time as his body convulsed in the most violent orgasm that Nate had ever witnessed.

The boy’s eyes rolled back in his head, and he began to drool. The convulsions continued, and he cried out again as his muscles began to cramp. His back arched, and repeatedly came up off of the surface of the bed, bucking and jerking as if trying to escape some sexual phantom, some Succubus or worse, holding him down and forcing him to continue.

Nate watched in stunned horror as the young boy’s entire package then came off in his hand, watched as the horrified youth stared at it with tears streaming down his face. Nate shook his head. It’s only a dream, he told himself, It can’t be real, it’s not real!But Devon was still crying, and when Nate looked back, the boy flung his detached genitals at his older brother. They landed unceremoniously on the floor at Nate’s feet, and Devon’s cries fell into choked sobs.

“This is all YOUR fault,” he accused, his hand rubbing over his smooth and barren crotch where just seconds before had dwelt the promise of impending manhood. “It’s all YOUR fault that I did it too much and I’m a eunuch now! What’r mom and dad gonna say?! Look at me! There’s nothin’ there! I’m not a boy anymore!”

Nate awoke with a scream as a tremor ran through his whole body. He felt wetness on his bed, felt the weeks-long buildup of semen shooting out of him along with the weak muscular contractions, and sat upright. He was breathing hard, and he was trembling all over as the last effects of the weak nocturnal ejaculation left him.

He hadn’t even enjoyed it.

“Shit!” he said to himself, instantly awake. The dreams were still fresh in his head as he grabbed a tissue to wipe up the mess. His hands were shaking badly, and his heart was pounding. He was surprised to see his hands were still shaking as he finished and tried to calm himself. He cursed himself for being such an idiot, trying to savor what remnants of pleasure that the nocturnal emission had given him. He then sat on the edge of the bed and wondered.

Then the part about Devon came back to him, and not bothering to grab even a towel or pair of shorts, he ran down the hall to check on the boy.

He found him still asleep, having not moved from the position that he had left him in earlier.

Nate sighed hard, an explosive breathe of relief, and went back to his room. It was 5:30 AM. He glanced at his computer terminal and shook his head. No one would be on, and he didn’t really talking to people in Europe anyway. He got back into bed, maneuvered himself to avoid the wet spot, and snuggled down into his covers.

Almost instinctively, he reached down to his crotch again. Four or five years of bad habits die hard. He then chuckled at his pun, and lay awake for a bit before he finally drifted back off.

He awoke the next morning sandy-headed and out of sorts. His parents had returned sometime during the early morning, and Nate was surprised to see that he’d slept for only about six hours. Remembering the dreams, however, he decided to give up and got out of bed. He yawned and stretched. Then, as he did every morning, he reached down to scratch himself.

And it wasn’t there.

For a moment, and not yet fully awake, a brief flash of panic ran through him and he double checked.

It wasn’t there.

Of course it’s not there, stupid! IT hasn’t been there for a month and more. You left it in Mexico, remember?

Nate pulled on a pair of boxers and wandered down the hall to the bathroom.

We do this every morning, he reminded himself, we wake up, we stretch, we scratch, we think that something’s missing - and it is - and it’s always the same! We double check, but just because it feels like it’s still there doesn’t mean that it is! It might feel hard, it might feel like it’s pressing at the shorts wanting out, but it isn’t!He then wandered into the bathroom and stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do next.

We do this too, idiot! Every morning, we come in, we stand here, we almost pee down the leg because we’ve been doing this the same way for seventeen years and now we can’t DO that anymore! Just get on with it!

Nate sat down and did just that, his mind racing back over how many mornings of his life - mainly AFTER the onset of puberty - that he’d had to fight with his obstinate penis just to relieve himself in the morning. Every morning, there it was - erect and waiting - and usually keeping him from a much needed piss!

“Well not anymore,” he mumbled, pulling his shorts back up and heading back to his room. Then he remembered the previous night.

Have to wash the sheets again, dammit he thought.

But instead of doing that, Nate sat on the edge of the bed and just thought. His hand, seemingly out of habit, wandered down to his crotch again.

I am SO glad you’re gone, he thought, thinking of his missing member. The one or two problems that getting rid of you created are nothing compared to the ones that it solved!

But what were the problems that it had solved? Had it really been a solution, in hindsight? Nate sighed, his hands seeming to never tire of exploring his new genitalial setup. He thought back to when he had been Devon’s age. He thought about discovering the joys of masturbation, but with it, the need for secrecy and the problems of clean up. He remembered his grades dropping a bit as he had become more and more distracted, with seemingly every waking thought dedicated to trying to figure out when would be the next time that he could jerk off.

Then he thought of Lee. What were we, 13 or 14? Maybe not even that old. We were so worried we’d turn out gay, but it didn’t seem to stop us, did it? So now what do I? I should call Lee ... he probably thinks I’ve tossed him. Maybe even feels like HE did something wrong to lose my friendship ... but what if he wants to, what if he does? What if he finds out? Shit, he can’t find out ... but it’s our last summer before college. We SHOULD do something together. He knows I went somewhere, and didn’t even ask him or tell him. I’ll be he won’t even talk to me now.

Nate got up and with some effort, found his robe and decided that he could use a shower. He was, after all, feeling a bit sticky here and there. As he thought about the project of also changing his linens on the bed, he snorted. Well at least the plumbing takes care of itself, like a pressure valve. Guess that’s what happens when you can’t cum! As he headed down the hallway, he realized that Devon would sleep late, just as the boy did every day when there was no school. THAT thought, of course, brought with it a whole new series of question and answers: what about college? Is Lee going? He wasn’t sure yet. What if we’re dormies? What if the showers are public, not private? Shit, he’s sure to find out then, and if we’re dormies, what if he wants to ...?”

Nate agonized over these thoughts as he showered, his mind racing from scenario to scenario. He was so absorbed in his own musings that he didn’t hear Devon come racing into the bathroom to relieve himself. As he shut the water off, Nate cocked his head a bit and wiped at his eyes. A bit of shampoo stung him, and he turned the water back on briefly to finish rinsing. He then tossed the shower curtain back just as Devon reached out a hand to flush. About then, Nate opened his eyes.

Both boys jumped back with a yelp, and Nate quickly turned sideways, barking his shin on the edge of the tub. His heart pounded as his hand shot over his genitals, or rather, what remained of them!

Did he see? How much did he see? What’s that look on his face? Is he gonna ask? Jesus, what do I tell the kid? Can I lie to him? What the hell am I gonna do?

Nate’s fears were put to rest, however, when Devon - still naked and seemingly not bothered by it - piped up, “I didn’t mean to scare ya.”

But the impish grin on his as-yet unblemished face didn’t do much for Nate.

I wonder how many times he jacked off yesterday and last night? I wonder how it felt? I wonder how hooked on it he is, like I was? And what about that dream? Does it mean anything? What if something’s wrong with him?

But Devon was staring at him. “What’s wrong with YOU?” the boy asked, “You’d think something fell off and went down the drain!”

Nate felt his face flame as he pulled a towel down and wrapped it around himself. You don’t know the half of it, kid.

He had to think of something, then noticed Devon, probably unconsciously, toying with his still small but well developing genitals. He glanced down and then quickly away, noting the dusting of hair and the beginnings of late boyhood musculature. “You notice we keep running into each other lately, and that we’re usually naked when it happens?” he observed in a clinical voice.

Devon’s hand fell to his side and his face flamed bright red. He opened his mouth to say something, but instead he turned and fled.

Nate was sure, from the last remark, that he hadn’t seen anything and he relaxed a bit.Once he’d dried off and gotten back into his robe, Nate wandered down the hall. Devon, it seemed, had gone back to bed. Just as well. He returned to his room, and promptly stripped the sheets off his bed. Once he had tidied up a bit and made his way to the laundry room, his began to race again as he thought about the close call with Devon.

Nate felt a chill.

It was only a matter of time before Devon, or someone else, found out.

And what then?

About the only thing that DIDN’T worry him was the fact that he’d been doing his and some of his little brother’s laundry for years in an effort to help keep up with the housework. No one would think a thing about him doing a load of laundry at any given hour, and as he stuffed the soiled sheets into the Kenmore, he thought about Devon again.No doubt HIS sheets could probably use it by now. Shit, they’re probably to the point of standing up by themselves in a corner and it’s only been ONE day.

He shook his head, but his thoughts kept returning to one thing as the washer sloshed and gurgled its way through his cum-soaked sheets.

When the hell did I come up with this idea? I mean, I just didn’t wake up one day and decide to cut my dick off, did I? Was it all the masturbation? Was it how bad I felt about doing it? Was it the fear of getting caught, or the embarrassing talk we had when I DID get caught? Or was it the fact that even that didn’t stop me, or the fact that I couldn’t stop and I knew it? I wanted to stop, but it was just ... it felt ... hell, there was NO stopping! Then Lee got in on the act. How did that happen anyway? I mean, it just happened. It’s not like we DID anything else, but ... I don’t know.

Nate thought so hard about that one that he missed the rinse cycle to add the fabric softener. As best he could recall, it was one night when he was 13 or so. Lee had spent the night with him, as the two of them were pretty much inseparable at that time. If Nate wasn’t at Lee’s, then Lee was at Nate’s. At first, they’d watched a few pornos that Lee had smuggled out of his older brother’s stash, and looked at Playboys and other magazines until the both of them had been so hard and flustered that there was simply nothing else to do but jerk off! The pornos had been great, and Nate recalled at the time that he DID have an interest in girls; he was just too damn shy to even drag himself to a simple school dance. However, he hadn’t been, and still wasn’t, too sure about Lee.Nate remembered Lee asking him, in a low voice, and haltingly, if he’d ever done it.

“Done what?” Nate had asked, playing dumb, but a bit unsure of where this was leading.

“You know, played with, until you ... well ... you know, shot a wad?”

“Have you?” Nate had asked, and Lee had flushed and nodded.

Not to put off his friend or make him feel bad, Nate had confessed as well, and it had been the truth!

Then Lee, who had been rubbing at himself through his shorts the entire time, had simply asked, “You ever seen another boy naked?”

“Only in the showers,” Nate had replied.

“Not there,” Lee had added, “I KNOW that much. What I mean is, well, naked as in NOT in the showers, you know ...”

“No. Other than my little brother in diapers, that is, and that was a while back.”

Lee shook his head. “THAT doesn’t count.”

Lee thought for a while, his hand still massaging his penis, which was threatening to escape his shorts of its own volition. Nate noticed this, realizing that he was in pretty much the same shape. He cleared his throat.

“You wanna do it?” he asked in a low voice.

“You mean, like, together?” Lee asked, his face brightening.

Nate nodded.

“I don’t know, would that make us gay or something?”

Nate shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

“I don’t mean like TO each other, I just mean, you know, at the same time?”

Nate nodded and thought it over. There didn’t seem to be any harm in it, that HE could think of and it sounded like fun. Never mind the fact that he was also aroused as hell, and the thought of watching his best friend was almost too much for him!

Lee, however, seemed to need no further encouragement. He got down off of the bed and stretched out on the floor, kicking his sneakers off. He rolled onto his back, pulled his shorts and underwear down as he pulled his T-shirt up, and for the first time Nate saw his best friend’s penis in its full state of adolescent arousal. His eyes grew wide and he stared.

“See something you like?” Lee asked, his hand moving slowly up and down the shaft of his near five-inch erection.

Nate didn’t know what to say. Watching the women in the movie was one thing, and it HAD gotten him worked up, but the sight of Lee’s erection was making his penis so hard that it actually hurt as it throbbed in time with his pulse.

For a moment, he entertained a vision of a nurse taking his pulse that way, pulling on his dick and feeling it, rubbing it ... and then he thought about What if the nurse was a GUY?

It was all that he could do NOT to cum right then and there.

“Wh-what’s wrong w-with your dick?” Nate asked, not sure of what to say. His voice squeaked as he said it, and Lee grinned.

“Nothing, why?” Lee asked in a nervous voice, “Listen, dude, if you don’t really want to, I mean, I guess it was a dumb idea anyway ...”

“No, it’s not that,” Nate countered, not wanting his friend to put it back in his pants, “I mean, look, mine’s not ... well, here...” and with that, Nate pulled out his own painfully erect member and Lee laughed.

Nate’s was not quite so big as Lee’s, and Nate blushed.

“So it’s smaller, big fuckin’ deal.” Then he laughed harder.

“What’s so damn funny?” Nate asked, starting to get angry.

“There’s nothin’ wrong with MY dick, dude! It’s YOU that’s got the problem! You’re circumcised, and I’m not!”

“What’s that?” Nate demanded, realizing that Lee seemed to have much more skin on his cock than Nate did. He was feeling just a bit jealous. Lee WAS better endowed, even though they were the same age. Already, he even had a good growth of short black hair over his package.

“When you’re a baby, they snip off this part,” Lee explained, pulling some of the looser skin up and away from his shaft. “Wait a minute.”

Both boys waited impatiently as Lee’s dick softened a bit. Nate gasped at the effect. Lee had a LOT more skin on the end of his! He was even able to pull some of it back down and completely hide the head! Nate was amazed, and even more jealous.

“Like I said, most boys have it snipped off right after being born. Supposed to be better for keeping it clean and not getting infected and shit. Then there’s some religious thing to it too, I think. I don’t know, my parents did have it done to me. I know I look different, more when I’m not hard, but uhh, you know, that isn’t too often lately!”

Nate nodded.

He knew the feeling well.

Hell, when am I NOT hard?

Nate’s circumcised cock, however, was NOT softening as Lee managed to regain his erection, reducing the visual effect of his not being circumcised. In fact, having found out that his parents had had the end of penis cut off when he was a baby - and that he didn’t even know a thing about it - only made it get even harder!

It also pissed him off a bit.

It was MY penis, not theirs! He thought to himself, still enraptured by Lee’s actions as he continued to stroke his own shaft. What gave them the right to have part of my dick cut off? Why don’t they let a BOY decided when he gets older? What if he wanted to keep it? What if something went wrong? It’s just not FAIR!

Nate watched as Lee stroked at his own shaft over and over again, and Nate’s rock-hard penis twitched in time to his heartbeat. He began to stroke it, the familiar feelings of pleasure beginning to spread throughout his body. There was no stopping, and both boys seemed to know it. The fact that they were actually DOING it together didn’t seem to phase them, and the kept on at it.

“I can’t believe you didn’t know!” Lee said, still continuing his actions.

“I can’t believe they’d DO that to a baby!” Nate countered, following his friend’s each and every lead.

“Well they did it to YOU at least, cut the end ‘o your dick right off, and you don’t even know what you been missin’! You didn’t even know you WAS missin’ somethin’!”Nate thought about this for a bit, as they both continued to watch each other. Without even realizing it, they were turning it into a race to see who could orgasm first. As each boy stroked his shaft, faster and faster, both of their bodies shivering a bit and small moans of pleasure escaping their lips, it was Lee who shot first.

There was enough time in lag before Nate came for him to see that Lee’s discharges were much thicker and deeper colored than his own. Nate realized that while his were thin and watery, and didn’t have much of a smell, Lee’s was thick and almost yellow/white and Nate could actually SMELL the odor of it as he sniffed.

That scent stuck in his brain, and would remain with him ...

And that was what pushed him over the edge, watching Lee pump out that stuff all over himself, not even thinking about reaching for a tissue.

Nate wasn’t far behind him, but the sheer amount of discharge that Lee had displayed shocked him! There was at least twice as much cum and mess as Nate could produce. Lee grinned at him.

Nate was shivering and moaning softly, trying to keep his eyes open to watch Lee, but he failed. The waves of pleasure shot through him as he came, not bothering, as Lee hadn’t, to worry about the mess. His discharge was NOT nearly as impressive.

“Does that mean I won?” Lee asked, as his penis began to soften in his hand.

Nate finished and drew a deep breath. “I think so,” he agreed, and then they cleaned up and laughed. Both of them paid a bit more attention to the cum that ran down their chests and stomachs as they sat up, and Nate just couldn’t get over how much Lee had shot!

“You know, that’s what happens when you go a day without doing it,” Lee said as he was pulling his shorts back up, “I wonder if they ever screw up?”

“Who? What?” Nate asked, still wiping the thin white stuff off of himself.

“The Doctors. When they circ a baby boy. What if they mess up? What if they cut it wrong, or it don’t heal up right? What if they cut too much off?” Lee wondered aloud.Nate felt a chill go through him, and he looked at Lee, wondering what his best friend would look like with no foreskin.

He paused for a moment, then ...

With no penis.

What would Lee look like without that superior penis?

He felt himself beginning to sweat, and his own member started hardening again.

Lee laughed.

“Didn’t take you long to recharge, did it?”

Nate flushed and turned away.

“What if?” he said back to his friend, his cock pounding again, and almost immediately after cumming, “What if they DID mess it up? What if they had to cut it ALL off?” Nate asked, his eyes wide.

Lee made a face and groaned. “I think I’d kill myself!”

“But if you’re a baby,” Nate went on, “You don’t know. I didn’t know I was missing anything. I didn’t know they cut off the end of my dick until you said something!”

“I can’t imagine being a boy with no dick!” Lee stated.

“Me either,” Nate replied, but something about it made him feel strange. He kept seeing Lee with no penis, only his balls with nothing above them, and it made him feel the terrible need to get off again.

“Would you still be a boy?” Lee asked.

“Or would they make you into a girl, you know, cut your balls off too? Would they just do a sex change operation, or what?” Nate mused.

But he didn’t care about that. As the boys argued over whether or not to circ or not to circ, and what would happen if something went wrong, Nate could only think of one thing -

What if my dick WAS cut off?

That’s when it had to have happened, Nate thought, as the buzzer on the washer brought him back to reality. When Lee told me about being circumcised and then us wondering what would happen if they messed up and cut it ALL off! I started seeing Lee with no dick almost right after he said it, then started thinking about ME with no dick. God, that used to be all I’d think about when I was jerking off, with or without him. I’d sit there and think of HIM watching ME, unable to do it because his dick was gone. I used to just sit and dream what it would be like to watch him sit there, with no dick, horny as hell, while he watched ME jerk off ... Maybe that was when I started loosing interest in girls, and getting interested in ... what? Lee? Guys? What?!